


Six Feet Under The Stars

by jeonghooniesan



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst with a Happy Ending, Fluff and Angst, Gangs, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Minor Character Death, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, References to Depression, Songfic, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-01
Updated: 2019-01-11
Packaged: 2019-05-31 14:52:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 23
Words: 83,096
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15121814
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jeonghooniesan/pseuds/jeonghooniesan
Summary: Write me the stars and I'll take you there.In which Jung Jaehyun, an astronomy major, meets Kim Doyoung, a literature major, who writes the stars like he has reached for it with his own hands.





	1. It's Been Getting Late for Days

**Author's Note:**

> MY FIRST NCT FANFIC !!!!
> 
> Im a baby nctzen so if there is any problems with the fic and characterization, pls tell :)

Jung Jaehyun lies awake, looking up to the stars that cover the sky. He's lucky that he found an apartment who has a window for a ceiling in a portion of his room so he is able to admire the stars he has always yearned for.  
  
He remembers his roommate Johnny at the other room, probably listening to punk rock and being the obnoxious emo that he is.  
  
He remembers Johnny's boyfriend Ten who's also an obnoxious graphic design major who is taking up most of Johnny's sheets.  
  
He remembers his ex-boyfriend - a name he can't bare to say again but still loves how it lingers on his tongue - Taeyong, and the constellations that cover the side of his heart; the lone moles he bares that Jaehyun loved to touch. Now it left a burning sensation at the tip of his fingers.  
  
He shouldn't hate it, shouldn't be sad about it, because the break up was not because of the lack of love, but because of too much of it; too much to the point that his family despised it.  
  
Taeyong's family hated it - it's to be expected from a family of lawyers. Taeyong was the heir of their own lawfirm, his path paved by his parents and his parent's parents. They hated the fact that Taeyong he didn't want a family with a woman but would rather be with a man who can barely provide.  
  
It was a mutual break-up, where they broke it off peacefully through home-cooked dinner and one final night of burning and pleasure of skin. Jaehyun didn't want to admit it but he remembers the tears he shed in the darkness of the room while he heard Taeyong moan a litany of his love.  
  
And now Jaehyun just looks at the stars that was once Taeyong's favorite; he loved it when Jaehyun talks about the stars and what's beyond it.  
  
Jaehyun wanders his eyes to his wall clock at the other side of his bed and stares at it until the clock turns midnight. He sits up from his bed and steps out of it, opening his closet and picking out the nearest jacket he could reach.  
  
He walks out his room to Johnny's and knocks. He knocks a few times before Ten opens the door.  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
Ten had Johnny's university shirt on, Johnny's body size evident on Ten's. He sees Johnny playing some random game on his computer, head banging to the beat of a punk rock song he is too familiar with  
  
_In the cold you look so fierce but I'm warming up_  
  
"I'm going out."  
  
_I guess the tension's like a fire_  
  
Johnny pauses his game to look at Jaehyun.  
  
"What's up Hyunnie? Thinking about Taeyong again?"  
  
Jaehyung rolls his eyes. "Just thinking. Don't be an ass." He hears the last lines of the chorus Taeyong has always sang whenever they're together before he walks away.  
  
B _ut there's room for two six feet under the stars._  
  
\--  
  
It's ironic how the stars he looks at now doesn't seem like stars to him before.  
  
It's duller, less brighter.  
  
Or maybe because he let his love walk away by a star and now what's left is dust floating in the cosmos.  
  
Now he felt like the stars was too far from him, too hard to reach that he is so close to giving up.  
  
"You'll get a stiff neck if you look up for too long, stranger."  
  
He hears the chains of the empty swing beside him jingle and he realizes that he isn't alone. He tears his eyes from the sky to look at the man beside him. The moon isn't bright enough to illuminate the stranger's face but he could see his eyes glow like it's meant to shine.  
  
"I'm used to looking up. I'm prone to stiff necks by now."  
  
The man laughs as he looks straight ahead but Jaehyun can't seem to remove his gaze at him. The man laughs softly and it was like he could feel the vibrations of the stranger's voice inside his chest.  
  
"Thinking about something?" He says.  
  
"Someone." Jaehyun corrects him.  
  
"Ex-girlfriend?"  
  
"Ex-boyfriend actually."  
  
The strangers hums with acknowledgement as he nods his head.  
  
"Bad break up?"  
  
"Are we playing 21 questions?"  
  
"We could if you want to, stranger."  
  
"But my mom said not to talk to strangers."  
  
"My mom said that too but here I am now."

Jaehyun can finally tear his gaze away as he sighs a laugh.  
  
"We didn't break up in bad terms. It's just that his family didn't allow it." Jaehyun answered.  
  
"Okay. You're turn."  
  
Jaehyun fiddles with his own fingers as he thinks of a question. "Why are you out so late?" Jaehyun says.  
  
"Same as you, I'm thinking of someone. My turn, is his family homophobic?" It was straightforward and Jaehyun never really seen Taeyong's situation in that light.  
  
"Not really. It's just that he's the oldest among his siblings."  
  
"Ah responsibilities, huh? Is this some cliche heir story?"  
  
"Something like that."  
  
The stranger hums. "Your turn, stranger."  
  
"Ah. Who are you thinking about?"  
  
"My brother."  
  
"Oh? Why?"  
  
"He died."  
  
Jaehyun pause at that, the swing stays still and the night is quiet. He doesn't know what to say. "I'm sorry." That's it. His heart feels pity for the stranger and anger at himself because he's sad about a break up but there's someone else having it worse than him.  
  
"It's okay. I'm okay."  
  
Jaehyun looks at the stranger momentarily and he sees a tear drop to the back of his hand that's placed at his lap.  
  
"I shouldn't have asked." He says quietly out of fear of saying something wrong.  
  
The stranger sniffs and wipes away his own tears.  
  
"No. It's okay, really. You didn't know."  
  
Jeahyun stays silent for awhile as he looks up again.  
  
"You must love the stars so much to keep on looking up every few minutes." The stranger breaks the silence and Jaehyun sighs a breath he didn't know he was holding  
  
Jaehyun hums. "Yeah. Took astronomy for it."  
  
"Really?"  
  
"Yeah. How about you? What do you love?"  
  
Jaehyun could hear the swing jingle again and glances at the stranger. The man has already stood up, looking like he's about to leave.  
  
"Writing about the stars and what's beyond it."  
  
And the man leaves Jaehyun there, wondering about the dust that lingers in the cosmos and how it's starting to slowly glow.


	2. With You On My Horizon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The moon lays witness to how the dust takes claim of their light.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I JUST FINISHED MY STAT EXAM AND I HAD THE URGE TO WRITE !!!!

Jaehyun's eyes are digging holes on his notes spread on the dining table, some papers having coffee mug stains and coffee spills, and high lighters scattered around the table.  
  
"Jae!"  
  
He reads through the last paragraphs of his notes, his eyebrows furrowed as he ignores the call of his name.  
  
"Jaehyun, don't ignore your bff"  
  
Jaehyun merely hums as he finishes the last paragraph stream through his mind and his eyes shut tight, trying to remove the pain studying brings.  
  
"You have to take a break. You've been studying since this morning."  
  
Jaehyun looks at Johnny with a glare.  
  
"It's only the afternoon, Jonathan."  
  
"Are you shitting me, Jae?"  
  
"What do you mean shitting you?"  
  
Johnny angrily walks to the dinning table to close Jaehyun's physics book and fix his papers.  
  
"It's fucking 9 the fucking evening, Jaehyun." Johnny places all of his things at the other end of the table, out of reach from Jaehyun. "You've been studying for 13 hours straight. You didn't even know the sun went down."  
  
Jaehyun glances out the window. "Oh shit, you right man."  
  
"Don't 'you right man' me, Jaehyun. I hate it when you're studying and forgetting to eat. You haven't touched the food I made you from this morning and you're drinking coffee with an empty stomach."  
  
He watches his best friend place his things inside Jaehyun's bag placed on the opposite chair.  
  
"You're doing the 'i'm sad so i'm going to study my ass off until I faint' defense mechanism again."  
  
"I'm not!" Jaehyun retaliate and Johnny glares at him.  
  
"Yes you are, Jae. The last time you did this was when you and Taeyong broke up, and you ended up in the hospital all pale and empty."  
  
Johnny's glare turns into sadness and Jaehyun can't help but feel apologetic and thankful for Johnny.  
  
"I'm sorry, Johnny."  
  
"I'll forgive you if you come with me and Ten to the club?"  
  
"And be the nation's third-wheel?"  
  
"Yes. The nation will give you a medal if you come."  
  
Jaehyun thinks about his physics exam which is in 4 days and thinks about the tiredness in his body. He feels it when he stands to pick up his bag from Johnny's hold.  
  
"I guess I need to loosen up a little."  
  
Johnny places his hands on Jaehyun's shoulders.  
  
"Exactly! Plus you should get yourself out there. It's been, what, 6 months since Taeyong -"  
  
"8, actually."  
  
Johnny squeezes his cheeks with one hand, making Jaehyun's face look like a fish and he raises his brows in surprise.  
  
"See? It's been so long. You should really go out there. It doesn't have to be serious but at least get your dick shoved up someone's ass or have someone shove their own dick up your ass by the end of the night."  
  
"Yeah, yeah. Whatever, Jonathan."  
  
Johnny reaches up his back pocket and brings out a condom.   
  
"Here. A souvenir from me."  
  
Jaehyun shies away from Johnny with a laugh and Johnny laughs with him.  
  
"Ten and I won't use it anyways. So, have it. Stay safe."  
  
Jaehyung reaches for it and Johnny hands it to him.  
  
"How about you guys? Won't you need it."  
  
"Let me just say-" Johnny wiggles his brows. "-that Ten and I got tested and we be getting it bare."  
  
"Oh god Johnny please don't share your sexual escapades of the both of you with me. It's bad to hear you guys fucking in the other room, it's worse to know how you guys do it."  
  
"Is it that obvious how my baby boy loves calling me daddy?"  
  
Ten pops his head out from Johnny's room to look at them with a smile.  
  
"Did daddy call for me?"  
  
"For fucks sake!" Jaehyun quickly runs to his room to close the door behind him.  
  
"Be out in an hour and a half, Hyunnie." Ten shouts from the other side of the door. "Daddy needs me now."  
  
Jaehyun just sighs and drops his bag by the door, connecting his phone to his speakers to blast loud music, forgetting whatever worry he has.  
  
\--  
  
When the three of them steps inside the club, Jaehyun is quickly left alone to watch Johnny and Ten disappear through the crowd of grinding bodies. Jaehyun walks to the bar and orders a hot of tequila, downs it in one go with his face distorting in disgust.  
  
He isn't really a big fan of shots, but tonight he plans to get plastered enough to get horny.

He stays at the bar, downing every shot given to him by the bartender. His senses slowly become liquid. But he hears it before he sees it.  
  
The vibration, the voice he yearns to hear since that night. It was loud enough to hear, to feel deep in his chest.  
  
He turns to look around but he hears it better despite the loud music blasting in the club; it's lke he is destined to feel the voice deep into his existence.   
  
"I'll head to the rooftop. Just text me if you want to leave or if you're going home by yourself." The voice says to someone, probably a friend.  
  
He searches for the staircase, and when he spots it, he sees feet going up with careful steps.   
  
Jaehyun hesitates if he wants to meet the stranger again, but he could feel the cosmos telling him that it is only fate to meet him. And so he does.  
  
He climbs up the stairs gingerly and opens the door. The cold breeze hits him softly as he steps out to the roof top.  
  
He sees a man staring up the sky, sitting on the ledge of the building.  
  
He could hear it first before he sees it, the hum of a song he is familiar but cannot remember, with the tapping of fingertips on cement.  
  
Then he catches the man's eyes and he remembers it like it was only yesterday. It was shining just like how it is supposed to, but it was accompanied with skin glowing like the moon.   
  
The man was beautiful, and if he could describe the man on front of him, he would describe him as the most beautiful star he has ever seen.  
  
Jaehyun sits beside the man quietly but he watches his breath come evenly, his eyes still focused in the sky.  
  
"You'll get a stiff neck if you look up too much, stranger." Jaehyun says playfully.  
  
The man looks at him with a small smile and he laughs.   
  
"That sounds familiar." The stranger says as he goes back to looking at the stars.  
  
"You know, I met a man a month or so ago who was in the same situation as me; he was lonely and looked at the stars with so much sadness, it was like he looked at the stars like it wasn't the most beautiful thing in this universe."  
  
Jaehyun merely hums as he watches cars drive by the club below hum and lights flicker from the city lights.   
  
"But I saw him look at the stars and think that we we were the same; we were the same dust in the universe that was meant to collide and become a star. I don't believe in soul mates, but I think that man is fated to save me. I just wish i wasn't too much of a coward to ask for his name."  
  
Jaehyun could feel his heart pound against his chest as he locks eyes as with the stranger.  
  
"You know, you have the same eyes as him. It's also so beautiful but also filled with so much sadness."  
  
Jaehyun smiles then, his eyes going softer as their eye contact stretches time.   
  
"Jaehyun."  
  
The stranger furrows his brows at the mention of his name.  
  
"The name's Jung Jaehyun. I was that man staring at the sky at the swings that night."  
  
The stranger's smile was the widest he has ever seen.  
  
"I'm Kim Doyoung. It's so nice to meet you." Doyoung stands to offer his hand for a shake and Jaehyun gives back while sitting.  
  
"It really is you." Doyoung says as he stares at Jaehyun's eyes, mesmerized. "I've memorized how your eyes gleam since that fated night."  
  
"I'm flattered, Doyoung."  
  
Doyoung smile goes wider and Jaehyun only noticed now how the corners of Doyoung's eyes make a comet.  
  
"You're my muse, Jaehyun. I hope you continue to be my muse."  
  
"Your muse?"  
  
"Oh, you are, Jaehyun."  
  
He watches Doyoung sit back beside him with a smile and he could see Doyoung's fingers are careful around his wrists; Jaehyun wants to hold them, to see if he could hold the moon in his own hands, keep him close to bring light to the nights he would find solitude in.  
  
"You don't understand Jaehyun. I'm a writer, I should be able to write about anything but ever since my brother's death, all I could think of is to mourn. It's really taking a toll on me. But when I met you, I saw the universe in your eyes and I really had to write it down immediately."

Doyoung locks eyes with Jaehyun and they both smile in unison. The night becomes brighter, Jaehyun thinks, because he could suddenly feel the fire in his chest shine brighter, his heart warmer as he follows the curves of Doyoung's lips and the dimple on his cheek.  
  
"Let me read it someday."  
  
"Someday. When fate is truly on our side, when the edge of tonight creeps unto us."

Jaehyun remembers it - the songs that Johnny plays loud - but he remembers it.

_You're the beat playing in my heart._

_You keep me alive on the edge of tonight._

And when Doyoung leaves, giving Jaehyun his number, a kiss on the cheek, and warmth in his chest, he thinks he has a new song to sing for the moon to lay witness on how the dust starts something brighter than any love they could imagine.

 


	3. It's A Long Way Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Escalation.
> 
> Idk how to make summaries pls spare me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a foreshadow on Jaehyun's side of the story, his behaviour, and mental state. So that you are not confused, Jaehyun is actually not aware of his mental state because he is in denial of it.
> 
> Anyways enjoy do and jae flirting and johnny and ten fucking in the background

 From Doyoung: Can i meet you tomorrow?  
  
Jaehyun and Doyoung has been talking non-stop for 2 weeks, getting to know each other; their habits, the way they react to each other, and how they miss each other.  
  
Jaehyun discovers that Doyoung smart enough to be a doctor but he would rather write his feelings down on paper and release anger on the words he gives away. That Doyoung cries over reading any book he reads because his passion is powerful enough to give his tender heart a break.  
  
Jaehyun also discovers that Doyoung is so beautiful that he believes that he could reach the universe with a single hand.  
  
To Doyoung: Miss me already?  
  
From Doyoung: You just don't know Jae.  
  
Jaehyun could feel a blush creep into his cheeks, and maybe feel Doyoung's smile near him, warming him.  
  
To Doyoung: I believe you.  
  
To Doyoung: My class ends at 3 tomorrow. Where do you want to meet?   
  
From Doyoung: I'll come pick you up from your class.

To Doyoung: Alright then. Might as well call you my bf if you're being like this.   
  
He suddenly regrets typing that down and sending it, regrets his life decisions, because Doyoung doesn't reply immediately.  
  
Doyoung must think that Jaehyun is being weird, or maybe Jaehyun is trying too hard when Doyoung can never love him. Jaehyun thinks it's a one sided thing even though he only met the man two weeks ago.  
  
"Jaehyun."  
  
Jaehyun hears Johnny call for him but he's too fixated on his phone, dead on the table.  
  
"Jaehyun?"  
  
Johnny calls out again and he could feel his face tense up in agony and desperation, and maybe cringing at himself.  
  
He suddenly feels a ball of tissue thrown at his head and he looks at Johnny annoyingly. "The fuck you want?"  
  
"What's up with the weird face? You don't look cute."  
  
Jaehyung sighs unknowingly. "It's just that I sent something I shouldn't have and now this person isn't replying."  
  
Johnny puts down an empty glass on the kitchen counter Jaehyun didn't know Johnny was holding. "Sent a nude?"  
  
"You think I take nudes?" Jaehyun gives his best friend a glare.  
  
"You think I didn't see the nudes you have of yourself on your phone when you were still dating Taeyong?"  
  
"Fuck you, Jonathan." He throws back the tissue Johnny threw at him and Johnny sways to avoid it.  
  
"Didn't say I was lying."  
  
"You're not helping, Johnny."  
  
Johnny laughs. "At least your butt is nice. And also your thighs are to die for."  
  
"Bye." Jaehyun stands and grabs his phone to walk away to his bedroom.  
  
"I'll be staying over Ten's house! Don't wait for me." Johnny shouts from the living room.  
  
"I don't plan to wait for you." Jaehyun shouts back as his bedroom door closes behind him.  
  
He throws his phone aimlessly on his bed as he searches around for his star projector. He spots it at his desk ad quickly plugs it in. Jaehyun turns off his bedroom lights, covering the cieling window with automatic blinds and turns on the projector. Quickly, the room illuminated with beautiful constellations he stare at everyday.  
  
He walks to his bed and lays down with his body bouncing on the mattress. He stares at his star sign, Aquarius, and listens to the cars passing by the road beside the apartment complex. It was unexpectedly relaxing seeing the redundancy of the urban life while admiring what's beyond his imagination; the irony of it when you find solitude in the most mundane things.  
  
Jaehyun's thoughts were interrupted by the vibrations of his phone by his right thigh. He squinted at the screen and adjusts his eyes slowly.  
  
From Doyoung: would be lying if I said I didn't like the idea.  
  
And his heart skipped a beat; or rather skipped several beats because he stopped breathing, rereading Doyoung's text several times. He didn't realize he has been staring at his screen for so long until Doyoung texted again.  
  
From Doyoung: Was that weird?  
  
From Doyoung: Im sorry. I'll stop.  
  
To Doyoung: No no it's ok. You just caught me off guard, that's all.   
  
From Doyoung: Still. If I make you uncomfortable, just tell me.  
  
To Doyoung:  haven't felt so much comfort for so long until i met you, Doyoung. Don't worry. You didn't do anything wrong 

From Doyoung: Okay. That's good.

It took Jaehyun a moment to know what he wants to reply, but by the time he was about to send a 'How are you', Doyoung beat him to it.  
  
From Doyoung: How are you?  
  
Jaehyun smiles a small smile.  
  
To Doyoung: Just lying down. I'm home alone right now so there's nothing much to do.  
  
From Doyoung: Your roommate's not home?  
  
To Doyoung: Yeah. He's sleeping at his boyfriend's house. They'll probably fuck the night away so I'm thankful I won't get to witness it.   
  
From Doyoung: hahaha a poor boy.  
  
It took Doyoung a moment until he texts again.  
  
From Doyoung: want me to come over?  
  
Jaehyun's lips go into a thin line, contemplating if it's a good idea or if they're going too fast. He quickly speed-dials Johnny, and it takes 6 rings until he's picking up the phone.  
  
" _What, Jaehyun? I'm kinda busy._ "  
  
He hears Ten's labored breathing and Johnny panting and he's to familiar with the sounds they're making to know that they were and still fucking.  
  
"I'm in a crisis."  
  
Johnny mumbles something inaudible to Jaehyun, probably stretching his arm out so that the phone is far away from him and he probably whispered something to Ten's ear. And Jaehyun figures it's something sexual becase he hears him groan a loud 'fuck' before Johnny goes back to the call  
  
" _Spill before I get pissed off_."  
  
"Okay so remember the guy that I met at the swings?"  
  
" _Yeah the - ah shit - the guy you played 21 questions with."_  
  
"And remember I met him in the club a few weeks back during midterms."  
  
" _Ahuh. Quickly,, Jaehyun. Ten's clawing at me_."  
  
"Okay, okay. Sorry. We're texting right now and we were kinda flirting -"  
  
" _Kinda Flirting?_ "  Johnny interrupts him while panting the words out from his mouth.  
  
"I'm not finished, Jonathan. Anyways, we were flirting and then suddenly I told him that I was home alone and he asked if I wanted him to come over."  
  
" _And? What's the crisis?"_  
  
Jaehyun rubs his face in frustration. "Isn't it too fast?"  
  
" _Getting dick is never too fast, Jae, unless you're expecting the two of you dating_."  
  
"Uh..." Jaehyun trails off, embarrassment in his tone.  
  
" _Don't, Jae. Don't fall in love when you're still hurt over Taeyong."_  
  
Jaehyun suddenly realizes that the panting and moaning stopped at the other end and hears Ten's voice in the background saying 'Is Jae alright? Is he hurting again? Wanna go back?'.  
  
"I honestly don't know how I feel. It's been so hard to know how I feel."  
  
" _Jae. Do you want Ten and I to go back? Are you sad?_ "  
  
The worry in Johnny's voice is evident and he hears clothing ruffling in the background.  
  
"You don't need to come. I'm okay. I just need assurance that what I'm going to say to Doyoung is okay."  
  
He hears Johnny sigh at the other end. " _Anything is okay as long as it's making you happy."_  
  
And Jaehyun smiles at that. "Okay. Thank you, Johnny. You can go back to fucking."  
  
" _Yeah. Whatever. Just call me if you need anything."_  
  
Jaehyun hums and ends the call, quickly texting Doyoung back.  
  
To Doyoung: Come over. I'm kinda lonely. 


	4. Until It All Breaks Down

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They become closer
> 
> i still dont know how to summaries

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> MORE FORESHADOWING
> 
> slightly un-betad oh well lol

_“You know it’s okay to be sad, Jaehyun. It’s really okay.” Taeyong stares at Jaehyun with sad eyes and he hasn’t seen sadness so blue and dark he thinks he’s going to cry too. But only anger boils inside him._

_“No! I can’t. I’m not sad, Taeyong. I’m not.” Jaehyun only notices how his hands trembles when Taeyong holds them with a tight but assuring grip._

_"But you are, you’re only denying it.” Taeyong holds his tears and Jaehyun can sense it._

_“I’m not, okay? I don’t have the time to be sad. I don’t deserve to be sad.” Jaehyun can feel tears on his cheeks and he rubs at it angrily. “I don’t want to be sad, Taeyong. I’m not meant to cry. Why am I crying?” He shows to his lover his tears-streaked hands with desperation. “I can’t cry. No. Dad will hit me. Please make it stop.”_

Jaehyun wakes with a start from hearing his door being knocked, his head resting at the couch arm rest and a blanket over him. He reaches for his phone and sees that Doyoung has been sending him messages throughout his nap time.

From Doyoung: omg

From Doyoung: of course.

From Doyoung: I would love to come over.

From Doyoung: I thought you would say no

From Doyoung: Hey I’m at burger king. Is there anything you want?

From Doyoung: Jaehyun?

From Doyoung: You must be asleep.

From Doyoung: I’ll just buy you a whopper or something.

From Doyoung: I’m walking to the address you sent me. Excited to see you after so long

From Doyoung: Hey I’m at the door.

From Doyoung: I’ll just knock haha

Doyoung knocks consistently; knocks 4 steady rhythms every 6 seconds, soft but loud enough to be heard. Jaehyun smiles at the fact that even in situations like these, the beautiful man at the other side of his door is still considerate and kind.

Jaehyun places his phone on the coffee table and walks to the mirror placed on the wall. He fixes himself, his hair on one side and his shirt straightened, and smiles at himself to check if he has anything in between his teeth. When he thinks he is presentable enough, he walks to the small corridor that separates the front door to the living room and holds the door knob. He sighs out his last breath before he opens the door for Doyoung.

Doyoung looks cute with his yellow pajamas that has multiple ice cream prints and a grey shirt that says, “Sleep ~~is for the weak~~ for a week.” He notices the small smile Doyoung has and when he locks eyes with the man, Doyoung shows his toothy smile and raises the plastic of Burger King in his hands.

“Special delivery.” Doyoung says with a smile that could outshine the stars.

Jaehyun laughs and moves aside to let Doyoung in. “Come in.”

Doyoung walks in his apartment and looks around the apartment with careful steps. “Sorry I didn’t get to reply to your texts.  I kinda dozed off on the couch.”

Doyoung places the plastic bag on top of the coffee table and sits on the couch like he was meant to be there, like he was meant to fill the gaps of his empty apartment. “I figured with the blanket on the couch. Also, it’s kind of late so I expected you to be tired.” Jaehyun moves to the kitchen as Doyoung turns his head to face him, Jaehyun is pouring a glass of water when.

“I’m sorry for coming over so late.” Doyoung says.

“If it's bothered me, then I would have said no to your offer.”

Jaehyun walks over to the living room and places the glass on front of Doyoung on the coffee table. He sits beside his guest with a distance; not too close but not too far.

“Still, Jaehyun. You could be sleeping off those eyebags under your eyes.”

“You’re too humble, Doyoung.” Jaehyun smiles and unconsciously places a hand on Doyoung’s knee. “I’m okay, really. I need the company while Johnny is away.”

“Feeling lonely, huh? Or maybe sad?” Doyoung says and Jaehyun’s breathe hitches, and Doyoung notices because the silence is too long and Doyoung smile wavers. He stares at Doyoung with eyes that even Jaehyun could not understand. “Jaehyun? Why the sad face?"

Jaehyun abruptly stands to reach for the plastic and opens it with frustrated hands. “It’s nothing.” But Jaehyun doesn’t believe it is because he says it with the desperate need of diminishing the panic in his throat and the fear of Doyoung realizing the flaw in his eyes.

“Are you sure, Jaehyun? You look so worked up.”

Jaehyun turns to Doyoung with anger. “I’m not, okay?! I told you it’s nothing!” He screams, and he regrets even saying a word because Doyoung deflates into sadness.

“I’m sorry. If you want me to go, I can-“ Doyoung is about to stand when Jaehyun reaches for his hand.

“No.” Jaehyun closes his eyes to wish away the tears in his eyes. “I’m sorry. I’m just thinking too much and so many stories in my life that you still don’t know is coming back to me and I just feel on edge.”

Doyoung sits back down and slowly intertwines his hands with Jaehyun’s. “It’s okay, I understand.” Doyoung circles his thumb on the back of Jaehyun’s hand and he can feel his heart calm down at the sight of Doyoung’s hand interlocking with his. “How about we binge watch Friends and eat our hearts out so that we could forget about those thoughts for a while? Is that alright?”

Jaehyun smiles at him and Doyoung smiles back. “Of course.”

“And maybe tell me your stories in the future?” Doyoung says it like it was a question and Jaehyun could feel his hesitation.

“Yeah, sure. Maybe, you can write about it someday.”

Doyoung smiles at him with softness only lovers share and Jaehyun thanks his heart is reaching the edges of the universe. “Someday, Jaehyun."

They finished a season of Friends when Johnny comes home to them snuggling on the couch, the remnants of their feast left on the table.

“Oh. I didn’t know you would be home so early.” Jaehyun says when he spots Johnny standing by the hallway.  Doyoung stands when Johnny approaches them, and they shake hands.

“You are?” Johnny asks.

“Doyoung. Kim Doyoung. I go to the same university as you and Jaehyun."

“Oh! You must be an undergrad. Major?” Johnny goes to the kitchen refrigerator to grab a can of beer and Jaehyun just watches their conversation unfold.

“Literature. You?”

“Computer science. Doyoung, you look really familiar.” Johnny stands opposite of Doyoung and Jaehyun who were now sitting on the couch. “It’s like I’ve seen you somewhere.” Johnny squints while taking a sip from the can.

“You probably have seen me sing.” Jaehyun looks at Doyoung in surprise and Doyoung gives an embarrassing smile when their eyes meet. “Maybe from the winter singing competition.”

Johnny snaps his fingers. “Right! You’re the one who sang a Sam Smith song and cried right?”’

“Yeah. That was me!” Doyoung said excitedly.

Johnny looks at Jaehyun and sips from the can again before speaking up. “I told you to come with us, but you refused to stay with TY track.”

Jaehyun grabs a ball of used tissues to throw at Johnny but he giant quickly avoided it. “Stop being an ass, Jonathan.”

Jaehyun hears Doyoung laugh and Johnny laughs with him. “Yeah whatever loser.” Johnny raises his can slightly while giving Doyoung a smile. “Nice meeting you, Doyoung. If you plan on sleeping here, I’m warning you now that Jaehyun is a snorer.”

Doyoung laughs again and Jaehyun can’t help but look at how his eyes become like comets. “I’ll be careful, Hyung. Thank you.”

Johnny turns to his room and closes the door behind him with a lock. “Sorry about Johnny. His American ass is annoying, I know.”

“I might as well get used to it, honestly.”

“Does this mean this won’t be the last time you’ll be here?” When Doyoung turns to him with a soft smile, Jaehyun heart melts.

“I still have a story to write and you have a story to tell me. I plan on knowing every star you hold in your pockets.”

Jaehyun stands and grabs for their trash on the coffee table and rushes to the kitchen to dispose of it. When Jaehyun comes back, Doyoung is watching him with a soft smile again and Jaehyun can’t count how many times he smiled like that to him anymore. “You smile all the time.”

“Is it bad?”

“No. I find it cute.”

If Jaehyun spots the brush of pink on Doyoung’s cheeks, he doesn’t mention it in hopes of concealing his own heartbeat. Jaehyun offers his hand for Doyoung and the latter looks at him in confusion.

“You want to start on knowing my story, Doyoung?” Jaehyun feels his heart race when he feels Doyoung’s soft hands in his. Jaehyun pulls Doyoung off the couch and brings him to his room.

He opens the door and Jaehyun doesn’t need to switch the lights on because the light of the moon is bright enough to light the whole room.

“I suppose this is your room?” Doyoung stares at the mini sculpture of the solar system that was taking up most of the space of the table beside the door. Doyoung gingerly taps on a switch placed on the corner of the sculpture and the sun in the center lights up. “Oh, wow.”

Jaehyun stands beside him as he sees Doyoung’s eyes shine with admiration. “It was my last science project before graduating high school.”

He just watches Doyoung unravel most of his life laid scattered on his room. Jaehyun considers a person’s bedroom their life story; a diary of some sorts. It’s where thoughts are stored, and sentiments are the most intimate. And having Doyoung’s eyes wander through the walls of pictures, posters, and dents makes Jaehyun think how much he trusts Doyoung. The first person who he trusted with his room was Johnny and he never wanted anyone else inside it not until Taeyong.

Taeyong was different; he was one who laid his own heart and placed it on his sleeve for everyone to see. Jaehyun was never a fan of exposure – it makes a person seem vulnerable – but when saw Taeyong’s heart shine like the sun he thinks that he can bring his own heart out to give to him the next day.

But for Doyoung, is was a whole different trust. Maybe it’s because he saw a whole different universe inside his heart. Taeyong may have the sun in his, but Doyoung had the cosmos stored inside him and Jaehyun’s heart craves to discover every dust, star, and planet that makes Doyoung.

Doyoung walks to his book shelf that covers half of the wall and lines his fingers on the spine of a book. He picks it out from the shelf and reads the title. “Encyclopedia of The Cosmos?” He notices the various sticky notes peeking out of the sides and opens the book from there. “Venus-“Doyoung says, and Jaehyun interrupts.

“The 2nd planet from the sun and was named after the roman goddess of beauty and love. One of my favorite planets.”

Jaehyun sees Doyoung smile at the picture of the planet. Doyoung then turns to Jaehyun. “How so?”

Jaehyun hums. “You can still see it despite the city lights masking the others.”

“It stands out?”

“Something like that.”

Doyoung huffs a laugh. “Sounds romantic.” Doyoung says.

“Talking about the universe is romantic.”

Jaehyun sits at the foot of his bed and watches Doyoung look up the window on the roof. “Beautiful view you have here.” Jaehyun lays down but continues to watch Doyoung look out the usual view he looks at. “It must cost a fortune.”

“Not really.” Jaehyun looks out the window. “The owner of the apartment gave Johnny and I a discount because he owed my dad. I don’t know what he owed him but it must be a lot for giving it with a 40% discount”

“Lucky.” Jaehyun felt Doyoung tap his knee and he averts his eyes to his companion. “May I?” Doyoung looks at the empty sheets beside Jaehyun.

“Of course.” Jaehyun gives him space so that the bed can fit them both. Jaehyun could feel Doyoung’s warmth beside him and after a long time of anxiety, Jaehyun feels safe without being in the arms of somebody else; that the fact that he feels safe in the mere warmth of a man who holds the universe can push him to be better.

“Jaehyun.” He hears Doyoung sigh beside him. Jaehyun hums in acknowledgement. “Why astronomy?”

“Because why not?” Jaehyun laughs and Doyoung groans beside him.

“I’m serious here.” Jaehyun turns his head to the side to look at Doyoung and he could feel Doyoung’s presence so close to him. The latter then looks up again at the window and Jaehyun sees the light of the moon highlight Doyoung’s skin that normal light cannot show. “Why astronomy? Why not medicine? Or law?”

Jaehyun looks up the window and thinks about it for a moment. There was silence in the room but the extremes of the intimacy they have pulsates at their ears – it’s deafening but music to their ears.

“Have you ever thought that you know everything you need to know, Doyoung?”

Doyoung hums softly. “I believe that knowledge is infinite, and one can’t know everything.”

“And yet the universe exists, and it knows everything.”

Jaehyun hears Doyoung rustle beside him and he thinks he faced his head towards Jaehyun. “What do you mean?”

“It knows everything because the universe is everything.”

Doyoung laughs and he could feel his breathe on his ear. “I think philosophy fits best for you."

Jaehyun laughs with Doyoung. “If you think about it, the great philosophers were the first astronomers and at some point, they craved to know everything.”

“Do you want to be like them, then? Know everything, I mean.”

“That’s what great about being under astronomy; we strive to discover what’s beyond, whether it’s everywhere and nowhere at once. I don’t need to know everything, I just want to reach it.”

“You’re such a romantic.”

“Being a romantic comes with the job.”

They stay silent, letting the quiet of the room take over them and the moon shine over them. Jaehyun is so relaxed that he hasn’t noticed his eyes flutter shut and let himself fall asleep. But before his senses become numb, he hears Doyoung leave his bed and say something in a faint voice. But Jaehyun hears it, loud and clear.

“My venus, sleep tight.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i might update sooner than later but don't expect too much. i got my inspiration because i've been having bad episodes of depression and i needed an escape route.
> 
> leave dem comments if yall have any questions <3 <3 <3 or twt me @KlMD0YOUNG or @coffeechaelly


	5. Can't Breath Without You Near

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Doyoung finds out small details about Jaehyun

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FORESHADOWING

**_Doyoung's POV_ **

“My venus, sleep tight.”

Doyoung holds his gaze at Jaehyun’s sleeping figure. Johnny was right on Jaehyun being a snorer, but Doyoung only thought of it as a cute hum.

He can’t help but stare at the man sleeping on the bed. He doesn’t notice it before but Jaehyun’s blanket was the moon on the center and had stars scattered around it, something a child would have. Jaehyun had what looked like a star projector at his bedside table and a lamp that is shaped like pluto.

Jaehyun has his heart laid out scattered in his room; the mini sculpture, posters of astronauts, stacks of books about the stars – it all looked like Jaehyun had his own universe inside his room and Doyoung just can’t help but feel so attached.

Doyoung hears Jaehyun snore loudly and he averts his eyes at him. Jaehyun’s breathing was steady and slow, his chest rising and falling in a steady pace. Doyoung traces his gaze on Jaehyun’s features; his skin as white as the moon’s surface, hair soft at the edges of his brows, lips as red as the dust of mars.

If someone was to ask Doyoung what beauty is before, he would say that it was subjective to every human being and that it was a social construct to keep the status quo stable. But after meeting Jaehyun, he thinks beauty is of love that radiates – Jaehyun radiates love even if he was lonely. He radiates the love that everyone craves for, innocent and soft; a love that no one can fathom but craves to reach.

When Jaehyun tells Doyoung the reason why he chose astronomy, he finds himself falling in love. He finds out that his heart races for him when Jaehyun says the universe is everything and Doyoung thought to himself that Jaehyun is his universe.

And maybe it was going too fast, but he loves beyond degrees because love is hard to give. Doyoung has only ever loved a few amounts of people, and he loves his brother the most. But ever since Jaehyun, he thinks that he can mourn for his brother, love him in peace without a tear falling from his face; he thinks he can finally let his own soul rest from all the pain the death of his brother brought.

Doyoung doesn’t have plans of leaving, preferring to sleep on the couch of the apartment. But he keeps his thoughts attached to the mere existence of Jaehyun as he leaves the room to sit on the living room couch.

He turns his head towards the kitchen when he hears footsteps. Doyoung’s thoughts were interrupted by Johnny who was standing beside the kitchen island, holding a glass half-empty with water. “Ah hyung! Jaehyun said that you’d stay at your boyfriend’s tonight.”

Johnny sighs and sips from his glass. “Ten and I were worried about Jaehyun. We were scared that Jaehyun is hurt.”

“Hurt over what, hyung?”

“Calling you over.” Johnny finishes the water with one gulp. “It’s a long story, Doyoung, I would rather have you hear it from Jaehyun.” The older leaves the glass on the kitchen island. “You must be special to be invited inside Jaehyun’s bedroom.” Johnny walks towards him to sit beside Doyoung. “It took me months to even take a glimpse of his room.”

Doyoung gives a small smile. “I don’t think I’m any special, hyung.”

They stay silent for awhile but Doyoung’s gaze is fixated at Jaehyun’s door.

“Doyoung.” The both of them simultaneously looks at each other, locking eyes. He sees how Johnny’s expression change from soft to dark and serious, his irises reading Doyoung’s face. “Jaehyun’s really hard to love.

Doyoung furrows his eyebrows in confusion. “I don’t think so, hyung. He’s really easy to be with.”

“Believe me when I say this, Doyoung. Jaehyun’s hard to love. He’s hard to reach, hard to hold onto all because of the past that keeps his heart captive. He pushes people away and avoids giving himself the time to cry. So if you ever plan on telling him you love him, you can't leave him in the dark. It's either he loves or doesn't love at all.” Johnny sighs as he leans on the couch, his eyes closing.

“How do you know I love him? I never said I did.”

Johnny laughs and looks at Doyoung’s confused face. “I know somebody is in love with Jaehyun just by looking. It’s in their eyes and how they look at him. I once had those eyes for him, once loved him dearly, but it was so hard to love somebody who can’t trust you and prefers to be away than beside you. There was a time I wanted to end any relationship with him, end our friendship, but his eyes convinced me to stay. Then Taeyong came.”

“Taeyong? His ex-boyfriend?”

“Yeah. Taeyong was the perfect one for Jae; the understanding one, takes the initiative to hold Jaehyun close, and comes back when Jae pushes him away. Nothing stops Taeyong from loving Jaehyun with all the light he bears.”

“Except for his family.”

“Exactly.” Johnny releases a defeated breath. “All the walls that was broken around Jaehyun was coming back together and next thing you know, he locks himself up inside his head and he doesn’t shed a single tear.” The older man pinches his nose bridge in frustration. “When he’s hurt, he doesn’t say it. When he’s in pain, he doesn’t show it.” Johnny looks at him. “So I’m warning you now, Doyoung, if you plan on leaving when Jaehyun tells you the reality of his heart, might as well leave now before he falls in love again.”

“I don’t plan on leaving him or hurting him.”

“Promise me that, Doyoung.” Johnny’s voice was low and Doyoung could feel the love for Jaehyun from the mere vibrations of his voice.

“I promise, hyung.”

Johnny stands. “Good. Because if you break that promise, I swear to any god out there that I will come looking for you.” Johnny then locks eyes with Doyoung. “This isn’t a threat but a reminder, okay?”

Doyoung gives the taller a small smile. “I understand. You obviously care for him.”

“Fuck yeah, I do. I’ll get you fresh blankets and a pillow for you. Don’t hesitate to get anything from the kitchen, okay?”

Johnny walks away from Doyoung and goes inside his room, and moments later brings out a fresh blanket and a pillow. Johnny hands it to him as he removes the blanket that Jaehyun used.

“Thank you, hyung.”

Johnny walks away with a smile and an okay sign. “No problem, dude.” Johnny says in English and walks inside his room again, shutting the door behind him.

Doyoung is left with silence that is peaceful, but his head is still trying to process everything the American man just told him. Doyoung never thought of Jaehyun as hard to love or pushes people away, but Doyoung is convinced that he doesn’t know everything that is Jaehyun with the short amount of time they have been together. Doyoung only noticed now that Jaehyun only makes him talk, always keeps the conversation rolling if it isn't about him; excuses of 'enough about me' to avert to how Doyoung's day was. But the small facts of Jaehyun already made Doyoung fall deeply in love; how his favorite coffee is actually filled with so much sugar which contradicts what people think that he drinks bitter coffee. That Jaehyun likes his ramen mild-spicy than spicy. That he prefers to walk than take a bike, and lie down to look out his window than go out to drink. There are so many things he loves about Jaehyun, all those small things that completes him, and Doyoung thinks that's enough to keep his heart settled for one.

Doyoung notices a picture frame that is facing down on the table by the window. In curiosity, Doyoung stands and walks towards it with careful and silent steps. He reaches for the frame and flips it over. He sees a young boy being held at the shoulders by an old man with wide shoulders and hair whitening at the roots, and a woman opposite the man with dimples so sweet and hair so smooth. Doyoung fixes his gaze at the young boy at the middle. The boy looks like he was 9 years old, his hair almost reaching his eyes and eyelashes so long. Doyoung realizes that it was Jaehyun from the dimples on his cheeks. He was chubbier, tan peeking out of his sleeves, but his eyes had the same shine.

It took Doyoung a moment before he sees the cracks on the glass of the picture frame. The scratches and dents on the edges of the frame makes it seem like the frame is frequently being thrown around or being dropped with a force. The picture inside had a fold mark in between Jaehyun and the woman, and the ink of the picture is fading from probably water that dropped on the paper. Doyoung places the frame back, fixed and standing up before he goes back to sitting on the couch.

Doyoung is left with more questions he wants to ask Jaehyun, but he'll ask some other time, giving in to his tired eyes, sleeping on the living room couch while letting the faint sounds of Jaehyun's snores lull him to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yes Johnny had feelings for Jaehyun but it was never to the point that he was deeply in love hehe
> 
> send some love at the comments or my twt @KlMD0YOUNG (the i is a lowercase L and the first o is a zero) or @coffeechaelly


	6. You Keep Me Alive

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They lay their hearts against their lips.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oooohhhhhh im on a roll im updating a lot recently

**_ Doyoung’s POV _ **

 

From Jaehyun: Hey can you come with me somewhere?

Doyoung’s in the middle of writing his declarative essay about supernovas when Jaehyun texts him. It’s been a week since the night they were together and Doyoung realizes that nothing really changed between both men, which made him feel a tinge of disappointment, but he brushed it off immediately.

_“It was so hard to love somebody who can’t trust you…”_

Johnny’s words still linger inside Doyoung’s thoughts. He’s been thinking about it, being aware of how Jaehyun approaches him in campus or how he always asks about Doyoung’s day but never answers the same question when it’s about him. He never talked about his family, or how he met Johnny, only knew that his family is far from him and that Johnny is his best friend. But Doyoung just dismisses it as overreacting, overthinking Johnny’s words, morphing it into doubts.

Before anything else, he saves his work, then Doyoung grabs for his phone to send a reply.

To Jaehyun: Yeah sure! Where to?

From Jaehyun: To buy some groceries

From Jaehyun: This is me lowkey saying that I want to meet you and spend time with you but my emotionally constipated ass is too much of a coward to say it out loud.

Doyoung can feel his cheeks heat up as he laughs while reading Jaehyun’s message in his voice. He quickly tapped on the call button and Jaehyun’s face comes up the screen. He remembers taking the picture that night to make it his contact photo – Jaehyun still had ketchup at the corner of his mouth and mid-bite of his burger and Doyoung remembers how Jaehyun chased him around the living room to take a retake of the picture.

The call rings for a few moments before Jaehyun answer the phone.

 _“Yeah, Doyoung? Why’d you call?”_ Jaehyun sounded very out of breath, as if he ran to his phone when he realized it was ringing, which could be true because Jaehyun is like that.

“So it’s a date?” Doyoung smiles at himself but he hopes Jaehyun could hear it.

 _“Huh?! What? I didn’t say it was a date. Psh. It’s not.”_ Jaehyun nervously laugh at the other end of the phone and he could clearly hear Johnny shout a ‘Doyoung, it’s a date, don’t believe him’ and Doyoung laughs.

“Oh. It’s not?” Doyoung’s sarcastic, obviously. “Too bad. If it was a date, I would have come.” Doyoung could hear Jaehyun gasp a panic breathe. “But if it’s not then I should just-“

_“No! It’s a date! Yes. It’s a date. Please.”_

“Oh okay!” He could hear Johnny laugh at the other end. “I never went to the groceries for a first date.”

_“Shit. Sorry, Doyoung. I didn’t mean to-“_

“No, it’s okay, Jae. I could go grocery shopping with you, then maybe we can watch a movie and have dinner. Is that a good idea?”

 _“Yes!”_ Jaehyun says it quickly.

“Alright then. Come pick me up at 3. Or would you rather be the one to be picked up?”

_“I’ll pick you up. I’ll bring a car. I’ll see you at 3? Send me your address.”_

“Will do. I’ll see you.”

Jaehyun ends the phone call, but before Doyoung could lock his phone to dress up and get ready, Jaehyun shoots him a text.

From Jaehyun: I’m so excited to see you.

\--

Doyoung steps out of the apartment complex and Jaehyun is leaning on the passenger door, hands in his pocket, and smiling at him. He’s wearing what is a basic definition of “boyfriend material” and he would be lying if he says he doesn’t want to go on his knees for Jaehyun; his hear is slick back, his forehead open for everyone to see, for everyone to admire his carved-by-the-gods face; his white shirt showing enough collarbones to crave; a denim jacket that shows off his broad shoulders; and his thighs wrapped tightly by blue jeans. It looked like Jaehyun came out of a romantic-comedy movie and he was the handsome protagonist who works as a model and volunteers in an animal shelter.

Doyoung stops in front of Jaehyun, their eyes locked on each other, and smiles reflecting each other. “You look good.” Doyoung says as he looks at him from head to toe then back to his face again. “Too good.”

Jaehyun lightly pushes Doyoung’s forehead with his finger which makes Doyoung step back in surprise. “Stop ogling.” Jaehyun laughs. “You look good yourself.” Jaehyun reaches for the passenger door and opens it for Doyoung. He sits inside and Jaehyun closes the door for him. Jaehyun jogs to the driver’s seat and sits himself down. Doyoung’s eyes follows Jaehyun as he sits on the driver’s seat and starts the car. Jaehyun rests both of his hands on the steering wheel and looks at Doyoung with a smile. “Ready, cutie?”

Doyoung laughs. “Confident now, huh?” And Jaehyun laughs with him.

\--

The day passes by like a flash of lightning, groceries packed nicely at the trunk of the car, movie tickets folded inside wallets, and their dinner filling them up. Doyoung felt sated and happy, like he could do this with Jaehyun every day.

They’re both sitting in silent in the car, engine still turned off and staring at the almost-empty mall parking lot when Jaehyun breaks the comfortable silence they put themselves in. “Want to extend the date?”

“Jaehyun, this doesn’t have a due date.”

“I know. It’s just… I don’t want this day to end.” Jaehyun says, and they both turn their heads together with a smile. Doyoung realizes now that all they do is smile at each other and it makes him feel like his dreaming, and not the type of dream that you feel at cloud nine, but a dream that has its secrets and will eventually fall apart. But Doyoung decides that this isn’t the time to think about doubts.

“Then take me somewhere I will remember forever.” Doyoung says, and Jaehyun quickly turns the engine on and drives off. “Where to?” And Jaehyun merely smiled.

\--

Doyoung expected a cliff that shows the city lights, or a place of sentimental value, something you see in movies or read in romance books, but Jaehyun brings Doyoung back to campus, and it’s in the secluded area of the campus, the corners where student’s don’t care, too lazy to go to, or just doesn’t know that it exists, like Doyoung, he doesn’t know that the planetarium exists.

Jaehyun pushes the double doors open for Doyoung and there was a teacher waiting inside the round building. The seats are circling the room and at the middle is a machine that has various buttons Doyoung probably doesn’t know what it switches on. “Sir Han! Thank you for lending me the planetarium tonight.”

The teacher was beautiful, hair long but tied in a pony tail, and lean; and rather young too. Sir Han hands a key ring with various keys to Jaehyun. “Anything for my favorite student and his blossoming love life.” Sir Han looks at Doyoung with a smile. “Enjoy.” And Sir Han winks at him as he walks away. “Don’t forget to lock up.” Sir Han shouts before the door of the planetarium closes behind him.

Jaehyun walks to the center where the machines are. He takes out his hand and looks at Doyoung. “Want to see something amazing?” Jaehyun says with his eye smile, and Doyoung falls in love all over again.

Doyoung approaches Jaehyun with his hand reaching his, their souls intertwining while their hands thread together. “What’s more amazing than you?” Doyoung didn’t think he could be so confident with his flirting, but with Jaehyun, he’s always confident.

“Put your hand here.” Jaehyun places his hand on the machine then to a button placed on the middle. “Press it when you’re ready.”

Doyoung doesn’t wait for another second and presses the button

Instantly the room turns into the universe; stars just inches from them, their eyes shine with the reflection of every star around them. Doyoung knows it’s just a projection of the universe, a mere image zoomed out to surround them, but he feels like he is floating with Jaehyun holding him. He keeps his hands intertwined on Jaehyun’s as he looks around the room with awe. It was so beautiful that it kept him speechless, his breath being taken away, his whole existence being swept away.

“It’s beautiful.” Doyoung says with all the strength inside him.

“I know.” Jaehyun says by his ear, and Doyoung looks at him. Jaehyun has his eyes fixed on him, a smile and a blush on his face.

“I’m talking about the room, Jae.”

“Oh? I thought you were talking about yourself.”

They both laugh, and Doyoung thinks he hasn’t laughed so sweetly before; his heart is beating so far but all it does to him is find purchase on Jaehyun’s touch.

Doyoung could feel soft hands on his jaw and they continue to look at each other like love only exists between them.

“Doyoung.” Jaehyun says, his eyes threading through Doyoung’s features. Doyoung merely hums, not trusting his voice. “I think I’m in love with you.”

Doyoung smiles, the best smile he can give. “I think I am, too.”

Jaehyun smiles back at him, and Doyoung thinks he could feel Jaehyun’s heart beat when he places his own hand over Jaehyun’s. “Really?” Jaehyun laughs.

“Really.” And Doyoung laughs, too, their emotions intertwining with each other.

Doyoung doesn’t realize it until time stops, until he could feel Jaehyun’s lips on his. He thinks time stops, because nothing matters at that moment; that was their moment. They lay out their hearts against their lips and chant every word of ‘I love you’ with every twist of their soul. The kiss was every adjective Doyoung’s mind could think of. If someone would ask him to write what it was like to kiss the universe, he wouldn’t have the words to give justice to what was truly inside him.

But Doyoung thinks that not being able to explain how to love the universe is enough for him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> drama will start on the next chapter to ready your hearts. but i might also update slower from now on since i need to collect my thoughts and make the drama organized. 
> 
> shout at me at my twt @KlMD0YOUNG or @coffeechaelly, or comment <3 pls send some love i loooove motivation hahaha


	7. You Keep Me Honest

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I love you." Jaehyun wishes it was that simple

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im not complete satisfied with this chapter but i really wanted to release something before my finals actually start. im already swamped with work so i just wanted to post this before all hell breaks loose.
> 
> hope u "like" it

Jaehyun’s waiting for it; the storm at the end of every sunshine. His relationship with Doyoung was too relaxed, too good, so happy, that Jaehyun is left at the edge of his seat expecting for the worst.

But it doesn’t come, even after 6 months of all the flowers they have shared, the coffee they have sipped, the kisses they have whispered. It was too good, too sweet, so he decides that his anxious feet can finally take a rest.

Jaehyun has his head on the palm of his left hand, his tired eyes taking over his body, but his lips are stretched into a smile – maybe it was because, despite of their busy schedule, they still manage to accompany each other even if it was a video call. It was the start of their finals. Jaehyun has a physics exam in 2 days, a paper about the new exoplanet that was just recently discovered to be passed in 3 days, and a GPA to meet so that he won’t be kicked out of his course. Jaehyun wasn’t stupid, but he wasn’t a genius either.

Doyoung has a 20-paged critique paper on Shakespeare’s “Much Ado About Nothing” and its multiple adaptations due in a week, a 30-paged supernatural short story based off of historical events, and a linguistics exam that had more than 180 pages of readings. And Jaehyun knows that Doyoung is a genius; his lover’s writing is like a song written on the air and the capacity to memorize anything at any given time makes Jaehyun think that Doyoung has an IQ high enough to rule the world. But his lover chose to write about love and the poetry of the eyes of the sun.

Jaehyun is left staring at Doyoung focused face. There was something beautiful on watching his lover’s eyes linger on words that flow freely from his beautiful mind to his slender fingers he loves to caress.  The curve of his upper eye lid lidded perfectly, his pupils looking like the waxing gibbous phase of the moon.

“You seem happy.” Doyoung speaks from the other end of the video call and removes Jaehyun from his revere.

“You’re beautiful.” Jaehyun blurts out in confidence and he can never get tired of how his lover’s cheeks turn a shade of pink.

“Stop it and study.” Doyoung gives a sheepish smile and focuses his gaze again to his own work. “I appreciate the ogling and quite frankly it motivates me to write better, but I don’t want you to fail your exams because you’ve been staring at your lover writing about an old man who has weird words and weird grammar.”

“Don’t slander Shakespeare-sunbaenim like that. He’s offended at his grave.”

“Whatever, baby.” Jaehyun hums and Doyoung continues. “I love you, Jae.”

 Jaehyun looks at Doyoung through the screen and hesitates when their eyes meet. Jaehyun merely winks at him, a playful gesture he has started to do ever since they started dating, and Jaehyun would be ignorant if he doesn’t notice the disappointed eyes Doyoung shows after the smile he gives to Jaehyun.

__

Doyoung has his head leaned on Jaehyun’s chest on the night before their final exams to revive the burnt-up brain they keep inside them by watching Veronica. The night was cold but Jaehyun was a natural furnace, his arm wrapped around Doyoung’s shoulders, keeping him close and steady.

Doyoung shifts his head to look at Jaehyun and he looks at Doyoung back. Doyoung’s eyes is expectant, glowing despite the darkness of his room.

“Jaehyun?”

“Yeah?”

“I love you.” Doyoung says, and Jaehyun stills, his hands hesitating and stopping from rubbing Doyoung’s shoulders.

Jaehyun drops his head down to kiss Doyoung’s forehead. “A kid is being slaughtered, babe.” Jaehyun laughs to ease the tension in the air and Doyoung laughs a weak smile. He sees the tinge of disappointment in Doyoung’s eyes and Jaehyun feels an ache inside him.

__

“Jaehyun, how are you and Doyoung?”

It was a rare night where Johnny and Jaehyun’s free nights collided. As roommates and best friends, they decide to stay at home, eat a whole box of pizza for each person and a whole pack of beer, and marathon How To Get Away With Murder in Netflex.

Jaehyun bites on his slice and swallows. “We’re okay.”

“Just okay?” Johnny sips at his beer and looks away from the television.

“Yeah.”

There was a silence ringing in their heads, Johnny’s gaze fixated on Jaehyun’s as he finishes the slice of pizza on his hand. “Jaehyun, do you love Doyoung?”

Jaehyun hesitates, but he knows he does. “Of course!” He exclaims. He knows his heart beats whenever Doyoung smiles, and he knows he yearns to hold Doyoung’s hands every day.

“Then say it.”

Jaehyun hesitates and he could see Johnny’s face turn into maddening disappointment. “Jaehyun.”

“I know, okay?” Jaehyun quickly exclaims. “I really do. It’s just been so hard to say it out loud.”

“Because you still love Tae-“

“Don’t say it, Johnny. Please.”

Johnny frowns and shakes his head. “I’m sure if you tell Doyoung, he’ll get hurt and you’ll end up hurt, too.” Johnny hesitates as he places his empty beer can on the table. “You know how you are when you’re hurt, Jaehyun.”

“I honestly don’t, Johnny.”

Johnny looks at Jaehyun with sadness. “You’ll lock yourself up and won’t even say a thing. You end up hurting yourself; you don’t eat, don’t sleep, and you eat the skin of your nails until its bleeding. Jaehyun…” He swallows in hesitation. “You’re depressed but you don’t-“

“Enough!” Jaehyun stands, frustration keeping his heart beating faster. “I’m not, okay?” He angrily walks away from the couch to give himself and Johnny space. “I can’t afford to be… whatever you think I am.”

“But Jaehyun, you are. All the symptoms are there and I get so worried that you’ll do something that can kill you and-“

“But I won’t. Jonathan, you know me more than anything.”

“I don’t, Jaehyun.” Johnny stands to walk to Jaehyun, but Jaehyun steps backward, getting a frown from the other. “You’re my best friend, but I don’t even know if you can trust yourself. Because of that, even I can’t trust you.”

“So, you don’t trust me?” Jaehyun shouts angrily but shame creeps inside him. Guilt runs through his body the same way the guilt takes over him whenever his father scolds him.

“I didn’t say that-“

“But you did, Johnny. You fucking did.”

Jaehyun storms inside his room and lock the door behind him. Johnny knocks on the door, soft but frustration at the beat it holds. “Please, Jaehyun.”

“I don’t care, Johnny!”

“Please.” Jaehyun hears a loud thump on the floor and he knew that Johnny is sitting on the door with his back against the wood. “I’m sorry. Please. You just… mean so much to me. You’re the best thing that ever happened to me after Ten.” Jaehyun silently places his forehead on the door to listen to his best friend clearer. “I hate seeing you hurt. I hate that how you are now is caused by your father’s abuse. I hate that you can’t live without having the scars you bore come back.” He hears Johnny choke a sob. “I just want you to be happy and I would do everything to give you that. So please, Jaehyun, open the door and let me hug you and take care of you as your best friend.”

Jaehyun opens the door for Johnny and he sees his best friend’s eyes turn red and tears start rolling from his face. Jaehyun lets himself be embraced by Johnny and he suddenly remembers how much he missed Johnny’s hugs and how his chest is so warm for him. “I don’t deserve you.”

Johnny’s grip on Jaehyun’s back becomes tighter. “You do, Jae. You really do.”

__

Jaehyun has Doyoung’s head on his lap, the grass beneath them cool on their skin. It was a nice day to go out for a stroll, the wind cold but the sun hot.  Jaehyun decided that their date shouldn’t be cooped inside 4 walls but in infinite ground, so they’re under a tree in the middle of the park.  He has his hands brushing on his lover’s hair and Jaehyun watches Doyoung’s eyes flutter shut beautifully.

“I’m going to end up falling asleep if you continue doing that.” Doyoung gives a sleepy smile and Jaehyun just wants to run his thumb across the soft skin of his cheek.

“Then go to sleep.”

“But I don’t want to miss a date with you just because I ended up sleeping on your lap.”

“Up to you.”

Doyoung folds his arms across his chest and snuggles closer to Jaehyun’s body, a smile on his lips. “Hell yeah it’s up to me.”

Jaehyun watches Doyoung’s chest rise and fall in a steady rhythm and he thinks his lover has fallen asleep. But a few minutes later, Doyoung calls out to him.

“Jaehyun?” Doyoung has his brows knitted together but his eyes remain shut.

“Yeah?” Jaehyun runs his thumb across Doyoung’s cheek but he notices the worry on his lover’s face and it makes him feel his insides turn into nervousness.

“Do you love me?” Jaehyun heart stops when he hears the sadness and doubt of Doyoung’s voice.

“Of course, I do.”

“Then why don’t you say it? That you love me.” Doyoung opens his eyes and sits up to look at Jaehyun in the eyes. Jaehyun tries to conceal the nervousness inside him. “I never heard you say the words ‘I love you’. You always avoid it. It makes me think that you don’t-“

“I do, okay?” Jaehyun places his hand on Doyoung’s cheek. “It’s just been so hard.”

“So hard to say what?”

“That I…” Jaehyun hesitates and he watches Doyoung shed a few tears.  He tries to wipe it off but Doyoung flinches away. Jaehyun tries to catch the tears but gives up when he sees Doyoung’s tears flow.

“It’s hard to say that you love me? Why?”

“I can’t tell you.”

“No, Jae. You can, but you just don’t want to.”

“I didn’t mean it that way, Doyoung.”

“If you didn’t, then say it.” Doyoung wipes away his own tears. “Say that you love me.”

Jaehyun can feel his eyes turn hot and he wills himself to not shed a tear. “I can’t, Doyoung.”

“Jaehyun, please be honest with me.” Doyoung stands and Jaehyun follows. He watches Doyoung’s tears drop to his shirt and Jaehyun just wants to hold Doyoung close.

“Okay.” Jaehyun says quietly.

“Do you still love Taeyong?”

And that’s when he knew that the storm is pouring down on them and he can’t breathe. Jaehyun hesitates, and it was the worst idea because he knew that the silence meant something, and it means ‘yes.’ Jaehyun stays silent and watches Doyoung slowly read Jaehyun’s expression.

“You do still love Taeyong.” Doyoung steps away from him.

“Doyoung please. You don’t understand. I-“

“No. I understand completely.” Doyoung wipes away his tears and releases a defeated laugh. “I should have known. I should have fucking known. You don't tell me anything about yourself. And whenever you do, Taeyong is always mentioned.” Doyoung starts to walk away and Jaehyun tries to stop him, grabbing for Doyoung’s tear-covered hand. But Doyoung forces himself out of Jaehyun’s hold and his heart just drops; Doyoung’s hands hold the entire universe but now he can’t reach for it. “Don’t…” Doyoung shouts. “Touch me.” He continues quietly.

And before Jaehyun could explain himself, Doyoung is already running away, out of his sight, with the whole universe inside of him.

Jaehyun simply limps, his knees drop to the floor, but he still tries not to cry. He knows he deserves, he knows it’s his fault – he doesn’t deserve to cry.

He let the whole universe run away from him just because he didn’t realize that he’s not ready to love in degrees that can only fit for a single star.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> poor jae. poor doyoungie. poor johnnyboo.
> 
> anyways, send hate at the comments or my twt @coffeechaelly or @KlMD0YOUNG


	8. I Am Tired

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They dont talk and shit happens.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW // graphic depictions of violence and there are many homophobic slurs. 
> 
> Please read with caution.

**_Doyoung’s POV_ **

He should have known; Doyoung noticed even before they started dating. It was how Jaehyun would be there with him, but his eyes never met him – they would stare at each other but Doyoung stopped believing that love lies in between irises because he noticed that Jaehyun never shined for him but for someone else.

Doyoung said he would stop loving in degrees as large as the infinite universe but he really thought he could find what he has always craved for on Jaehyun. He thought wrong.

__

It’s been weeks ever since they last saw each other personally other than passing by each other at campus, willing to have himself feel numb to the pull he feels; the gravity of his heart wanting to hold Jaehyun again. But he’s hurt, and Doyoung believes that when he is hurt, he deserves to heal.

Doyoung can’t help looking at Jaehyun, searching for any change in demeanor, wanting to find out if he is hurting, too. But nothing changed. He still looks ethereal, so godly and glowing, and Doyoung is so sorry for himself for being miserable. He looks glowing right beside Johnny and Ten, books on hand and his favorite strawberry milk drink on the other.

But Doyoung would be stupid if he doesn’t notice Jaehyun looking at him, too. He thinks Jaehyun is hesitating, wanting to stand but lets the gravity of his guilt pull him down. But Doyoung doesn’t know that – he doesn’t know anything that is Jaehyun except Jaehyun with Taeyong. Maybe Doyoung is hallucinating, letting his expectations take over his line of sight.

__

From Jaehyun: I’ve been missing you

From Jaehyun: I’m sorry again

From Jaehyun: I know you don’t want to meet yet. I know you’re still hurt. I really want to apologize, but I deserve the cold shoulder.

From Jaehyun: I haven’t been honest to you and to myself. I’m sorry.

__

From Jaehyun: Merry Christmas baby.

__

From Jaehyun: Happy new year.

From Jaehyun: I’m with my family if you wanted to know. I’m safe. Don’t worry about me. I hope you’re enjoying your break.

From Jaehyun: Also, I have a gift for you. But I’ll wait until you want to meet.

From Jaehyun: I miss you.

__

**_ Jaehyun’s POV _ **

Jaehyun closes his phone and places it faced down on the dining table. “Happy new year, dad.”

He watches his father give him a glare while he chews on his food. “I would be happy if you stopped texting.”

There was silence in between them, save for the occasional clatter of utensils and china. They ate in silence, gave their late gifts in silence, and watched the fireworks blare from the distance from their balcony in silence. It was always like this, silence is always left between the father and the son, and it would only be noisy when his father finds Jaehyun being the disappointment he is.

His father finishes his beer and hands it to Jaehyun. “Time to sleep. We’re visiting your mother early later.” He leaves Jaehyun freezing at the balcony and finishes his own bottle of beer. Jaehyun brings out his cellphone from his jacket pocket and texts his best friend.

To amuricuhn boi: Happy new year, Jonathan.

From amuricuhn boi: You too, babe.

From amuricuhn boi: btw can I call?

To amuricuhn boi: Go ahead. I need some company.

He waits for Johnny to call him, puts down the bottles at the side of the ledge, and leaning his elbows on it. Jaehyun feels his phone vibrate and he picks up the phone instantly.

“Hey loser.” Jaehyun says with a smile.

 _“Happy new year, fucker.”_ He missed Johnny’s low voice; it keeps him grounded because he knows that voice is a reality than the imagination of doubt.

“Happy new year, Jonathan. How was your celebration?”

_“The usual; mom made her bomb ass fruit salad and dad blew a horn at my ear. I think my right ear is damaged.”_

“How’s Ten? Was he nervous to meet your parents?”

 _“He was sweating before he faced them. But he’s a great actor, you know. Mom and dad loves him.”_ He hears Ten’s distant voice at the other end shouting ‘Happy new year, Jaehyun. I miss your dimples.’

“Tell ten I miss him too.”

_“You miss him, but you don’t miss me? I’m hurt, Jae.”_

Jaehyun laughs, imagining the pout on Johnny’s mouth and his eyes turn into a puppy. “Of course, I miss you.”

There was a silence in between them before Johnny coughs. _“How’s uncle?”_

Jaehyun sighs as he picks on the scabs on the skin around his nails, disrupting the healing of the skin and allowing it to bleed. “The usual. Quiet and always glaring.”

_“At least he’s not shouting at you.”_

“Yeah.”

_“Will you visit your mom tomorrow?”_

“Yeah. I missed her, so I begged dad to see her.”

_“Alright. Take care of yourself, okay? Good night, Jae.”_

Jaehyun hums as he notices the moon shining bright and he remembers Doyoung. “Good night, Johnny.”

__

It was eight in the morning when Jaehyun’s father is driving. This was the only promise his father would keep for his mother – he resented making promises because he hates owing anyone. His father notices the pink carnations on Jaehyun’s freezing hands and he laughs mockingly. “Flowers? So soft of you. I didn’t raise you to become sensitive, Jaehyun.” And Jaehyun ignores how mocking the tone of his father was, how he showed his intentions of hurting Jaehyun. “Mom did.”

“I don’t care. Your mother should be thanking me for accepting you into my home when you were a baby. She was a whore. I don’t know why I married her, but then I remembered I wanted her father's money.”

Anger boiled inside Jaehyun, but he didn’t want to fight anymore. He was used to this, used to the harsh words stabbing him endlessly, so he ignores him, ignores the pain he feels inside his chest.

The drive after the conversation was silent, buildings turn into trees, and trees turn into high hills. They arrive after an hour of driving to where his mother was. And even before his father could step out of the car, Jaehyun is already running to his mother.

_Here lies_

_Jung Hyesung_

_A Mother to All_

_October 16, 1973 – January 1, 2007_

Jaehyun places the flowers at the foot of the gravestone and takes out his handkerchief from his pocket.  He wipes the stone with careful eyes, starting from her mother’s names down to the picture frame of her beautiful mother, a big smile on her face. Jaehyun was 10 when she died, and he hates coming back to the memory of her death, because after her death, his father spits his words like acid and his kicks his ribs like he was trash. His father was abusive even before his mother’s death, but he avoided to hit them both because his mother’s family was filled with powerful politicians and lawyers, and his father knows that his family won’t hesitate to hire an assassin to shoot him at gun point if he even lifts a finger at them.

But the death of his mother triggered it all, and he was left to take blows his father was storing, bringing out all the anger that piled inside him through throwing Jaehyun around and leaving him bruised and rotting.

"Hey, mom. I've missed you." Jaehyun could feel a tear on his cheek and he wipes it off with his free hand.  
  
"Stop crying. You don't deserve to cry. After all, she's dead because of you." He feels his father's presence behind him and he stands to face the man.  
  
Jaehyun could feel anger boil inside him when he sees his father smile mockingly at him, and he's so sick of it. "Can you fucking stop? I won't believe your brainwashing anymore! You lack what you have always wanted, that's why you do this to me. You want someone to kneel before you because everyone you know brings you down."  
  
Before Jaehyun could even react, his head is being gripped by strong hands and he's thrown to the floor, his whole body crashing down into the pavement "You're raising your voice at me?" He feels a fist on his cheek and his face starts to ache. "If I wanted someone to kneel before me, I want it to be you." Jaehyun stays put, glaring at his father before he's being slapped multiple times on one cheek. "I said..." His father's smacks at his face relentlessly. "Fucking kneel, you faggot."  
  
Jaehyun was too sore to retaliate, so he does kneel because if he didn't, the man on front of him would beat him up until he's bleeding red. "I let you in my home, let you eat my food, call you my son even though you're that whore's son, and you dare to be ungrateful? I'm even tolerating the fact that you fuck men." Jaehyun lets his eyes gaze down to the floor, defeated. "You really look like that woman." He feels the punch on his left eye before he see it. Then the kick comes at the middle of his torso. Jaehyun thinks he just broke his ribs again because he feels the familiar ache on his lungs and the ragged breathing was painfully nostalgic. "That's why I love hitting your head first. At least for a moment, you look like trash and not like that woman."  
  
He feels the man's grip on his chip and pulls his face towards him so that they could lock eyes. "You deserve this, admit it." Jaehyun hesitates and the man's grip tightens around his chin. "Admit it, faggot."  
  
"I deserve this." He says, defeated and tired.  
  
"I want you to say 'I killed my mother.'"  
  
He forces himself to not shed a tear and just complies. "I killed my mother."  
  
"Good. Remember that."  
  
"Yes, father." Jaehyun goes in auto-pilot, his senses numb to whatever rationality he bares, his pride swallowed and depleted.  
  
The man starts to walk away. But before Jaehyun could follow, the man faces him again. "Go home by yourself. And not at my house. Go back to your apartment. Don't show yourself to me until you're actually worth something. And also..." He watches the man grab something from inside his coat pocket. The man brings out an envelope and throws it on front of Jaehyun. "This is your mother's will and all the money she's leaving to you. She's giving everything to you so I'm not going to pay for your college anymore. The apartment is already bought so have it. The contract is there too. I'm only giving it to you 7 years after her death because I only ever tolerated it since you're my legal son, but I'm sick of you so I'm leaving you with this. You better be thankful."

  
"Thank you, father."  
  
Before he knew it, he's left alone with the sound of an engine car driving away. His muscles scream for help but his mind is nowhere but in the memory of his mother; his sweet mother, the perfect blend of loving and powerful, confidence and humility. He gives up on moving, letting his body fall to the floor beside his mother's grave. But before he could even let his whole body rest, he calls the first person he can always turn to.  
  
One ring turns to two, then to three. And on the fourth ring, the person at the other end finally answers.  
  
_"Hello? Jaehyun?"_  
  
"Taeyong, help... me..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So much foreshadowing hahahaha also the mother's name is an invented name and not actually jaehyun's mom okay pls dont misunderstand haha
> 
> Dont forget to send hate ty


	9. I Will Drive Until It All Breaks Down

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fairy tales exist because we grow up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> GIANT CHAPTER COMING UP.
> 
> this chapter basically shows backstory to end yall questions about their past have fun crying

**_ Doyoung’s POV _ **

The morning of the new year brings a light sheen of nostalgia on Doyoung’s skin. He loves winters, most especially in the dawn of new year’s. It’s the crisp ice, the paper-white snow, and how the sky’s remnants linger on eyelashes, soft on skin and cold to the touch.

He remembers Jaehyun through it all. He saw the snow as Jaehyun’s skin, the crisp ice as the smoothness and glow of Jaehyun’s back, and snowflakes as Jaehyun’s kisses.  Doyoung’s heart aches to have Jaehyun beside him, but he knows if he sees him now that he hasn’t healed entirely, Doyoung will only go back to square one.

Doyoung lets himself read through Jaehyun’s messages, his mind lingering on what his love might be doing. Doyoung imagines Jaehyun with his family, singing, maybe drinking expensive wine given by his mother’s aunt, their shoulders wrapped with warm wool blankets and his feet covered in Christmas themed socks. Jaehyun would eat his ramen mild-spicy, and drink his favorite strawberry milk drink the morning of January one while his mother would scold him for not eating better food.

“Son.” He hears his father call out from the kitchen.

“Yeah?” Doyoung answers back the living room.

“The waffles are done.” Doyoung follows the voice, steping inside the kitchen to find his mother baking his brother’s recipe for his cookies and his father making his signature waffles.

“It’s hyung’s cookies.” He knows it’s his cookies; he can tell from the familiar smell.

“Yeah. I found the recipe tucked inside one of the recipe books. Good thing I understand most of your brother’s writing.”

He sits across the chaos his parents made to prepare breakfast, the side where the kitchen island was left untouched. His father places the waffles on front of him and he would love to enjoy it, but he merely stares at the oven with blurry eyes. He tries to eat his father’s hard work, taking large bites with the hot chocolate he didn’t notice was placed until he reached for it.

The oven ticks when Doyoung finishes his plate and his mother brings the pan of cookies out. All he could think of is his brother smiling whenever Doyoung excitedly anticipates the best thing he has ever eaten. _‘Be patient! Or else I’ll never bake again.’_  Thinking about the laugh his brother would make whenever Doyoung would whine made Doyoung’s eyes tear up. His mother notices the single tear that streams down his face and she quickly cup his son’s face to wipe it away.

“Oh baby.” He continues to stare at the pan, letting the memories of his brother rush through his mind. His mother sniffs a cry while caressing Doyoung’s cheek. “He’s happier now.”

And Doyoung couldn't stop himself from the sob that comes out from his throat. “It should have been when he was alive.” He’s heaving, and he feels his father step beside him to rub his rough hands on Doyoung’s soft shirt. “He should have been happier while he was alive, not when he’s dead.”

He’s being engulfed by his parents, strong arms wrapped around him. “He was my strength; my muse. And I can’t believe I let him wither into dust without noticing.”

“This is not your fault, son.” His father’s soothing voice resonates through his body, but it doesn’t soothe his nerves.

“Might as well be. I didn’t notice. It’s all my fault.”

He’s a wreck, he knows it, but his parents were holding him up, keeping him from collapsing to the floor. Doyoung knows his parents are hurting too, but they know that Doyoung only ever had one friend, and now he’s gone, buried six feet under the ground.

Doyoung wasn’t the most likeable. He was smart, but it only added to the hurtful words his jealous classmates would throw at him. He was always called a teacher’s pet, and during high school, when he got himself a boyfriend, he was called “fag” every time he would pass by. But that didn’t end there; his "boyfriend" was involved with the whole scheme of hurting him, dating him for the sake of taking him down. It was the “no one wants a fag, most especially someone so ugly as you” and the “you’re singing voice is annoying – you should quit singing.” It was all the daggers and all the acid spit and thrown at him. Someone so young shouldn’t feel so much pain, but he was left hurting by himself at 15.

He knew he was depressed at some point, heck he thinks he still has it, but his brother was his foundation. He was always the one standing up when Doyoung couldn’t, always the one to catch him whenever he’s falling, always the one to witness another star glowing. He was the one who loved his writing first, the one who encouraged him to join a singing competition, the one who told him that he could tilt the earth and change the world with his words.

It truly pulled him, pushed him forward – people say that time could heal a broken heart, but Doyoung thinks that time could heal a broken heart if someone is there to hold you through it.

He loved his brother; loved how his laugh would resonate through the walls, how his smile was the sunrise, how he could lift himself up.

He didn’t know when his brother got bad, but Doyoung only knew when he was already being rushed to the hospital with crimson sheets surrounding him and his lips pale. _‘It started when you were 15’_ his mother said and that’s when he started blaming himself. He was mad, but mostly to himself. He wanted to run away, but by the time the doctor’s announced that his heart beat was left into a flat line, he just let himself drop to the floor and sob.

“Son, breath with me.” He didn’t realize he’s having an anxiety attack, didn’t realize he was brought to the living room couch, his father kneeling on front of him and his mother worriedly looking at him. “Look at me.” Doyoung looks at his father’s eyes. “Breath.” And Doyoung does and he could finally feel fresh air rush through his lungs. “The stars are still shining, and with you in it, the universe is complete.” He hears those words and he remembers his brother saying those words to him every time he was having a hard time coping with his own toughts. “Doyoung, please remember that. The universe is complete because you are in it.”

He sees his mother rush to his side, holding his free hand, and resting his head on his shoulder. “You have the stars resting on your fingertips, Doyoung. Let yourself be relaxed by the fact that the universe is in your side.” His mother says just like how his brother would say it, soft, reassuring, and loving.

He always finds himself relaxing on those words, his heart latching on every letter that creates such a beautiful verse. He remembers who he writes for whenever he hears it – it was for the universe, for the people he loved, the stars he cherishes. For those who keeps him grounded; who keeps him alive.

For his parents.

_The stars are still shining, and with you in it, the universe it complete._

For his brother.

_You have the stars resting on your fingertips._

For Jaehyun.

_Let yourself be relaxed by the fact that the universe is in your side._

“Thank you.” He whispers, and his eyes is already falling shut when he hears his parents say, ‘I love you.’

__

It was the second day of the year when he gets a text from Johnny. Doyoung had his head resting on his bedframe, his laptop on his lap, and his fingers typing endlessly, pouring every word he could pour.

From Johnny: Doyoung

From Johnny: I need to talk to you

From Johnny: Free to call?

Doyoung quickly saves his work and closes his laptop, setting it beside him on the bed.

To Johnny: Go ahead. I’m not that busy.

When his phone rings, he doesn’t hesitate to pick it up.

“Hey, hyung. Happy new year.” Doyoung says.

_“You too, Doyoung.”_

“So, why’d you need to talk to me?”

There was silence on the other line, then he hears Johnny sigh.

 _“Have you heard from Jaehyun?”_ Doyoung quirks a brow on the question.

“No. Not since New Year’s Eve.” And he hears Johnny curse loudly. “What’s the matter?”

 _“I don’t want you to be involved in this, but you deserve to know.”_ Doyoung could feel panic course through his veins. _“Taeyong just called me that Jaehyun is badly injured.”_

Doyoung suddenly feels the panic rise to his throat and adrenaline takes over. He quickly leaves the bed to grab his coat the was placed on his desk chair in the corner. “I’m coming over. Is he confined?”

_“That’s the thing, we can’t find him.”_

Doyoung stops right on the hallway. “What do you mean?”

_“Jaehyun called Taeyong but never said where he was until he passed out. We’ve been looking everywhere.”_

“When was this?” Johnny stays silent, and Doyoung could feel anger mixing in with his adrenaline. “Tell me, Johnny!”

_“Yesterday.”_

“He’s been missing since yesterday? And he’s injured?”

_“Yeah. I called in case he was with you. Taeyong suggested to call you.”_

He suddenly realizes the ache inside his chest whenever that name comes up. It just occurred to Doyoung that Taeyong was the first person Jaehyun called while he was close to passing out and not his lover. He feels a pang of jealousy and pain but sets it aside to find Jaehyun.

“I’ll come over. Let’s find him together.”

_“Are you sure? Taeyong is here and-“_

“I don’t care if his ex-boyfriend is there. I just want to find Jaehyun.”

_“Okay. I’m at the apartment. Don’t hesitate to knock.”_

“I’ll be there in 30 minutes.”

And the call ends there. He quickly gathers his things, preparing to go back to his apartment days earlier than planned knowing that he would devote his time trying to find Jaehyun even if it takes them days.

He rushes down the stairs and runs to the living room where his parents were watching Home Alone. “Where are you going?” His mother says when she spots Doyoung’s backpack.

“I’m sorry, mom. Something urgent just happened and I need to go.”

“Be safe, yeah? And don’t forget to put on a seatbelt.”

He rushes to them to peck their cheeks before he runs out of the house. “Love you mom! Love you Dad!” He shouts as he opens the car door, turning the engine on, and starts to drive home.

__

It was 2 in the afternoon when Doyoung comes up on front of Jaehyun’s apartment. He runs up to the apartment with all the strength his legs could handle in the cold. He runs, and he stops the tears that’s been fighting to drop from all the scenarios Doyoung’s been giving himself. Sometimes, being a writer can give you the wildest imaginations, the creativity of a novelist spiraling around, begging for release from all the torment it brings.

When he finally steps on front of the apartment, he lets himself take a breather, his hands resting on his knees, his lungs heaving for air. He knocks rapidly moments later with determination running through his veins.

Johnny opens the door for Doyoung and he could see the growing dark circles under his friend’s eyes, his skin going pale, and the worried eyes evident. “Doyoung.” He says defeatedly, and Doyoung doesn’t expect the embrace as Doyoung steps foot inside the apartment. Doyoung pats Johnny’s back reassuringly as he feels his friend breaking apart in his arms. “It’s okay. He’ll be okay.” He says, but another voice inside the apartment interrupts.

“He’s obviously not!” The voice says angrily, and Johnny peels himself from Doyoung’s arms.

Doyoung’s eyes fall to the man who owns the voice and he’s thinks he’s seen a demigod, a son of Zeus of some sorts. “Doyoung, this is Lee Taeyong.” Johnny lets Doyoung take a step inside the living room. “Lee Taeyong, Kim Doyoung.”

“Nice to meet you, Taeyong.” Doyoung brings out his right hand and tries to be civil with the other male, but he could feel the tense air surrounding him.

“You must be the new boyfriend.” Taeyong says bitterly, gritting his teeth at Doyoung, and anger boils inside him.

“Yeah, that’s me. And you don’t have to show so much hatred towards me.”

“Oh, I don’t hate you. I just hate the fact that you left Jaehyun alone in this time of the year.”

“I needed time. I was hurt.” Doyoung says as he spots Johnny watching both men heating up the room with their shared anger.

“Jaehyun is more hurt than you, Doyoung! You left him in such a crucial time of the year, and now he’s nowhere to be found.”

“I’m sorry, okay? I just want us to be civil. Let’s start finding him, yeah? Have you called his parents? His mom? Dad?” Doyoung says and Johnny flinches at the side. Taeyong’s face twists into anger.

“Of course, we can’t call his parents! For god’s sake, Doyoung, you’re not fucking helping.” Taeyong rubs his face in frustration as he shouts at Doyoung.

“What the fuck you mean, Taeyong? I’m in the dark here! You just have to fucking tell me what the fuck is going on.”

Taeyong turns to Doyoung. “You don’t fucking know, do you?” He says, disappointed.

“Know what?”

“How can you not know? You’re his fucking boyfriend and you don’t-“

Doyoung’s patience finally shatters. “Well, I don’t know! Maybe it’s because he’s still fucking in love with you!” Doyoung snaps, and Taeyong stops whatever movement and breathe he would take. Doyoung tries to conceal his tears, walking towards the door quickly. But before he could put on his shoes, he feels a strong hand wrapped around his wrist, keeping him in place. Doyoung turns and sees Johnny’s tear-streaked face. “Please, Doyoung. Don’t leave.” Johnny begs and Doyoung’s heart breaks at how Johnny’s voice quivers. “I’ll explain everything, just…” Doyoung follows the new tears from Johnny’s face as it rolls down his cheek. “Don’t leave.”

He looks back at Taeyong standing frozen in the living room, and Doyoung would be blind if he doesn’t see the tears running from Taeyong’s eyes.

“Fine. But not here.” Doyoung says, and Johnny brings Doyoung up the rooftop, his hand still clenched around his wrist.

__

Doyoung steps into the snow-covered rooftop and his nose quickly turns red. He basks at the trees covered in white snow, looking like clouds you can touch; basks at the children throwing snowballs below them, and he thinks how much Doyoung miss the days when time didn’t matter, and only happiness resonates.

“Doyoung.” Johnny calls out and Doyoung rips his gaze away from the view to look at Johnny. “Let’s sit here.” Doyoung follows Johnny, sitting on the edge of the roof, feet hanging off towards the floor.

“You know there’s a reason why Jaehyun hasn’t been completely honest with you.”

“I honestly don’t know, Johnny. I’m sorry.”

“No. It’s okay. I reminded Jaehyun about it, you know, about not telling you and the possibilities of you getting hurt.”

“Yeah.”

Both men were left in silence, the wind blowing between them in rhythmic harmonies. Doyoung has the urge to write how the snow falls silently like the fairies you learn in tales of prince and princesses, write down how the wind disrupts the silence like the dragon that guards the princess. But fairy tales don’t exist, that’s why people grow up and the experience life like the shithole that it is.

“Jaehyun’s mom died 10 years ago.”

Doyoung quickly looks at Johnny whose eyes is fixated at a distance.

“What?”

“Car accident. But Jaehyun’s father brainwashed him to believe that he’s the reason why she’s dead.”

“What the fuck?”

“Fucked up, right? You think this only exists in books and movies, but I guess fiction gets their energy from reality.”

“How did it happen?”

Doyoung lets his gaze drop to his feet as it taps the ledge wall in a steady pentameter. “It happened during new years actually, at two in the morning. Jaehyun’s mom had a midnight shift at the gallery – she was a curator – and of course children wanted their mothers to be present during the new year’s. So, Jaehyun called his mother to quickly come back because he made a card for her. And with a mother’s love, she kept her promise and ended her shift early. Unfortunately, it was during a blizzard, so the roads were basically made of ice and the snow was crashing down on windows because of the wind. And we know what happens next.”

Doyoung lets himself take in the information, his mind swimming with pity and sadness for his lover. “I know it’s hard to take in. This is basically revealing Jaehyun’s reason why he’s so closed off and refuses to be sad. His father did brainwash him for so long.”

“Yeah. I feel bad for leaving him now.”

Doyoung feels a hand on his back. “Hey, dude, don’t feel bad. We all went through some wild shit, I’m sure you've also had some wild shit too that’s why you’re blaming yourself – a story for another day, though – so don’t beat yourself up, yeah? I just wanted you to know to keep yourself from doubting him.” Doyoung finally releases the tears from his eyes as he drops his head to hide it. “He really does love you, Doyoung. He never shuts up about you. Calls you his universe and all that romantic shit.”

Doyoung laughs and Johnny follows, the mood between them lightening.

“Thank you, Johnny, for telling me.”

“Thank you, too, for understanding.”

He watches Johnny hop of the ledge and brings out a hand to help Doyoung down.

“Let’s go find him.” Johnny says with a smile.

“Let’s go find him.”

And Doyoung heart feels free.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> send hate in the comments or on my twt @coffeechaelly @KlMD0YOUNG
> 
> next chapter wont be up not until after my finals (which is in two weeks) have fun suffering <3
> 
> and also if you're wondering, the title of the fanfic is an All Time Low song called "Six Feet Under The Stars" and the first few chapters are titled from the lyrics, and the rest of the chapter titles are from "Edge Of Tonight"
> 
> if yall go thru my other fanfics and actually read through my shit, majority of my titles and stories are based out of all time low hahaha can't help a hustler yaknow im a big all time low fan. so send some love to ATL since im making all this art inspired from their music


	10. You're The Beat Playing In My Heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Radical love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OOPS i lied i updated before my finals ended haha say thank you angie
> 
> anyways this is mostly dialogue but i hope this satisfies your anxiety

**_ Jaehyun’s POV _ **

Jaehyun’s instincts comes in when the snow starts to fall from the sky. He’s glad he wore warm clothes before coming to the middle of nowhere, because Jaehyun is sure he would freeze to death.

He memorizes the area where his mother is buried; it’s where at the end of the forest is a cliff with the most beautiful view of the cityscape and the universe. His mother always brings him here on the nights of his birthday. ‘Whatever your eyes could see, you own, Jaehyun. Don’t let the limits of people pull you down to reach for the universe.’ His mother would say that every time they would visit. Jaehyun realizes that it’s something he’s heard recently from Doyoung whenever they spend the night on the rooftop on a summer day.

 _Doyoung_.

Jaehyun wonders how his lover is. Jaehyun hopes he’s enjoying his holidays, eating all the cake his stomach could handle, eating his father’s signature waffles while wearing his mother’s “handmade” sweaters that was obviously bought from a store around the corner. He could be crying over the memory of his brother, remembering how Doyoung cried just by mentioning his name to Jaehyun, but he knows that he has parents could hold him up and keep him grounded.

It would be lie if Jaehyun didn’t miss him; didn’t miss how his eyes turn into comets, how his smile could stretch to the sun, how his fingers would brush through the constellations around his back. He badly needs Doyoung to hold him and embrace him hard enough to put him back together.

Jaehyun lets his back rest on the back of the wooden wall. Jaehyun manages to walk to the safe house him and his mother made since they always go here when he was young. It’s been so long since the last time he’s been inside the safe house, dust layering the furniture that’s facing towards the fireplace. Jaehyun could light a fire, but his energy is close to nothing and he needs to stay awake.

He figures that it’s January two by now and Taeyong and Johnny are doing his best to find him. Doyoung would know by now that he’s injured, and his chest aches imagining Doyoung’s tear-streaked face while looking for him.

All he could do now is wait; he doesn’t know if he’s going to wait for someone to rescue him or wait for his death, but he would rather see another day so that he could hold Doyoung close again and finally tell him those three words he deserves.

**_ Doyoung’s POV _ **

When Doyoung and Johnny comes back from the rooftop, Doyoung sees Taeyong pacing back and forth the living room. When he hears the door close behind him, Taeyong is already biting on his thumb in nervousness and his eyebrows are furrowed. Taeyong faces them when he walks towards the living room.

“Doyoung, I’m so sorry.” Taeyong stops biting on his thumb. “I should be more considerate. I was heated up in the moment because I’m just so scared.”

“It’s okay, Taeyong. We’re all on edge.”

“No, no, I wasn’t thinking about you at all and I didn’t consider the fact that you’re also going through something.” Taeyong steps forward to hold Doyoung’s hand. “I’m so sorry. I hope we can be good friends in the future.”

Doyoung smiles and Taeyong gives in to the contagious smile and smiles himself. Doyoung could see why Jaehyun fell in love with Taeyong; if the moon has the sun, then Jaehyun has Taeyong. They met at sunsets and left the skies glow gold letting others know how beautiful they could be, how pure and warm they could radiate.

“I hope we could be.”

“I’ll make coffee.” They hear Johnny say as they watch him go to the kitchen, taking out three mugs.

Doyoung walks to the living room let his tired body rest on the couch. It’s three in the afternoon when Taeyong sits comfortably beside him as they ask about how their holidays went.

Taeyong shares that he spent the holidays in another city with his family and all his relative, which is basically everyone from his mother and father side; sixteen aunts and uncles, twenty-three cousins, seven nieces and nephews. “Imagine the chaos, right?” Taeyong says with a laugh and Doyoung laughs with him.

“Imagine all the gifts you guys had to stack.”

“Oh, you just don’t know, Doyoung. The gifts were taller than me!” Taeyong says enthusiastically, raising a hand to gesture the height.

Johnny comes in with a tray with the coffee steaming and chocolates on a plate. “You guys get along well. Coffee’s still hot.” Johnny places the tray on the coffee table on front of them. “The chocolates are from Ten’s mom and it’s a whole jar so just get a lot because I’m sure Ten and I would get diabetes if we finish it all by ourselves.”

Doyoung reaches for a mug and blows the steam. “Thanks, hyung.”

Johnny sits on the floor opposite of the coffee table facing them, comfortably placing an arm on the coffee table to place his chin on. “So, where do you think he is?”

Taeyong sips on his coffee carefully. “What are the places you’ve been to?” Doyoung asks and Taeyong puts has mug back on the table.

“We checked the places where he could possibly go or sentimental places he always go to. We went to the park, the old apartment his family used to live years ago, the planetarium at campus, and other places but nothing.” Taeyong looks at Doyoung with sad eyes.

“Fuck. Where could he be?”

“It could be anywhere.” Johnny says defeatedly.

Doyoung thinks for anymore places other than his apartment and the places where they’ve gone to which gives the room the much silence it needs in contrast to the tension their conversation emits.

“Wait.” Doyoung quickly looks at the date on his phone and looks at Johnny. Johnny quickly raises a curious brow.

“What? Thought of something?”

“Yeah.” Doyoung places his mug beside Taeyong’s mug. “You told me that Jaehyun’s mother died on January one.”

“Yeah?”

“It’s January two.” Doyoung looks at Taeyong. “Wouldn’t he visit his mother’s grave yesterday?”

Taeyong goes wide eyes with the realization. “There’s a probability. And I remember him telling me he has a small house near there because his mother and Jaehyun would always visit at night.”

Johnny quickly stands, his coffee forgotten. “Then let’s go!” He runs to get his coat from the chair at the dining table. Taeyong and Doyoung shares a look and nods before they stand, leaving the coffee resting on the table.

They’re already outside when Doyoung stops them. “Wait! I brought a car. Can we pass by my apartment, so I could leave the car and drop some of my things?”

Johnny nods as he opens his car door for Taeyong. “We’ll follow to your apartment.”

__

“Nice place you have here.” Taeyong says as the two men enter his apartment.

“It’s nothing much. Just bits and pieces of me.”

His apartment was a one-bedroom apartment, perfect for someone who prefers to write with the noise of the city as his music. It was mundane, really; he finds solitude when he hears laughter pass by below him, when he hears drunk slurs of ‘I’m not drunk haha’ outside his front door. Or when the rain falls on his window and makes a steady rhythm of heartbeats against the glass.

In solitude he finds the littlest thing so precious and dear to the world. Not many believe that the way the dust linger on sun streams looks like cherry blossoms falling on Japanese springs, that something so small can be something so big.

But recently he’s been imagining Jaehyun lingering in his space, the dust around him making the beautiful aura his smile makes. It takes him months to realize how much Jaehyun has taken space on his apartment; there’s his toothbrush on Doyoung’s bathroom sink, the miniature model of Venus by his desk, and Jaehyun’s blanket on the living room couch when he slept over.

Maybe that’s enough to stop doubting Jaehyun.

“Help yourself to anything in the fridge. I’ll just pack some stuff.”

Doyoung lets the door of his bedroom stay open as he packs some of Jaehyun’s spare clothes he left. He hears footsteps walk towards his room and he glance towards the man by the door. Taeyong is leaning on the doorframe just looking at how his room is placed and designed.

“It’s like a whole other place here.” Doyoung gives a small laugh as Taeyong enters his room to look through walls of memories. “Oh wow, you were the champion for last year’s winter singing competition?”

“Yeah.”

Johnny walks in the room to join the conversation. “You weren’t there because you were out on a date with Jaehyun. Doyoung’s voice was the best there.”

Doyoung’s cheeks glow pink at the compliment. “I’m not that much.”

“He says that but he’s a genius. You should see his test scores. And you should know he’s the salutatorian of his high school.” Johnny’s smug grin makes Doyoung cringe.

“Johnny, stop.” Doyoung says.

“So why literature?” Taeyong asks and Doyoung faces him while zipping his bag.

“How did you know?

“I know you, Doyoung. Even before I met you.”

Doyoung hums. “What have you heard?”

“That there’s a genius literature major whose brother died of suicide.”

“Well, that’s me.”

Doyoung could feel all the eyes in the room turn to him. “I’m sorry, Doyoung.” Taeyong says with sadness in his voice.

He could feel a tear drop to his cheek and he wipes it with the back of his hand. “No, it’s okay. It’s all in the past now.”

He feels a hand on his back and Doyoung turns to see Johnny with a sad smile. “Let’s go, yeah? We don’t have to talk about your brother.”

“It’s okay. I would talk about him to people sooner or later. He isn’t a secret to keep. His life is meant to be celebrated, not forgotten.”

“Then it’s a story for another day, then.” Taeyong says as he grabs the bag from Doyoung’s hands to sling it to his back.

Doyoung smiles at the both men and they smile back. “For another day.”

Doyoung thinks about the days ahead of him, ahead of them; seasons change, and stories are told, and he feels thankful that he witnessed it with all the heart and skin he could give.

__

Doyoung sits at the backseat of Johnny’s car, Taeyong sitting at the passengers-seat just watching the scenery change from city walls to tall trees. Doyoung wonders if Taeyong knew from the start or if he went through the same confusion Doyoung felt. He wonders if they had fights or if Jaehyun ever pushed Taeyong away.

Doyoung remembers what Johnny said that Taeyong was perfect for Jaehyun. He wonders if he can be as perfect as him to make Jaehyun love him the same as Taeyong. Maybe he’s just being insecure; doubting oneself really drains you and maybe that’s why he hates having it – it always drains his energy to write a verse that can satisfy his fingertips.  But being insecure comes with the depression; it’s a buy-one-take-one thing. You can’t have this without that, adding the fact that he went through the bullshit that gave him his thoughts of doubt and crippling depression.

“You’re thinking too hard, Doyoung. I could basically hear you thinking.” Johnny glances at Doyoung from the rearview mirror and they lock eyes for a moment before Doyoung sighs.

“I’m just thinking, it’s nothing.” Doyoung pauses and looks at the back of Taeyong’s head. “Hey, Taeyong?” Taeyong hums in acknowledgement and tilts his head to hear Doyoung clearly. “Have you ever visited her? I mean his mom’s grave?”

“Yeah. It was the day after the first time he pushed me away.” Taeyong looks out the window with nostalgia. “He wanted to explain why he did it in the hopes of me forgiving him. But honestly, with those eyes, who wouldn’t forgive him even before he apologized?”

Doyoung nods as he watches the car drive past rows of unending highways

“Jaehyun really loves you, Doyoung. I’m sorry if you thought he’s still in love with me. I think Jaehyun just hasn’t been honest to himself. He’s like that. I hope you can be patient with him.” Doyoung doesn’t answer, feeling the ache in his chest tighten. He doesn’t want to beat himself up for pushing Jaehyun away, but he should have listened than let his heart take wherever his feet would bring him and say whatever twisted reality his mind would give him.

“Do you know how I know Jaehyun loves you?” Taeyong asks.

“How?”

“You know the encyclopedia of the cosmos he has on his shelf? I went through it a while ago and a picture of you was stuck in the pages of Venus.”

‘It’s my favorite planet.’ Doyoung lets that ring in his head, trying to remember how much his heart wanted to take in every piece of Jaehyun, every curve and gap. He remembers how he wants to reach for Jaehyun’s hands and find out how to hold the universe at the palm of his hands. His heart beats for the nth time, basking on how much he wants to see Jaehyun again, how much he wants to witness his lover hum his favorite tune and how his lips taste like strawberry milk.

“We’re here.” Johnny says, parking the car on the side of road, on front of a pathway made by trees. Doyoung is hesitant when he steps out the car. “We’ll visit her first, and then we’ll go find Jaehyun.”

He watches Taeyong and Johnny walk towards the pathway but Doyoung’s feet seems to be stuck on the ground, hesitation making his finger fidget against each other. When Johnny notices that Doyoung wasn’t walking beside them, he turns his body to the car. “Doyoung?”

Taeyong turns to him with confusion on his face. “I’m nervous.” Taeyong walks towards Doyoung, reaching out to place an assuring hand on his shoulder. “I’m sure if she was alive right now, she would shower you with love. Don’t worry. I was in your shoes before but remember that Jaehyun is Jaehyun because of his mother.”

They lock eyes for moments before he nods and follows them.

Doyoung aimlessly lets his mind wonder and let his peripheral view follow where the two other men are walking, wondering how Jaehyun’s mother was when she was still alive. Would she have the eyes of starlight? Doyoung remembers that she was a curator at a gallery; was she also a painter? Did she paint romance through her fingertips and created worlds with her art? Doyoung is sure that Jaehyun got his beauty from his mom from what he saw at the picture frame, but he still wonders what other unique peculiarities his mother possess that Jaehyun also has.

“Hey, auntie.” He hears Johnny say as his thoughts get interrupted. They approach a gravestone near a flowerbed and there are a handful of pink carnations resting at the foot of it.

Johnny picks up some stray petals and Taeyong caresses the stone carefully. Doyoung just watches them as they take care of ‘her’ while standing far enough not to interrupt.

Taeyong turns to Doyoung. “Come here.” He says with a smile, and he walks forward. “Auntie, this is Doyoung, Jaehyun’s new boyfriend.” Johnny says softly. “He has an amazing voice and I’m sure you would let him sing every time you would meet.”

Doyoung just stares at the gravestone for moments before Taeyong is nudging him to say something. He flinches in surprise. “Hey auntie, it’s nice to meet you.” Taeyong and Johnny stays silent to give him a moment. “I hope you’re doing well. Don’t worry, I’ll take care of your son for you. Just… can you find my brother and take care of him, too? He likes dark chocolates and cookies. Give him that and he’ll be happy for all eternity.”

They let the wind take away Doyoung’s voice into wherever their souls may be, hoping it would reach their mailboxes or voicemails.

“C’mon, let’s go find him.” Johnny says while tapping Doyoung’s arm. “Bye, auntie. We’ll visit again.”

They walk past the gravestone by Doyoung notices something on the ground. He dropped a knee to look at it closer. “Hyung.” He calls out, and Taeyong and Johnny turns to look at him. “Dried blood.”

Johnny rushes to him to inspect it closely. “It’s probably Jaehyun’s.” Fear and panic show up on both of their faces when they lock eyes.

“We have to hurry then. The safe house is just a 5-minute walk.” Taeyong says as he starts to brisk walk through the forest.

Throughout the walk, he notices red strings around trees with a small heart-shaped bead adorning it. “Why are there strings on the trees?” Doyoung asks as his fingers trace the bark of the trees.

Taeyong looks back at him while walking forward. “Jaehyun believes that every tree is an extension of the Earth, like an arm of some sorts. He calls them the bracelets of Gaia.”

Doyoung hums and smiles. “Jaehyun’s a romantic and a Greek myth nerd. I’m so in love.” He says while he admires all the strings they pass by.

“We will finally see him. Let's walk faster.” Johnny says with determination.

They walk longer and anticipation crawls through Doyoung’s fingertips; he just wants to see Jaehyun again after so long of ignorance and pride. He’s craving for whatever Jaehyun can give him.

For what seemed like forever, a house suddenly emerges on their vision. “Is that it?” Doyoung asks as he starts to walk faster. “Yeah!” Taeyong answers back.

His feet are suddenly running, his heart beat racing like how his feet is padding on the floor in forte. He notices the door was wide open and there are visible blood drops on the snow. He stops at the steps to peek through. “Jaehyun?” He says softly, hesitation coursing through him. He fears footsteps behind him and he calls out again. “Jaehyun?” Louder this time.

He hears it, a small, defeated hum. “Jaehyun!” He shouts, and he runs inside the house, his hesitation finally thrown out to whatever plane it lands on.

He pushes the door and enters the house. “Doyoung? Love?” He hears the voice and he faces the man he’s been wanting to hold.

“Oh, baby.” He was leaning on the wall beside the door, pale and tired. His eyes were glazed over and he has blood smeared across his lip; his left eye was black and swollen, his right cheek has deep scratch marks, and he has a cut at his temple. Doyoung quickly goes on front of Jaehyun and drops down in one knee to look at him directly. He hesitates to hold his cheeks, and Jaehyun notices the fidgeting movements and laughs. “You can hold me.”

Doyoung doesn’t hesitate to cup his cheeks softly, his eyes grazing through Jaehyun’s features. Below all the scars and bruises, he still looks beautiful. “A kiss can be good, too.”

Doyoung laughs and finally leans himself on Jaehyun’s forehead, his eyes closing at the skin he’s been craving for. He feels Jaehyun lean in and suddenly, just like the first time, time stops. Nothing matters at that moment. They tilt the Earth with how radical their love is, and he feels so satisfied. He tastes of blood, but he doesn’t feel the pain; his skin was cold, but he could only feel the warmth his smile brings that creeps in the kiss.

Doyoung separates himself, letting his hand stay and rest on Jaehyun’s cheeks. “We should take you home.” Jaehyun nods. He tries to stand but he flinches.

“I think my ribs are broken.” He says weakly.

Doyoung feels warmth behind him. “Doyoung, I’ll carry him to the car.”

Jaehyun looks at Johnny and smiles at his defeatedly. “Hey, bestie.”

Doyoung stands to give way to Johnny and he notices a tear drop on his cheek. “Don’t ‘hey, bestie’ me. You got me so worried.” He watches Johnny pick Jaehyun up with ease.  Jaehyun notices the tear on Johnny’s cheek and quickly wipes it away with his free hand.

“I miss you too, Jonathan.”

When they step outside the house, he sees Taeyong standing at the foot of the steps, his arms crossed on front of him, nervousness on his face.

“Taeyong.” Jaehyun says weakly and they lock eyes for a moment. Doyoung watches the scene; it was the cliché of pasts meeting presents, the nostalgic aura surrounding them.

“Hi Jaehyun. It’s so nice to see you again, even if you look like this.”

Jaehyun smiles at him as they step down the stairs. “I’m okay, don’t worry. I’ve had worse.”

They walk in silence, Doyoung’s hand holding Jaehyun’s which is wrapped around Johnny’s neck, Taeyong holding all their things.

When they reach the car, Doyoung goes inside first so that Jaehyun could rest his head on Doyoung’s lap. Johnny starts to drive when Jaehyun is breathing in steady rhythms, sleep almost taking over his fatigued body as his eyes start to slowly close.

“We have to take him to the hospital first. I felt his rib and I think he has two broken ribs.” Johnny glances at Doyoung and watches how the man is smiling at Jaehyun with a loving smile, his hand brushing through his hair.

“I’m home.” Jaehyun says as his grip on Doyoung’s shirt tighten.

His heart soars.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> send hate on the comments or my twt @coffeechaelly or @KlMD0YOUNG


	11. Chasing Tomorrow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> All is well

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is filled with dialogue. and this is mostly things getting resolved or closure from the adrenaline from before.
> 
> HA HA AHAHA TOOBADTHISAINTGONNALAST HA HAHAHA AH AHAHA AHAH GOODLUCK
> 
> there will be more drama in the next chapters so bask in the happiness this chapter radiates cuz it'll be gone before you know it

**_ Jaehyun’s POV _ **

_"Mommy, what are those dots on the big ceiling?”_

_7-year-old Jaehyun points at the sky with curiosity._

_"Honey, that isn’t a ceiling, but it’s called a sky.”_

_“Sky?”_

_“Yes. No one knows what lies beyond the sky. All we know is that it’s infinite and it’s beautiful. And those dots are called stars.”_

_“Stars.”_

_“A star lights up the sky in darkness. Just like you, baby. You light up the dark.”_

____

_“Taeyong, have you ever wondered what’s beyond the sky?”_

_Jaehyun holds Taeyong close to him at his bed, basking under the light of the moon, their hands intertwining and their hearts binding together. “No. Why are you asking so suddenly?”_

_“I want to reach that."_

_“But the sky is infinite, Jaehyun. It’s impossible.”_

_Jaehyun gave a small laugh. “That’s why it’s so beautiful. Don’t you ever want to know what’s out there?” Jaehyun looks at Taeyong with a smile_

_“I don’t bother, really.”_

_“That’s alright. No one knows what lies beyond what we see. All I know is that it’s both beautiful and chaotic.”_

_“Chaotic?”_

_Jaehyun’s stays silent for a moment and stares at the sky. “Nevermind.”_

__

Jaehyun feels his body ache and his limbs feel so heavy. But he feels a soft hand he’s so familiar with; he’s memorized every line and curve of this hand that with just a soft touch of those loving fingers, he would feel electricity run through him.

Jaehyun notices he’s lying down first, and then a steady sound of beeping. He sees white and a blinding light. He feels his body being covered by a soft blanket and there are flowers at the corner of the room. Jaehyun looks at the heavy weight on his right hand and he sees Doyoung resting his head on what looks like a hospital bed, his hand holding Jaehyun’s

He watches Doyoung sleep peacefully beside him, his chest rising and falling, his soft hair resting on his forehead, lips in a pout and cheekbones soft to the touch. His free hand gravitates towards his lover, his fingers grazing Doyoung’s soft features; starting from his hair, brushing it away from his face so that he could admire his face further. His fingers trail down to his nose, to his cheeks, and finally to his lips.

Jaehyun always wonder why people are so enamored to lips but looking at Doyoung’s lips makes his heart crave for it. Jaehyun thinks its because lips are in a shape of the heart, love shown through intimacy. And people kiss to fill in the gaps a heart craves for, to fill in what it has always wanted. A smile can make your insides do a summersault, eyes gleaming, fingers craving for touch.

Love is such a peculiar thing; it’s either you are in love or in pain. It’s either you are being embraced with strong arms or being forgotten and turn into dust in a mind you once loved. But people still love despite the pain it brings. Maybe it’s because it makes you feel so alive, so bare in the eyes of life. It makes your heart beat, makes you feel your blood pulsate through your veins, the want to love and the need for your lover keeping you anticipating a life worth living with them.

Doyoung makes Jaehyun feel alive.

In what feels like forever, he finally feels his heart beat, finally feels the embrace, feel the gaps of his heart being filled. Doyoung holds him until he’s being pieced back together, glued by how tight he’s been holding him, keeping him close, telling him that love is something he can give with ease and in degrees.

“You’re my universe.” Jaehyun whispers, but in the hopes of having Doyoung listen.

Doyoung stirs when Jaehyun caresses Doyoung’s hair lovingly. “Jaehyun?” Doyoung says blearily, glazed eyes with sleep.

“Good morning, sleepy head.” He says and Doyoung’s eyes goes wide. He’s suddenly being embraced, and despite the pain he feels on his chest, he doesn’t care if he’s in his lover’s arms.

“You’re finally awake!” He exclaims at the side of his neck and Jaehyun places a tired hand on Doyoung’s back for assurance.

“What do you mean finally?”

Doyoung releases his hold on Jaehyun and he immediately misses the warmth. Doyoung looks at Jaehyun straight in the eye and Jaehyun gets lost in his irises. “You’ve been unconscious for a week. You were so weak, and you lost more blood than expected. I thought I was going to lose you or there was a damage to your body that-“

Jaehyun quickly kisses him to shut him up. When they separate, Doyoung is dumbfounded and Jaehyun is admiring his lovers shocked face. “You're rambling, baby."

“But-“

“I’m okay. I’m here. I’m awake. Isn’t that enough?” Jaehyun says.

“Of course, it’s enough for me.”

“Then stop worrying, yeah?”

Doyoung stares at Jaehyun for a moment, silence shared between them as his lover places a soft hand on his cheek. “Okay.” They kiss again. But it was gone before he realizes that it began. “I’ll just call Johnny and Taeyong and tell them you’re finally awake.” He says, walking towards his bag placed at the corner of the room.

“Taeyong?” Jaehyun sends Doyoung a confused face and Doyoung laughs as he reaches for his phone from inside his bag.

“Tae and I actually get along pretty well.”

Jaehyun smiles at that. He never imagined his two most important people in his life are finally in the same reality as him, not as rivals but as family. “I’m glad you guys are getting along. I’m really happy.”

Doyoung quickly pecks Jaehyun’s lips. “I’ll go call them outside. There isn’t much signal here.” Doyoung says as he walks towards the door.

“But I’ll miss you.”

Doyoung is already outside the door when he comes back to peek his head into the room to smile at Jaehyun with the same loving smile he fell in love with. “I’ll come back to you. I always come back to you.”

__

His favorite professor, Sir Han, is standing at the foot of the hospital bed when he starts scolding Jaehyun like he’s his son. “You should take care of yourself! I got so worried because you didn’t come to class and you’re my star student. You don’t have any absences or lates on your attendance. I was already missing you, and then I suddenly hear from your boyfriend when I came across him at campus that you’re confined in the hospital? Boy, did I run here!”

Jaehyun laughs at how red Sir Han is red from head to his neck despite of the pain he feels inside his chest. Sir Han eventually stops laughing along with him. “I miss you, sir Jung. The class is too boring without you.” Sir Han smiles at him with caring eyes and Jaehyun feels the warmth deep in his chest.

“I miss you, too, sir. I’ll come back to class as soon as I can.”

“No, no!” He waves his hands in front of him. “Give yourself time to heal.”

“How about my grades, sir?”

“I’ll talk to the principle about your circumstances. I’m sure they’ll consider my request since you are one of the best students in your course.” Sir Han glances at the side towards Doyoung with a mischievous smile. “Plus, your boyfriend is part of the top three of the university. He has the power to sway anyone in the administration. He’s astonishing.”

Doyoung laughs at the side, standing up to reach for a bottle of water and takes a sip from it quickly. Jaehyun watches how Doyoung’s nervousness show with admiration. “I’m not using my boyfriend to have a golden pass through the university.”

“I don’t mind, honestly.” Doyoung says and Sir Han laughs loudly. “It’s true that I have the power to sway.”

“Stop, Doyoung.” Jaehyun laughs as he watches his lover put down the bottle and approach his bed, brushing Jaehyun’s hair.

“Let me spoil you, Jae. It’s the least I can do.” Doyoung says as he caresses Jaehyun’s cheek.

They hear Sir Han coo. “I’ll leave you guys to it then. I’ll talk to the principle. And I’ll use Mister Kim here as your golden pass.” Sir Han winks as he walks out.

“Please, don’t!” Jaehyun shouts before the door closes completely.

Doyoung watches the door close but all Jaehyun is doing is look at his own lover's smile. He missed this, looking at how Doyoung radiates happiness, radiates love like how the moon glows softly.  He's so in love, so whipped, so everything that a mole on Doyoung makes his heart beat that his pulse cannot bear.

Jaehyun has never felt so much love before. He thinks he can finally love in degrees that can match how Doyoung loves to create suns and stars with his hands. Maybe this is how being so lonely makes you, that a mere man changes his world completely. He feels so happy and sated, and he has never felt so relaxed before, never felt so at peace with himself.

Jaehyun has always felt the uncertainty that life was never meant for him. Everything that has ever happened to him makes him think that he wasn't meant to be born, wasn't meant to live such a luxurious life. Being a boy born outside of the marriage, the abuse when his mother left, the brainwashing he endured to hate himself further, Taeyong leaving him; every problem escalated, and he's been so at edge. He's being pushed further off the edge and one step may be his last breath. But now he thinks that life is worth it; worth so much more than how much the universe is fated to be created.

"Jaehyun?" Doyoung interrupts his line of thought, his eyes looking through Jaehyun's.

"Huh?"

"Are you okay? I asked if you want any food from burger king."

"I'm okay. I just wanted to look at you because I've missed you."

Doyoung laughs and closes his eyes, cringing probably by how cheesy Jaehyun is. "Please, stop."

"I'll stop if you kiss me." Jaehyun gives him a smile and Doyoung smiles back.

"Okay." And Doyoung leans in, their eyes closing slowly. He wants every moment they kiss to last forever because that's the only time where they fully intertwine, their love colliding and creating a supernova so beautiful and so chaotic. Jaehyun doesn't believe in soulmates, but he thinks that you would only know what a soulmate is when you finally bare your soul to someone grander than you.

Doyoung is so much more than Jaehyun, he knows it. And loves how Doyoung is towering over him with so much kindness and humility. He thinks that he's satisfied with following Doyoung from behind if he's there to hold him close. Jaehyun just wants to watch the love of his life soar because he knows that Doyoung will take Jaehyun with him to whatever plain they land on. If Doyoung wanted to reach the stars, he would be willing to hold himself until they reach the end of the universe.

They both separate with a loving smile and soft eyes, and he looks at the universe Doyoung possesses.

"Get me a whopper and an extra-large coke."

"That'll go to your thighs, baby."

"I need something greasy in my system. The hospital food is making my body too healthy. I think it's going into a withdrawal state." Jaehyun clenched his stomach dramatically and Doyoung laughs.

"Noted, greasy boy." Jaehyun watches Doyoung leave the room.

Moments later Taeyong comes in with a plastic bag on his hands. Jaehyun would be blind if he didn't notice how sad Taeyong's smile is, not reaching his ears.

"Hey, handsome." Taeyong says as he places the plastic in the table on front of him. "Got you your favorite."

Jaehyun reaches for it carefully and he pulls out his favorite strawberry milk drink, still moist from the cold. "Thanks, Tae."

"Anything for you, Jae."

Jaehyun inserts the straw and sips on it gingerly.

"Jaehyun?"

Jaehyun looks up to meet Taeyong's gaze. "Yeah?"

Taeyong sits on the chair where Doyoung would sit. "I'm sorry."

He gives Taeyong a confused eye. "What do you mean? You didn't do anything wrong."

"I know. It's just... I feel like I did something wrong since you're hurting now."

Jaehyun raises his free hand to caress Taeyong's cheek. Taeyong flinches but doesn't move away. "You didn't do anything wrong. Believe me." Taeyong nods, defeated but he could finally breathe. 

"How are you and Doyoung?"

"We're great. We resolved whatever fight we had."

"That's good." Taeyong nods as he averts his eyes to look somewhere else. "He's great."

"I know he is."

"He's great for you. Doyoung's so in love with you."

"I know." Jaehyun looks out the window, the sun peeking out to the snow-covered trees. 

"I hope you guys work it out." He could feel Taeyong turn to him and Jaehyun meets him half-way.

"I hope so to."

Taeyong starts to stand up to leave. "I should get going." He says as he grabs for his bag beside the hospital bed. Before Taeyong could leave, Jaehyun grabs for his hand to stop him. Taeyong turns to see Jaehyun looking at him with a smile.

Jaehyun knows that Taeyong is still in love with him, and it would be a lie if he says that he doesn't have feelings for him too. But it's a mere linger of thought left, a memory he misses so dearly. Taeyong may be important to him, but he doesn't love him the way he did yesterday. Jaehyun and Taeyong was for each other; people doesn't see them apart. But they weren't fated to be together. Life works that way - life doesn't care if you want someone if you're fated for someone else. And Jaehyun finally understands because they won't be happy if they remain to be in each other's arms. They can't tie each other together and force that they are destined when the string you used was connected to someone else, and Jaehyun understands. So, he finally let himself go, and he hopes Taeyong would let go, too.

"Promise me something." Jaehyun says and Taeyong stays quiet for a moment before he nods. "Be happy." Jaehyun could see tears trying to break through on Taeyong's eyes and Jaehyun couldn't help but rub his thumb through the back of his hand. "Treat yourself to everything you've been wanting and do everything that makes you happy." He stares at the tears that are running through Taeyong's cheek. "I hate seeing my star burn out. I'll miss you."

"Thank you, Jaehyun." Taeyong's words shivered and Jaehyun could feel him fall apart and be put back together. "I promise. I'll stay in this reality as long as you live."

"No, Taeyong, live for yourself."

Taeyong rubs the tears away with his free hand. "Alright. I'll do that."

**_ Doyoung's POV _ **

"Be happy."

Doyoung hears Jaehyun say to Taeyong. He didn't mean to eavesdrop on their conversation but once Doyoung hears Taeyong crying, he just doesn't want to ruin their moment.

"I hate seeing my star burn out. I'll miss you." Doyoung's heart breaks not because he thinks that Jaehyun is saying those words because he is still in love with Taeyong, but because he could feel the pain Taeyong feels. He must be in so much pain; watching his ex-lover be with someone else when you yourself haven't given yourself the time to breath would make any person feel like breaking apart. Jaehyun must feel sad for Taeyong, that he has finally moved on but Taeyong hasn't. Jaehyun must want to remind Taeyong that he is meant for someone else, fated to be with someone who will touch him delicately and whisper love like it was the most intimate thing that have existed.

_I'll miss you._

Doyoung felt that in his heart because he just realized how pure his lover is. He finally lays his heart out for everyone to see, and Doyoung watched it unfold, pride filling up his heart and he could finally remove the uneasiness in his chest. 

The door opens as Taeyong steps out of the room. Taeyong had tears on his cheeks when their eyes meet. "Take care of him for me."

Doyoung smiles at him as he hands him his handkerchief and Taeyong hesitates before he reaches for it. Taeyong wipes away what's left of his tears and gives back his handkerchief with a small smile, and Doyoung smiles back. "You don't have to ask." Doyoung says as he places a firm hand on Taeyong's shoulder and passes by him to enter the room.

Jaehyun is looking out the window with a soft smile and Doyoung realizes that his lover didn't feel him come in. He watches Jaehyun like he's a work of art, a painting made by Vincent Van Gogh himself. He was everything beautiful and everything that was created, and Doyoung can't help but feel so lucky to have such a beautiful being be present in his lifetime. Doyoung just watches Jaehyun as he sees his lover play with his own fingers, his eyes lingering to every detail outside the window. 

He could write about sunsets and flowers but Doyoung thinks he prefers to write how Jaehyun glows in the darkest moments and holds him when he's breaking apart. He would write about how Jaehyun holds his flowers like it's the most delicate thing to have existed and look at how beams shine over him. If the sun was on the east, Jaehyun would be the sunset towering over the sky, golden and beautiful. He would write about the soft lines on Jaehyun's back and the small constellations on his chest. He would write about how his fingers intertwine with his and how fate was for them to dictate to life so that life could leave them alone to be happy together.

And Doyoung has never felt so happy in his life. Jaehyun makes him so happy, a mere man present in his life has given him the greatest feeling a human could feel. He's thankful, whispering gratitude on Jaehyun's lips as they hold each other high. Gravity keeps them together, but they would rather fly with their hands clasped together and their heart sealed by strings of fate. Doyoung knows that they are meant to shine, meant to give life, meant to live. They are meant to live, for each other and for those around them.

Doyoung feels so worthy, feels so important that he could finally feel the universe in his heart finally feeling alive. It took him years to realize it and he's could finally release all ill-feelings he has and throw it to the past he has left behind.

Doyoung finally makes his presence known, coughing softly. Jaehyun turns his eyes in surprise as they stare at each other. "How long have you been there?" Jaehyun asks.

Doyoung laughs. "Long enough to fall in love again." Doyoung places the plastic of food on the table. "C'mon. Let's fill you up with grease." 

__

Jaehyun has been in the hospital for two weeks, and within those weeks he had classmates following him whenever he would come from class to visit his lover. He had Jaehyun's professors visiting with gift baskets and folders of missed homework; Jaehyun would grunt in frustration every time one of his professors step in the hospital. Ten visited with a whole plastic bag of mild-spicy ramen with a small bow tied to seal the plastic. Jaehyun fakes a cry and the room erupts in laughter when he shows what's inside of it.

Jaehyun was in his last days of being confined in the hospital and Doyoung receives a call from his parents while he was fixing his things to bring to the hospital.

"Yeah, mom?" Doyoung places his phone between his shoulder and his ear while he folds his clothes neatly.

 _"We're visiting your apartment. You better be there."_  His mom says firmly and Doyoung's face turn into surprise.

"Now?" He says.

_"Yes! You left us so abruptly during new year's. You haven't even opened your gifts yet."_

"But mom-"

_"Don't 'but' me, Dongyoung. We're coming over. We're five minutes away, anyways."_

Doyoung sighs and gives up retaliating. "Okay. Whatever. I'll see you."

The call ends and the packing ends with it. He places his bag on the couch as he shoots a text to Johnny.

To Johnny: I might come late. My parents are coming over to the apartment.

It take moments before Johnny is replying back.

From Johnny: Your boyfriend is complaining.

To Johnny: Tell him to stop whining. This'll be quick.

From Johnny: I'm not kissing him tonight - Jung Jaehyun, 2018

From Johnny: good luck with that haha

He was about to reply when there was a sudden knock at his front door. He puts down the phone to walk to the door. When he opens the door, he sees his mother smiling already with a paper bag on her hands.

"Dongyoung, give your mom a hug."

Doyoung hugs his mother by the waist as she wraps her arms around his neck. "Hey, mom." Doyoung looks at his dad. "Hey, dad."

They come in the apartment, complaining about the mess that is the kitchen and dust piling up on his shelf of books. "Don't you ever clean up here? Don't you ever have visitors?" His mother says as she wipes away dust from their family picture.

"I haven't been cleaning much because I'm staying somewhere else for the past weeks."

"Which is where?" His mother turns to him with anger a mother can only possess.

In fear, Doyoung doesn't filter his words. "I'm always with my boyfriend." He places a hand on his mouth when he realizes what he said.

"Boyfriend?" His mother smiles as she exclaims. Doyoung could feel his father place a hand on his shoulder and he turn to look at him.

"You finally have a boyfriend?" His father smiles at that.

"Please don't interrogate me." Doyoung could feel his face turn red.

His parents coo at him. “My son is blushing. What’s his name?” His father asks.

“Jaehyun.”

“Where does he study?” His mother asks next.

“Same uni.”

“What’s his course?” His father asks again, and he could feel his heart pound inside his chest.

“Is this an interview?”

“We just want to know who our son is dating.” His mother says excitedly.

Doyoung sighs in defeat. “Do you want to meet him?” Doyoung asks and his parents says ‘yes’ in unison.

“Fine. But I’ll drive.”

__

His parents give him a confused look when he enters the parking lot of the hospital. “What are we doing here?” His father says at the passenger’s seat.

“He’s injured pretty badly. I won’t go in detail.” And his parents understood not to push their son.

They walk inside the hospital and when the nurse at the reception spots him, she smiles at him. “Welcome back, sir Kim. Your boyfriend is whining for you, again.”

Doyoung laughs at her. “Thanks, noona.”

“Anything for you, sir. And who are the new visitors?” She smiles at his parents and they smile back.

“My parents.” Doyoung says and the nurse smiles wider.

“Good afternoon, Mr. and Mrs. Kim. Enjoy your visit.” The nurse goes back to her work and they walk together to Jaehyun’s room.

Doyoung knocks on the door and Jaehyun shouts from the inside. “I don’t like you!”

Doyoung laughs with how Jaehyun whines. “Jaehyun, please!” Doyoung fake-begs from outside. He knows their making too much noise, but the nurses at their floor don’t care anymore by how much noise the room always becomes whenever there are visitors; it makes the hospital feel livelier the doctors would say, and they’re left with the happiness they create inside the too-white walls of the building.

“No! Stay outside!” Jaehyun replies and his parents give Doyoung a confused look.

“What’s happening?”

Doyoung smiles at them. “Jaehyun’s whining.”

Doyoung lets himself in and Jaehyun throws a piece of tissue at him that Doyoung expertly catches. He sees Johnny and Ten sit at the couch, and they watch their banters with a laugh. “I said I don’t like you!” Jaehyun says and he laughs. But it quickly dies down when his parents enter the room.

“My parents are here.” Doyoung says and Jaehyun’s face turn into surprise.

“Uh- “Jaehyun is speechless at the hospital bed and Doyoung continues to smile. He watches his parents’ step inside the room, their confused faces turn into gratitude.

“Mom, dad, this is Jaehyun.”

His mother approaches the bed and she reaches out her hand to Jaehyun. He hesitates, his hand slowly rising. His mother takes the initiative and shakes his hand with a firm grip.

“I-I… Hello I’m uh…” Jaehyun looks at him. “Doyoung, what’s my name again?”

Doyoung laughs and he sees both of his parents laugh with him. “Your name is Jung Jaehyun, baby. Are you okay?” Doyoung stands at the opposite side of his mother and brushes his hand on Jaehyun’s hair.

“Right. Hello I’m…” Jaehyun swallows. “Jaehyun.”

His father stands at the foot of the bed and smiles at him. “Don’t feel so tense, son.” His father taps Jaehyun’s foot, assuring and loving.

“Yeah. If Doyoung loves you, then we love you already. Don’t feel nervous around us, Jaehyun.”

And that’s how Jaehyun relaxes, looking at the loving smile his mother gave and the confidence his father would show. Doyoung sits beside Johnny, watching how the conversation between his lover and his parents grow.

“Why didn’t you say that your parents would come?”

Doyoung shrugs. “I don’t know. Maybe, I just wanted to let my parents know how lovely he is. He deserves to be bragged about.”

Ten laughs beside Johnny. “You’re so whipped.”

__

His parents stay until visiting hours are finished. “Jaehyun, you’re so lovely.” His father says as he stands beside the door, his hand resting on the doorknob.

“I hope we can eat dinner some time at the house.” His mother caresses Jaehyun’s cheek with so much love and he watch his lover’s cheeks turn a shade of pink.

Jaehyun looks at Doyoung. “If Doyoung allows me.”

“Psh! Even if Doyoung doesn’t want to, I would force him to bring you.”

Doyoung pushes his mother towards her father. “Alright, bye!” His parents laugh at him as his father opens the door for them. “Jaehyun, I’ll just drive them to my apartment, then I’ll come back.”

Jaehyun looks at him. “I’ll miss you.”

“I’ll come back as quickly as I can.”

And Doyoung is out the door, following his parents as they leave the hospital.

“He’s great, Jaehyun.” His mother says when they drive back to his apartment.

“I know.” He knows his cheeks are turning red again, and his father laughs.

“You must be so in love.” His father says as he pats Doyoung shoulder.

“I really am.” He says as he remembers how Jaehyun’s hold would keep him sated.

“I’m really happy for you, baby.” His mother said, putting a hand on his cheek from the backseat.

And Doyoung can’t help but feel warmth burn inside him with how much his parents are radiating love. It doesn’t feel empty anymore; before, they would shower him with love, but there was always this gap that his brother should fill, a gap where his brother should have showered him with love too. But now his heart has healed, has moved on with the memory of his brother remaining, surrounding them as a guardian angel. Death doesn’t feel like a burden anymore, doesn’t feel like a loss. His brother may be gone, but Doyoung feels like he’s still here in the form of love.

_‘Don’t hesitate to love in degrees that people cannot comprehend. It’s better to give love than feel numb.’_

Doyoung felt that, how his brother loved the universe in degrees that it killed him. But he was right. Feeling numb is the same as being dead – there is nothing that can replace feeling alive than love itself.

“I’m happy, too.” And Doyoung could say that he meant it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To commemorate me getting SEVENTEEN IDEAL CUT IN MANILA tickets, i wanted to extend my happiness to my readers. i'm really happy to get tickets minutes before it got sold out. i'm one of the lucky people to get tickets and i will use this opportunity to extend my gratitude. to those who didn't get tickets, you will have your time eventually, you will watch them live eventually.
> 
> ok so send hate at the comments or my twt @coffeechaelly @KlMD0YOUNG


	12. No Consequences

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A dare was made where Doyoung wishes he didn't make

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lol i changed my chapter titles to the lyrics of time bomb by all time low hahaha
> 
> there will be other ships mentioned here, but it's merely just a conversation starter of some sorts hahaha some nct members will be mentioned too but they only get a few lines. i might actually have their own "screen time" if the plot allows me to, but im sure it doesnt haha
> 
> anyways, it took me awhile to update but here it is.

  ** _Jaehyun’s POV_**

He has Doyoung hold his bag at his shoulder as he enters the lecture hall. He’s finally healed – sort of. Jaehyun’s ribs are still in the process of healing, and the scar on his temple is scabbing, but the small scratches and the bruises are completely gone. Jaehyun wanted to go back to class for so long; being cooped inside a hospital room, being taken care of, and sleeping too much really made his muscle sore, and Jaehyun just wanted to seep in the sunshine with his feet grounded.

“Careful!” Doyoung says by his side when he doesn’t notice a bag right at his feet. Jaehyun stops and looks at Doyoung.

“Stop doting on me, Doyoung. I’m not broken, just weak.” He says with a small smile.

“But that’s the point! You’re weak and if you fall, you might not get to stand up.” He says, worry at his tone.

“I’m sure my classmates wouldn’t mind helping me.” He says as he looks around the classroom to see if any of his classmates notice his presence.

He sees Taeil, a physics major, lock eyes with him, and they smile widely in unison.

“Jaehyun!” He shouts from across the room, and the rest of his classmates spots him at the door.

Jaehyun starts walking towards his usual seat; beside the window where he could see the sun change its position but right by the front, so he could focus on the lesson. Doyoung follows him as he sits down, and he eventually drops the bag beside him. His classmates surround him with smiles.

“We’ve missed you, Jaehyun.” The scholar, Na Jaemin, says as he presses a soft hand on his shoulder. He always wonders how Jaemin manages to keep up with college when he’s merely seventeen.

“I missed you guys, too.” He says genuinely. He locks eyes with his lover, whose standing right beside him, and Doyoung smiles at him.

“I’ll go. My class is at the other side of campus.”

Even before his lover could walk away, Jaehyun grabs Doyoung’s hand and pulls him for a kiss. The kiss goes on like forever, and they only stop when Jaehyun’s classmates start to coo. They separate with a blush on Doyoung cheeks.

“Don’t do that again.” Doyoung says as he tries to cover his cheeks.

“I can’t help it when you’re so beautiful.” Doyoung rolls his eyes.

“Get a room!” Everyone in the room turn to the door of the classroom, and spots Sir Han smiling at them. “It seems that my star student has come back to class.” He says as he places his bag on the teacher’s table.

Doyoung is already at the door when Sir Han calls out for him. “Doyoung!” His lover turns around to gaze at his professor. “Thank you for talking to the principle about Jaehyun. Now, Jaehyun doesn’t need to take the exams.”

Doyoung drops his head and Jaehyun looks at him. “What?!” He shouts. “Doyoung!” Doyoung smiles at him embarrassingly.

“I’ll see you later!” Doyoung runs away, and everyone but him laughs at the scene.

“Alright! If you don’t want to fail your final essays, sit the fuck down!” Sir Han shouts from the board and everyone quickly goes to their seats. Sir Han looks at Jaehyun as he pulls out his notebook from his bag. “Sir Jung, I did say that you won’t be needing to take your midterm exams, but you will be writing 6 essays to compensate for you absence.” The class erupts in laughter and Jaehyun just basks in it. “Welcome back.” Sir Han smiles at him.

“Glad to be back, Sir.”

**_ Doyoung’s POV _ **

He’s running through the football field when he spots Johnny in sports attire, sweating and heaving. Doyoung and Johnny sees each other and they both stop. Johnny raises his hand to his teammates to make a ‘time out’ sign and jogs to Doyoung.

“Doyoung, did Jaehyun get to class safe?”

Doyoung nods. “Yeah. Made sure of it.”

Johnny hums in acknowledgement and he wipes away the sweat that was slowly dripping to his eyes. “Have dinner with us tonight at the apartment.” Johnny offers.

“Sure, but I would be late. I’m going to the mall to buy Jaehyun’s late Christmas and early birthday gift.”

“Birthday? But it’s not until two weeks from now.”

“I know, but I plan on doing something else for valentine’s day.” Doyoung says and Johnny smiles at him mischievously.

“Alright then, lover boy. Just text me for updates.”

Doyoung smiles. “Will do. I must get going. I’m late.”

“Oh, of course. Sure.”

“See you tonight.” He says as he runs towards his building.

“See you.” He hears Johnny shout before a whistle resounds through the field.

__

From Jaehyun: Lunch together?

He’s mostly through the essay his professor challenged everyone to make under 10 minutes about the beauty of Greek Epics. Doyoung finishes with a metaphorical reference of Epics to its astronomical counterpart, a supernova, and quickly fixes his things. He stands, grabs his bag to swing it on to his shoulder, and walks towards his professor who is fixated on the book on his hands. Doyoung stands on front of the teacher’s table.

“Sir.” Doyoung says quietly. His professor looks up to Doyoung.

“Of course, you would be done so fast, Sir Kim.”

“It was fairly easy.” Doyoung smiles and he smiles back.

“As expected. You are dismissed, Sir Kim.”

Doyoung places his paper on the table and his professor goes back to his reading when he steps out of the room. Doyoung is already walking through the field, the sun shining over him and the wind rushing through the gaps of his skin, when he sends a text to his lover.

To Jaehyun: I’ll wait on front of your classroom.

To Jaehyun: Do you want me to buy you something for lunch? I’m out of class early.

Doyoung stops at the shade of a tree and ruffles through his hair to shake off the heat of the sun. He waits for Jaehyun’s reply, staring at the candid picture he took of Jaehyun on his lockscreen. It was when he was just discharged from the hospital. He was standing coincidentally between two trees that was in the distance, and the sun was setting beautifully over him. Fate really did surprise Doyoung; he finally believed that what he wrote was true, that if the sun was at the east, Jaehyun was the sunset, gold and beautiful. When Doyoung was about to take the picture, Jaehyun turns his head to the side, showing the features of his face from the side, that beautiful nose he loves to peck kisses on, the jaw he admires – and maybe his mouth waters whenever he sees it – and the cheeks he loves caressing. Doyoung quickly captures the moment; it was like a kiss he wants to keep for forever.

Doyoung was still staring at the screen when a notification comes up.

From Jaehyun: I’m craving for some chipotle.

Doyoung laughs at that. Jaehyun has been gaining weight, but Doyoung thinks that it’s okay because the softness of Jaehyun’s skin and the roundness of his cheeks makes Doyoung want to hold him, a cloud for himself.

To Jaehyun: Noted, fatass.

From Jaehyun: Your fatass.

To Jaehyun: Whatever. I’ll see you on front of your classroom, my lovely fatass.

__

Doyoung is being dragged up the stairs, the plastic of food at his hand.

“Where are we going?” Doyoung asks, but every time he does, Jaehyun just dismisses it with a ‘just wait.’

Doyoung feels himself heave from all the steps they have been climbing. He sighs a breath of relief when he spots a door where the stairs end. Jaehyun pushes the metal door open and continues to drag him.

“Oh, wow.” Doyoung says as he spots the mini green house on the rooftop. It didn’t have walls, but there was a shade covering the plants there. It was all sorts of flowers, succulents, and cacti. “How do you know about this place?”

“One of my classmates, Lee Jeno – he’s also a physics major, and a young scholar – has an older brother who’s a biology major. One of Mark’s majors is botany, and this is his project.”

Jaehyun sits on the cemented ground that was also covered by the shade, carnations and tulips surrounding them both. Doyoung places the plastic on front of Jaehyun as he sits beside him, his legs crossed under him.

“Lee Jeno?  Isn’t he seventeen?”

“Yeah. How do you know him?”

“He was with me when all the university scholars had a dinner party with the principle.”

Jaehyun rolls his eyes. “Whatever, smarty pants.”

Doyoung laughs. “Aren’t you classmates with his boyfriend?”

Jaehyun looks at him with confusion. “Jeno has a boyfriend?”

Doyoung opens the plastic container of his food and takes a bite of off it. “You didn’t know? They’re the talk of the town. They’re really cute together.”

Jaehyun takes a bite, too. “Who is it?” Jaehyun says with his mouth full.

“Don’t talk when your mouth is full.” Doyoung says and Jaehyun nods an apology. “It’s Na Jaemin, the other young scholar.”

Jaehyun widens his eyes in surprise. “I thought he was dating that Chinese kid. The international relations major kid who won in the national debate.”

“Renjun? Yeah, he’s also dating Renjun. Jeno is also dating Renjun.”

“Wait… So Jeno, Jaemin, and Renjun are in a relationship?”

Doyoung takes a big bite out of his food. “Something like that.” Doyoung says with his mouth full.

“You tell me to not talk with my mouth full, but you do it yourself. Hypocrite.”

Doyoung laughs at that as he swallows his food. “Sorry.” They stay silent for awhile as they devour their food, the wind as their music. “I guess love is a funny thing, huh?” Doyoung says out of the blue.

“What do you mean?” Jaehyun is already finished with his food, placing it inside the plastic properly.

“Have you ever thought of life without love?”

Doyoung knows Jaehyun is looking at the side of his face, but Doyoung is watching the clouds pass by. “No…”

“Well, I have, I think that life is dull.”

“And filled with hate?”

“No, no. When there is the absence of love, there is also the absence of hate. No one knows what hate is when the concept of love does not exist.”

Jaehyun hums, fixing Doyoung’s container of food, putting in inside the plastic bag, and places it to the side. Jaehyun stretches his legs on front of him. “You’re being a smartass again.” Jaehyun says, and Doyoung faces his lover.

“Sorry.” Doyoung says, but Jaehyun places a soft hand on his cheek.

“It’s okay. I like it.”

Doyoung smiles as he feels the warmth of Jaehyun’s hands.

__

“This looks familiar, huh?” Jaehyun says when Doyoung is lying down on Jaehyun’s thigh.

Doyoung laughs softly as scoots closer to Jaehyun’s body. “The difference is that I know you love me without me having to hear it from you.”

They lock eyes and Doyoung watches Jaehyun’s eyes linger through his features.

“You know, I had a dream when I was in the hospital. It really made me happy and hopeful.” Jaehyun holds Doyoung hand that was resting on his chest.

“Care to share?” Doyoung softly runs circles through the back of Jaehyun’s hand.

“We got married.” Jaehyun looks out to the horizon, the sky changing throughout the time they were there. There was a long stretch of silence and Jaehyun knows Doyoung is waiting for him. “We were dancing to a song that isn’t really considered romantic because it was a pop rock song I always listen to.”

“What was it?”

“It’s called ‘The Edge of Tonight.’ But when we danced to it, it was slow, and it was played in the piano. And everyone there just vanished when we were dancing. I remember I saw the universe in your eyes while the stars were rushing through us. It was beautiful.” Jaehyun looks at Doyoung who was looking at him. “You were beautiful.”

Doyoung smiles lovingly, and Jaehyun know he has said this a thousand times, but he has an infinite amount of chances to say it – he falls in love again.

“Do you think it’ll come true?” Jaehyun asks as Doyoung closes his eyes with a smile on his face, contented and relaxed.

“The universe is a mystery, Jaehyun. All I know is that we’re destined to be together.” Doyoung opens his eyes again.  “Do you think so?”

“I think I was destined to be with the universe.” Jaehyun caresses Doyoung’s cheeks with his free hand.

“And I think I was destined to be with a curious traveler of the cosmos; an explorer”

Jaehyun laughs as he gazes back to the sky and Doyoung follows, staring at the clouds and what’s beyond it. “I guess love is a funny thing.”

Silence was left between them with just the music of the wind left. He really loves moments like these; his head is resting on Jaehyun’s thigh makes him feel safe and secure, just like how home should be. And if you were to ask Doyoung what home was, he would say it was how Jaehyun would always smell like coconuts because of the hand cream he uses. He would say it’s the way Jaehyun would sing whenever he showers like the bathroom is his concert. They say that when you’re in love, you also love the little things. Doyoung didn’t believe in it before, always thought that the little things don’t matter, something miniscule shouldn’t be bothered. But now that he is so in love, so whipped for Jaehyun, he thinks that everything miniscule is large enough to catch him when he falls.

“Jaehyun?” Doyoung says within the silence they shared. Jaehyun looks at Doyoung, and he meets him halfway. He sees how Jaehyun’s eyes especially sparkle for him.

“Yeah, baby?” Jaehyun says, brushing a stray hair away from his face.

“I really love you. You don’t have to say it back. I understand that-“ Doyoung’s sentence was cut off by Jaehyun’s hand. And he sees Jaehyun’s face turn into love.

“I love you, too.” Jaehyun removes his hand on Doyoung’s mouth to reach for Doyoung’s hand and place kiss at the back of it. It was sweet, so sweet that Doyoung’s body involuntarily raises into a sitting position and twisting his body to kiss Jaehyun.

He doesn’t care that his free hand was taking all the weight of his torso, he doesn’t care that he’s using the strength of his core to keep himself up, as long as he has his lips on Jaehyun. It was the way Jaehyun move against him. But it wasn’t a competition to find dominance; it was the universe saying they were finally loving each other with the same degree, the same feeling of greatness that love brings. It kept Doyoung moving, wanting to feel all the love Jaehyun could give, and giving it back with the same whisper of intimacy.

They separate moments later, and Doyoung wishes it would last.

“I love you.” Jaehyun whispers, intimate, a mere breath of longingness, and Doyoung just smiles, kissing him again until it was time for them to go back to class and think about how they could tilt the earth and create universes with their hands intertwined.

__

Doyoung is roaming around the mall earlier than expected, his last few classes cancelling because his professors was either too lazy or stuck in traffic.

He’s been to five retail stores and can’t seem to find the perfect gift for Jaehyun’s birthday. He has always imagined that if he was to have a boyfriend and celebrate their birthday, Doyoung would have a surprise party with Jaehyun’s closest friends and maybe drink until they're passed out on the streets. Doyoung would be making out with his lover, and maybe sex can be in the end game. But now that he’s in an actual serious relationship, he wants every milestone an important one. Doyoung has his mind swimming with ideas, but all those ideas would be scratched off the list because it’s either too shallow or too extravagant.

Doyoung may not want to admit this, but he really wants to show the world that Jaehyun is his and his only. He wants to give him something that he could wear; a ring would be too early in their relationship, even if it was a promise ring. He wants it to be memorable, something he could look back to and make him think about how loved and cared for he is. It could be a reminder that there is someone who loves him, an extension of how much he is so in love with him. He goes back to when Jaehyun finally tells him those three words he’s been so anxious to hear. He imagines that if Jaehyun would say it, he would be jumping in joy, shouting to the world that Jaehyun does love him. But Doyoung just merely speaks it through a kiss. Doyoung was so caught off guard, his heart pounding out his chest, his hands tremble, craving for his lover’s touch. He could feel his own cheeks turn pink, and he doesn't want to embarrass himself in the middle of the mall.

His thoughts get interrupted by Jaehyun texting him.

From Jaehyun: Johnny said you’ll be coming over for dinner.

To Jaehyun: Yeah. But I’ll be a bit late.

From Jaehyun: That’s alright. As long as I see you again, I’m satisfied.

Doyoung slips his phone into his pocket and stops on front of a jewelry store. He spots the rings displayed on the front, diamonds glaring and shining at him. His wallet suddenly feels so light at his pocket when he sees the small print of the price.

“Anything you’re interested in?” A woman approaches him, probably a worker from inside the store. Doyoung shakes his head with a no.

“I can’t afford that kind of price.” He says. The woman gestures for Doyoung to come in the store.

“We have others that might be fit for your budget but still be elegant for your girlfriend.”

“Boyfriend, actually.” Doyoung corrects, and the woman simply smiles.

“As long as you love him, then there will be something fit for how much you truly love him.”

The woman steps back inside the store and Doyoung follows her. She brings him to one of the glass cases. “So, what is the occasion and your budget, sir?”

Doyoung stares at the various bracelets, necklaces, rings, and earring displayed, and he thinks that everything in the glass case could pay off his tuition fees.

“Something between one hundred to one hundred fifty dollars. It’s his birthday. I really want something he can wear. Not a ring; it’s too early to give him something that symbolic.” Another clerk walks towards them. The man smiles at him.

“Something for your boyfriend?” He says, and Doyoung nods. The clerk looks at the woman and smiles at her. “I’ll take it from here.” He goes back to looking at Doyoung. “I have a boyfriend myself. So, I know what our men like.” The woman bows at Doyoung and walks away. “Follow me, sir.” The clerk walks towards another case and Doyoung follows him. “I know what you mean that you want him to wear something. It means the you want to tell the world that he’s yours, am I right?”

“Yeah.” Doyoung says shyly, and the clerk laughs.

“No need to be shy. I did the same thing with my boyfriend.”

“What did you give him?” Doyoung asks, and the clerk points at the glass between them.

“That.” It was a silver bracelet made into small chains, and two heart charms in the middle that had a thin strip of silver in the middle.

“A charm bracelet?”

“Yeah. It’s cute, if you think about it. The charms can be replaced with something else, and the silver strip can be engraved with anything you want us to engrave.” Doyoung’s eyes are fixated on the bracelet and imagines it on Jaehyun’s thin wrists. It would look so good with his white skin, and it would look better when Jaehyun’s are intertwined with his. “So, you like it?” The clerk asks and Doyoung merely nods.

“Can I see the charms?” He takes out a wooden box and opens it for Doyoung. It had all sorts of charms lined up in lines. Every charm looks elegant, the silver shining at him.

“See anything you like?” Doyoung traces through every charm in the box and he spot a star shaped charm. It looked childish at first, but when Doyoung reaches out for it and holds it within his fingertips, he sees the swirls of dust in the center of it. Doyoung is reminded of how Jaehyun’s eyes shine for him, how every fiber of Jaehyun represents a cosmic being, and he decides that this is it.

“I’ll take this.” Doyoung gives the star to the clerk and he smiles.

“Good choice, Sir. He must like the stars.”

Doyoung smiles. “He’s an astronomy major because of it.”

“That’s cute. He’ll be really happy.” The clerk hands him a small sheet of paper and a pen. “Place here what you want us to engrave.”

Doyoung holds the pen between his fingers and stares at the paper for a moment. He thinks about it, a phrase so simple but so striking.

Doyoung quickly writes ‘My Explorer’ on the paper, remembering their conversation just hours before. It flatters Doyoung that Jaehyun considers him as his universe; Jaehyun thought of Doyoung as what he has been wanting to reach for so long.

He hands the paper to the clerk and he smiles. “Lovely. This will take 30 minutes, and don’t worry, this is within your budget.” He says with a smile as he takes the star and the sheet of paper with him to the door at the back of the store.

He steps out of the store and glances at his wrist to look at the time. He sees his wrist bare and remembers he left his watch at his other bag. Doyoung grabs for his phone while walking towards the nearest café to pass the time. When he opens his phone to see the time and the picture of Jaehyun, he bumps into someone which made his phone fly off his hand.

“Hey! Watch it!” The voice said. It was dark and angry, and for a moment, Doyoung felt scared. Doyoung reaches for his phone but the man grabs it before he could even bend over properly. “I’m not hearing an apology?”

Doyoung looks at the man properly. He was tall, and obviously fit. But he was old, and he looked like he had permanent anger lines on his face. He could see the man’s face twist into more anger, and Doyoung quickly bows. “I’m sorry, sir.” He stands straight again to look him. The man looks at Doyoung’s phone and opens it to look at the lockscreen.

“Oh, what’s this?” The man looks closer, his eyes squinting.

In fear, Doyoung answers back. “It’s my boyfriend.” He almost stutters.

The man’s gaze is still fixated on the lockscreen, and he suddenly laughs. “Your boyfriend is my son.” He says, and Doyoung finally understands how Jaehyun got all those injuries; his father was a hostile man, anger fueling his soul making him abusive in every part of his body. Jaehyun told Doyoung everything about his past when they were in bed together, admiring the moodm above them. He remembers how Jaehyun cried when he admitted that he once was so desperate to be released from his father's hold that he almost killed himself, and he was lucky to have Johnny respond to his calls quickly, patching Jaehyun up and carrying him to the nearest hospital while putting pressure on the cuts of his wrists. Jaehyun was so thankful for Johnny because despite the fact that he is so in denial of having a severe mental disorder, he still tries to stay and understand him. He remembers how Doyoung cried at those words, and slowly, his hatred for Jaehyun's father builds.

“You beat him up.” Doyoung says quietly, anger also boiling inside him.

“You bet I did.” He gives back the phone, placing it hard on Doyoung’s chest. “He deserved it. And you should get the same treatment since you’re the reason why he’s such a faggot.”

Doyoung doesn’t hesitate; he punches the man straight across his face, his fists turning white from the grip. “How dare you say that?!” He shouts angrily, and the man smiles mischievously, wiping away the blood from the cut on his lip.

It happens in a flash; Doyoung is being slightly lifted off the ground with just a fist on his shirt, and the man has his face contorted in anger. “If we weren’t in a mall, I would be beating you up until you bleed.” Doyoung whimpers in fear, but he keeps his composure. “Or maybe I should just run you over in a road where it doesn't have any cameras.”

“I dare you.” Doyoung says angrily, and the man releases him with a laugh.

“Don’t dare me; it might actually come true.” The man leaves then, Doyoung anger quickly dissolves into a linger of annoyance. He glances at his phone and it has a small crack on one corner. Doyoung merely sighs when he spots it; it was another hundred dollar spending for a repair.

A guard runs towards him. “Sir are you alright?”

Doyoung gives the guard a small smile at him. “I’m alright, don’t worry.”

“Do you want me to catch him?”

“No, it’s okay. You may have a gun, but he’s a psychopath.”

__

Doyoung has his hands on a red velvet box where the bracelet is placed. He walks on the sidewalk, simply admiring the gift before he places it inside his backpack. He could imagine how Jaehyun would react, how he would trace his fingers through the silver stars, how he would say the words ‘My Explorer’ with a soft and lovely voice. It makes Doyoung’s heart race just thinking about it.

Doyoung grabs his phone from his pocket to shoot his lover a text.

To Jaehyun: On the way there.

From Jaehyun: Hurry! I bought you cake

To Jaehyun: What’s the occasion?

From Jaehyun: To celebrate the day that I finally said those three lovely words. Btw, are you driving?

To Jaehyun: Today’s a special day, I agree. I’m walking home.

From Jaehyun: Stop texting! You might get run over.

From Jaehyun: Stay safe. I’ll see you later.

Doyoung suddenly feels a crash on his body, and then pain. He realizes he’s on the ground, and he could feel his body giving out, his breathing is weak, and he feels so cold. He sees his own blood forming around him, and his eyesight is going hazy. Panic is flaring inside him, but he's too weak to react. He feels so much pain on his head, and he thinks he's close to passing out and never waking up.

“I told you to watch where you’re going. Now look how pathetic you look.” He recognizes the voice as Jaehyun’s father. He could hear a car engine right ahead of him. He tries to lift his head to look at the man, but the man quickly stands from when he was squatting on front of him. “Good luck finding someone to rescue you. This road is deserted at this time.” He could hear the car drive away, and then silence is left for him.

Before he looses consciousness, he reads the last message his lover sends him, a tear breaking through his eyes as he imagines how broken Jaehyun would feel when he sees Doyoung like this.

From Jaehyun: I love you, Doyoung. Can’t wait to see you tonight.

"I love you, too. I can't wait..." He whispers to the night, but no one is there to hear him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oops.
> 
> i told you all that happiness doesn't last ha ha enjoy the cliffhanger :)
> 
> send hate in the comments or my twt @Coffeechaelly or @KlMD0YOUNG, bookmark this, recommend it to my friends and then tag my user or something. make fanart or something. i just need the love hahaha


	13. Hard To Hold

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He deserves every beautiful thing the world could offer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i seem to update faster when i sleep so fucking late. hello i am updating at 1 in the morning wHAT is SleEP HhahHAHahah!!!!
> 
> have fun reading hehe

**_ Jaehyun’s POV _ **

“Where’s Doyoung? I thought he was on the way here.”

Johnny was sitting on the couch and Ten is pressed up by his side, watching Avatar; The Last Air Bender in Netflix. Sometimes, Jaehyun questions what they binge watch – yesterday they watched Doctor Who, now they’re watching a Nickelodeon cartoon that’s meant for kids.

Jaehyun is pacing back and forth behind the couch, his phone on hand. He’s been glancing at his phone from time to time, hoping for a text or a call, but he ends up reading the time and build his anxiety higher.

_11:07PM_

“I don’t know. He’s not answering my texts.”

“Try calling him.” Jaehyun has Doyoung in speed dial; the phone doesn’t even ring, it immediately goes into voice mail. “It went to his voice mail.”

Johnny twists his head towards Jaehyun. “Stop pacing around, you’ll get tired. Maybe he fell asleep. You know how he is once he falls asleep.”

“Yeah, I know. But he said that he won’t be needing to go back to his apartment before he comes here.”

“Maybe he did. Cut yourself some slack, Jaehyun. Don’t get so worked up.” Jaehyun sighs when Johnny stands. “Let’s go to bed. Put the pizza in a container and store it in the fridge. We can eat the cake in another day when Doyoung comes over.”

Jaehyun bites the skin surrounding his nail in nervousness. “What if he’s in trouble? What if something bad happened to him?”

Johnny gives Jaehyun a sad smile as he goes back to pacing around the living room. “He’s a grown man, Jaehyun. He can handle himself. Now, c’mon, Ten is snoring, and I know you had a long day today because this is first day back ever since. We’ll try contacting him again in the morning yeah?”

Jaehyun glances at the time again.

_11:15PM_

Jaehyun nods defeatedly as he watches Johnny pick Ten up and lead him to his bedroom. “Good night, Jaehyun.”

“Yeah.”

“You better sleep.” Ten says, sleep in his voice.

“I will, Ten. I’ll just wait a little longer.” And they’re gone, leaving Jaehyun in the living room.

Jaehyun could hear the wall clock ticking at his right, and creaks of wood on his left that’s from the outside the apartment. His senses are heightened because of the worry growing inside him. Jaehyun tends to have the habit of being pulled into the abyss of anxiety and over thinking, but he cannot help it when it involves his lover.

Time passes fast, and Jaehyun could ever last long enough before anxiety takes over him.

_11:48PM_

The trains shouldn’t be open at this time, but he remembers that Doyoung said he’d be walking.

_12:03AM_

Jaehyun could feel the tiredness of the day seep in to his bones, his eyes closing from time to time, but he is persistent.

_12:38AM_

His eyes shut, and he could feel a warm blanket cover him. “I told you to go to bed.” Johnny says as he places an affectionate hand on his cheek, and Jaehyun merely hums as he lets sleep take over him.

__

_“Baby, when you need me, do not hesitate to call.”_

_His mother gives Jaehyun a spare phone with his mother’s phone number as the only contact; she has work at the gallery even if it was New Year’s Ever. It made Jaehyun sad, but this is what his mother wanted._

_“Okay, mommy. I’ll see you later, right?” Jaehyun said happily._

_And his mother is leaving Jaehyun with his father who was ignoring the whole conversation for a replay of a soccer game._

_Jaehyun learned to never talk to his father; he doesn’t really mind because his mother would always be the one to answer his questions._

_“Jaehyun!” His father is calling out from the living room when Jaehyun was about to go up to his room. Jaehyun quickly runs to the living room, both in surprise and curiosity._

_“Yes, father?” Jaehyun obediently stands still, just like how the soldiers would stand in the movies he watches._

_His father stands with a smile on his face, crayons and papers on his hands. “How about you make your mother a card for Christmas?” He says, and Jaehyun smiles at that, excitedly grabbing for the materials. He sits on the living room floor, having the coffee table as his work space. He follows his gaze to his father who is standing up to call someone. It was faint, but he hears it._

_“Yeah, the kid is making a card. Huh? Don’t worry, I’ll convince him to call his mother to come home quickly while there’s a blizzard.” His father laughs. “I’ll finally get her money.”_

_Jaehyun doesn’t understand what his father meant by his mother’s money; he brushes it off as adults talk about taxes and continue making the best Christmas gift for her mom._

____

_“Mommy don’t go!” Jaehyun cries out as he watches his mother be dragged inside the emergency room. Jaehyun doesn’t understand, he has so many questions, but his mother is the only one who could answer it. Why was she covered in blood? Why is mommy sleeping? Why do we need to go to the hospital? Jaehyun is too young, and he doesn’t understand._

_He just watches his father smile at Jaehyun’s tears, not even bothering to comfort his son. He cries and stirs a scene, and eventually, a nurse comes to comfort him._

_“Hey, big guy. Let’s go to the other room and I’ll give you something that can cheer you up while you’re waiting for your mother.”_

_Jaehyun lets his hand reach for the nurse’s hand and he’s gently being dragged to another room where a few children are playing. “What’s your name?”_

_“Jaehyun, sir.”_

_“Just call me nurse Chan. I’m your friend, okay?” He lets Jaehyun sit on a chair. “I’ll get you something. Wait here.” When the nurse comes back, he hands him a strawberry milk drink, punching a straw through the top. “Here, this is my favorite drink when I feel down. It’s strawberry.” Jaehyun grabs for it, and nurse Chan ruffles his hair. “This is my last drink for the night, so you better drink everything or else I’ll get hurt.”_

_Jaehyun nods with a smile. “I won’t disappoint you, nurse Chan!” And nurse Chan smiles back_

____

His phone is blaring on top of the coffee table while his head is resting on the arm rest. He glances on the wall clock.

_4:53AM_

Jaehyun grabs for his phone and waits for his eyes to adjust on the light. When he could finally read the name, he's struck in relief. It was Doyoung calling.

"Doyoung? Oh god, where are you? You should have called me! I'm so-"

_"hello? Is this Sir Jung Jaehyun?"_

Jaehyun stops, speechless. "Who's this? Where's Doyoung?"

_"I am calling from the hospital. You are on Kim Doyoung's speed dial and we think you are permitted to know about Doyoung's state right now.”_

Jaehyun stands in panic, running to Johnny's door and knocking on it frantically. Ten opens the door with bleary eyes and Johnny sits up from his bed. "What's up, Jae?" Ten says while rubbing his eyes.

Jaehyun puts the phone on speakers. "What happened to Doyoung?" He says, panic and fear flowing through him, trying to make him cry.

_“Sir Kim is currently in a critical state. It was a hit and run case. He has a few broken ribs, and deep cut on the side of his hip which caused a large amount of blood loss. And we also found that he has head trauma and we need to take more tests to see the severity of the damage."_

Johnny is up on his feet, putting on jeans and a sweater while Ten is holding Jaehyun up, strong arms around Jaehyun’s torso. Jaehyun is close to falling to the floor, his skin pale and hands shaking. He could imagine how damaged Doyoung is, and it's just making him want to cry some more.

_"Sir Jung? Are you still there? I understand that you are panicking right now, but the doctors are doing their best to keep Doyoung alive."_

"Yes. Okay." Jaehyun stands up and let Ten fix up himself. He feels Johnny tap him from the back and hands him a pair of jeans and Doyoung's sweater. "We'll be there."

The call ends and Jaehyun doesn't want to speak a single word because he might vomit from all the fear he's building up. He just quickly fixes himself up.

_5:17AM_

He watches Johnny and Ten converse and work together to fix up some stuff for the possible stay in the hospital, but Jaehyun is merely standing at the middle of the living room, staring at the picture of him and Doyoung that was framed in gold. He can't remove the picture of Doyoung pale and unconscious, but he doesn't want to start imagining losing Doyoung.

"Jaehyun? We have to go." Ten is standing on front of him, and Jaehyun doesn't realize he's being held on both hands, Johnny at his left and Ten at his right. Jaehyun merely nods and glances at the wall clock one last time.

_5:31AM_

This was also the time that he lost his mother ten years ago, but he doesn't plan to lose Doyoung.

__

He steps inside the emergency entrance, he spots Doyoung's parents on the couches, his mother sobbing on his husband's arms. "Jaehyun!" Doyoung's father says and his mother quickly looks at him.

"Oh, Jaehyun." His mother stands and hugs Jaehyun, and that's when Jaehyun starts sobbing along.

"He'll be okay." Jaehyun assures her, but even he himself doesn't believe on his own words. But he tries to believe it. "Doyoung is strong, mother. He is strong."

"I don't want to lose my son." Jaehyun rubs a soft hand on her back. "I already lost one, I don't want to lose another."

Jaehyun rubs his eyes to catch his own tears. "I don't want to lose him either, mother."

They separate, and she places her cold hands on Jaehyun's warm face. "Thank you for being such a lovely boyfriend to my baby Dongyoung."

Jaehyun smiles weakly. "Thank you for raising a wonderful son."

Doyoung's father walks towards them and his mother steps away to give themselves space. His father suddenly pulls Jaehyun into an embrace he never knew he needed. He sobs again, and he could finally feel how a father embraces his son. "He'll be okay, son." His father says, and he sobs at the name. Jaehyun has never had a father, his own father denying any relation to him. And having Doyoung's father hold him just like he was his son gives his heart the closure he needed that his own father never gave.

They also separate and Johnny and Ten steps forward. Jaehyun wipes away his tears and gives a sad smile.

"I think you've met Johnny and Ten before."

Doyoung's mother nods as she approaches his best friend. "Of course, I do." She hugs Johnny and Ten tightly and they both reciprocate.

"Thank you for taking care of Doyoung." His mother smiles.

"We would do anything for anyone Jaehyun loves."

"That's good." She says with a sweet smile.

"We should sit." Doyoung's father says and they did, sharing an anxious silence they don't dare to disrupt.

__

_6:54AM_

Jaehyun hears his stomach rumble in hunger, but he tries to conceal it. However, Doyoung's father hears it at his left and laughs softly.

"Let me get you all breakfast."

"Ah, dad, you don't have to."

"You can't stop me, Jaehyun. I'll buy everyone breakfast."

Jaehyun's glances at his right to see Johnny and Ten sleep on each other’s arms, sharing Johnny's oversized jacket and was draped around them.

He suddenly feels a soft hand on his arm and he turn to Doyoung's mother.

"You know, Dongyoung talks about you a lot." She says with a smile.

"I hope he's not saying anything embarrassing." Jaehyun smiles and they both laugh after.

"I asked him once, but he said that he would rather brag about you than shame you."

"Good." He merely smiles.

He thinks about how Doyoung would talk about him to everyone he knows. Maybe, Doyoung would be poetic, a romantic, flowing verses of poetry as he describes how Jaehyun would hold his cellphone or how he brushes his hair.

Silence is left between them before he hears her hum. "I’m really glad he found you."

"He was the one who found me, mother."

"No, Jaehyun. The night when the both of met was the night of his brother's funeral. You found him.”

Jaehyun understands now; how Doyoung, as a writer, would do whatever it takes to find an escape from the thoughts inside his head and replace it into inspiration he can translate into writing. He understands how Doyoung must have felt; the feeling of loss cannot be replaced simply, most especially if the person you lost was someone who struck your heart and lifted you up. And maybe, Jaehyun is glad he could be a factor of his healing; could be someone who can sing a verse to carry him with the wind, or someone who can embrace him and put his broken pieces back together. And if there were gaps inside him, he could be the one filling up the gaps that was once lost; the art of filling up the cracks with gold.

"Doyoung..." His mother continues. "Is a fragile man. He has always been soft, and kind hearted, so humble even if he was the top of the class. So talented and greater than any person I have ever met. But not everyone sees it. They see him as someone who is..." She hesitates, swallowing a breath. "Breakable. A plain of glass that they could break in an instant. It was so hard to watch him be broken apart." She's starting to cry, and Jaehyun offers his handkerchief. "Thank you, son." She wipes away her tears and grips it tightly after, but Jaehyun just lets her; she deserves to talk about her son in the moment of anxiety. "It was so hard to watch my fragile, humble child be beaten up for something he cannot control. We only ever taught him to be kind hearted and to love in degrees people cannot comprehend."

"But his brother put him back together." He continues because he knows she is having a hard time trying to choke up her tears.

She nods. "He was the only one who understands besides me and my husband. He was the one who made Doyoung understand his potential in writing, made him realize how loved he is. But when he died, Doyoung went back to when he was fifteen – broken and torn apart. So, we let him be on the night of his funeral. We let him wander around to whatever place he let his feet drag him to. It was the least we can do."

"But what if he tried to... you know..."

"Kill himself? We knew he was stronger than that. We trusted him to take care of himself. So, when he came back home, he went straight to his room and wrote his feelings away, wrote all the pain he's been trying to conceal. And when he let us read it, it was the most beautiful piece of literacy we have ever read."

He could imagine his lover crying, his fingers writing every tear that meant something. Jaehyun remembers Doyoung mention that Jaehyun was his muse, maybe that piece was stemmed from the night they first met, and it just made his heart ache and fear; the mere thought Doyoung may not be able to write again scares him.

"You will read it someday, Jaehyun. And when you do, remember that you were the reason why he was able to survive the start of his lifetime without his brother."

He feels so grateful to fate, so grateful to the whoever controlled the strings for soul mates because they found each other to mend each other's pieces.

Doyoung's father comes back with a plastic of food moments after their conversation, and his mother is taking a short nap, her head leaning on the wall.

_7:32AM_

Jaehyun didn't realize that Johnny and Ten are finally awake, reaching for the food Doyoung's father is offering. When he reaches for Jaehyun, he gives him a bowl of his favorite mild-spicy ramen and a strawberry milk drink to pair with it.

"Uh, dad, how did you-"

"Dongyoung talks about you too much." His father smiles at him and gives what's left to his wife. "I even know the brand of hand cream you use because Dongyoung doesn't stop talking about how you always smell like coconuts."

Jaehyun blushes and tries to conceal it by eating his food in the silence.

__

_8:16AM_

"Mr. and Mrs. Kim? Sir Jung?"

A nurse calls out and all three of them quickly stands to walk towards him.

"You must be Sir Kim's parents and his lover."

"How is my baby?" Doyoung's mom says, frantic.

"Your son is now in a stable state. He lost a lot of blood, but nothing a blood transfusion cannot fix. He has four broken ribs, however, in time it will heal."

There was silence and he could feel the hesitancy. "But?"

The nurse looks at Jaehyun with sad eyes. "He went through a severe head trauma hence he is in a coma. We cannot determine the time of how long he will be in this state, but it will not be soon."

Jaehyun is speechless, and he just hears Doyoung's mother muffle a cry. "May we visit him?" Jaehyun manages to say, but he too was close to tears.

"Of course." The nurse says, and he starts to walk.

Jaehyun quickly calls for his best friends and they follow suit.

They walk, and it felt like they have walked a hundred miles because they are all heaving in fear, anxiety building up to their throats. They already know that Doyoung is alive, breathing and blood still coursing through his veins, but having him be in an endless sleep scares them.

“We are here.” The nurse says, and his parents are the first ones to go in. Jaehyun is staring at the door, having a short amount of time to glance at Doyoung's weak figure, and Jaehyun hesitates.

He feels a soft hand at the small of Jaehyun’s back. “We’ll go in when you do.” Johnny says, and he feels Ten lean his head on Jaehyun’s shoulders. “Doyoung’s strong, Jaehyun. He fought through it.”

Jaehyun breaths in deeply, trying to calm his nerves that was building up ever since last night. And he finally lets himself in, pushing the door softly.

He stands at the foot of the hospital bed. This must be how Doyoung felt when Jaehyun was unconscious on his own bed; he must have felt fear, sadness, so broken that he cannot do anything to have his lover heal so that he could hold him close. It took every ounce of Jaehyun to stop himself from crying and wanting to embrace Doyoung in his arms.

Doyoung, the love of his life, looked extremely pale, and his lips was as white as the bandages on his head. He had all sorts of wires attached to him, and the faint beeping noise in the room is so loud in his ears. They also put a tube on Doyoung down his throat so that he could eat because he is already starting to look thin, his cheeks sunken. Jaehyun watched his mother hold Doyoung’s hand while his father rubs on his wife’s back. And Jaehyun thinks that Johnny sensed that he needs it too because he is already placing a warm hand on his back, assuring and relaxing to the touch.

“Doyoung, you are so strong, baby.” His mother says in between sobs. “I hope you wake up soon. Mommy wants to hold you again.”

__

_5:34PM_

Jaehyun has been in the hospital for twelve hours now, and he doesn’t plan on leaving soon. Johnny and Ten had class, but they didn’t want to force Jaehyun to come. Doyoung’s parents left hours ago to go to work but they said they will come back for dinner.

Jaehyun hasn’t eaten, hasn’t slept, hasn’t moved from his seat right beside Doyoung. Jaehyun merely watched Doyoung sleep, his breathing as the music in the room while holding his cold hands.

He was playing a game on his phone with his free hand, the other hand still holding onto Doyoung, when a nurse comes in.

“Jaehyun?” He says and Jaehyun quickly looks at the nurse in confusion.

“How do you know my name?”

The nurse hands him a strawberry milk drink and punches the straw through the top. “Here. This’ll make you feel better. I drink this for when I feel down.”

Jaehyun remembers it like it was yesterday; it was the kind smile from ten years ago. It was the warm hand that held him and the handkerchief that wiped away his tears.

“Nurse Chan.” He says in a smile, and nurse Chan smiles back.

“I’m glad you remember me, Jaehyun.” Nurse Chan has discreet lines on his face, probably from aging, and he doesn’t look as young as ten years ago, but he still looked dashing as the day they met. “You must be twenty now.”

“Turning twenty-one in a few weeks.”

Nurse Chan brings a chair closer to Jaehyun. “You grew up well.”

“Physically. But mentally?” Jaehyun says as he shakes his head a no.

“I see. I hope you get better soon, then.” Nurse Chan says with a sad smile.

“I hope so, too.”

They stay silent for a moment, the beeping of the monitor resounding through the hospital room.

“Oh, right! I have something for you.” Nurse Chan gets up from his seat and grabs for a bag that was placed at the corner of the room that he didn’t realize was there. “This is Doyoung’s belongings. I think you deserve to have this.”

Jaehyun reaches out and nurse Chan hands it to him. “I only dropped by to give you his bag and give you the drink. But I’ll see you again when I need to change your boyfriend’s IV drip.”

Jaehyun smiles at him and he reciprocates. “I’ll see you later, then. Thank you for this.”

When Jaehyun is left alone again, he stares at the bag on front of him, hesitating to open it. He breaths out a sigh and opens the zipper.

The first thing he sees is Doyoung’s various notebooks and his Harry Potter inspired pencil case. He remembers Doyoung’s obsession with the series, both book and movie, and it made Jaehyun happy how he was so passionate about telling him that Dobby is a free elf and he deserves more than a sock.

The next thing he brings out is Doyoung’s wallet that feel lighter than usual. He opens the wallet and he sees the picture of the them both when they went to an arcade and ended up taking ten pictures of themselves in the photobooth, all of them varying of sweet and completely weird poses. It made him happy knowing Doyoung has their happiest moments inside his wallet, stored to be seen every day. He suddenly realizes that the wallet doesn’t contain any money, just a receipt folded neatly in replace of his bills. He reaches for the paper and places the wallet on top of the bag.

It was a receipt for a jewelry shop, and it reads that the transaction was placed just last night before Doyoung lost all contact with Jaehyun. “Charm bracelet… One hundred and thirty-five dollars.” Jaehyun reads through it and questions Doyoung’s purchase.

He puts the receipt back inside the wallet and back inside the bag when his knuckles hit something smooth but hard. He takes it out and realizes it was a red velvet box.

Jaehyun hesitates to open it, his fingers tracing the opening of the box. Eventually, he does, and a white paper with Doyoung’s beautiful writing is the first thing he sees. It was covering the contents of the box, and Jaehyun reads through the paper.

_Jaehyun, my love,_

_Happy birthday._

_I love you._

_Love, The universe._

He removes the paper and his eyes is mesmerized; it was the charm bracelet on the receipt, and it was beautiful. The silver was shining, and there were two stars adorning it. It looked childish in first glance, but when Jaehyun looked at it closely, it had small dust spots swirling in the center, as if the star is still being formed inside the Orion Nebula. There was a silver plate in the middle with the engraved words ‘My Explorer’ in beautiful script, and Jaehyun’s heart races, as if it ever stopped ever since he fell in love with the man.

Doyoung must have thought about the gift thoroughly, because Jaehyun is immediately in love with it. He doesn’t hesitate to wrap it around his wrist, doesn’t hesitate to stare at it for an eternity. Doyoung must love Jaehyun so much to have bought him something so close to the heart.

Slowly, Jaehyun is being pieced back together. And when Doyoung wakes up, he deserves all the love and care he deserves. He deserves all the beams of the sun and the sunflowers that comes with it. Doyoung deserves all the beautiful things the world can offer; a smile from a baby, a diamond in the rough, a painting in a gallery, or a mere flower on a field.

And when Doyoung wakes up, the culprit would be caught and Doyoung will have the justice he deserves.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> some side notes and additional facts:
> 
> i just recently finished the first installment of Avatar and i cried !!! woo i love tears. now im gonna binge watch Doctor Who 2005 season 9 and 10 cuz im so unupdated ever since college started.
> 
> i had a hard time giving a specific diagnosis for Doyoung, and researching it was what i did, but if there are any mistakes, pls tell me and i will edit it <3
> 
> also i hope you don't notice it, but some of the names are based out of seventeen members hahaha aka Sir (Jeong)Han and nurse (Lee) Chan cuz im lame and i cant think of anymore names
> 
> also, ORION NEBULA is a cluster of dust and it is where stars are born!!! the more you know  
> AND ALSO, the art of filling cracks with gold is called kintsugi. its a japanese tradition!!! it means that anything broken can be repaired and made beautiful.
> 
> anyways!! send hate to my twt @Coffeechaelly or @KlMD0YOUNG. if you will recommending it, tag me cuz i love being recognized for my hard work. Send feedback too hehe ty see u in the next update


	14. One Way Down This Road

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> New day, new evidence.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ya girl is back wattup.
> 
> the chapters following the accident will all be under jaehyun's POV!!!!
> 
> also, every detail, name, and information that will be mentioned in this chapter and the up coming chapters will be crucial to the plot. keep your eyes open and memory driving because you'll need it,

Jaehyun comes to class a week after the accident, and all he wants to do is come back. He can’t believe he would say this, but he misses the hospital, not because of the illness that comes with it and it dull walls that confines you, but because his lover is laying there, vulnerable and broken.

Johnny says that Doyoung is strong for being able to survive it, Ten says that Doyoung is lucky to have been rescued before it was too late, but all Jaehyun could think of is the what ifs and could haves. Jaehyun could have drove him home, or accompany him to the mall, then his lover wouldn’t be in that kind of situation. Jaehyun already misses Doyoung; maybe he’s present physically, but Jaehyun misses holding his hand with the latter reciprocating, or the way Jaehyun’s name ring when Doyoung whispers it through the dark night. He misses the smile that shone like the sun and the eyes that shone like the moon.

Jaehyun is back sitting on his usual seat, sulking. And his classmates obviously notice by how the room goes silent when he starts to look out the window to think of Doyoung and what his lover could be dreaming about.

He feels a tap on his back and he turns towards the person. “Hey, Jae.”  Taeil was giving him a sad smile. “I heard what happened to Doyoung.”

“News travel fast.” Jaehyun didn’t want to sound rude, but he can’t help but have a bitter taste in his tongue.

“If it involves the top student of the university, then it’s expected.” Taeil hesitates when Jaehyun turns back to looking out the window, the back of his head facing Taeil. “How are you holding up?”

“Managing.”

Jaehyun says that but he knows he’s barely that. He manages to eat, but not as much as before; he manages to do homework, but he would rather stay beside Doyoung and watch his lover’s sleeping face. He pities himself for being such a miserable fuck, but he can’t help but overthink. It’s his second nature, and it’s the trauma his father left him. It was always the fear of being left behind, of being left broken, of being sad but not wanting to be. Being sad was such a bother, it hurt him immensely throughout his life, and he decided that being sad is not part of his vocabulary. Maybe, that’s how he manages to never realize he’s been in the hands of depression for so long – because he didn't know what sadness was.

The door of the classroom flies open and Sir Han charges in to the teacher’s table, anger written on his face. “Okay! Sit the fuck down! I’m in a bad mood because my star student’s boyfriend is hurt, therefore I am hurt. Also…” Sir Han looks at Jaehyun but Jaehyun doesn’t look back, merely looking up the window. “Sir Jung, I want to talk to you after class.” And Jaehyun hums, class going through the usual wave of the day.

He doesn’t bother listening.

__

“How is he?”

Sir Han is fixing up his logbooks and his case of chalks while giving Jaehyun sad eyes, standing at the opposite side of him.

“Breathing.”

“What happened?”

“Hit and run.”

Sir Han’s face suddenly contorted to anger. “Who’s the fucking asshole?”

“We don’t know. The area didn’t have any cameras.”

Sir Han shoves the rest of his things inside his bag in anger. “That asshole better pay!” His voice was louder than usual and for some reason it humbles Jaehyun to see his own professor care so much for his lover when he never really had a proper greeting, not including Jaehyun’s stay in the hospital.

“I better get going. I need to eat lunch before I go to the hospital.” Jaehyun starts to leave the lecture hall when Sir Han stops him, grabbing for Jaehyun’s sleeve.

“Is it okay if I come?” Sir Han sounded hesitant.

“Of course, you can come visit Doyoung.” Jaehyun smiles. “You’re the reason why we’re lovers.”

“You owe me.” Sir Han slings his shoulder bag and walks towards Jaehyun.

“And how should I pay you back, Sir?”

“Introduce me to one of Doyoung’s professors; the one who teaches mythology and folklore.”

Jaehyun gives him a questioning look. “And… why?”

“He’s hot.”

“I don’t need this right now.” And both men laugh; it’s been awhile.

__

They take Sir Han’s car and they bop their heads to Johnny’s spotify playlist filled with pop rock songs that he himself loves to sing.

“Where was the accident?” Sir Han breaks the silence at the middle of Fall Out Boy’s ‘Alone Together.’

“We’ll be passing it actually. It’s the secluded road before the mall.”

They stay silent until they reach a meter before the road. Sir Han lays his chest near the steering wheel to look out from the front window. “There aren’t any cameras than the one at the end of the roads…” Sir Han trails off as his gaze follows the cameras at the lamp posts.

“What are you thinking about, Sir?”

Sir Han sits back, clearing his throat. “It’s nothing. I’m just overthinking.”

They stay silent until they reach the hospital parking lot. Jaehyun steps inside the hospital building, and artificial air cooling his skin, and locks eyes with the nurse at the reception. “Sir Jung, welcome back.” The nurse smiles at him while he walks towards the desk.

“Any updates?” Jaehyun asks, his hands lean on the top of desk; he feels Sir Han hover behind him. Nurse Chan suddenly peers out from the room behind the reception desk., a small smile on his face. “Hey, nurse Chan.”

“Hey, Jaehyun. There aren’t any updates about your lover, but your best friend did visit and told me to tell you that he’ll be bringing dinner for you later.”

“I’ll text him a thanks.” Jaehyun is about to head to Doyoung’s room when nurse Chan fake-coughs. Jaehyun turns to him with a questioning look.  “What?”

Nurse Chan rolls his eyes on Jaehyun then turns to Sir Han with a big smile. “You must be a new visitor.” Nurse Chan raises his hand to offer a shake, and Sir Han reciprocates with a big smile.

“I’m Jaehyun’s physics professor.”

Nurse Chan coos. “Physics, huh? That’s hot.”

“I think people who took med is hot, too. Don’t you think?” Sir Han winks at nurse Chan and Jaehyun is close to vomiting just watching them blatantly flirt in the hospital.

“I guess hot minds think alike.” Nurse Chan winks back, and Jaehyun is finally sick of watching them eye-fucking and pulls Sir Han by the wrist.

“Bye, nurse Chan.” Jaehyun says, annoyance in his voice. He catches a glance of their last interaction, and Sir Han waves a ‘call me’ to nurse Chan as the other man bites his lip.

“I need new eyes.” Jaehyun proclaims as he releases his professor’s wrist at the corridor.

“Forget about Doyoung’s professor, introduce me to this nurse Chan of yours.”

Jaehyun rolls his eyes so hard that it almost falls off. “I don’t think you even need my help. The both of you were eye-fucking each other and anyone would see it a mile away.”

“That’s why you’re my star student, Jaehyun; so observant.”

Jaehyun leads his professor to Doyoung’s room, pushing past the heavy doors. Jaehyun places his bag on the usual spot at the corner of the room and quickly walks to Doyoung’s bed, brushing a stray hair away from his face affectionately. “Hey, baby. Sir Han is here to visit you.” Jaehyun admires the way how Doyoung’s color changes throughout the time he has been in the hospital; he may be becoming scruffy, a sheen of hair around his mouth and his chin from not being shaved, but the color of his skin wasn’t as pale as the day he first came through these doors.

“He must be so strong to have survived that.” Sir Han says behind him as they look at Doyoung together.

Jaehyun doesn’t remember how many times he has heard that phrase, that Doyoung is so strong to have lived through it. Jaehyun believes that people cannot simply die without fulfilling their own destiny, that there is so much to live for, to do, before they could turn into dust, and he thinks that Doyoung understands that he must fulfill whatever destiny he wants to reach; and Jaehyun would be there to watch him reach it.

They continue their stay by having Sir Han reminding him that he has a physics homework to pass in the next few days and Jaehyun proclaiming that he could just do it on the night before. Johnny eventually came in with Ten, hands clasped together as usual and a plastic of food with them. They eat with the usual chatter of how their days went and Sir Han wanting to see that nurse again, giving Jaehyun goosebumps and Johnny an honest laugh.

Hours passed when Doyoung’s doctor knocks on the door. He enters with a serious face on, unlike days before where he would laugh along the boy’s antics. They notice two police officers behind them, and all the men suddenly give each other confused and nervous stares. “What’s wrong, doc?” Jaehyun says.

“We found something in Doyoung’s x-rays…”

“What is it?” Johnny says frantically, and Ten tries to keep him in place.

The doctor steps in with the officers, closing the door behind them. “It seems that Doyoung’s injuries from the accident may not be an accident.” Jaehyun feels a ball get stuck on his throat and he’s speechless; the whole room is speechless. “We found that his body was run over multiple times, I am guessing about two to three times, from how his ribs were fractured and how his joints on his knees are twisted. The accident was intentional, and we are speculating that it was planned to happen in the road near the mall since there aren’t any cameras within the area. We cannot find out who drove through there, but I still contacted the police so that they could dig into it.”

“Good evening.” One of the officers says with a small smile. “I know this may be shocking news, but we would like to find out more about what happened on that day as soon as possible so that we can find out who drove through the road of where Doyoung was found. Would it be okay if we talk to some of you?”

It takes a moment of silence before Jaehyun stands. “Of course. I’ll go first.”

The story was the same within Ten, Johnny, and Jaehyun; Doyoung brought Jaehyun to class; Johnny talked to Doyoung before his class and asked him to dinner; Ten was told that they’ll have dinner at their apartment; Jaehyun and Doyoung had lunch together and asked about the dinner, and Doyoung said to everyone that he was going to the mall, but Johnny and Ten were the only people who knew that time that he bought a gift for Jaehyun; they waited for Doyoung’s arrival, but he never came; and hours later, Jaehyun receives a call from the hospital.

It was all the same, and the police only stated that they will try finding more evidence, but it looked like they had no effort to do so.

__

“Jaehyun!”

Someone calls out from behind him while he was walking away from his physics class. When Jaehyun turns, he sees Sir Han running towards him, bag bouncing on his thigh.

“Sir? Need anything?”

“Have lunch with me. I have something to tell you.”

Jaehyun was hesitant because one, he needs to study for an exam, and two, he wants to visit the hospital again. But he gives in when Sir Han insisted on paying, not passing up an offer of free food.

Sir Han and Jaehyun goes to the nearest McDonalds and orders their food, then sitting across each other. Jaehyun was midway to biting on his fry when Sir Han speaks up.

“I want to help finding what truly happened and who did it.”

Jaehyun stops, pausing for a moment. “What?”

“Obviously, the police officers from yesterday are discouraged from our story. They even looked lazy fuckers and I know they won’t get anything else other than your story. So, I want to help.” Sir Han grabs a piece of tissue to give to Jaehyun. “You have ketchup at the corner of your lips.” Jaehyun accepts the offer and wipes it away with a small ‘thanks.’ “I love watching crime shows and movies, and I think I could be a big help.”

“It’s not the same, sir. This is real life.”

“But I’m sure that we will find something even if this is real life. We’re smart, Jaehyun. And we have people to help us.”

Jaehyun contemplates, their eyes locking for a moment, and eventually, he sighs. “Fine. Do you have anything in mind where we could start?”

Sir Han smiles, eyes wide. “Yes.”

__

They’re at the side of the road before entering the area where Doyoung was found. Jaehyun just wants to quickly be at Doyoung’s side and Jaehyun is impatiently rocking back and forth the balls of his feet. “Why are we here?”

Sir Han points up and Jaehyun follows his finger. “See that?”

Jaehyun furrows his brows in confusion. “See what?”

“It’s cameras. We can find out who passed through the road.” When sir Han mentions it was when he finally sees the cameras placed high above the road, the lenses facing the end of the road.

“How are we going to do that?”

“Physics, Jaehyun. Physics.” They look at each other, Sir Han smiling while Jaehyun still had confusion on his face. “We can compute the time of how long a car would be driving through the road.” His professor waves his hands around, close enough to hit Jaehyun comically. “For example, if the road is five kilometer and the speed limit is thirty, then the car would have been at the other end in ten minutes.” Sir Han points at the road. “This road is a kilometer, and the speed limit is at thirty. I computed for the time of when the car should leave the area. A car should exit the area in two minutes.”

“Get to the point sir. I don’t want to think about you damn subject; we’re out of the campus.”

“Patience, Sir Jung.” Sir Han coughs and faces Jaehyun, meeting each other’s gaze. “If we get a hold of the recordings on that night, we could check if there are any cars who stayed at the road for more than two minutes.”

Jaehyun understands now, and it’s the first step of finally figuring everything out. “You’re a genius, sir!” He proclaims, and his professor chuckles.

“Praise me some more and you might just get an A on my subject.” Sir Han suddenly runs to his car. “C’mon, we have to go to the police station to check it out!”

__

“I’m sorry, sir, but I do not have the clearance to let you in the room where the recordings are.”

They arrive at the police station with excited footsteps but was quickly dismissed because the officer at the reception desk aren’t permitting them.

“Please.” Sir Han pleads, his hands rubbing against each other with a pout on his face. “I would do anything.”

The officer looks at him with a pity face. “Even if you were to let yourself fall into a pit of your own doom, I’m still not cleared to bring you in.”

Sir Han deflates and grudgingly turns to exit, and the officer turns away to go back to whatever work he was doing. Jaehyun steps closer to the desk, pulling Sir Han by the wrist. “Uhm, would it help if I was the son of Jung Hyesung? Or you might know her as Kim Hyesung before she got married.”

The officer whips his head towards Jaehyun with a shocked face. “You’re the son of Kim Hyesung?”

Jaehyun pauses to look at his professor. “Yes.” He hesitates, looking back at the man behind the desk.

The officer walks closer to the desk. “I need proof, sir.”

Jaehyun releases his hold of his professor and grabs for his wallet from his back pocket. He brings out his driver’s license and a picture of him and his mother, placing it on the desk, facing towards the officer. He glances for it and looks at Jaehyun again.

“For a moment.” The officer leaves the desk and walks inside a door at the end of the hall. He comes out moments later with another officer walking behind him. The first officer they met stands behind the one who just came out.

“I’m Chief Yoon, how may I help you?” He stays sternly, giving a tinge of fear in Jaehyun’s chest.

Sir Han steps beside him. “We need to check a cctv recording on a specific date and time.”

Chief Yoon looks at Sir Han then towards Jaehyun, and hums. “Are you really Ms. Kim’s son.”

Jaehyun slides the picture nearer to him. “This was me and Ms. Kim a few weeks before her death.”

Chief Yoon takes it with his hand and looks at it for a moment. With his free hand, he takes his driver’s license and switches his gaze from both items on his hands. After a moment of observing, chief Yoon hands the items back to Jaehyun and nods. “Follow me.” When chief Yoon turns away to leave the desk, Jaehyun and his professor locks eyes and sees him have a face of surprise and confusion.

They follow the chief with careful steps, not wanting to turn attention to them. The chief leads them deeper and deeper into the station until they reach a room that was at the end of corridor. He opens the door for them and steps aside to welcome them inside.

The room had clusters of monitors with an officer in charge in each cluster. Jaehyun quickly counted how many monitors per officer had and he counted ten. Jaehyun then counted how many desks were in the room and he counted ten, too. “This is where all the cameras in town lead to. There are about one hundred monitors in this room varying from the park to a mere camera on front of a house.” The chief Yoon explains and hears Sir Han gasp softly. “What is the location that you need a recording of?”

Jaehyun was mesmerized from the number of monitors in the room that he doesn’t answer quickly. “Ah… The road near the mall. The one with no cameras except for the one’s in either ends.”

“You need the two cameras of either side of the road?” Jaehyun nods frantically. “Follow me, then.” Jaehyun follows them to one of the officers. “And what is the specific date and time.”

“Uh… Between February one and two, from… I guess six in the evening to four in the morning.”

Chief Yoon nods and nods. “Officer, show me February one, starting from six in the evening.” The officer in charge goes back to the previous week on both cameras from either side of the road and the time stamp reads the date and time. “What are we trying to find?”

“We’re trying to find out if there are any cars who stayed in the area for more than five minutes.” Sir Han explains from behind him. They observe the recordings, sometimes fast forwarding the footage. There were several cars that drove through the road but almost all of them passed through it under five minutes.

They were in the verge of giving up when they see a car enter on 10:34PM and exit at 10:58. “There! That’s the car.” Sir Han points at the time stamps. “They were there for twenty-eight minutes.”

“Would you like to see the plate number?” The officer offers. “Yes please.” Jaehyun quickly says.

The officer zooms in to the car plate number and the resolution adjusts. Jaehyun memorizes it while Sir Han notes it on his phone.

“Is that all, Sir Jung?” Chief Yoon smiles at them and Jaehyun smiles back.

“Yes, that is all. Thank you so much, chief Yoon.” Jaehyun and the chief shakes hands, follows by Sir Han.

“I hope to see you again. You are as good-looking as your mother, Jaehyun.”

__

It was late at night when Jaehyun is still sitting on Sir Han’s car, who stopped it on the sidewalk, confusion on both of their faces.

“What happened there?” Sir Han continues to stare on the head lights.

“What do you mean?”

Sir Han whips his head towards Jaehyun. “I mean what happened there at the station? Why do they know your mother? Who is your mother?” Sir Han’s eyes go wide. “Who are you?!”

Jaehyun merely laughs at how Sir Han’s face contorts into a pout while he laughs his lungs out. “My mother used to work at the station before she started at the gallery; she studied criminology but her love for art was greater. That’s it basically; everyone loved her, even I knew those officers loved her – she was beautiful.” He says between heaves of his laughter. He quickly wipes away the stray tears at the corner of his eyes to look at his professor. “Chill, Sir. I’m not some son of a mafia boss or anything. Although, I heard that my mother’s cousin was a retired mafia boss, but I was too young to understand what she said.”

Sir Han pouts. “I suddenly questioned my existence.” He starts to drive again. “I’ll take you home. And you better bring me up your apartment and give me coffee, 'cause you gave me a headache."

“Anything for you, sir."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello i love the new nct dream come back tell me in the comment watya think cuz i think it's beautiful
> 
> anyways, i hope you liked this ???? idk this is most dialogue so idk what to feel plus i ran out of flowery words hahaha
> 
> ya know da drill: @coffeechaelly / @KlMD0YOUNG


	15. Spun Out Of Control

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They take two steps forward, then three steps back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry. alot of shit happened the whole time i didnt update anything, but here i am now!!!
> 
> thank u to my bbys from the DoJae gc im in; the fact yall read my shit gave me the energy to update <3
> 
> again, every detail that will be mentioned will be vital.

Jaehyun’s second home by now is right beside Doyoung’s hospital bed. The nurses and doctors already know him, even went out of their way to give him a name; the soulmate, a human hachiko. He didn’t mind, he would admit that it felt endearing to him; plus, they were extra nice to him, extra giving. They gave him a portable sort-of table that can be placed on his lap and has a cushion underneath so that it comfortably rests there; “so that you could do your homework here without having the need to go to the canteen for a table” nurse Chan said. Apparently, the whole staff of the floor chipped in just for that sort-of-table-with-a-pillow-underneath to gift Jaehyun; it would be lie if he said he didn’t feel grateful.

So, he’s sitting on the couch placed inside the room, legs crossed under him and the sort-of table on top of his thighs, a laptop shining a bright light on Jaehyun’s stressed face. He’s writing a paper on the probability of a black hole colliding with whatever - he doesn’t remember what the topic was about anymore, just letting his educated mind separate from his want for food and maybe Doyoung’s kiss on Jaehyun’s fragile fingers.

His phone rings under him and for a moment he ignores it, wanting to just let his fingers flow. The rings stop but it only took seconds before it rings again. He hastily saves the file, groaning in frustration as he gets a hold of his phone.

It was sir Han calling. Jaehyun grudgingly accepted the call and placed it at his ear. “You’re making me write six essays but you’re just going to go distract me from getting an A on your class?” 

 _“Jaehyun! Hey! It’ll be fine, I’m giving you an A anyways, with or without those essays.”_  Sir Han says, and he could hear the hurried smile on his face.

Jaehyun boils in stressed anger. “What the f-”

_"Before you curse at me, I have an update on our investigation.”_

Jaehyun sighs to relax himself. “Fine. I’m listening.”

Sir Han coughs at the other line.  _“Okay. So, your fellow chief Yoon was kind enough to let me in and help us find the car we have been trying to hunt down.”_

“And?” Jaehyun is mindlessly skims through his paper while listening to his professor. “Is it good news or bad news?”

_“Uh… Good news is that we know where it is.”_

“And the bad news?”

_“The bad news is that it’s been reported missing since last year and was only recently found now. Apparently, it’s a stolen car and is now at a compound where old and no longer usable cars go to.”_

Jaehyun rubs his eyes with his thumb and pointer finger in frustration. “Well, shit.”

_"Fucking same, Jaehyun. But we still have to find the car in case there are some evidence vital for us.”_

“Us?” Jaehyun closes the lid of his laptop and places the sort-of table and his laptop aside, standing to walk towards Doyoung’s resting figure, brushing a thumb softly through his cheek. “Fuck that. It’s just you, sir. Sorry but I’m a college student who needs to keep his grades up.”

_“Please!” Sir Han pleads. “I’ll treat you to a buffet if you do.”_

Jaehyun’s ears pears up as if a dog would when he hears his owner nearby. He hums. “I’ll think about it. I’m gaining some weight and-” 

_“Who cares about weight?! You would still look hella hot even with a fucking muffin top, so just please support my future as a detective.”_

“That’s more like it. Thank you for the compliment.” He hears the door behind him open and he whips his head towards it. He sees Ten come in the room with a bag of food only meant for two. “Can we do it tomorrow, sir? Let me finish my papers first.” Jaehyun smiles at Ten as the smaller man places the food on the high table.

_“No problem, Jae! And don’t forget about the word limit.”_

Jaehyun hums and ends the call, pocketing his phone and turning towards Ten. “Where’s my best friend?”

“Well, I’m your new best friend. Johnny’s out drinking with the soccer team.” Ten brings out the food from the bag and places it in front of Jaehyun when he walks towards the table. “How are you?” Jaehyun opens the container and the smell of delicious warm food meets his nose, and suddenly his stomach rumbles. “Your stomach just answered.” They both laugh.

“I was here before lunch since my aeronautics class got cancelled. I’ve been meaning to eat lunch, but I got distracted by the massive amount of work I needed to do.” Jaehyun takes a bite of his food and his mouth waters at the hunger he feels.

Ten takes a bite, too, and swallows before he speaks up again. “If Johnny was here, he would scold you.”

Jaehyun breaths out a small laugh. “He’s my second mom, did you know? He never stops to nag and worry. But that’s fine; at least I have someone who worries about me.”

Ten gives a small angered look, as if Ten would scare him; Ten couldn’t even intimidate a fly because of how soft he is. “I worry!” He exclaims.

“Not counted since you and Johnny are basically one person.”

Ten takes a large bite. “No lie there, bff.”

They continue to eat, devouring every piece of food until what’s left is oils and stray pieces.

“I’m full.” Jaehyun leans back and pats his stomach. “I owe you guys dinner. All of you have been treating me to food lately since all I do is watch over Doyoung.”

Ten smiles as he gathers their empty containers and looks at Jaehyun, endearing and soft. “You love him.” It wasn’t even a question; what was the point of asking if the answer will always be constant?

“Like how Doyoung would say it: in degrees people cannot comprehend.” Jaehyun says with a loving smile, glancing at Doyoung’s soft features.

“Fuck, that’s beautiful.” Ten exclaims while he shoves the plastic of empty containers inside the trash can, rather angrily and Jaehyun chuckles while he sits on the chair right beside the bed, holding Doyoung’s warm hand. “The both of you are the definition of soulmates; two people who are meant to come together in every life the both of you live in. It’s like the universe was made for the both of you to hold hands, you know.” Ten was waving his hands passionately and Jaehyun can’t help but laugh.

“Poetic for someone who prefers pictures over words.”

“Hey!” Ten points at Jaehyun. “Being a graphic designer does not mean I have lost my sense of romance!”

Jaehyun goes back to laughing while looking at Doyoung’s delicate face. “Did you hear that, baby? Ten’s being obnoxious.”

Ten just pouts, and Jaehyun could hear Doyoung laugh inside his head. It was like the way strings of a violin would sound in a cathedral – ethereal.

Jaehyun rolls his sleeves up and Ten notices the bracelet around Jaehyun’s thin wrists. “Is that the gift that Doyoung bought you?”

Jaehyun looks at the bracelet, then back to his friend. “Yeah. He bought this on the day of the accident.”

Ten hums and nods slowly. “Do you think something happened at the mall before he started walking home?”

Jaehyun squints his eyes at Ten. “What do you mean?”

“I don’t know. It’s just a gut feeling. Since we now know that the accident isn’t actually in accident but an intention to-” He coughs and hesitates. “-maybe, kill him, what if there was a conflict at the mall or something? I don’t know… You don’t have to listen to me. It’s just, if I were you, I would look into everything.”

Jaehyun turns his face to his lover and nods. “Maybe, you’re right.” He brushes his thumb through the back of Doyoung’s hand. “I’ll look into it on Monday.”

__

Jaehyun was on the way to his aeronautics make-up class on a Friday afternoon when he sees sir Han standing outside his classroom.

“Jaehyun!” Sir Han waves his hands frantically up on the air comically and Jaehyun almost laughs.

“Are you some stalker? You even know I had a make-up class at this time when it was just announced hours ago.” He’s approaching sir Han and his professor winks at him.

“I have my ways.”

“Please, shut up.”

Jaehyun was about to walk inside his classroom when sir Han interrupts him. “Let’s go to the compound I talked about tonight?”

“Tonight?” Jaehyun gives him a confused look.

“Yeah, tonight. The sooner, the better.”

“Ok. But you better bring me to the hospital; I still have a paper to write and Doyoung’s parents can’t look after him tonight.”

Sir Han throws a thumbs up and smiles. “Of course, my star student! Enjoy class!”

Jaehyun shakes his head with a soft laugh, walking away. “Whatever, sir.”

__

“It’s pretty far, Jae. Put on some good shit music.”

Sir Han and Jaehyun was sitting inside his proferssor’s car, windows down. Jaehyun reaches for the radio and connects his phone via Bluetooth speakers and plays Jaehyun’s own playlist. He plays ‘Day 1’ of Honne and bops his head softly when the words start to fill the car.

“What? No rock music?” Sir Han complains and Jaehyun just laughs.

“Johnny’s been playing his rock playlists the whole night since he pulled an all-nighter. I just want a change of ambiance.” Jaehyun lays his head on the head rest, watching the scenery change.

The warm sunset breeze carries the song through the air and it relaxes Jaehyun into a soft slumber. He’s only been woken up from sir Han tapping him softly on the shoulder and the smell of burning rubber.

“We’re here.” Sir Han says before he steps out of the car. Jaehyun rubs his eyes and steps out, too.

When he reaches the gates of the compound, one gate closed and the other wide open, he sees old cars parked neatly, a light sheen of dust covering each car. A man with oil stains scattered on his pants and grey hair approaches them from the small one-floor house at the end of the compound.

“You must be Han Minseok.” The old man says with a goofy smile and his hand stretched out.

“And you must be Kim Hakjeon. Thank you for accommodating us.” They shake hands and Hakjeon looks at him.

“Jung Jaehyun, sir.” Jaehyun says, his lips formed into a thin line while they shake hands.

“So, you said you will be checking the car that came in a few weeks ago?” Hakjeon starts to walk away from them.

“Ah, yes please.” Sir Han follows him and Jaehyun follow suit. They walk until they stop on front of an old run-down version of grease lightning but without the flashy paintings and shined metal.

“Here it is. It’s clean when it came here, no dust whatsoever. I didn’t see it being driven here, but the driver left it on front of the gates with the keys intact.”

Hakjeon steps aside as sir Han falls into a half squat, taking out his glasses to squint at something. He runs his hands on a portion of dirt right beside the tire and hums. “Looks like it was cleaned before coming here except for this spot.”

Jaehyun squats beside him and looks at the dirt, too, which had a tinge of red. “It looks like blood.

“It is blood. But he didn’t get to wipe it away completely. Maybe because he was in a rush to dispose of the car.”

They both stand, and sir Han reaches for the door handle, and peers inside once open.

“What are you trying to look for, boys?” Hakjeon says at the side, obviously curious.

Sir Han brings out his cellphone and turns on his flashlight. “Jaehyun’s lover got ran over and this is the car that was used.”

“That’s shit, son.”

Jaehyun looks at Hakjeon and the old man looked sympathetic. “It is. He’s alive, but in a coma.”

“I hope he wakes up soon.” Jaehyun hums. “I’ll leave you boys and get you coffee, yeah?” Hakjeon smiles at Jaehyun and he reciprocates.

“That would be great, sir. Thank you.”

When Hakjeon leaves, sir Han is sitting at the driver’s seat and checking the wheel for any fingerprints. “This dude cleaned out the car like it was fucking spring cleaning."

Jaehyun peers in the car and looks around. “No shit. We can’t find anything if the car is spot-” Jaehyun hesitates when he spots something peculiar attached to the window at the back. “-less?” His voice trails off as he removes himself from sir Han’s side to open the back door. He kneels on the seat to face the window and runs his hand on the object. It was a black box attached to the window; the kind where you can inconspicuously record because the camera hole is so small. Jaehyun tried to yank it off from the window but it doesn’t move. Sir Han sees him from the rear-view mirror with confusion.

“Found something?”

Jaehyun pulls at the black box, frustrated. “It’s a black box.”

Sir Han quickly stands and Jaehyun steps further into the car to give space for his professor to look at the item clearly. Sir Han squints at the camera and pulls it. When it doesn’t move, sir Han’s confusion grows. He hands Jaehyun his phone. “Hold the light up to the camera. I’m going to try something.”

Jaehyun holds the phone while he watches his professor take out his wallet and an arcade-points card. He places the card under the frame where the camera is attached and slides it under the frame. It quickly detached itself in a pop, sir Han catching the black box before it falls further. “It’s an old automatic black box.” He shows Jaehyun the back side which was once attached to the window. “The suction serves as an adhesive but also a power supply. This was really expensive in the day, but the quality of the video was sometimes bad, most especially in the dark, so the company stopped developing this.”

“The suction is also a solar power panel flexible enough to be attached to it. So, it powers itself and does not need manual switching from off and on. The problem is that the security system on the camera is hard to crack, so I don’t know how we will access it.” Jaehyun huffs a laugh and sir Han looks at him with a confused look. “What?”

“I have someone who would love to hack through the security system of the camera.” He says, nodding and laughing. “He’d be really happy.”

__

“Fuck yes!” Johnny exclaims, shouting and waving his long arms in the air. “Hacker Johnny is getting the debut he deserves!”

Sir Han, Jaehyun, and Ten watches Johnny run around the living room, laughing loud enough that Jaehyun feels sated from how his smile stretches to aching. Johnny’s been wanting to try out hacking various whatever computer science majors jargon he exclaims that no one in the room understands. He studied hacking in secret because the university does not support such criminality it brings. But his professor apparently was a retired CIA agent and doesn’t care anymore if hacking may be a criminal act and brought his star student to the path of hacking. It surprised Jaehyun when Johnny had his professor over the apartment the first time; they had their laptops on front of them, many wires crowding on the table behind them and chattering jargon that gave Jaehyun a headache when he ate dinner while having their conversation as his white noise.

Johnny looked like a giant prancing around the apartment, the floors vibrating, and it worries Jaehyun. “Stop! You might break the floor and the people below us is the grumpy old man that hates our existence; we don’t want him crashing against our door.”

Johnny stops mid jump and he looked comical enough to have the three men chuckle softly. “Okay.” He walks towards the table where the three men were sitting, the black box laid on the table. Johnny reaches for it and observes the item. “So, what you’re saying is that this small thing has a security system not easily opened? Is it through password or…"

“I don’t know. All I know, from word of mouth, that it isn’t easy to go through the files inside.”

Johnny looks at sir Han and nods. “Ok. Don’t worry, I’ll do my best, but this might take a while.”

“No problem.”

“You better pay me, though.”

Sir Han sighs and his shoulders drop. “Fine, you could come with Jaehyun when I treat him to a buffet dinner?”

__

_“What the fuck do you mean that the money won’t be mine?!”_

_Jaehyun is watching his father scream at a lawyer with his fingers shaking at the side of the door and his head peering lightly so that he wasn’t seen eavesdropping._

_“Sir, please calm down-” The lawyer had his arms stretched out on front of him, Jaehyun thinks its either to protect himself or to calm his father down._

_“I’m not fucking calming down until that money is with me!” He screams and Jaehyun shivers at how angry his father is._

_“I’m sorry, sir, but you are not legally eligible to receive the money of your late wife because she specifically stated at her will that the rightful owner is-”_

_“That whore’s son does not deserve this fucking money!”_

_The lawyer stutters. “I’m sorry, sir. If you are so against this, we will have to take this to court.”_

_His father rubs his eyes in frustration and gives an angry breath. “At least tell me who’s next in the list after her son.”_

_“Uh...” The lawyer opens the folded paper that was placed on the coffee table. “You, sir. If Jaehyun states that he will give his mother’s possessions to you, then you will be the rightful owner. It is either a verbal consent, or Jaehyun dies.”_

_He has his hand on his forehead, masking his father’s face towards the lawyer, but Jaehyun sees it at his angle; his father smiles._

____

Jaehyun wakes up on the couch, a blanket on top of him, and sir Han sitting on the chair across of him. Jaehyun groans and sits up. “Ah, finally, you’re awake.” He says, closing his phone and places it inside his pocket.

“What time is it?”

Sir Han looks at his watch. “It’s only eight in the evening. I’m still willing to bring you to the hospital, but let’s wait a little longer; Johnny is almost down with accessing the data.”

Jaehyun turns his head towards the dining table where Johnny has his brows furrowed and has Ten leaning on his shoulder, staring at how Johnny’s fingers tap on his laptop. “Give me a few seconds.” Johnny says and Jaehyun stands, leaving the blanket on the couch and stretches his limbs. “And…” Johnny trails off and finally gives a laugh. “Done!”

“Ah! Really?” Sir Han stands from his seat and Ten sits up properly to rest his back on the dining chair. His professor walks towards them and Jaehyun follows. They stay behind Johnny as they look at folders and folders of data on the screen.

“This will take awhile if we don’t know when the car was left behind.” Johnny says as his scrolls through the folder quickly.

“I think we can narrow it down to the night of the incident since Hakjeon said that the car was left at the compound the next morning. I’m sure the suspect cleaned the car the whole night.”

Johnny nods and scrolls through it to find the date of the incident. When they play the video, it was still dark, and the resolution was bad that what comes out was a pixelated picture of the inside of the car. After a few moments of watching the video, a man comes into view, just on front of the car, obviously wiping on the headlights after splashing water on it. “Fuck, the quality is so bad you can’t even see his face, it’s just right there!” Johnny exclaims and Jaehyun is filled with a sudden rush of defeat.

“Wait…” Ten speaks up. “Pause it on the time where the man looks like he’s facing the camera.” Johnny does what his lover says and pauses it. “Ok. Can you take a screenshot and give me the picture? Thanks.” Ten quickly runs to enter Johnny’s room and comes back with his laptop, mouse pad, and computer mouse on hand.

“Right! You’re a graphic designer.” Jaehyun exclaims, joy in his tone.

“Yeah. And I think I can put the picture on focus. It might take a while, though.” Ten looks at Jaehyun with a sad face, and he pats a hand on Ten’s shoulder.

“It’s fine. Any help is appreciated. Thank you.”

“No problem, Jae. We’re doing this for Doyoung.”

Jaehyun smiles, and they all reciprocate. “Yeah. For Doyoung.”

__

Jaehyun decides to go to the mall after his Monday classes to investigate with Johnny driving beside him. There weren’t a lot of people parked since it was a Monday afternoon, so they park near the entrance.

“Do you have the receipt for the bracelet, Jae?” Johnny asks as they enter the mall, cold, artificial air blowing at their hair.

“Yeah.” Jaehyun reaches for his wallet behind him and pulls out the receipt. “The shop he went to is at the second floor. ‘Shining Diamonds, Inc.’ is said here.” Jaehyun reads out from the receipt and Johnny starts walking to the escalator.

When they enter the jewelry shop, a man approaches them with a smile. “How may I help the couple?”

Johnny laughs softly while Jaehyun stutters. “Ah, no we’re not dating! We have a few questions, actually.”

“That’s a bummer, the both of you look good together.” Johnny laughs louder, the clerk laughs along, and Jaehyun just rolls his eyes. “But of course, I am still willing to answer any of your questions.”

Jaehyun reaches for his phone and opens it to show the picture of Doyoung’s smiling face. “Do you remember this guy?” The clerk squints at the phone and Jaehyun shows the bracelet at his wrist. “He bought this here.”

The clerk sees the bracelet and his eyes go wide. “You must be the lover!” He says with a smile.

“Yeah, that’s me.”

“Of course, I remember him. He really thought hard on what to give you and was really happy when he received it. How did he give it to you?” The clerk was jumping softly, excitement in his tone.

“He didn’t get to give it to me. Someone ran him over with a car on the same night he got the gift, so I got the gift while he was on the hospital.”

The clerk’s smile quickly turned into sadness. “Oh, I’m sorry about that. How is he?”

“No need to say sorry. Your concern is enough. He is healing but he’s in a coma. That’s why were here to find out who did that to him so that Doyoung could have the justice he deserves”

“If that’s the case, then I’m willing to answer any of your questions!” The clerk gives them a determined smile.

“Alright. Thank you, again. Did you ever see him talk to anyone? Had a fight or looked like he fought someone?” Johnny asks, and the clerk thinks for a moment.

“Actually, he was close to being beaten up by an old guy just outside the store?”

“What happened?!” Jaehyun says, panicked.

“He accidentally bumped into the guy and he said sorry, but the guy looked so hot-tempered and pulled your lover by the collar.” Jaehyun and Johnny look at each other in surprise. “Nothing really happened, but the guy did say something. I couldn’t hear it since I was inside the store. And it ended there.”

Jaehyun rubs at his temples. “Do you think you have footage of that day? I saw that there was a camera facing the outside of the store. Maybe, it got the face of the man he was talking to.”

“Ah! Yes, we do!” The clerk says. “Follow me to the back.” He says as he walks to the door behind the glass containers.  When they enter, it had various machines, probably for making the customized designs for their jewelry, and there was a separate room for the recordings of their cameras. The clerk sits down on the chair placed on front of the monitor and quickly finds the date of the incident. When he finds it, he scrolls through the track pad to find the time of when it happened. “There.” The clerk points at the screen and they watch the scene play out. The old man’s face isn’t seen for the first few seconds, but Jaehyun feels like he knows him. Doyoung bumps on to someone and the man quickly turns, facing the camera, and Jaehyun’s blood runs cold.

“Oh, shit.” Johnny says beside him.

It was his father, and Jaehyun’s fists his hand and he couldn’t help but bite on his cheek to keep his nerves calm.

He watches his father laugh at Doyoung’s phone and Jaehyun reads his lips.

_Your boyfriend is my son._

He reads it in the voice of his father, mocking, filled with hatred. He watches his father lift his lover up by the collar, and he couldn’t read what he’s saying anymore because Doyoung’s hair is covering his face. Doyoung gets pushed back roughly and his father leaves.

“Jaehyun, calm down.” Johnny says and Jaehyun doesn’t notice his face heating up in anger and his knuckles glowing white from how his hand is curled into a fist.

“Fuck him.” He exclaims, and he walks out of the room.

He hears Johnny say thank you to the clerk and follows behind him. “Jaehyun!” Johnny calls out as he walks briskly out of the mall. When Jaehyun reaches the car, he realizes he doesn’t have the keys to the car and turns to Johnny.

“Give me the keys!” He says, anger boiling inside him.

“No, Jaehyun.”

“Give me the fucking keys, Jonathan!”

“I am not letting you drive while you're fucked up, Jaehyun!” Johnny says, obviously angry at how Jaehyun is behaving. Jaehyun breaths slowly, calming himself down. “If we are planning to go to your father’s house, then I’ll drive, and you will sit at the back.” Jaehyun nods, Johnny opening the car. Jaehyun steps inside at the back of the car. “Call Ten and tell him we’ll pick him up, in case you go and lash out.”  Jaehyun rolls his eyes at the back seat. “Hey! I saw that.”

__

“Where are we going?” Ten asks as he sits at the passenger seat, giving Johnny’s cheek a kiss and look at Jaehyun at the back. “Why is he there? What’s going on? Why does he look like he’s about to throw a punch?”

Johnny starts driving. “He  _is_ about to throw a punch.”

“Oh, damn. Anyways, I finished fixing the picture from the black box-”

Jaehyun doesn’t let Ten finish. “And? Who is it?”

Ten hesitates as he looks at Jaehyun from the rear-view mirror. “You’re not going to like this, Jae.”

“I don’t care! Just say it.”

Johnny and Ten looks at each other before Johnny goes back to the road and Ten to Jaehyun’s. “I’ll show you.” Ten reaches for his pocket to open his phone. He lets Johnny look at it first and they look at each other again.

“What?” Jaehyun says, impatiently.

“Jaehyun, I don’t think this is a good idea-”

Jaehyun quickly grabs for Ten’s phone and the anger he tried to remove from his system comes back. The face of his father comes into frame, face calm as he wipes the car. Jaehyun was about to throw the phone in anger before Ten shouts. “Jaehyun, don’t! That’s my phone!”

Jaehyun grip on the phone lightens and he gives it back to Ten. Johnny is looking at Jaehyun from the rear-view mirror, worry in his eyes. “Jaehyun, calm down.”

“Drive faster!”

Johnny just sighs. “You’re not going to listen to me at this state.” And Johnny does drive faster.

The drive felt like forever, and Jaehyun is left fidgeting on his seat while Ten and Johnny have a hushed conversation on the front. Jaehyun doesn’t even bother eavesdropping because he’s sure they’re talking about Jaehyun and what they should do if he does something stupid.

His blood constantly boils now, no matter how much breathing exercises he does, it doesn’t go away. Jaehyun expected his father to fuck shit up just like how he fucked up Jaehyun life already, but he didn’t expect the extent he would go to. All Jaehyun wants to do is fuck his father’s life, too; beat him up like he’s trash, make him realize how useless he is; do all the things he did to Jaehyun to have felt so miserable until now. But now that he knows he was the one who caused Doyoung to be lying on a hospital bed, Jaehyun just wants to throw his father off a cliff, smash his head on a pavement, shoot his head at gunpoint, poison his food, and everything that could kill him from how much his blood is boiling. His precious Doyoung, so innocent and humble, didn’t deserve to be in this kind of situation. He doesn’t deserve to be hanging from a silver lining, hanging desperately, trying to reach the place where he could go back to reality. He wasn’t even involved in anything other than being Jaehyun’s lover, but that doesn’t say that he deserves this treatment.

Jaehyun’s thoughts were interrupted when he sees the familiar streets near his father’s house, and his fidgeting increases, his heart pounding in anger.

When Johnny slowly parks on front of the car, Jaehyun has his hand on the door handle. “Jaehyun, you have to calm down first.” But when Johnny unlocks the doors of the car, Jaehyun is already running to the front door, knocking loudly.

His father opens the door and gives a surprised look. “Why is my faggot son he-”

He doesn’t let him finish his sentence because Jaehyun throw a punch on his face. He hears Ten and Johnny run towards them from behind Jaehyun. His father steps back from shock as his fingers linger at his nose, feeling blood stream down to his fingers. “What the fuck?!” He steps forward to grab Jaehyun shirt and punches him across the cheek, making Jaehyun step back.

“You did it! You’re the one ran him over!” Jaehyun rubs at his swollen cheek. He’s about to walk towards him when he feels Johnny’s arms around his torso, stopping him.

“Your lover?” His father laughs. “And what if I did? What are you gonna do?” He says, mocking at how Jaehyun freaks out.

“I’m going to tell the police!”

“With what evidence? Camera footage you got illegally? I knew about that black box, Jaehyun. And I left it there because I knew the only way to access it is through hacking. You think I didn’t think this through? How stupid could you be?” Jaehyun drops to the floor in frustration and fatigue, Johnny hold around his torso loosening and turns into patting his back. “You’re wasting your time, kid!”

Jaehyun stops himself from crying, his head bowed down. “Why?”

“Why? Because he loves you.” His father steps forward to pull at Jaehyun’s hair. He hears Ten and Johnny step forward to stop him, but he hears a loud click above him and feels his father’s other hand raise. When he raises Jaehyun’s head to look at him, hair being pulled harshly, he has a gun pointing at his friends. “And I live to make your life miserable. I love watching your life fall apart.” He throws Jaehyun on the floor and places the gun at the back of his jeans. “Now leave, before I start planning your suicides.”

Jaehyun just looks at his father for a moment before he feels Johnny hand lift him up. “Let’s go, Jae.” Jaehyun merely follows, silence was the only thing he is giving despite the prodding questions of ‘want to go grab some dinner?’ and ‘how about ice cream?’ from the two.

“I just want to go home.” Jaehyun says, and it would be lie if he didn’t hear Ten sniff a tear and Johnny sighing, defeated.

“Okay, Jaehyun.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ikr he's a dick
> 
> you know the drill: @coffeechaelly or @KlMD0YOUNG


	16. I'm Never Going to Let You Go

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He owns the universe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is very very veeeerrry short. its like 1,100+ words only hahaha
> 
> I'm giving yall this because yall deserve a break from the bullshit his father made you gays get into.
> 
> Originally, i wanted to update a serious chapter about the investigation, but i was too uninspired and i missed writing fluff, so here it is.
> 
> Enjoy some dojae fluff, with just doyoung pining.

**_ Doyoung’s POV _ **

_Doyoung dreams, and he dreams of the wind brushing through his fingers. He feels an empty feeling in his chest, a feeling of warmth and darkness. Then he remembers what happened to him before he felt like this._

_He was ran over by Jaehyun’s father with a car, and he doesn’t feel well from thinking about how his face was filled with disgust and evil. Doyoung feels numb but he would feel a sharp shiver down his spine from how senile he looked._

_Doyoung wonders how long he has been like this, how numb and helpless he feels. He wants to go back, wants to know how the sun shone and how the rain feels. He wants to know how Jaehyun’s kiss feels across his lips again._

____

_He feels it before he could open his eyes, but he doesn’t know if he can wake up. He thinks he can’t wake up, but he can hear the voice hover over him. Doyoung deduces that he is in a coma, and for some reason, he feels terrified. What if he never wakes up? What if he never sees his family again? Or see Jaehyun and his shining eyes again? He brushes these thought away, wanting to stay positive._

_He could feel a warm, but subtle, hand on his cheek. It’s as if he was being treated fragile and soft. It was smooth to his skin, made his insides churn in sweet relief. He knew it was Jaehyun, and Doyoung would always know how his lover would touch him, how beautiful his touch would feel. He wants to reach out, but only his mind is racing, and his body is numb to everything._

_“Oh, Doyoung.” He hears it, and he knows who that voice owns to. He has always loved how Jaehyun’s voice become a song to his ears, how he could feel every vowel resonate through his fingertips. He loves it when Jaehyun sings him a song, sings through the lines of a rock song Johnny always plays. “I want to kiss you right now, baby.”_

_Do it, his mind says, but he can’t shout it, knows he can’t because he body protests. He badly wants to feel every inch of Jaehyun again, feel the curve of his lips and the jut of his hip._

_He just wants to love, again._

____

_If Doyoung could write right now, he would write about the nights he would hear Jaehyun cry for him to squeeze back on Jaehyun’s hold on his hand. He would write about how he would feel a warm kiss on the back of his hand and how a tear drops with it. He would write about the diamond tears Jaehyun has shed and the beautiful verses of song Jaehyun would sing in between sobs._

_If Doyoung could write right now, he would write about the laughter he hears of Jaehyun and his beloved friends while eating god knows what kind of greasy food Jaehyun loves to eat. He would write about how Johnny would put a hand on Doyoung shoulder, saying a sad “come back to us, Doyoung. We miss you already,” while Ten would fix the blankets that cover him._

_If Doyoung could write right now, he would right about the silence of the room except for how Jaehyun would tap on his laptop, probably writing a crammed report. He knew Jaehyun could just go home and do it at the comfort of his bedroom, but he stays anyways, and Doyoung feels so loved._

_So very loved._

____

_Time doesn’t exist when you’re in a coma, but he knows that he’s been in this kind of state for long enough to feel an ache on his back. And he wonders how he could feel it, but realizes he is awake. His body aches with his eyes, how his muscles strain and his feet cramp under him. His eyes open, and he expects an eruption of happy tears, but there was nothing other than the soft snores of Jaehyun beside him, his head resting on his arms._

_He wishes he could call out for his lover, but a sudden rush of darkness cover him, and he knows he’ll be back into the state of nothingness again, and he begs his body not to._

_But it was all too late when he hears Jaehyun call out his name then moves on into going back to sleep, because he didn’t realize Doyoung was awake for a moment._

_Jaehyun was still beautiful just like how he remembers it. Doyoung might have only been awake for seconds, but he is satisfied. He’s been craving for Jaehyun, and a mere glimpse is enough for him._

____

_A heaving breath is all he hears, and then a sob. He knows it’s Jaehyun again, he just really wants to comfort his lover, to say that he is okay, but he physical can’t. He feels an aching feeling through his chest from how Jaehyun stumbles, and how his hands shiver whenever he holds Doyoung’s face. Doyoung just wants to kiss his pain away, hold him and keep him grounded just like how he would make him feel._

_He hates how he is so helpless, a slave to a disaster someone else confined him in. He hates how his skin feels like it’s not his, how his limbs feel like dust, and how his heart feels so cold. He wants his numb heart to fall into pieces and have Jaehyun piece them back together to the warm love that was once present. He wants to feel the string of fate ring through his fingers and pull him towards Jaehyun._

_He just wants to show Jaehyun how much he is so loved._

____

_“You love him.”_

_He hears it, and he knows it was Ten saying it. And he could hear Jaehyun sigh above him._

_“Like how Doyoung would say it; in degrees people cannot comprehend.”_

_And Doyoung feels so loved. It surprised him how Jaehyun would listen to every detail Doyoung would say in the height of intimacy between them. He remembers those exact words the first time he said it; it was when Doyoung assured Jaehyun of how much he loved him. He wanted to say it because he wanted to make his lover feel how special he is in his heart, how much space he completes inside Doyoung’s heart, because it is true that he only loved so rare but so intensely. He has been careful on who he loves, and when he does, he loves in degrees people cannot simply comprehend._

_He wants to make Jaehyun feel the loved he deserves, have them be pulled by fate together and be holding on each other forever._

_Doyoung just wants to make Jaehyun feel like he owns the universe._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I JUST WATCHED SEVENTEEN LIVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WOO #SVTIdealCutMNL WOO AND IM SO HAPPY !!!!!!!!!!!!
> 
> also omggg we're getting a new nct 127 update and they're going to be in jimmy kimmel!!!!! im so happy for my baby AND JUNGWOO, MY OTHER BIAS, IS DEBUTING UNDER THEM. I'M SO FUCKING HAPPY
> 
> anyways, i changed my Multi-Fandom UN because im stanning The Boyz now, so yall know the drill: @KlMD0YOUNG or @NewBIueBoy (the L in BLUE is an upper case i)
> 
> STAN THE BOYZ!


	17. Every Storm That Comes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> People help and things are revealed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey  
> 1\. Uni is a bitch  
> 2\. NCT127's cb killed me
> 
> Anyways, here's some boring shit. i really want to go back to writing fojae fluff, but the plot doesn't permit it. it'll come soon, dont worry.
> 
> also i gave up beta-ing in the last few scenes because im really sick asdfghjkl sorry

Jaehyun’s so tired; not only is he trying to survive his finals, he has a whole research paper to write, and his brain is close to giving up on him. He can feel his muscles twist inside him, his bones ache, and his heart race with every cup of coffee he takes. It’s a bit concerning, because he’s going back to his destructive type of coping mechanisms. What happened on the day he discovered his father’s doing, he’s been trying to forget about it with ways that make his insides coil and crumble.

Today was worse, however. He had two exams with only three hours of sleep, which is a requirement for himself because he can’t function without at least recharging for a short while. Then, after the exams, he had a presentation about rocket science to freshmen who will use his lecture as start to their final projects, that will mostly last for hours, from after one to three in the afternoon. And overall, his accumulated sleep for the past two weeks was six hours, and the sleep he got before the exam is included in that number.

So, Jaehyun could pass out at any moment, falling to the arms of fatigue at any minute, but Jaehyun forces himself not to mind the black spots that shows up on his eyes and the way his fingers shake from the overworking. He goes on with his day, the lecture comes smoothly, surprising himself and his professor, who is watching from the back of the lecture hall, that he endured through it despite the bags under his eyes and paleness of his skin. Jaehyun also managed to walk home, but slower than usual because the dark spots on his eyes darken at every few steps.

When he gets home, toeing his shoes off at the front door, he suddenly has the urge to just sleep there on the floor. But Jaehyun remembers that Johnny has his soccer team over for a pizza party, and he doesn’t want to make a scene.

He steps inside the living room and he sees Johnny standing with two slices of pizza on his hand. He looks at the layers and layers of pizza boxes, stacked on the coffee table. Johnny’s team mates were rowdy, which made Jaehyun feel sicker, but he didn’t want to show it, because he always liked their presence; but maybe now is not the time.

“Jaehyun! Come eat with us!” Johnny shouts, mouth full of pizza. The whole team looks at Jaehyun and they smile brightly, suddenly shouting a floury of ‘Jae! Wattup bud?’ and ‘duuuuude.’

Jaehyun just shakes his head no. “I’m okay. I’ll cook myself some soup. I don’t feel good. I think I ate something bad.”

Johnny gives him a confused look. “But you didn’t eat a thing today. And you never pass up on pizza.” Johnny walks towards Jaehyun, standing on front of him. “Are you sure you’re okay?” He had sad eyes and Jaehyun would appreciate how permissive his best friend is, but right now, he just wants to be alone.

“I’m okay, Jonathan. I ate something before I left campus and maybe that’s the reason why I don’t feel so good.” Jaehyun fakes a smile as he drops his bag on the dining chair.

“Okay. I’ll leave you to it then. Take medicine if you need, yeah?”

“I’m not a child, Johnny.”

“I know, but sometimes you are.” Johnny smiles and goes back to his team mates, and Jaehyun just rolls his eyes.

He changes into his usual pajamas, loose shirt and his plaid pajama pants, steps out of his room to walk to the kitchen. He decides to just make basic seaweed soup for himself, just soothe his aching insides, and maybe a warm cup of chamomile tea to fulfill the name of being an obnoxious hipster. Jaehyun was about to turn to grab a knife so that he could cut some onions when he feels a worst case of vertigo and sways. He tries to keep himself balanced, his palms on top of the kitchen counter. When his vision clears, and the floor doesn’t look like it’s sinking, he finally grabs for the knife to go back to his cooking. He starts to cut the onions aimlessly, his mind going elsewhere, as if he isn’t actually cutting the onions. He feels his body go into a state of white noise, and only snaps out of his trance when he suddenly sees a pool of blood on the cutting board. Jaehyun drops the knife on the table and looks at his hand, seeing some skin pilled off badly. He stares at it for a while until his vision goes fuzzy and the last thing he remembers is falling and a call of his name.

__

His eyes aches behind his eyelids when he wakes. He tries to open his eyes, but the bright light that shines over him made him squint that gave him a headache. When Jaehyun adjusts to the light, he sees white; white walls, white sheets, white fluorescent lights. Next, he sees is Johnny sitting on a chair beside him, fiddling with his phone, with one of his team mates at the back. At the other side of Johnny is nurse Chan, doing something with what looked like an IV drip. Jaehyun realizes he’s lying down on one of the beds in the emergency room, a needle stuck on his hand, his body covered with a comfortable blanket, and his brain fuzzy and tired. Jaehyun groans at how his body throbs in pain, but his bandaged hand was more painful than his whole body.

“Jaehyun?” Johnny says, a worried tone in his voice.

“You’re finally awake.” Nurse Chan says as he places a hand on his forehead.

“You got me so worried! You were covered in your own blood and I thought you were going to die!” Johnny exclaims.

“What happened?” Jaehyun squints and looks at nurse Chan who still has his hand on your forehead.

“I’ll list it down for you; one, you cut your finger while cooking; two, you’re dehydrated; three, you’re malnourished; four, you have the worst case of fatigue; and last, you ignored your fever to the point that your body just gave up on you.” Nurse Chan looked like he was angry at Jaehyun and it made him feel bad.

“I’m sorry.”

“You should take care of yourself more, Jaehyun. You’re overworking yourself to the brink of death.  People die of stress and fatigue; did you know that?” Nurse Chan’s face turned into worry.

“Yeah, I do.”

“Then you shouldn’t have done it. I know that what happened two weeks ago was emotionally stressful, but you shouldn’t beat yourself up because of it.”

“I know. I’m sorry. I got carried away.” Jaehyun tries to sit up but nurse Chan pushes him back to the bed.

“No. You are not going to get off this bed until you are well enough to me.” He looks at Johnny. “I’ll be transferring him into a room, so you boys should go home.”

“I’m staying.” Johnny says.

“No, you’re not. Go home, Johnny. You look as tired at this stupid boy right here, so you should go home and take the time to sleep some more. It’s Saturday tomorrow, anyways. He’ll be allowed to discharge tomorrow morning, but you can get him anytime. Although, I’m sure Jaehyun will go directly to Doyoung’s room when he’s discharged.”

Jaehyun smiles at how nurse Chan knows him so well. “Thank you for bringing me, Johnny.”

“No shit, loser. You got me so worried. That’s how much I hate you.” Johnny pouts and Jaehyun laughs.

“Love you, too, Jonathan. Now, go home.” Jaehyun reaches for Johnny hand to give him a reassuring squeeze.

“Okay. You better sleep!” He says as he starts to back away, his team mate following.

“I will. Also, thank you, Minhyuk, for helping Johnny.”

“No problem, dude. Get better!”

They leave him while nurse Chan and another nurse brings him to a room that is shared with another patient.

Nurse Chan was writing something on a clip board when he speaks up. “Hey, Jaehyun, I have to ask you something.”

Jaehyun looks at the worried face of his friend as he puts down the clip board on the high table. He pulls a chair and sits beside Jaehyun.

“Ten years ago, do you remember your father talking to someone before I pulled you away?”

Jaehyun digs up through his memory recalls that moment instantly since he’s been dreaming of that day recently. “Yeah. Why?”

“I didn’t want to tell you this at first because I didn’t want to assume, but I think it’s important now that we confirmed that your father is a psychopath.” Nurse Chan hesitates, swallowing a breath. “I overheard their conversation and I think they planned your mother’s death.”

Jaehyun’s speechless, something is blocking his throat because he can’t seem to process what he just said. Planned? What planned? Did he mean that the death of his mother was intentional? Just like how Doyoung’s accident was intentional?

“Jaehyun?” Nurse Chan finds Jaehyun just staring at him, his eyes starting to fog. “I know this is overwhelming, but this is important. They were talking about having their plan working, that switching the tires from slip-resistant tires to regular tires would make the car skid and crash. They also said ‘now that she’s dead, we can finally get the fortune she built. We’ll be rich’ then said the man’s name. I don’t remember the name your dad mentioned, but those were the exact same words, Jae.”

“Okay.” That’s the only word Jaehyun could say.

“Are you okay?” Nurse Chan says, worried and anxious.

“Managing. Thank you for telling me.”

He merely smiles as he stands. “Alright. We worry about you, Jaehyun. Get some rest.”

Nurse Chan steps out the room, leaving him with Jaehyun’s thoughts and the other patient in the room. He could feel a single tear drop to his cheek and he wipes it off with his hand.

“Hey, kid.” Someone says, and Jaehyun remembers that he is sharing the room with another patient. He turns his head to look at the other patient. It was a woman, gaunt and thin, pale and maybe dying, her lips chapped and white. But she was young, really young, maybe the same as Jaehyun.

“Me?” Jaehyun asks, and he feels stupid for doing so.

“Who would it be other than you, kid.” The woman turns her head to look at him. “Jaehyun, right?” Jaehyun nods. “I heard your conversation with the nurse, and your dad is a whole fucking asshole.”

Jaehyun laughs and the woman laughs, too, and her smile was beautiful. “I know. He gave me a shit life ever since my mother died.”

“I may not know how you feel, man, but I want to help you.”

“How?”

“My father owns the only tire shop in town, and he keeps all his receipts in a box somewhere at home; maybe you could find something that can help you. Stay for a little while tomorrow morning, my dad would be coming by and we could talk about it.” She smiles, and it warms Jaehyun’s heart.

“Thank you.” Jaehyun smiles.

“It’s Jisoo, by the way.”

“Thank you, Jisoo.”

__

When he wakes up, he feels a soft hand on his shoulders. “Jaehyun, wake up.”

He opens his eyes blearily and looks around the room. He sees Johnny smiling at him, Ten behind him with food in his hands. “Brought you the classic burger king, bud.” Ten says, a beautiful smile on his face. “And we brought clothes for you to change into.”

“Good morning.” He says, voice hoarse from sleep.

Ten was taking out the food while Johnny brings two Monoblock chairs beside the bed when a nurse comes in with a tray of food and places it on Jisoo’s high table. Jaehyun looks at Jisoo and she looks at him with a smile. “I’m jealous, you have greasy food and all I have is steamed vegetables and white meat.” She pouts and Jaehyun laughs, having Ten and Johnny turn their heads to the other patient in the room.

“Boys, this is Jisoo. Jisoo, my best friends. The tall one is Johnny,” he raises a hand with a smile, “and the small one is Ten,” Ten does the same, raising a hand with a smile.

“Nice to meet you, Jisoo.” Johnny says.

“You, too.” She says with a smile as she digs in through her food and they chew on their burgers. They were left in silence, eating their food, when another man comes in the room and walks towards Jisoo.

“Hey, dad.” Jisoo smiles. “Dad, these are my friends.” She points at Jaehyun’s group and they all smile.

“Good morning, sir.” Ten says and the man smiles.

“Oh, please, just call me Sangjeon.” He turns to the three of them to shakes each of their hands, his smiles as beautiful as Jisoo. “Why are you here, son?” He asks.

“Oh-“ Before Jaehyun could answer him, Johnny beats him to it.

“He was being stupid and stopped taking care of himself. He ended up fainting.”

“Don’t be so harsh on yourself…” He trails off, as if asking for his name, which Jisoo answers a, “Jaehyun, daddy,” and Sangjeon continues with a, “Jaehyun. You should take better care of yourself.”

“Yes, sir.” Jaehyun smiles and all of them smile, having the light of the morning feel peaceful.

The three of them lets Jisoo and her father talk for a moment, talking about what she dreamt of last night and how’s her mother. It was five minutes later when Johnny and Ten clean their mess and Sangjeon brings in his own Monoblock chair and places it beside Jisoo’s bed, but he placed it in a way that he could still make eye contact with Jaehyun.

“Jisoo told me that you needed help with something, Jaehyun.”

Johnny comes back from throwing their trash and sits beside Sangjeon at his left and Ten at his right. “What’s up, Jae?”

Jaehyun sits up properly and removes his blanket from his body to rest on his thighs. He sees Johnny’s face change into a subtle nervousness when Jaehyun takes his time before explaining. “Chanwoo told me-“

“Chanwoo? Who’s Chanwoo?” Johnny and Ten says simultaneously.

“Nurse Chan.” And they both open their mouths in an ‘ah’. “Anyways, he told me yesterday that he heard dad talk to someone ten years ago about what happened to mom. Apparently, they planned the accident by switching the car tires from slip-resistant tires to regular tires so that the car would skid and-“ Jaehyun swallows. “Kill her. And they planned it so that they could get mom’s money.”

“Oh shit, fam.” Johnny says but he suddenly slaps his mouth and looks at Sangjeon. “Sorry.”

“No need, son, because I agree that it’s shit. How may I help?”

“I just want to know if you have the receipt of the change of tires from ten year ago, and I want to know the name of who issued it, if that’s okay.”

Sangjeon smiles at Jaehyun. “Of course, it’s okay. I would love to help you. We can go immediately when you get discharged.”

“Can we go after I visit my boyfriend in his room?” Jaehyun smiles shyly.

“Boyfriend? He’s confined here?”

“He’s currently in a coma because my dad ran him over.”

“That’s shit. Sure, son, we can go after you visit your lover.”

__

Jaehyun is walking right beside Johnny with Ten and Sangjeon following behind them. When they reach Doyoung’s room, Sangjeon stops by the door and hesitates. “I’ll stay here.”

Jaehyun looks at him with a soft smile. “It’s okay, sir. You can come in.” Jaehyun opens the door and he saw Sangjeon give a small smile.

Doyoung looked as beautiful as the sun even when his state was as the moon. Although, he needs a shave and Jaehyun makes a mental note to do it the next time he comes. He wonders what Doyoung dreams about all the time, if he dreams of sunsets and the emerald sea, or if dreams of Jaehyun and how they cuddle up beside each other in a Sunday afternoon. Jaehyun’s heart beats just like how his heart beat the first time he laid his eyes on Doyoung; a never-ending race between space and time, and he can’t help but wanting to win forever and define the odds of what time gave to mortals.

Jaehyun places a hand on Doyoung’s forehead, feeling the soothe skin there, and brushing the stray hairs from his forehead; Jaehyun also makes a mental note to trim off some of Doyoung’s hair because of how long it looked. “Hey, baby. I missed you.”

“He’s handsome.” Sangjeon says at the foot of the bed.

“I know.” Jaehyun laughs, and he feels Johnny put a hand behind him.

“Doyoung! You need to shave, man.” Johnny says and it makes the room erupt in soft laughter.

He separates himself for the bed. “C’mon, let’s go. His parents are coming over, anyways, so I don’t need to stay too long.” He glances at his lover for one last look and held his warm hands. “Love you, Do. I’ll see you later.” He gives a soft smile and he steps out of the room along side the others.

They take Sangjeon’s car, the windows down to let the spring air flowing through. Minutes later, they arrive on a simple house, skin-toned walls outside with a porch adorned with various plants, two-stories with a chimney on the top. It looked like those houses in the movies that gave off a ‘here lives a happy family’. Sangjeon takes out his keys from his pocket when they follow him to the door, but before he could even insert the keys to the door, it flies open with a woman at the other side of the door. Jaehyun guesses that it’s Jisoo’s mother because she had the same eyes as her hospital roommate and the same shy smile.

“Hey, hun. We have visitors.” Sangjeon says as he steps inside, toeing his shoes off and replacing it to slippers. The woman steps aside the gestures for them to step in.

“What handsome lads we have here. Please, come in.” She says with a smile.

“Thank you, miss.”

“Oh, please. Call me Jimin.” Jaehyun steps inside the house, leaving his shoes by the door and replacing it with slippers Jimin offers. Johnny and Ten does the same and they follow Sangjeon to the living room. “I’ll make some coffee and bring in some snack for you.”

“Thank you, Jimin.” Johnny says with a smile and Jimin blushes, hiding her face with a smile.

“You’re quite handsome.” She says shyly and Sangjeon watches the scene unfold.

“Yah! You’re my wife!” He says playfully, and Jimin laughs while leaving the room. Sangjeon merely laughs lovingly. “I’ll go grab my files from my office. Don’t be too shy.” And he leaves the room.

Jaehyun goes through the room, looking at the picture frames hanging on the walls. Some were of family; Jisoo wearing a flower crown posing beside Mickey Mouse while his father pokes the mascot’s cheek and his mother door a flower pose. It made Jaehyun smile.

“Do you think this will help us get your father to pay for his wrong doings?” Johnny asks, sitting on the couch with Ten beside him, holding hands and knees brushing together. “What if the name in the receipts is a mere friend who doesn’t know what his plans are?”

“We have to try and exhaust all of our resources, Johnny. I just want everything about my father to end. I’ve lived my life in the hands of that psychopath and it’s affecting not just the people I love, but also the people around him.” Johnny nods. “Plus, I have to know where my mom’s fortune went to. It’s obviously not with my father.”

“Fortune?” Ten asks.

“Apparently they planned the accident to get the fortune my mom owned. I’m assuming it’s a big amount of money.”

“But didn’t your father give you her will during new year’s?” Johnny is the one who asks next with a confused look on his face.

“That’s what I thought, but there was a letter inside and a sum of money, but the money didn’t match the amount that was in the letter.”

“What did the letter say?”

 

“It had her signature and an unknown amount. I took a picture.” Jaehyun grabs for his phone and skims through his gallery. When he finds it, he shows it to Johnny.

_Kim Hyesung_

_Cumulative fortune owned: x,xxx,xxx.xx_

_Currency: American Dollar._

When Johnny reads and counts the number of x’ in the letter, he gasps and gives Jaehyun big, surprised smile. “Fuck, Jaehyun. That’s 7 units. That’s part of the million region.”

“Are you serious?” Ten says, grabbing the phone and reads it. “What the fuck? What did you mom do to have this kind of amount?”

Jaehyun shrugs. “She was a mere gallery curator to me.”

Johnny gives the phone back to Jaehyun and he pockets it. “Well, obviously she’s living a secret life, because even I know would know that a gallery curator can’t have the much zeroes under their name.”

“Wait!” Ten suddenly bursts out of the couch. “Does that mean that the money is yours? You’re the next of kin, right? Please tell me it’s with you.”

“I only have twenty-thousand dollars that dad gave me, so no.” And the couple curses together, Ten sitting back down.

Sangjeon enters the living room with an office box, placing it on the coffee table. “So, boys, what year are we talking about?” He says, opening the box and placing the lid on the carpet. Jimin enters then, a tray with four cups of coffee and cookies. She places it on the table beside the box and sits beside Ten.

“What are we trying find, boys?”

“A receipt issued on 2007.” Sangjeon goes through the files and takes out a folder with the year ‘2007’ labeled on top.

“So we are trying to find a receipt that issued a replacement slip-resistant tires into ordinary tires…” Sangjeon trails off as he skims every receipt, murmuring to himself from time to time. “When in the year do you think this was issued?”

“I guess December.”

Sangjeon rummages through the piles of papers, receipts, and scraps when they finally see papers clipped together with a note saying ‘December’ attached to it. He reads every receipt, eyes skimming the type of purchase or service. “All of these are regular to slip-resistant services.” Sangjeon says, rather defeated as he rereads the receipt he has already skimmed through.

“I’m sure there’s one.” Jaehyun says, fingers

“Wait!” Sangjeon notices a folded receipt pinned at the very back of the pile that he didn’t notice at first. “Request for…” he mumbles the next words, squinting at the paper. “Found it.” Sangjeon hands the paper to Jaehyun and he reads it out loud.

“Request for changing of tires, from slip-resistant tires to regular tires. Signed by…” And when Jaehyun reads the name, he’s in a state of shock, his blood turning cold. “Jeon Hangbin.” He looks at Johnny and he looks at him in confusion.

“Let me look at that.” Johnny says, snatching the paper away from Jaehyun. “Shit.”

Sangjeon looks at them in confusion as Jaehyun covers his face in frustration. “What is it?”

“Fuck.” Jaehyun proclaims behind his hands. He rubs at his face furiously then claps his knees. “Jeon Hangbin is the landlord.”

“What?” Ten is confused, too, his grip on Johnny’s hand softens.

“The one who requested this is our landlord.” Johnny says, trying to calm himself down by eating two pieces of cookies at once.

Jaehyun feels frustrated; the only thing he knew about their landlord was that he was a mere acquaintance to his father that owed him something. He didn’t expect that an old man, kind smile and warm hands, may be involved with Jaehyun’s past, and it hurt him. The deception and the lies. The reason why his mother died may be just under their apartment floor, and it scared him.

“We have to go and talk to him.” Jaehyun says, and no questions were asked from there. They bid their goodbyes and says their thanks to Sangjeon, offering to buy them dinner someday, maybe with Jisoo in the hospital. And they take a cab back to the apartment.

__

Jaehyun hesitates at the front door of his landlord’s apartment, the receipt folded in his jeans pocket. He feels a soft hand on his shoulder. “C’mon, Jaehyun.” Johnny says with a soft voice. Jaehyun knocks on the door, steady rhythm and loud enough. It takes a moment of silence before they heard footsteps going towards the door, then it opens.

Hangbin had a smile on his face, a night robe wrapped around his body. “How may I help you boys? If I could remember, your rent is due in 2 weeks, and I’m confused on why you are here.”

Jaehyun slips his hand in his pocket and takes out the receipt. He hands it to Hangbin and when their landlord reads it, his smile turns into a shocked frown. “We need answers, sir.”

Hangbin looks up to them and closes his eyes with a sigh. “Alright. Let’s talk inside.”

And they step inside, atmosphere cold and still.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oof who's hangbin?


	18. We Were Dancing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The start of the end

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Remember when i said that yall should take note of every detail in the story? Well it will apply here hehe

“I’ll get you boys some tea-“

“No need, Sir Hangbin. We’re here to talk.” Jaehyun says, his voice stern.

The three boys stand in the middle of the living room when Hangbin walks to the dining table, his eyes scared and slippers gliding on the floor, breaking the tensioned silence in the room. “Sit with me.” He says, gesturing to the chairs opposite him. They sit down, Jaehyun in the middle, Johnny at his right and Ten at his left. Hangbin looks at Johnny and Ten. “Will they stay?”

“Yes.” Jaehyun remains stoic, which scared Johnny because his best friend has always been transparent. But now his face is void of any feelings.

“Alright.” The old man sits on the chair opposite them, his hands instantly interlocking with each other to hide the anxiety he feels. “Jaehyun.” Hangbin looked at Jaehyun’s eyes with fear but he stays silent. “Hyesung… she’s my cousin.” Jaehyun holds his breath. “She was someone I trusted, someone I would die for…”

“But?” Jaehyun could feel his hands go cold, but Ten had a reassuring hand on his knee, rubbing soothing circles there.

“But she… threatened to blackmail me. You see, Jaehyun, I did bad things, exported bad stuff, killed equally as bad people like me with no remorse, as a job. An underground job… something people would only think is part of a fiction story.”

And somewhere in Jaehyun’s head, it clicks. “You were part of the mafia.” He remembers it now despite having it as a distant memory, how his mother would tell him snippets of her past life since Jaehyun was young and he would just think it was part of an old story parents would tell their children to scare them. She told Jaehyun that he had a retired mafia boss as an uncle but laughed it off after; it made young Jaehyun confused, but now he understands.

Hangbin closes his eyes, hissing at the word. “I hate hearing that, but yes. I was one of the best, the richest, and your mom is my right-hand man. She was _the_ _hitman_ , _the_ _best spy_. With how beautiful and kind she was, no one would have guessed that she was the most merciless person ever. But then she met the love of her life, your biological father; she did her job, still as well and merciless, but she became soft. She told your father about her side job, our secret, and that’s when everything went downhill. He threatened to tell the police, and even made Hyesung take his side and blackmail us, too, since she was pregnant with you by then. So we had to do what a boss would do to protect his assets…”

There was a moment of silence. “You killed my biological father.”

“Yes, and when we did, she left me, with the money I promised her for doing her job; she still kept it a secret because of the loyalty our family vowed. But it created a large gap in my group. No one could kill so smoothly like her. And I also realized that it’s because of the money she took; there was a large amount of revenue under her name, and many of my clients loved her, loved seeing her around parties, most especially your psychopath of a father; Jeongyeon is a powerful man with a powerful name in the criminal world. And he is also my best friend. I asked him if he could woo her, take her in and her child, and marry her, so that when the right time comes, I could kill her off and he could take the money for me.”

“The plan took ten years, but when it did happen, the money wasn’t even going to him, but was going to you. Your father was furious for something I didn’t know, so he destroyed all my assets, destroyed my one and only job, and would reveal my criminal name to the world. I begged, even went as far as to kneeling on front of him, and he accepted it, only in one condition; that I would keep you close and try to kill you off, too, so that, in the end, the money would eventually go to him.”

That’s when Jaehyun’s heart stops. Kill him? Was there ever a time where he was almost killed? Was that the reason why he rented the apartment with a big discount, so that Jaehyun would stay and find the right time to strike?

Jaehyun thinks of times where he was almost killed in his apartment, and it occurred to him that if he weren’t careful, then he would be dead without any justice given.

“The fire…” Jaehyun says quietly. Jaehyun used to live alone before Johnny moved in, and it was still the one-bedroom apartment across their apartment now, and that’s where the ‘accident’ happened.

“It wasn’t because of a gas leak but was because of the cigarette I threw through your window and onto the carpet.” Hangbin confirms.

“And the flower pot…”

“A classic falling flower pot from the rooftop. You were waiting for a cab on the front of the building, but you walked away even before it hit the ground.”

“How about the time when I almost fell down the stairs?”

“Yes.”

“When I almost got ran over?”

“Threatened a taxi driver to kill his family if he didn’t. Oh, and don’t forget the time when you were in the convenience store while it was being robbed and the men had guns with them. Those were my loyal men who I hired. Although, when they were about to shoot you, the police already came. There are others, but you were too lucky for the past years.”

Jaehyun falters on his seat but he feels Johnny’s warm palm at the small of his back, smoothing him into reality.

“I know it’s too late to say this, but I’m so sorry.” There was a silence shared while Jaehyun looks at Hangbin. “We’re both victims of your father’s plan. And even though I started this, I planned on ending it by the time your mother died. I saw you that day in the hospital, and I regret everything. I’ve been living this lie for ten years, being a puppet for your father, and I want to break from it.”

Jaehyun thinks of things he could say but he can’t find his voice, stuck at the roof of his mouth. But Johnny speaks for him, and Jaehyun is thankful. “Then do something about it. Help us drag him to hell.” Johnny says, his voice so stable that it kept Jaehyun grounded.

“But I would get dragged with him.” Hangbin says but his voice trembles.

“Repent, Hangbin.” Jaehyun finally caught up with his voice, and he could feel tears trying to spill from his eyes. “Please. My lover is in the hospital because of him. He pointed a gun at me and my best friends, and I’m sure he won’t stop there. We don’t know the extent of his hatred.” Jaehyun almost begs and he hears Hangbin sigh. “Please, Hangbin.”

A beat of silence is shared before Hangbin sighs. “Okay. I’ll do it. I’ll reveal your father for his sins, bring justice to your mother, your lover, and everyone he hurt in the past."

“What?"

“I’ll do it.”

“How? Do you have proof that could reveal him?"

“I’m a retired mafia boss, Jaehyun, I have my ways. Plus, I took a recording of that day in the hospital in case this day happens.” Hangbin reaches out to hold Jaehyun’s hand. “I’m sorry, Jaehyun. My cousin was a beautiful soul, _your mother_ was a beautiful soul. I'll do everything to bring him down."

Jaehyun nods. “Just make this right again.”

That’s when Jaehyun’s phone rings, breaking the sensitive atmosphere in the room. Jaehyun reaches for his phone and sees that nurse Chan is calling him. Jaehyun’s accepts the call and places the phone to his ear.

“Yeah? I’m kinda busy right now, Chanwoo.”

He heard a chuckle from the other end. “ _Well, you better drop it because Doyoung’s awake_.”

Jaehyun stands with a shocked face then into a smile. “I’m on the way.” Jaehyun ends the call then faces Johnny, excitement in his eyes. “Doyoung’s awake.” Then he faces Hangbin, waiting for a response, his smile never faltering. 

“Go. Leave everything to me. I’ll text you or go to your apartment when I have everything prepared.”

“I trust you, Hangbin.”

Hangbin smiles. “I’m your uncle, Jaehyun. We’re still family.”

__

Jaehyun is fidgeting with excitement at the passenger seat of Johnny’s car, his mouth stretched into a smile.

“Calm yourself, Jae.” Johnny says, huffing a soft laugh and Jaehyun laughs along.

“I’m just so excited. Fuck, Jonathan.” Jaehyung rubs his eyes. “I might just cry.”

“Save it for the hospital. We don’t have tissues here.”

“Okay. Fine. Yeah. Fine. Alright. Fuck yeah. I’m excited, but I should save it for later. Yeah. I’ll save it for my baby.”

Johnny and Ten laughs at how Jaehyun fidgets, feet tapping on the ground and hands finding purchase at whatever he could hold on to.

The ride went longer than expected, or that’s what Jaehyun thinks. When Johnny parks the car, Jaehyun is the first one to sprint to the hospital doors. He was greeted by the other nurses with a smile, knowing why he’s running. He tried greeting them, too, a wide smile showing off his teeth, but he runs faster with every greeting.

He’s out of breath when he sees the door to Doyoung’s room, but he doesn’t hesitate to open the door in his frantic state, his hands trembling with overwhelming relief. When he enters, Doyoung was smiling, eyes shimmering with happiness while his parents are there laughing with him, where his mother’s face had tears on his face not getting unnoticed. When Doyoung faces the door when Jaehyun comes in, his smile widens, tears starting to flow from his eyes. “Baby.” Doyoung says, softly, close to trembling.

“Doyoung.” Jaehyun says. And when Doyoung raises his arms to take him in, Jaehyun runs and embraces him tightly. “Fuck, Doyoung, I love you. I love you so much.” He says with his heart racing through his skin and he could feel Doyoung’s hands grip his sides with force as if Jaehyun would float away.

“I love you, too, baby. I’m sorry it took so long. I even missed your birthday.”

Jaehyun turns his head to Doyoung’s neck, his lips grazing the skin there. “It’s okay now. We can celebrate some other time.” He kisses his neck, wanting to feel how Doyoung breaths through his skin.

Jaehyun releases himself from the embrace and holds Doyoung’s face with both of his hands, their foreheads leaning against each other. Jaehyun looks at his lover’s eyes and his heart soars because he could finally see the universe again, holding it within his palms. He could see every star, dust, and light in Doyoung’s eyes like it lit up Jaehyun’s dark space he’s been living in.

Doyoung’s the first one to lean in, their lips meeting and he could feel supernovas explode inside them, intertwining, rhythm of hearts trying to harmonize. It was as if the world stops for them, Doyoung reaching up to hold Jaehyun’s warm hands with his cold palms. They only separate when they lose their breaths, happiness seeping through them unto the room, smiles shared between them. “I missed this.” Jaehyun says in a whisper. “I missed you.” And Doyoung laughs softly, feeling his breath brush against his lips.

__

A few hours after Doyoung wakes, after all the tests they ran again which they announced as normal and they declared him as fully healed, they share their usual Burger King Whopper within the group, Doyoung moaning from missing the taste, while his mother wipes away the ketchup from his lips. Johnny snitches to Doyoung about Jaehyun fainting the other day, and Jaehyun receives a scolding from his lover about taking care of himself. Doyoung notices Ten growing taller which made Jaehyun and Johnny hysterical, then getting a hard slap from Ten. Doyoung’s father points out the scruffing of his face, and Doyoung panics, rubbing at his jaw and chin, feeling the short hairs there. Jaehyun sits on Doyoung’s bed, facing each other, their legs crossed.

After moments of laughter, all Jaehyun could do is watch Doyoung laugh while his cheeks turn pink, smile stretching. Jaehyun stays silent despite the room erupting in laughter, wanting to just take in Doyoung’s glowing state. He’s been craving for Doyoung’s smile, for his lovers voice to finally fill the stale air. He could finally see how Doyoung glows with every smile and every laugh. Jaehyun has said this so many times, but he falls in love all over again every time he looks at those eyes that changed his life. Jaehyun never knew you could reach for the universe, but Doyoung is merely sitting on front of him, being the whole universe to him.

Jaehyun doesn’t notice that he’s being called until Doyoung puts a hand on his cheek. “Baby? You okay?” He says with a worried face, and Jaehyun smiles.

“I’m okay. I just wanted to watch you.”

Doyoung blushes, cheeks burning. “Can you stop it?” He covers his face with his palm, hiding the embarrassed smile on his face.

Jaehyun grins. “Sorry. I can’t help it. I’ve waited for too long.”

Doyoung removes his hands from his face to reach out for Jaehyun’s. “We have all the time in the universe now, baby.” He says with a smile.

They hear the chairs at the side scratch the floor lightly. They face the noise and see Doyoung’s parents standing. “We should get going.” His father says, holding his wife’s bag on his shoulders. “We’ll leave our darling to you, Jaehyun.” He smiles.

“Take care of our baby, Jaehyun.” His mother’s hand reaches up to Jaehyun’s face, patting it lightly. Then turning to Doyoung, leaning in to kiss his son’s forehead. “I’m so happy you’re with us again, baby. I love you.” She says within his hair. She looks at him with a smile and Doyoung smiles back. “We’ll see you tomorrow.”

“I’m sorry I made you worry, mom.” He says with a shy smile.

“It’s okay now, baby. You’re awake now and that’s what matters.” She kisses his forehead again and moves away, looking at Johnny and Ten. “Goodbye, boys. You should go home, too.”

“With Jaehyun? You’re asking for the impossible, auntie.” Johnny says, and Jaehyun glares at his best friend while the room erupts in laughter. “Bye, Auntie, Uncle.” He continues, waving his goodbye, and Ten and Jaehyun follows.

They leave the room, the door closing behind them. When Jaehyun goes back to looking at Doyoung while Ten fixes up their trash, his lover smiles at them. “Oh, Jaehyun, you’re wearing my gift for you.” Doyoung reaches for Jaehyun wrists and looks at the bracelet resting there. “It looks good on you.”

“Of course. It’s because you picked it out yourself.” Jaehyun twists his hand to hold on Doyoung’s forearm.

“I’m sorry I couldn’t give it to you personally.” Doyoung’s face turns into sadness and Jaehyun reaches up to massage the space between his lover’s brows, Doyoung relaxing at the gesture.

“Don’t say sorry for something you didn’t do and cannot control, Do.”

“Still. I must have missed a lot.”

“No shit, Doyoung.” Johnny says at their side. “A whole lot of shit happened in the months you were out.”

“Like what?” Doyoung turns to Jaehyun in confusion. “What did I miss?”

Jaehyun sighs. “I wanted to tell you at least in the morning since it would be a lot to take in. But since you asked, might as well just tell you.”

And Jaehyun tells him, from the night Doyoung was in the hospital, to discovering that his father was the reason, to getting evidence going back to ten years ago, to his uncle being involved, and it leaves Doyoung speechless. It was a lot to take in, that wasn’t a lie, but the fact that his lover and his best friends went through hell just for him really made him speechless. Doyoung knows that it was partially for Jaehyun’s mother, but everything is connected now; it clicks into place.

“We have to do something.” Doyoung says, determined but also scared for his life; knowing how his life was so fragile in the hands of Jaehyun’s father frightened him, and all he wants was to never expect it to happen again knowing that the cause of his state will be dragged into hell.

“Hangbin will take care of it.” Jaehyun holds his lover’s hand, sensing the overwhelming emotions he feels.

“How do you know we could trust him?” Doyoung says.

“To my uncle, a retired mafia, loyalty is more important than anything, most especially in family.”

“But he betrayed your mother.” Doyoung was doubtful, worried for Jaehyun.

“He was eaten up by greed with the help of the devil which is my father, Doyoung. He already apologized and is willing to sacrifice himself.” Jaehyun reaches up to hold Doyoung’s cheek and he leans in to the touch. “Stop worrying, Do. I assure you that nothing will hurt you again, not anymore. I promise to protect you.”

Doyoung looks at him with sad eyes. “But who will protect you?”

“My love for you is enough to protect me.”

Doyoung laughs at that, cringing and curling onto himself. Jaehyun laughs, too. “Fuck. That’s disgusting.”

“Yah!” He says, playful anger coming from his voice. “Appreciate my flowery words!”

“Even I, a writer, would never write that myself.”

“I hate you.”

Doyoung laughs. “I love you, too.”

__

It takes Doyoung a week before he could get discharged. He doesn’t go home to his own apartment, deciding to stay at Jaehyun’s, or rather Jaehyun decides for him with Doyoung protesting, with the words “It’s better if you stay with me.” But in reality, Jaehyun just doesn’t want to leave Doyoung alone.

It was bliss; Doyoung would sleep right beside Jaehyun in his bed, the moon shining over the both of them. Sometimes Jaehyun would stay up to watch the soft rise and fall of Doyoung’s breathing, sometimes wrapping an arm around his torso and placing a kiss on his crown. It was as if nothing happened between them other than spending their days together.

They had a routine; since it was spring break, they would laze around the apartment, sometimes cuddling in the bed until someone is too hungry to stay still. There are some days where they go to campus to fix the months when Doyoung was absent, but the meeting with the board of directors were always short since they love Doyoung. Eventually, they asked him if he could run for president in the university student government elections, in which Doyoung just says a “I’ll think about it” and they smile at him.

Some days they would go out to walk through the park. Doyoung would say “I remember it was still freezing out. How did days fly so fast?” with sad eyes and Jaehyun would just hold his hand until they reach an ice cream parlor and buy him his favorite ice cream with sprinkles on top.

Some days they would cook some food, and Doyoung notices how good Jaehyun had become in cooking. Then saying “Not as good as me, though” after, which made Jaehyun pout and Doyoung laugh.

Some days they would watch reruns of Friends on their television and share a bucket of popcorn. Doyoung would make a mess by throwing popcorn towards the television whenever Ross does something shitty to Rachel, shouting “You’re an asshole, Ross Geller! You deserve better, Rachel!” which made Jaehyun laugh at the angry expression Doyoung is showing.

It felt great, it made Jaehyun feel whole again, and he wants to stay like that forever.

__

It was a Friday when Hangbin comes knocking on their door in frantic rhythms. They were about to go out to celebrate Jaehyun’s belated birthday.

When Johnny opens the door for him, Hangbin comes running inside, Jaehyun, Doyoung, and Ten looking at them in the living room. He was sweating, his breathing erratic and eyes nervous. He walks towards Jaehyun, holding out his hands, and Jaehyun reaches out, too. When Hangbin was close enough to him, he hands him a hard drive. “What’s this?” Jaehyun looks at Hangbin with a confused expression.

“This is everything you need to drag your father to hell.” Hangbin swallows a breath. “But he knows, Jaehyun. I don’t know how he knew, but he knows. Called me up and threatened to shoot me. You have ten minutes, boys. You should run while it’s early.” And Hangbin leaves in a rush, leaving the door open behind him.

The four boys look at each other for a moment with confusion. “Do you think he’s telling the truth?” Johnny says.

“If it involves my father, then it’s true.” Jaehyun says, and they nod at each other, starting to go around the house, packing up extra clothes, money, and whatever they might need.

Jaehyun and Doyoung are standing beside each other on the foot of Jaehyun’s bed, folding a few shirts so that it could fit their one bag, when the atmosphere turns into fear and sadness.

“Jaehyun?”

Jaehyun hums while he shoves his and Doyoung’s socks to the bottom of the bag. “Yeah, Do?”

“Whatever happens, you know that if you go down, I’ll go down with you, right?” The room goes silent despite hearing Johnny ordering Ten around in the other room. Jaehyun turns to look at Doyoung while his lover is still folding their shirts beside him.

“Baby.” Jaehyun stops shoving their things into their bag to face his whole body to Doyoung.

“Yeah?” Doyoung continues to fold, setting aside the shirts that are already folded.

“Doyoung, face me.” Jaehyun says and Doyoung looks up to Jaehyun then stands straight to face him. He reaches up to cup Doyoung’s face and pulls him close, their foreheads leaning onto each other. “Baby, no one will go down, nothing bad will happen. We’ll live happily. I promise you, with the all the stars I could and cannot see, that I will protect you.”

Doyoung closes his eyes. “I know, but what if-”

“No, Doyoung. There aren’t any ‘what if’s’; I won’t allow it. Just stay close to me.”

Doyoung leans in to place a soft and chaste kiss on his lips and Jaehyun feels it through his bones. “Alright, I believe you.” Doyoung says when they separate.

“Jaehyun!” Both boys turn their heads to the shout of Jaehyun’s name. They recognize it as Hangbin shouting, but the frantic voice is different from the first time he came inside the apartment. “Jaehyun!” Hangbin shouts louder and Jaehyun runs out of his room towards the living room. Johnny follows behind him and eventually all of them are at the living room, Doyoung carrying their bag on his shoulder and Ten placing theirs on the ground.

“What’s wrong? Hangbin?” Jaehyun holds Hangbins shoulders as his breathing come into short puffs from running.

“Have this.” He says, his voice trembling. Hangbin gives Jaehyun a piece of folded paper. “If anything happens, if all hell breaks loose, call this number.” Hangbin is looking at Jaehyun straight in the eyes. In the distance, from outside their door, just downstairs, he hears a familiar voice calling Hangbin’s name. “Call this number and he will help you.” Jaehyun hears someone shouting Hangbin’s name. “Now, run. He’ll kill you-”

“Hangbin!” Everyone in the room turns to the person shouting from the front door. Jaehyun’s blood turns cold when he sees his father, his skin turning red with anger.

“Please, Jeongyeon. Spare your child, my dear friend. Please.” Hangbin begs, walking towards his father, but he reaches to his back pocket and brings out a gun. Everyone suddenly ducks, fear coursing through the room.

“Shut the fuck up, Hangbin. I want to talk to my son.” But despite the threat, Hangbin stays in place, right on front of him and his father, seperating them both. “It seems that my son’s boyfriend is finally awake.” He grins. “Ready to make a death wish?” He says and Jaehyun could feel Doyoung go behind him in fear.

“Dad, please stop.” Jaehyun says, trying to not make his voice tremble in fear. “What good do you get for doing all of this?”

His father laughs, head tiltimg backwards but his gun still directed at them. “I get to see your scared face.”

Then that’s when time starts to slow down, Jaehyun’s senses becoming hypersensitive to every little thing in the room. Jaehyun sees Hangbin throw a punch to his father’s face, sending him side ways, away from the the door. “Go!” Hangbin shouts as he straddles Jeongyeon’s body to hold him down by the wrists. “Get off of me, Hangbin.” He says, shouting, his grip on his gun tight.

Jaehyun grabs for Doyoung’s hand while he sees Ten reach for their bags. Johnny runs first, grabbing his keys from the table placed beside the door. He could hear shouting from inside their apartment but that doesn’t stop them. Jaehyun’s grip on Doyoung tightens and his lover does the same, their fear being grounded through their touch. When all of them are already inside the car, Johnny trying to ignite the engine, that’s when the shouts from inside their apartment turn into a single gunshot, then into silence. They all flinch, turning their heads to look at their apartment window. Jeongyeon emerges from the inside, peering from the window, blood splatters and anger decorating his face.

“Fuck.” Jaehyun says.

“Johnny! Fucking drive!” Ten says at the passenger seat, and Johnny snaps out of it, turning back to the wheel and igniting the engine.

They’re already driving away when Jaehyun sees his father’s angry face standing in the middle of the road, watching the car drive away, and his figure growing smaller until it’s gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh shit right???? Hahaha i actually planned on ending it here, or more like the resolution starts here, but jae's dad is a psychopath and what's a good story without another climax riiiight hahahaha
> 
> Tell me watya think my dudeZzzzz and sizzzzz


	19. Wishing We Could Start Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Doyoung begs - for Jaehyun and for a better reality.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> heeey im back bitcccheeess im sorry if took awhile!!! midterms was a bitch. anyways enjoy more angst
> 
> TW// a lot of violence :---(

It took Johnny an hour to drive to Chanwoo’s apartment. They decided upon themselves to stay somewhere else, somewhere Jeongyeon wouldn’t expect the group to go to since he doesn’t know their nurse-friend. They honestly don’t know what to do at this point, don’t know where to go, don’t know who to go to, to actually benefit them.

Chanwoo was waiting for them at the cafe that’s at the ground floor of his apartment complex, sipping on a cup of something, probably tea, sunglasses covering his eyes, and in a yellow tank top and shorts. He looks like a basic fuck boy slash hipster slash metropolitan gay man with his legs crossed, expensive phone on hand. Jaehyun didn’t expect how this man could be so laid back and obnoxiously looking while being a nurse in a prestigious hospital.

They park a few blocks away from the cafe and walk together towards him. “Chanwoo.” Jaehyun says when they start to get closer to the man. 

Chanwoo looks up from behind his sunglasses and he beams, pulling up his glasses to his head. He stands to hug Jaehyun. “Hey.”

Jaehyun smiles, too. “You look obnoxious.” He says when he separates himself from Chanwoo.

Chanwoo spots Doyoung behind him and Jaehyun moves away so that they could hug. “Doyoung. It’s nice to see you out.” Chanwoo glares at Jaehyun from his shoulders. “Your boyfriend is being an ass about me flaunting my gay ass.” And Doyoung laughs. He walks to Johnny and slaps his face lightly. “Missed you, daddy long legs.” And Johnny snorts a laugh while Chanwoo turns to Ten. “Hey, little thang.” Chanwoo receives a glare from Ten. “I’ll buy doughnuts, then we can go up.”

__

They enter Chanwoo’s apartment and it looked like every hipster’s apartment in movies; it has high ceilings with high windows to light up the whole room, one wall is a bare brick wall that has the pansexual flag plastered on it and picture frames adorning it; at the opposite side of the room, there’s a flat screen TV sitting on a table with succulents around it; the coffee table also has a single succulent plant and a couch that has a fluffy blanket covering it; the carpet under the couch and the coffee table resemble dog fur, white and soft to the touch; in another side of the room was the kitchen with an island that also has succulents on top of it; and the other rooms were bedrooms.

“Oh, wow.” Doyoung says when they enter, looking around.

“I know. Might as well use the money I get for my hard work and live beautifully and comfortably. Too bad I live alone. The place is too big for one person.” Chanwoo faces Jaehyun with a smirk. “Maybe you could hand me your professor’s number so that I won’t be lonely anymore.”

Jaehyun glares at him. “Keep your dick inside your pants, dude. Do it yourself.”

Chanwoo glares back. “Help a fellow gay man out, fam.” He starts to walk away from them, to the kitchen. “Wait, I’ll bring you guys some coffee and serve the doughnuts.”

Jaehyun and Doyoung sits on the couch, knees bumping into each other, while Johnny is sitting on a separate seat, Ten on his lap. Jaehyun reaches for Doyoung’s hand to intertwine with his, and he could feel his lover’s cold, nervous hands. Jaehyun looks at him.”Baby?” Jaehyun says but Doyoung  merely hums. “Are you okay?” 

It takes a moment for him to answer back, raising his eyebrows and momentarily looks at Jaehyun before looking away again. “Huh? Yeah, I’m okay.” But Jaehyun doesn’t believe it.

“Are you sure? What’s bothering you, Do?” Ten asks, looking at Doyoung with concern.

“It’s just…” He sighs, eyes closing while his breathing loosens. “I’m scared.”

Jaehyun leans his head on Doyoung’s shoulder. “Tell us what’s up, baby.”

“This is so dangerous; our situation is so dangerous. And I’m so scared that one of us will get hurt from this. I don’t even know what we should do at this point. All I want is to sleep and eat my new favorite mild ramen spicy that only exists in Jaehyun’s life.” Doyoung huffs a small laugh and it send Jaehyun’s heart up above the clouds, a soft pull in the midst of a storm cloud almost coming towards them.

“No one will get hurt and we will sleep as much as we want when we get back, okay baby?” Doyoung nods. “Good.”

At that moment, Chanwoo comes in with mugs of coffee and a plate of the doughnuts on a tray and places it in the coffee table on front of them. He sits on the carpeted floor and grabs one doughnut from the plate and shoves it in his mouth. “So, what’s the tea?” His says, mouth full.

“We’re on the run.” Johnny says before Jaehyun could even open his mouth.

“That seems dramatic.” Chanwoo says.

“We’re serious though. Jaehyun’s psychopath of a father is hunting us down and won’t hesitate to shoot our heads off because he knows we have enough evidence to bring him down.”

“Oh shit, really? Like, he has a gun and would shoot you?” Chanwoo seems nervous with his words.

“Shot our landlord, who is apparently Jaehyun’s uncle, who is also a retired mafia boss, right on the head and ran out to try catching our car with his blood all over his face.”

Jaehyun could feel Doyoung’s skin go cold and his body shiver in fear. “That’s shit.”

“I agree.” Jaehyun couldn’t help but breath out the agreement, grief in his voice.

“How did you end up in this mess?”

Jaehyun spills everything just like how he told Doyoung the truth, and it’s obvious on how Chanwoo’s face turn from nervousness to fear that he is scared and anxious for the boys. 

“I-I don’t k-know if I can help you guys. I want to help. How c-can I help my favorite boys?” Chanwoo is visibly shaking with the fact that his young friends are in extreme danger.

“We just need a place to stay. Enough time to gather our thoughts.” Doyoung says as his hold on his lover softens.

“Of course. Anything for the four of you.”

__

Jaehyun and Doyoung are cuddling on the couch while Johnny’s rock music blasts from his laptop. Their tall friend was sitting on the floor, his laptop on front of him, and eyes fixated on the screen. Ten was lying down Johnny’s lap, playing something on his phone, while Chanwoo was cooking them dinner in another room.

_ We sing along to “forever young.” _

It was a song Johnny would sing to more than once a day, which Jaehyun doesn’t retaliate with because the song was good in itself. He jams to it even.

_ Wendy, run away with me _ .

He could feel Doyoung snuggle closer to him, head resting on Jaehyun’s arm as his back is flushed on his chest. He could feel the faint smell of lavender on his lover’s hair and it really hit home, nostalgic and warm to the touch. It was like that night when he first let Doyoung in his life, their bodies close but not close enough on Jaehyun’s bed, talking about everything and nothing in the same time. 

_ I wanna be your lost boy, your last chance, a better reality. _

“Baby.” He feels Doyoung’s chest vibrate as he calls out for Jaehyun. He hums in reply. “What song is this?” His lover asks.

_ Wendy, we can get away. _

_ I promise if  you’re with me, say the word and we’ll find a way. _

“It’s really nice.”  Doyoung says as he intertwines his hand with Jaehyun’s which was placed on his side.

_ I can be your lost boy, your last chance, _

_ You’re “everything better plan” _

“Yeah, it’s really nice.”

_ Oh, somewhere in neverland. _

Moments like these makes him feel at ease to the point that he has forgotten that someone is hunting them down and won’t hesitate to shoot their brains out. He wants everything to go back to normal, to the times when he didn’t know the extent of his father’s wrath, only having Jaehyun wallow in his own pain his past brought to him. It feels so distant now that they’re all together, stress and fatigue in their eyes. He’s just very thankful that he has people who is willing to help them even if it was miniscule. Jaehyun makes a mental note to himself to thank Johnny and Ten for being here even if they’re not involved in the first place, getting dragged into Jaehyun’s daddy problems.

Johnny suddenly grunts in frustration, rubbing his face with his hands aggressively. “What up, Jonathan?” Jaehyun asks. Ten sits up to put a hand on his lover’s cheek. “What’s wrong, baby?”

“Fuck.” Johnny says as he leans into Ten’s touch. “The file is barred.”

Jaehyun sits up, too, removing his arm from under Doyoung’s head. “What do you mean barred?”

Johnny hits his keys multiple times, aggression and anger painted on his face. “It means that the files can’t be accessed. This is so frustrating!” Johnny shouts and Ten hushes him.

“Calm down, baby. C’mere.” Ten gestures Johnny to come closer and Johnny buries his face beneath Ten’s chin. “Breath. I know this is so frustrating.” Ten rubs soothing circles at his lover’s back. “Now, tell us what we could do about it.”

Johnny sighs. “I need to hack into it.”

“But isn’t that easy for you, baby?” Ten reaches for Johnny’s face and pulls him up to look at him directly. 

Johnny just pouts at him. “This is different. This is some kind of high security bullshit - something you would only find in government systems. I know how to hack into it, but I need all the time in the world. But since we are being hunted down, I don’t even think we have the time for that.”

Ten lays a peck on Johnny’s lips and smiles at him. “Then we’ll give it to you. Don’t worry about it and leave the rest to us. Just do whatever you have to do, and we’ll handle it, yeah?”

“Thank you, Ten.” Johnny smiles, too.

“That’s cute.” Chanwoo comes in from the kitchen with plates of their food. “Food’s ready.” Johnny puts his laptop away while Chanwoo places the food on the table.

They eat, talking aimlessly about the TV shows they need to catch up on that Chanwoo has watched and also the eternal pining of Chanwoo for Jaehyun’s professor. They were laughing that whole time they were eating, and it really felt soothing to Jaehyun’s nervous heart.

When the plates have been washed and dried, they all retreat to their own rooms that Chanwoo offered. Doyoung was already wrapped around with the bed’s blanket, cheeks puffing out and hair messy on the pillow when Jaehyun steps out from the shower. “Ah, cute.” Jaehyun says when he sees Doyoung already asleep, mouth open and cheeks pink.

Jaehyun lies himself down right next to his lover and brushes a stray hair away from his face, caressing his fingers through Doyoung’s smooth skin. “Good night.” He says in a whisper, placing a kiss on Doyoung’s forehead, and his lovers hums in content. 

__

The next time he wakes, someone has their hands on his shoulder, shaking him. “Jaehyun, wake up.” Someone says in a whisper.

“Wha-” He turns to the voice and he sees Chanwoo’s nervous look. Chanwoo quickly places a finger to his lips.

“Quietly, Jaehyun, wake Doyoung up and pack. There’s someone outside the apartment complex trying to buzz themselves in.”

“Huh? Then why do we-”

“It’s your father. He has two other guys.” Jaehyun’s eyes go wide. “Quickly.” Chanwoo leaves when Jaehyun is trying to shake his lover awake.

Doyoung wakes up in a start, eyes flying open. “What? Oh my god, what’s wrong?” His lover sits up.

“We have to leave, baby. Pack up. You can change into something more comfortable, but be quick.”

“What wrong?” Doyoung looks at Jaehyun with nervous eyes.

“I’ll explain later, but we have to go.”

Jaehyun is quick to leave the bed, putting on his sneakers quickly and his jacket around his shoulders. While Doyoung is fixing up their bags, Jaehyun runs out to see Johnny kissing Ten quickly at their door, hearing them whisper ‘I love you’ to each other. Johnny turns to Jaehyun. “You have everything settled? Your laptop, do you have it?” Jaehyun asks.

“It’s inside the bag - with Ten. I’ll wait for you at the living room.” Johnny says, leaving Jaehyun to walk away.

Jaehyun goes back to his lover, who’s putting on his shoes and pocketing his phone. When Doyoung stands, Jaehyun rushes towards him, grabbing for his lover’s face and doesn’t hesitate to bring him closer for a kiss. Five seconds felt like forever to them, and the time they separate, it made Jaehyun feel safe. Doyoung rests his forehead on Jaehyun’s when they separate, panting and flushed. “I love you, Doyoung. Stay close to me and you’ll be safe.” Doyoung nods frantically.

“I love you, too, Jaehyun.”

When they come out to the living room, hands intertwined tightly, Chanwoo was opening his window open and looking down towards the street. “Go down through the fire exit. Someone buzzed them in.” Chanwoo looks at the boys with fear.

“Do you see anyone waiting below?” Johnny asks, and Chanwoo looks again.

“There’s no one there. Be quick. Johnny, ready your keys, and don’t hesitate to break the speed limit.” Chanwoo says to them. “Be safe, please.” It sounded like a plead and Jaehyun’s heart aches.

Johnny is already stepping out from the window, Ten behind him, when Jaehyun walks towards their nurse-friend, placing a soft hand on his shoulder.

“Thank you, nurse Chan. We owe you.”

“Just text me if you’re settled somewhere, okay?” He places a hand on Jaehyun’s cheek. “I’ll be waiting.”

They quickly climb down the fire exit, and Jaehyun is sweating from either his aching muscles or the fear and adrenaline he feels. But he couldn’t careless with how his heart is trying to jump out of his chest. All he could think of is his friends, most especially his lover, and their safety. They’re hanging from a thin thread and one wrong move, they’ll be plummeting towards their deaths. And he doesn’t want that; he still has to watch Johnny and Ten get married and exchange their tear-jerking vows, he still has to witness Chanwoo finally dating Minseok’s and finally suck faces. He still has to watch his life be played towards forever with Doyoung in his hands - with the universe curled on his pinky finger, promises of future ‘I love you’s and fate intertwining their fingers together.

They sprint when they reach the bottom of the fire exit. They’re halfway near their car when the glass door of the apartment complex shatters. Jaehyun looks behind him and sees his father and his minions running towards them, guns out and furious. Doyoung is dragging him by the hand when Jaehyun looks forward. When they reach Johnny’s car, they quickly climb in, and all they could hear is their hearts beating and their ragged breaths catching on their throats.

Johnny quickly turns the engine on, and a gunshot ricochets on the pavement beside them, and that’s when panic tries to break through Jaehyun’s lungs. But Doyoung has a hand on Jaehyun’s hand, assurring, keeping him grounded. He turns to see how far they are from them, but Doyoung quickly places a hand on Jaehyun’s cheek to stop him, turning his face towards his lover. “Don’t look, baby. We’re okay. Breath with me.”

Johnny is already driving away when Jaehyun is heaving for air, sobbing in between his gasps, and his head resting on his lover’s shoulder. Doyoung stopped talking to breath deeply so that Jaehyun could follow him. Jaehyun only snaps out of it when they’re already in the highway, far from where they were. Doyoung has his soft hands on Jaehyun’s face and Doyoung brings him close for a kiss. Jaehyun relaxes, breathing out deeply. When they separate, Doyoung smiles. “Better?” Jaehyun merely nods timidly, his body tired. “Sleep more. I’ll wake you up when we’re somewhere safe.”

Jaehyun nods again and goes to sleep, his head resting on his lover’s shoulder and hands intertwined.

__

Jaehyun wakes up with a soft hand on his face. He’s greeted with his lover’s bright smile when he finally opens his eyes. “Good morning. It’s six in the morning and we’re going to have breakfast. Do you want to eat, or do you want to sleep more?”

Jaehyun notices that Johnny and Ten is already outside. Ten has his arms around Johnny’s neck and Johnny has his hands on Ten’s bare hip. They look like they’re laughing between themselves, smiles and laughter in their own bubble. Jaehyun looks back at Doyoung and doesn’t hesitate to peck his lips. “I want breakfast.”

Doyoung’s cheeks flush a bright pink and Jaehyun smiles when Doyoung covers his face in embarrassment. “I hate you.” He says behind his hands. He continues to leave the car, and Jaehyun only laughs. “I hate you so much.”

“I love you, too.” Jaehyun says in between laughs, as he follows on leaving the backseat to step outside.

The morning air was chilly and the sky was in a light blue color, the sun not peeking out yet. Doyoung was watching him walking towards them and reaches out his hand so that they could intertwine their hands together. Jaehyun thinks that’s all they have been doing recently, holding each other close, as if the fear of losing the other will happen. Jaehyun knows that Doyoung is scared to lose Jaehyun again, and Doyoung knows that Jaehyun is scared, too, so they have this mutual understanding to keep each other near, at arm’s length, without explicitly saying it.

“Ready for breakfast? I want pancakes.” Johnny says as he separates himself from Ten, walking away to stretch, arms above his head. Ten intertwines his hand on Jaehyun’s and he looks at him with a soft smile.

“You okay now? We were worried that you’ll pass out from the lack of oxygen.”

“Yeah.” Jaehyun smiles. “I guess I just got overwhelmed.”

“That’s fine. We’re safe for now.” Ten releases his hold from Jaehyun to run towards his lover. “I’m hungry! I want all the pancakes!” He says loudly into the morning air, and Jaehyun and Doyoung laughs.

They step inside a diner, the kinds you see in movies where it’s in the side of the road and booths are lined up near the window and high chairs at the center of the restaurant. They sit on the farthest booth, each couple sitting beside each other. They are quickly given a menu by a woman with bright red lipstick and a smile on his face. “How may I help the beautiful and wonderful gay men of our society? I heard one of you shout for pancakes from the parking lot.” Ten chuckles, embarrassed, and the three other boys laugh. “It’s six in the morning, and during this time we have this promo where we offer unlimited amount of pancakes. Would you want that?” The lady says towards Ten.

“Really?” He lights up in excitement. “I’ll have that.” The lady writes it down on her notepad. “How about you, baby?” Ten asks, turning towards his lover.

Johnny goes through the menu. “I’ll have chicken and waffles.” He says with a smile.

“I’ll also have the unlimited pancakes.” Doyoung says and closes the menu book.

“I’ll have coffee.” Jaehyun says and Doyoung looks at him.

“You’re not eating?” He asks worriedly.

“I’ll just share with you, baby.” 

The lady continues her writing on the notepad. “Is that all, boys? How about drinks?”

“We’ll all have coffee, actually. Thank you.” Johnny says.

“Alright. It’ll be out soon.” The lady says with a smile, and it lifts the heavy feeling from Jaehyun’s chest.

Jaehyun sees Ten place his leg on Johnny’s leg, and Johnny places his arm around Ten. “We seem so clingy these days.” Jaehyun says and Ten nods in agreement.

“We’re in so much danger that I’m scared of anything and everything. But being scared makes me ugly and break out, so I decided to live my days being happy and cuddly with Johnny. You and Doyoung has been doing it recently, I noticed.”

Doyoung smiles, leaning his head on Jaehyun. “Just making up for lost time.”

When their food arrive, Ten quickly sits up and grabs for the maple syrup placed by the wall, pours it on his pancakes and devours the first 3 layers. They eat and it already felt like how home should be - with great company and great food. But for some reason, Jaehyun tells himself to savor this moment, that he should enjoy this while it lasts. And it may feel so pessimistic, but Jaehyun just can’t help it when he’s watching his friends laugh and watch his lover enjoy the pancakes he’s been missing. 

Ten is still devouring his pancakes, constantly asking for more, when they’re all finished with their share of breakfast. The waitress gets their plates and refills their coffees eventually, but Ten continues to eat. 

“So, what’s our plan?” Johnny says, wiping away crumbs on the corners of his mouth with a piece of tissue.

“I honestly don’t know.” Jaehyun sits back and looks out of the window.

“We have to tell someone other than Chanwoo.” Doyoung says beside him.

“Why?” Jaehyun looks back inside to sip on his coffee.

“So that we can turn to someone other than Chanwoo in case of anything happens. Someone we trust.”

“Who?” Johnny says as he lets Ten take a bite of pancake from a fork.

“We can tell my parents.” Doyoung says.

“No, baby. We’ll risk their safety. How about Minseok?” Jaehyun says and Doyoung nods at his answer.

“I guess we can do that.” Johnny says with a full mouth.

“I’ll try calling him.”

Jaehyun brings out his phone as he feels Doyoung’s hand on his thigh. Jaehyun calls his professor’s number and places the phone towards his ear. Doyoung rubs his hand on Jaehyun’s thigh and he turns to his lover. Doyoung smiles and places a peck on Jaehyun’s lips which made him flushed, and made Doyoung huff a small laugh. After a few rings, Minseok finally picks up the call.

_ “What, Jaehyun? It’s six in the morning, and it’s too early for you to call.”  _ Minseok sounded hoarse from the other end.

“It’s important.” Jaehyun says.

_ “It better be.” _

“So…” From there Jaehyun tells him everything that has happened. When Jaehyun finishes, the other line goes silence. Jaehyun makes a confused face and removes his phone from his ear to check if Minseok is still there. “Hello?” He says when he puts it back to his ear.

_ “What the fuck?” _ Minseok says after moments of silence.

“I know. It’s fucked up.”

_ “It’s hella fucked up. Why not go to the police?” _

“The hard drive my uncle gave me is barred and Johnny still has to hack into it. It’s just we haven’t found the time to settle somewhere since we’ve been on the run.”

_ “Oh shit. I wish I can help.” _

“It’s okay. We just wanted to tell you. Nurse Chan was the only one who knows and we’re scared that if something happens to him, no one would know.

_ “Okay, I understand. Is there anything else you need to tell me.” _

Jaehyun pauses and then sighs. “I’ve been avoiding this but it’s been so annoying. I’m giving you Chanwoo’s number, as in nurse Chan’s number.”

_ “What?”  _ Minseok’s voice obviously sounded excited.  _ “You’re giving me the beautiful nurse’s number? Why?” _

“Because the both of you have been annoying. I’m sending you his number and you better not fuck it up, sir.”

_ “Yes! Thank you, Jaehyun.” _

“Now, go. This is your chance to finally suck his face.”

_ “You’re too kind. This is why you’re my favorite student. Stay safe, okay? Text me if anything happens. I’ll see you soon, yeah?” _

“Yeah, I’ll see you soon. Bye.” Jaehyun says and ends the call. He quickly send Chanwoo’s number to Minseok and receives a long message of only exclamation points in it. 

“We better get going and find a place where you can settle down, Johnny.” Jaehyun says we he slips his phone back inside his pocket

“Yeah, we should. Ten hurry up.” Johnny says towards Ten and raises a hand to call the waitress. “Can I have the bill?” When the waitress nods, Ten finishes the remnants of his pancakes and sits back, sighing with a smile on his face.

“I feel so sated. Thank you, pancake gods.”

They all laugh.

__

They’re settled in a motel room with two queen sized beds. There was a desk in the corner and Johnny claims it, placing his laptop there and quickly goes back to work. Doyoung is lying down on Jaehyun’s lap while Jaehyun has his back on the headboard, reading through his ebook in his phone. Ten was skimming through the TV, lying down on his stomach. 

Time passes quickly, and luckily Doyoung brought his deck of uno cards or else they would be bored to death. They play on Doyoung’s bed, screaming occasionally when someone does something shitty to the other. They were in the middle of trying to beat Jaehyun’s winning streaks when they hear a knock on their door. They go silent for a moment and looks at each other in confusion. 

Jaehyun stands and looks at Johnny. “What do you think?” Jaehyun says, and Johnny quickly ejects the hard drive and throws it towards Jaehyun.

“In case.” Johnny says. “Asks who it is first.”

Jaehyun nods and walks towards the door. Ten rushes to Johnny’s side and Doyoung follows Ten. Jaehyun looks through the hole on the door and sees a woman who looked like the waitress from the diner, and Jaehyun is confused. “Uh… Who is it?”

There was silence for a moment. “Room service!” The woman shouts back.

And Jaehyun looks at Johnny with a confused face and Johnny does the same. “Motels don’t have room service, Jaehyun.” Johnny says, and that’s when the door breaks open, Jaehyun stepping back. The woman was alone but it was obviously the same woman from the diner, but now she has a gun with a silencer in her hands, facing towards them. “Hello, my lovely gay boys.” She says with an evil smile. “I’m here for the hard drive…” Then she turns the gun towards Jaehyun. “And you.”

“What? We don’t have a hard drive!” Johnny shouts and the woman turns the gun up and shoots the ceiling.

“Oh c’mon, do you think I would believe that after the phone call from this morning. So stupid.” She turns the gun back to Jaehyun and looks at him. “You know, you’re father was right about you. You’re stupid.” She then walks quickly towards Jaehyun grabs him by the hair. “Now…” She twists Jaehyun’s body until he’s being stretched backwards, the woman near his face. “You will give me the hard drive and I will be dragging you out of this room by your hair. If you don’t follow my orders, you’ll have to watch your lover have a bullet in his head.” Jaehyun nods in fear as he reaches for his pocket and takes out a hard drive.

“I have it. Please.” Jaehyun pleads. “Just leave them be.”

Doyoung steps forward but Johnny stops him, grabbing Doyoung from the rest. “No! Jaehyun, don’t!”

“Stop, Doyoung!” He looks at Doyoung, tears trying to break through his eyes. “I promised you I will protect you.”

“But-” Doyoung was close to sobbing.

“No, Doyoung. Stay. Please.” Jaehyun swallows. “I’ll be okay.”

The hard drive in his hand was suddenly snatched and his body is being bent to the side; he’s being dragged. Jaehyun follows then. “How sweet. Too bad I don’t care. I’m being paid loads for this.” She laughs while she’s mercilessly drags Jaehyun by the hair. 

Jaehyun quickly goes through his pocket and takes out something. He throws it towards the bed before he’s out of the door. 

“Jaehyun!” Doyoung shouts and he releases himself from Johnny’s hold and runs towards the door. He watches Jaehyun being throw into the trunk of a car and it slams shut. “Jaehyun.” Doyoung sobs, and loses all life in his legs and falls on the ground, not caring about the pain it brings to his knees. He feels a hand behind him.

“Doyoung.” Ten says, squeezing lightly on Doyoung’s shoulder while the car drives away.

“Don’t touch me!” Doyoung shakes off Ten’s hand from his shoulder and sobs. “Jaehyun. Oh my god, Jaehyun.” Ten wraps his arms around Doyoung’s neck from behind. “My baby.” He says but at this point it isn’t audible between his sobs.

After minutes of sobbing while Ten holding him up so that he doesn’t fall face down to the ground, Johnny calls out to them from the room. “Ten! Doyoung! You have to come here.”

Doyoung sniffs. “I’ll stay here.” Ten releases himself from Doyoung.

“It’s cold, Doyoung. Let’s go inside.” Ten says as he brushes through Doyoung’s hair. And Doyoung visibly relaxes. Doyoung sighs and stands up.

When they step inside the room, Johnny was on front of his laptop, looking at the screen with tears on his eyes. “What’s going on?” Ten says as he walks towards him. Doyoung tries to close the door behind him and grudgingly follows.

Johnny starts to cry. “He threw the real hard drive.”

“What?” Ten says and Doyoung quickly walks closer to them.

“What do you mean the real hard drive?” Doyoung says as he looks at the screen.

“He gave her another hard drive, probably what he uses for school. This is the real hard drive with all the evidence.” Johnny rubs away his tears with the back of his hand angrily. “He just sacrificed himself to save us.” Johnny starts to sob and Ten grabs his lover’s shoulders to have him face him. Ten quickly wiped away Johnny’s tears with his thumbs, and Johnny places his head on Ten’s shoulder. Doyoung’s speechless, looking at the screen. After moments, Doyoung finally has tears in his eyes again, and Ten grabs Doyoung’s hand to pull him into the hug, having the three boys sob.

_ I promise if you're with me, say the word and we'll find a way. _

Doyoung heart breaks a thousand times and he just wants it to stop; he just wants his explorer back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I changed my nct @!!!!! follow me there or in my multi fan acct: @JungDoSmile or @NewBIueBoy
> 
> BTW I MADE A DOJAE TEXT MESSAGE!AU HEAVILY BASED OUT OF MY UNIVERSITY LIFE !!!!! support me hehe it's on going  
> https://twitter.com/JungDoSmile/status/1056214868968132608


	20. Memories Of You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Small steps

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A filler and an introduction to the Kim family
> 
> I'm sorry if i didn't get to update sooner. Finals is shit i swear i even finished this with only 6 hours of sleep in a span of 4 nights. But after this, i will try to update sooner!!!!

Doyoung is left staring, having a battle with his thoughts. He thinks about Jaehyun, how his eyes were so scared despite telling him that he’ll protect Doyoung; how fear really transcended towards him. It made Doyoung’s eyes cloud, tears trying to break through. He’s been like that for thirty minutes while Johnny and Ten discuss something he doesn’t seem to here despite being in the same room. 

He suddenly feels an arm wrap around his waist and a head leaning on his shoulder. “Hey, Doyoung, can you please drink water. You have to hydrate yourself.”

“I’m okay.” Doyoung says in a mumble.

“You’re not. Now c’mon, drink the whole bottle.” Ten gives him the bottle of water. “Hydrate yourself while Johnny buys us food.”

Doyoung didn’t even realize that Johnny wasn’t in the room anymore. He nods weakly. “Okay, I’ll do that.” He reaches for the bottle, uncaps, and downs it in one go.

“That’s good.” Ten takes the bottle away from him and sits on front of Doyoung to keep their eyes fixed to each other. “Now, I know this will be hard for you, but tell me what’s wrong.” Doyoung sits silent, hesitates, his breath hitching to find the words he’s been wanting to release. Ten knew what Doyoung needs, and he is thankful for having such a friend whom he can rely on to spot whatever ill and depressive feeling his heart bares. “You have to let it out, Doyoung. I know the feeling is heavy in your chest, so don’t hesitate to cry on front of me.”

And Doyoung does; his heart opens to his friend. He bursts out crying, saying that he should have been the one to have been kidnapped, how he should be the one in his shoes. He confesses his love just like the first time, and how Jaehyun is his forever and his everything. It makes Ten tear up just listening to Doyoung become the mess he is, not wanting to see his friend be tangled up in his worries and anxieties. Doyoung doesn’t deserve this pain, neither does Jaehyun. No one deserves this pain, and Ten curses fate for putting them into this situation where they’re forced to hang from the silver lining, always in the verge of loosing everything.

Doyoung feels an anxiety attack crawling through him, his breathing ragged and deep. In moments time, in what felt like an eternity, Johnny runs in and tries to calm Doyoung down, hugging him intently, strong arms holding him in reality. 

“Breath with me, Doyoung.” He hears it as if it’s far away, miles ahead of him. But he tries. He tries to match how Johnny’s shoulder under his chin go up and down, trying to soothe himself despite the race between his thoughts and his heart..

Ten was still on front of him with Johnny between them, and his hand clasped tight on Doyoung. “Doyoung, breath with me.” Ten rubs soothing circles on the back of his palm in the hopes of calming him. “Look at me, baby.” He says and Doyoung’s eyes shoots open. His eyes meet with Ten, irises so beautiful and calming. “Breath.” And he does, the stale air finally coming through his lungs.He feels nostalgic, the situation familiar to him. “The stars are still shining…” Doyoung smiles at those words, so weak to the verse he’s being wanting to hear for so long. “And with you in it, the universe is complete.” Doyoung wonders where Ten learned those words, probably from Jaehyun who knows everything that makes Doyoung.

Johnny rubs Doyoung back under his shirt, smooth fingertips leaving ghostly touches. “You’re going to be okay, Doyoung.” Johnny twists his head so that his nose is touching Doyoung’s neck. “You have the stars resting on your fingertips.” Doyoung’s breathing goes quiet. He could finally feel his limbs, his hands finally turning warm. “Let yourself be relaxed by the fact that-”

“The universe is on my side.” Doyoung finishes the verse, and he finally feels calm enough to release himself from Johnny. “Thank you.” He says as he looks at Johnny’s worried smile. He is so thankful for having people like Johnny and Ten in his life; an anchor he can rely on, to hold on to, people he could turn to.

“Anything for you, Doyoung.” He places an affectionate hand on his cheek. “Feeling better?”

Doyoung nods. “Where did you hear that from?” 

“Jaehyun told me in case something like this happens.” Johnny smiles softly, and it makes Doyoung smile back. “Want to eat? Or do you want to take a nap first?”

Doyoung smiles softly and closes his eyes. “Nap.”

Johnny nods at how Doyoung finally looks sated. “Okay. I’ll wake you up in 30 minutes.”

Doyoung takes out one of Jaehyun’s jackets and lies down with it, hugging it tightly. Johnny tucks him in, feeling like a child, taking care of him. But he doesn’t retaliate because sometimes humans deserve to be treated like a child; so loved and so cared for.

__

When he wakes up, his stomach rumbles. Ten and Johnny were cuddling on their bed, watching an anime on Ten’s phone. The hunger resonates through his body that Ten turns to him. 

“Rise and shine.” Ten says as he puts the phone down to walk towards the food placed inside a plastic bag on a side table.

“Was that your stomach?” Johnny asks, and Doyoung nods shyly. He chuckles. “Okay. You better get up and eat.”

Doyoung stands while Ten brings out his container. He notices that it’s Jaehyun’s favorite mild spicy ramen and smiles at the thought. “I’ll be right back. I’ll head to the reception and ask for hot water.” Ten says, and when he comes back, Doyoung quickly eats the ramen to satisfy his hunger.

He suddenly notices the usb hard drive on the table, and looks at it intently. He notices something sticking out from the inside the cap. He reaches for it and opens the cap, a strip of paper coming out. Doyoung opens the paper properly and sees a number.

“Hey, what’s that?” Ten asks from behind him.

“I think this is the paper Hangbin gave to Jaehyun. He said to call this number if everything goes to shit.”

“Everything  _ is  _ going to shit. Maybe we should call it.” Ten says.

Doyoung feels Johnny’s presence beside him, looking at him with curiosity. “Should we call it?”

“How desperate are we?” Johnny asks.

“Very.” Doyoung answers back, looking back at the paper and bringing out his phone from his pocket.

He types the number down and quickly calls it. It took 4 rings until the phone gets picked up, letting the phone be in speaker phone so that Johnny and Ten could here the exchange. “ _ Thank you for calling Kim Law Firms. This is Kim Jenny, secretary of the company, how may I help you? _ ”

Doyoung feels discouraged at the sound of her voice but he tries, obvious desperation in his chest. “Uh hello… Do any of you know Kim Hangbin? He said to call this number if anything bad happens and-”

“ _ I’m sorry, sir, but we don’t have a Kim Hangbin in our database. You may have called the wrong number. If that is all- _ ” The woman quickly says, and Doyoung heart races. He suddenly sees a quote written at the bottom of the paper in small text. 

“Wait!” The line goes silent. Doyoung reads the text inside his head, leaving himself confused. But they’re desperate, and anything, with their current situation, is a chance of survival. “The eagle strides in the clouds…” Doyoung swallows a breath and continues. “Free.”

There was silence between them, and Doyoung is so close to putting down the phone. But suddenly Jenny speaks up. “ _ Thank you for calling us. We will serve you accordingly. Please stay at your current location; help will be on their way. Please expect them to arrive within six to twelve hours. Thank you again, Mr. Kim Doyoung. We hope to see you soon. _ ” And the line goes dead.

Doyoung stays there looking back and forth between Johnny and  Ten, confused faces shared between them. “How did she know your name? You never mentioned it.” Johnny says.

Doyoung looks at his phone, questions running through his head. “I don’t know. But with the people we’re involved with, it’s not a surprise that they know me already.”

__

They wait for hours. The three of them are left waiting, doing nothing and everything they could do. They try playing cards, but after an hour, they grew tired. They tried having an anime marathon on Johnny’s laptop, but a whole anime can only last for three hours or so. They tried sleeping, most especially Doyoung, but his thoughts swim through his mind, the image of Jaehyun in situations he never thought could be real. He thinks of Jaehyun and how he craves for him now that he’s gone, his warmth gone with him. He wants to break down, but Doyoung knows that his lover wouldn’t want to see him cry. ‘Be strong’ is what he’ll probably say to keep Doyoung going.

It takes five hours before a knock comes at their motel door; they’re in the middle of eating their lunch on the floor, the space on the table too small for all of them. They look at each other with hesitance. 

“Should we?” Ten says, but Johnny shakes his head a no.

“What if it’s Jeongyeon’s minions again? We can’t afford losing one of us again.” Doyoung just looks at the door as he slowly stands. “No, Doyoung.” But he doesn’t listen, walking towards the door quietly. He tries to listen carefully, finding any signs of someone at the other side of the door.

“The eagle has arrived…” Doyoung feels his heart race. He looks at the peephole to see a woman in business attire and an expensive bag over her shoulder, edgefully beautiful - hair gracefully resting on her shoulders, expression powerful, and eyes familiar. “Free.” The woman finishes and Doyoung doesn’t hesitate to swing the door open. “Good afternoon, Mr. Kim.” The woman smiles and it leaves Doyoung feel a familiar tug to his heart. “I am Kim Hyejeon, sister of Kim Hyesung, and aunt of Jung Jaehyun.”

Doyoung then realizes why he feels so woven to those eyes; it’s because it’s the same beautiful eyes his lover has. 

“Uh…” Doyoung hesitates, not knowing what to do with the current situation he is experiencing.

“May I come in, Doyoung?” She asks, and Doyoung scrambles away from the door to let her in their room. When Doyoung turns, Johnny is already bringing out the chair from the corner of the room for her and Ten is setting all their containers aside to the table. “Thank you, Johnny.” She says, and Doyoung only notices now that Ten has her mouth agape and confused. “If you were wondering, yes Mr. Leechaiyapornkul, I know all of your names; it comes with the job.” They all sit on the edge of the beds, backs straight from anxiousness. “Again, I am Hyejeon, sister of Hyesung, and Co-founder of Kim Law Firms.” She pauses, causing suspense in the air. “But there is no point lying knowing the current situation the three of you are facing.” She takes out a tablet from her bag and faces it to them, opening it for them to look into. “Let me introduce you to the firm.”

They were faced with various pictures of people with different ethnicity. She scrolls through the pictures until Jaehyun’s mother pops up, her face placed in a scanned file of an application form of some-sorts. “I think you already know that my sister is my cousin’s right hand man in his fraction; a skillful assassin and a better liar.” She swipes the picture and a family portrait comes up. “In reality, my whole family is one big mafia company distributed within the siblings of my father. In the situation of Hangbin, my uncle died of alcohol poisoning and he was forced into the position. But his fraction failed a few years ago following my sister’s death.” She swipes again and shows them a picture of a room filled with bloody bodies on the floor, all scattered, sometimes spotting separated limbs in random places. “This is the reason why his fraction failed; he was forced to surrender - Hangbin is a pure hearted man who cared for his servants, and finding his people like this in his mansion somewhere in Italy made him step down.” She swipes again and they are faced with a newspaper article of their company. “And because of that, our family income dropped significantly, and my father had to fix it. But we had to find a way on how to build the family up again without the authorities noticing. So we opened up the firm; to seem like we are of the authority. My family was an intelligent bunch of people and are able to gain the title tremendously. We are also able to mask our own underground jobs with our title of lawyers, freely going about our business as the mafia.” She then closes the tablet and places it on her lap.

Doyoung stares at her with an overwhelming feeling in his chest. “I know this is a lot to take in, but my family wants to let our clients know what they are about to dive into before we address your problem.”

Doyoung breaths in. “Okay…” He finally relaxes, his shoulders sore from the stiffness of his position. “I get it. So basically… Jaehyun’s whole family is the mafia.”

“Yes.” She said, no hesitation in her voice.

“Okay... “

“And if he is up to it, he can be a head of his own fraction. But the last I heard of him was that he wants to be an astronomer.” She smiles.

“Yeah.” Doyoung smiles shyly in the small thought. 

“Now… Since you are accustomed to Jaehyun’s family, we are to bring you to my father. It is the family’s obligation to help whoever is in trouble even if you were sent by my cousin; family is loyal to family, and we trust whoever Hangbin sends is of importance.” She smiles wider, eye smile showing, endearing.

Johnny stands from the side, ready to leave. “Okay… Uh… I’ll go and pay for the room-”

“There is no need to do that, Johnny. All of this is already paid for alongside all the expenses you will be having after this conversation; gas, food, accommodation, necessities, and whatever will be paid full by my family.”

Ten is still shaken up with the information given to him, his mouth agape and still sitting down on the bed. Doyoung chuckles and places a hand on his back, making Ten turn to him. “Ten, snap out of it.”

“Shit.” Ten says, and Hyejeon laughs.

“Same, Ten. If I were a normal person, I would have reacted the same.” She stands and puts the tablet inside her bag. “I will wait for all of you outside. There is a white Fortuner waiting for you.” She walks towards the door, but before stepping out, she turns back to them. “Be out in ten minutes.” 

When she leaves, the three of them are left looking at each other. 

“What the fuck is up with your boyfriend’s family?” Johnny says. “This is fucking unbelievable.”

“I fucking agree with Johnny here.” Ten runs his hands through his hair. “This is some fanfic shit here, Doyoung. This can’t be real.”

Doyoung starts to pack up his belongings. “I wish it wasn’t, but it is. Jaehyun’s family is the mafia.” Doyoung shoves his extra clothes into his bag with force. “They’re our only way out of this mess, guys. We have to do something before Jeongyeon does something to us. We have to be miles ahead of him if we want to live.”

Ten and Johnny watches Doyoung as he fixes his things. “Okay… You’re right.” Ten says, starting to reach for their bags and fix their things.

“Just take it easy, okay?” Johnny places a hand at Doyoung’s back. “I know you’re hiding your fear right now, but as you said, this is his family, and they’re our only hope now.” Doyoung nods.

“Yeah, I am hiding my fear. But I want to be strong for Jaehyun.”

__

The ride was long enough to energize all three of them again after days of running and avoiding death. Doyoung and Ten are cuddled up at the back seat, while Johnny is sitting on the front seat, mouth open and obviously sleeping.

They arrive a few hours later somewhere Doyoung doesn’t entirely know where. They see trees, but in the distance, he could see city buildings, so the location is just probably at the outskirts of a town or a city for privacy but also near to civilization to blend in. Doyoung spots “fences” but is actually cemented walls that is a floor high with a white gate in the middle. Doyoung see Hyejeon press a button on the dashboard and the gate on front of them starts to open. The car drives in and he sees armed men waving and saluting at them with a smile on their faces. She parks the car under a shade.

“Good sleep, Doyoung?” Hyejeon says as she twists her body to look at him. 

Doyoung stretches. “Yeah. Where are we?” Doyoung asks as he pat Ten on the thigh to wake him up. Ten bolts awake, a soft ‘wah’ coming out from his mouth as his friend looks around him.

“We’re at the safe house.” Doyoung pats Johnny’s shoulders and his tall friend wakes up slowly. “It’s actually where the facade starts and all our men hides underground whenever we have a normal clients coming in. But if there are no clients, then it is a safe house.” Johnny rubs his eyes to wipe away the sleep, and Ten does the same. “Let’s go inside. My father is waiting.” She says with a smile and steps out of the car.

They follow out, and when Doyoung was about to open the back of the car to get their bags, someone else was already doing it for them. “Do not worry, sir. We will bring these to the rooms for you.” They say as they bow before leaving.

Doyoung looks around the and at the corner, just against the fence, was a pond with a soothing waterfall in the middle and a tree covering it. It had nice flowers decorating the edges of the pond and stepping stones leading towards it. Doyoung then looks at the house and it looked like those houses you see in magazines that are depicted as modern and minimalist. It had bare cemented walls but it looked welcoming with wide windows covering majority of it, as if the windows were the walls itself. There were white curtains at each corner of the windows, and he doesn’t seem to see what is inside the house because of the light from the sun. 

He steps inside the house after observing the outside and the inside is as pristine is the outside. White walls and white marbled floors leading to the living room. The living room had a lowered ground serving as a place for the couches and the television, and at one corner had a modern fireplace with a fur carpet placed on front of it. There were various paintings in the room, all looking like they costs Doyoung’s four-year college tuition fee each frame.

When they step in the kitchen, it still had a modern design, fitting the aesthetic of the living room. At the island counter was a man who looked like he was in his early sixties, reading a newspaper with a glass of what looked like lemonade. The man takes a sip from his glass, then he notices their presence. “Ah!” He says, a smile forming.

Hyejeon emerges from behind them with a bag of groceries and pecks the man’s cheek. “Dad, these are the boys who called me a few hours ago.” She says, and the man stands to walk towards them.

He offers to hug them, a warm smile in his face. “Welcome, welcome! Have some snacks with us.” He says as he sits back down the chair.

“Thank you for having us, sir-”

“No, no, no. Just call me Hyunjae.” He gesture to the high chairs opposite him. “Sit, boys. Introduce yourself. Then we can talk about everything later at dinner, so that you could also meet the family.”

Hyejeon places a plate of cookies on front of them and Hyunjae quickly grabs one to eat. Doyoung reaches for one as well as Ten starts introducing himself.

“Hi… Uhm I’m Ten and uhm… I don’t know what to say.” Ten laughs embarrassingly. 

“It’s fine. Just tell me what you major in.” Hyunjae answers back with a smile.

“I major in graphic design.” Ten says and Hyunjae nods.

“That’s nice. Hmm… How about you Johnny?”

“I… uh…” Johnny was taken aback.

“I know some info about you since you’re my grandchild’s best friend the last I heard.”

“Oh. Yeah. I major in computer science.”

“Aah… A potential hacker then.”

Johnny laughs softly. “I actually know how already, I just don’t know where to use it.”

“That’s fine. Just don’t use it for anything illegal, which is ironic in my part. How about you, Doyoung.”

Doyoung has already finished his cookie when he addressed, wiping off the excess crumbs at the corner of this lips. “Oh, I major in literature.”

Hyunjae takes a sip from his glass of lemonade and Doyoung sees a big scar at the back of palm, white but noticeable. “Aah, a beautiful mind you have then.” That’s when Doyoung notices the same scar on Hyejeon’s hand the same with the staff. Doyoung is left staring at Hyunjae’s hand that he notices his gaze. “Doyoung, if you’re curious, don’t be afraid to ask.” Hyunjae says as he stretches out his hand on front of them. “This scar is proof of the family’s loyalty. Our staff and servants are family to us and so we gave them the same scar as long as they consented on joining us.”

“This must be serious business then.” Johnny says beside him.

Hyunjae smiles warmly. “Possible death is an occupational hazard and requires a person’s loyalty and bravery, and my family believes that everyone should be given the choice to join or not. We are not saying that a person who backs out is a coward, rather it is also brave for them. It is not easy to be involved with things where your life may be on the line.” 

Doyoung realizes how Jaehyun resembles his grandfather with not just his eyes but also with his understanding of life and people. Jaehyun was a kind man with a warm heart and he could also see it on the old man sitting on front of them. It was endearing to experience seeing the reflection of his lover, having the same fate and philosophy on life. 

Hyunjae glances at the clock placed on the wall. “Ah, it’s four o’clock already. I better be at the office. There is a client coming.” He downs his lemonade in one go and puts it down again on the counter. “The three of you, please make yourself at home, but for now avoid the first floor. I will tell my grandchildren  to welcome you and bring you around the house and through the basements.” And Hyunjae finally excuses himself.

Hyejeon comes in and smiles at them warmly. “How about I take you upstairs and introduce you to most of the family?”

__

In Doyoung’s surprise, the Kim family is huge; Hyunjae has three other siblings, each having two to three children, and each of those children have their own children; a basic three generations of the Kim’s. They had the same eyes, same complection, and the same giddy personality, and it makes Doyoung smile despite the fact that one of them would take over Hyunjae’s place if he were to retire and run the biggest crime groups in the world. 

Hyejeon introduced them to one the cousins who were almost as old as them. Hyungmin was a kind man at twenty-eight, working as a librarian at the nearest university but also the mastermind of all the strategies on their drug trade. His sister., Hyesoo, was a college professor at twenty-four in the same university who taught quantum physics but also the group’s trainer for martial arts and gun power. They were very kind, humble, and lovely to talk to. They instantly welcomed the three of them as if they were family. 

They tour them around the house, and what seemed like a 2-storey house was actually a 6-story building that had 4 additional large basements that contained rooms that are related to their mafia factions. It had gun rooms, safe rooms, rooms for training, and rooms for storing their drugs. But it also had lounge rooms that had almost all of the game consoles that exists and four gaming computers at one side, a shelf as tall as the wall that had cases of games on the other. Another room for a home theater, carpeted floors, sound-proof walls, couch big enough, bean bags scattered, and large pillows for those who want to lie down on the floor.

The duality of the house was astonishing to Doyoung; the fact that they live as criminals but also enjoy the pleasures of entertainment proves how human they are despite being placed in a family of mafias. How all of the family members and staff would smile at them warmly, greet them with the family hugging them with sincerity and love. 

In this place, he finally feel at home.

__

It was eight in the evening when they’re all gathered in the dining area with a flurry of plates with hot food. They eat and they talk. The family is asking the boys some questions about life; where they go to college, what they study, how their winter break went, and it was just friendly conversation until the food finishes.

All of the plates get cleaned out and the staff distribute them deserts, for the boys they get a slice of cake, the children getting ice cream, while the rest of the adults get coffee. When the children finish their ice cream, Hyunjae sends them off to their rooms since it was a school night.

When the adults are left, Hyunjae’s bright smile turns into a soft and serious face. “Now, let’s talk about why Hangbin entrusted you to us.” Doyoung was taken aback by how his voice sounds stern. “There must be a problem regarding my grandson if Hangbin gave our number to you.”

The boys looked at each other before Doyoung breathes in. “This involves Jeongyeon and-”

“Jeongyeon? That devil incarnate? You know, I’ve been trying to find reason to shoot his brains out, maybe this is one.”

Doyoung felt a shiver of fear run through his body. “Uhm… This is kinda long.”

“I have time.”

Doyoung swallows a breath. “Okay… It all started when…”

And he tells the story like from a picture book, short and memorized, but he doesn’t leave out any details. And throughout the time he was telling the story, the anger on Hyunjae’s face grows into madness. He could feel Ten beside him fidget at his seat, palms sweaty and fear. Doyoung thinks that that’s what they are now because of the situation they are in, fear. It’s the fear for their lives, for their loved ones, for the future they have planned out and imagined. It’s like one wrong step will lead to losing everything they have.

He finishes and the room goes silent, an overwhelming ring of anxiety encloses them. Doyoung notices how Hyunjae’s hand forms into a fist that is placed on top of the dining table, anger obviously reaching until his fingertips.

After moments that felt like years, Hyunjae breaths, calms himself down to speak. “Okay.” He says, calm and quiet. “I’m going to get that motherfucker, pluck his eyes out, skin him, and bury him alive for what he did to my Hyesung and Jaehyun.” Doyoung shivered at how calm his voice was, proof on how normal it is for him to commit murder for the sake of revenge, which is too familiar to them now compared to a year ago. “I’ll do it.”

Doyoung looks at him with confusion. “Do what, sir?”

“Help you.” He stands and fixes the cuffs of his polo. “Jaehyun already grew up with a man who never considered him a son, and I didn’t even know he was being abused. I blame myself for leaving him to a man like him, and this is me correcting my wrongs. He is important to many of us; he’s my grandson, but also your lover, and we don’t want the future he’s been building up for himself with his family, friends, and with you to go to waste just.” Hyunjae walks towards Doyoung and he stands to face him. The old man places his firm hands on his shoulders and smiled. “You have been strong.” He looks at Johnny and Ten behind him. “All of you have been strong. But now, leave everything to the family.” He releases his hold from him. “And while we’re doing everything with our power, stay. This is your home now. We will take care of you until everything has settled down and we retrieve Jaehyun safely and alive. Now, may I have the usb drive so that our best hackers can access it as soon as possible.”

“Ah.” Johnny says from behind him. Doyoung turns to see Johnny bring out the hard drive from his pocket and giving it to Hyunjae. “The encryption is the same system of a government privacy system and databases, however, there are some broken keys so that it won’t be accessed easily.”

Hyunjae smiles. “You have done great, Johnny. Thank you.” He retrieves the hard drive and inserts it into his pocket. “We all should head to bed. The three of you have gone a long way and have been running for so long. What you need now is rest. Tomorrow you can can have some at-home spa services or whatever makes you relax. What you wish for will be given to you, so don’t hesitate to ask, okay?” Hyunjae says as he excuses himself. 

They bid their good nights and the three of them proceed to their bedrooms.

Doyoung does his nightly routine except now he has to wash out the excess grime and fatigue from his body. Hyejeon gave them extra clothing and placed it inside one of the cabinets in the bathroom, fresh from the wash. When Doyoung is finally comfortable enough, he sits on the end of the queen sized bed and looks out the large windows. Even if his body felt the fatigue from the constant adrenaline, he can’t seem to bring himself to sleep. In nights like these, when the body is tired but not the mind, he always turns to a bottle of beer just to soothe his nerves and keep him sated.

He steps down the stairs carefully and pads his way to the kitchen. The lights are still on when he steps inside and he thinks that there are staff still working, but he is met with Hyejeon drinking what looked like a glass of scotch on the kitchen island. 

Hyejeon looks at him with a smile. “Can’t sleep?” She asks, and he nods as a response. “Want a drink?”

“I went down just for that.” Doyoung says as he sits on the chair opposit her.

She laughs softly. “Alright. Let me get you a bottle.” She stands to turn to the refrigerator behind her and grabs for a cold beer, opens it, and gives it to Doyoung.

Doyoung takes a swig and sighs in relief. “Thank you.” He says. Hyejeon looks at him, a hand under her chin as she smiles at him. Doyoung fixes his sitting position as their gazes meet. “What? Why are you staring?”

She chuckles. “I just want to look at the person my nephew fell in love with.” Doyoung goes red with the words. He tries to hide his blush behind the bottle. “You’re so cute.”

“Please, stop.” He says, embarrassed. 

“Okay I’ll stop. But seriously… you must be special.”

“I’m so-so”

She shakes her head no. “I don’t agree on that. I’m sorry if I’ll sound like a stalker, but I did a background check on you and really? Salutatorian when you graduated high school? Then proceeded to be the first honors of your batch every single semester? Not to forget how talented you are in singing. And frankly, your writing is one of the most beautiful things I have ever read.”

Doyoung just looks at her with an embarrassed smile. “Well… yeah. But I’m not that special, really.”

“You’re too humble. And so kind and loving. Maybe, that’s why Jaehyun fell in love with you. He’s so lucky to have you.”

“I’m the lucky one here.” He looks at the rim of the bottle while Hyejeon waits for Doyoung to speak up again. “He’s the one who saved me from myself. I’m really thankful for him because I got to write again. He took care of me when I couldn’t do so to myself.”

“You must love him so much.”

“Love is not a word that fits how much I actually feel for him.” 

And it’s actually true.

Sometimes, a feeling is so strong that there isn’t any word that can fully describe it. They could use all the words in all of the languages that exist, but it won’t be enough. So, we create our own language, something you can’t exactly say but can utter into a whisper. It’s a touch that brings joy, the kiss that brings you higher, a hold that can keep you together. It can be subtle, it can be extravagant, but we create a different language just to feel the most overwhelming feeling you have for someone. As a writer, Doyoung doesn’t simply write about love, he writes about how love shines on flowers, and how love can keep you warm at night. Love begins from when you wake, and continues on until you could finally say that love is the love you’ve been looking for.

And for Doyoung, if you were to ask him to define love, he would whisper Jaehyun’s name.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oof remember love doesn't have to be a definition <3
> 
> also i haven't proof read it cause im sleepy but yeah haha


	21. Run Away With Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Progress

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're nearing the end guys!!!! And i'm so happy for those who stayed to finish this. I didnt expect to have so much readers wah dkahskfj it makes me soft knowing there are people who read my works 💕💕 enjoy this mess. The chapter is pretty short compared to my other updates but its still an update

For the first time in weeks, they finally felt safe with people they honestly cpuld call family. Jaehyun’s whole family was so accommodating, even the staff would laugh at how noisy they are together while playing the default games of the nintendo switch in their game lounge, or when they’re all screaming when they had a horror marathon the whole day in their mini theater. They never had to worry much because Hyunjae assured to them  every once in awhile they he will manage everything alongside the other heads of the family.

All the youth they lost from running away, from healing their injuries, from the stress of everything, was fully retrieved back throughout the days they were together. The only worry Doyoung had is how Jaehyun is every night.

Hyunjae assured Doyoung that Jeongyeon’s tactic on giving a sign of a dead captor is to send a limb or a picture to those involved, which he hasn’t done, and for some reason, that made Doyoung’s nerves calmer.

Some days they would swim at the pool when the sun is out, and if it rains, Johnny would teach Ten and Doyoung how to play PUBG (Player Unknown Battlegrounds) for the whole day; and for some reason, they could never get to the top ten. In other days, the cousins would offer to have a cooking contest in their big kitchen and see who has the best seafood dish out of all of them, in which Doyoung triumphantly wins.

It was a shame they couldn’t go out in the fear of being caught by Jeongyeon’s minions. Doyoung wanted to skate in the local ice rink with the baby cousin who is apparently a very good ice skater. Johnny wanted to go out on a date with Ten since their two-year anniversary passed. They wanted to go out, but in their circumstance, maybe going out means a funeral.

__

It was a Saturday, and despite having the sun out, bright and blinding, they the three boys alongside some of the cousins played PUBG, having a winning streak of four times. They were scattered around the lounge, Doyoung borrowing one of their laptops, sitting on the floor with the laptop on top of a coffee table. Johnny was on a high chair that was placed on the wall opposite him. Ten is by the couch, eyes squinting at the screen. They were shouting, laughing, friendly banter between them about how Doyoung sucked at aiming and teasing Ten about how he’s always the first one to die out of the five of them.

They were at their fifth game when Hyejeon comes in, a stern face showing. She looked stressed, dark circles around her eyes. They all turn to her with a curious look.

She sighs. “Come down to dad’s office. We have bad news.” She says as she leaves the room.

Doyoung’s heart races out of his chest. He could feel their stares at him, maybe thinking the worst, and worrying about Doyoung’s later reaction over the news.

Doyoung is the first one to rise from where he was seated, closing the laptop before he walks away. The others follow, and Doyoung tries to calm his nerves with every step he takes.

When they arrive at Hyunjae’s office, it was quiet, the ticking of the clock echoing through the walls. Hyunjae has his thumb and index finger on his temple, messaging what seemed like stress. When they make their presence known, Hyunjae sighs before he raises his head to look at them.

“We have bad news.” Hyunjae says as he retrieves a tablet from his side drawer. “I have two bad news, actually.” They don’t speak, waiting for the bomb to drop, for the end of the world, or for when the universe finally collapses on itself. “First: We still don’t know Jaehyun’s locations. All we know from out sources it that he has twelve safe houses and headquarters around the world and satellites can only go that far.” They nod along but Doyoung has a mix of anxiety in his system, frantic heart trying to escape from its chambers. “Second…” Hyunjae swallows a breath. “One of our safe houses by the pier has been sabotaged and destroyed, and there was a rat among us. Regarding the rat, he has been captured and I slit his throat myself; he should be thankful. Jeongyeon also left a note on one of my staff’s bodies.” He opens his tablet and showed it to the three men. It was a photograph of a shirtless man, head bashed with brain matter everywhere, blood still gushing out from his body, and deep cuts on his chest saying ‘Mess with me, and he dies.’ Hyunjae then swiped to another photograph and now it’s at the back of the man, and says ‘I know what you’re doing.’

It sent Doyoung into a frenzy of thoughts, fidgeting. He feels a warm hand at the small of his back and it calms him down a little. “But this isn’t the only warning I receive. My best men handling private information and technology received a message saying ‘found you’ in code, and I’m afraid we need to act fast.” Hyunjae turn to Hyejeon who was standing at the side. “Please call all the staff and family to the conference room at basement four. Be there in ten minutes.” Hyunjae turns back to the three men with a sorrowful look. “Pack up, even the clothes I gifted you. At Doyoung’s bedside table, there is a card with money enough to get you going for your future travels.” Hyunjae circles his desk to stand on front of Doyoung, placing a firm hand on his shoulder, something a father would do to his son. “I will do everything with me power to make everything right.” He reaches for his own pocket and brings out the same hard drive with all the information needed, and gives it to Doyoung. “There are instructions on how to open it. Johnny can figure it out. My men figured out the system software used and what it needs is some meddling, and I think Johnny is capable enough to do that.” Hyunjae looks at Johnny and they both nod at each other. “C’mon. Fix your bags then be at the conference room in seven minutes.” 

Hyunjae leaves them, bewildered and confused. Johnny sighs while Doyoung massages his temples, trying to calm the racing heart in his chest.

“I guess it’s a never-ending race of trying to kill us.” Ten says, sitting on the couch with his hands on his head. “I’m so tired.” Doyoung could hear the tremble on Ten’s voice, and it aches him seeing the person who has been so strong for them break down, stress and fear pressing down on them like an avalanche.

Ten starts to break down, tears freely dropping to the floor. Johnny quickly kneels between his lover’s legs, removing Ten’s hands from his face, revealing bloodshot eyes and tears-streaked cheeks. Johnny hushes him, wiping away the tears that’s building up on his plush cheeks, and eventually embracing him, fully catching Ten’s weight in his chest. 

Doyoung tries not to cry at the scene and just sighs, shaking his head and clearing his eyes with whatever worry. “I’ll leave you guys to have some alone time. Leave the fixing to me, okay?” 

Ten emerges from Johnny’s shoulder and looks at him with a sad smile. “Thank you, Doyoung.” He was hiccuping in between words.

“I’ll see you guys in the conference room.” And Ten nods before going back to tightening his hold on Johnny’s back and burying his face on the firm shoulder of his lover.

__

“This is code number 349, everyone.” Hyunjae announces with a stern face, obvious leadership reigning on them. Everyone gasps in fear and shock, and the staff starts to talk amongst themselves. Hyunjae raises a hand to silence them and continues. “You all know what code number 349 is? It means we have to be in complete lockdown. Seal all files and bury them on the ground; destroy everything that can be destroyed; burn every papered files till what’s left is ashes; run, go back to your homes and say nothing. I don’t want my people to be in danger. If you are willing to fight if ever that bastard ever comes, then follow me to the ground floor and prepare for whatever that piece of shit throws at us.” Hyunjae then looks at Hyungmin and Hyesoo. “As for my beloved family; I am assigning you to protect these boys.” He looks at the three boy with a protective gaze. “If they are family to our Yoonoh, then they are our family, too. And so, it is important that the three of them be united with Jaehyun in the end of this war. This is about saving him and our family, everyone.” 

Hyungmin salutes, a determined smile on his face. “Leave it to us!” He says.

“Thank you. You may use any of the cars, okay? Just keep them safe. Now…” Hyunjae stands firm in his spot. “Get to work.” He shouts and everyone gets to work, rushing out of the room, and a few barking orders.

Hyesoo comes forward towards them, a smile on her face. “You trust us, right?” She says.

“Of course.” Doyoung quickly answers.

“Okay.” Her smile widens. “Just checking. Now, c’mon! We have to pack some guns.” She starts walking out with Hyungmin follows beside her. The three boys follows, trying to conceal all evidence of fear and anxiety.

They pack three duffel bags of various guns and boxes of bullets, and it makes Doyoung question how they will hide all if it when they travel. They also get to pack up some snacks, which was hard for Hyungmin to convince Hyesoo to pack some for the travel.

They were already walking towards the garage where all the cars are parked when a loud noise resonates from north of the house. Then it followed with a rumble of the floor and the ceiling lights vibrating. With another crash, the lights go dark and the emergency lights turn on with other lights going red. Suddenly, the PA system, which Doyoung never knew the house had, turned on and a static sound came. 

“They have broken down our north gate and is quickly advancing.” The voice says. “To all who are brave, be ready to fight. As for the rest, flee and keep yourself safe.” And the static ends.

At the end of the hall was Hyejeon running, a smudge of dirt on his cheek and blood streaks on his what used to be an immaculate white shirt. He stops to look at the group and runs towards them. “Hurry and leave.” Doyoung felt his hand on his shoulder. “Be safe, boys. We’ll see you at the rendezvous.” He says before running pass them.

When they enter the garage, there are various men suiting up for a fight, packing extra guns at their back, knives within reach. It really looked like something you would see in a rated action movie, but it wasn’t a movie, it was real life, and Doyoung is in danger, having chances of them dying in the most violent way possible. It scares him; the fact that a single bullet can bring him to his knees, begging for his life, scared him.

They run to the nearest car that is big enough for all five of them, quickly throwing in their belongings and shoving themselves inside. Hyungmin sat at the driver’s seat, checking all mirrors before anything else. He turns to the boys sitting at the back, nodding when he sees that they’re all settled. Suddenly, with a loud explosion, the wall opposite them where the tunnel is going out of the safe house came down in crumbling rocks. A flurry of men come in with their gun holstered and ready. When their own men spot them, bullets start to fly around them, loud and painful to the ears. The boys at the back duck in fear, hiding just below the windows. Hyesoo slaps Hyungmin’s shoulder loudly.

“Fucking drive, Hyungmin!” She shouts, and he follows, turning on the engine in haste. When the other men notice the car trying to drive away, they point their guns towards them, firing all of their bullets towards them. Hyesoo turns to their scared figures, and Doyoung notices the bullets ricocheting from the car, flying away like a pebble. “Don’t worry. This car could last through an apocalypse. But to be safe, keep your head low.” Hyesoo assures them, going back to looking forward as Hyungmin hits the gas with a force, pushing them forward. Hyungmin does not hesitate to run some of the men over, focusing on escaping in one piece. Some fly off sideways, while others fly on the windshield, up to the car’s roof. When they were out of the building, Doyoung looks out the window to see the garden looking like a war zone. It was filled with men fighting each other, shooting bullets at all directions, staff running away at the side of the fences. 

When they’re out in the highway, Hyesoo’s phone rings in her pocket, and she answers it. “Dad? Yeah… Okay. Our probable arrival will be four days from now. Okay, dad… We love you, too.” She says with a smile and ends the call. She then turns to the boys. “We’re safe for now. We’ll be meeting dad at the rendezvous in hopefully four days.” The three of them sighs in relief, and Hyesoo laughs softly. “You can relax now, boys. Go sleep. We’ll wake you up when we have a place to eat, yeah?” She says comfortably, and they nod in response.

Doyoung wanted to watch the scenery change and the sun go down, but fatigue quickly runs through him, and he leans his head on Johnny’s firm shoulders as he feels Johnny’s head lean on his. Before he could close his eyes, he sees Ten intertwine his fingers with Johnny’s, and it makes Doyoung’s heart full despite of the fear he had just moments ago.

When he wakes up, the sky was nearing to its end, a gradiante golden sky turning to a midnight blue. The car was already parked on front of a diner and Hyungmin is leaning his forearms on the steering while, his hands tapping away on his phone, playing what looked like PUBG mobile. Doyoung laughs at that, that even if they were running away, he still had the time to play. Hyesoo was reading something on her tablet when she glances at the rearview mirror to lock eyes with Doyoung. She turns to face him. “Oh, Doyoung, you’re awake.” She says with a smile. “Wake the two up. Let’s eat.” Hyesoo closes her tablet and steps out of the car, stretching her limbs with a moan. 

Doyoung taps on Johnny’s thigh to wake him up and he opens his eyes in a jolt, resulting to Ten waking up the same way. “C’mon, guys. It’s dinner time.” Doyoung says as he steps out of the car. Ten and Johnny steps out of the car, too, but Hyungmin stays put, eyes wide and fingers frantically tapping away. Hyesoo walks towards the his door and opens it. 

“Wait! I’m so close to chicken dinner!” He says, shouting, his eyebrows furrowing.

“We could get chicken dinner in the restaurant, you dipshit.” Hyesoo reaches up to grab the phone from Hyungmin’s hands, but he dodges it, twisting his body.

“No! I’m so close. Fuck off, Hyesoo!” He says and Doyoung laughs at the banter.

When Hyesoo successfully grabs the phone away, Hyungmin looks at her, dumbfounded and mouth agape. “Now, let’s get real chicken dinner.” 

He stays there, betrayal obvious in his eyes. “I don’t know you anymore, Soo. You’re not my sister anymore.” He pouts at her, but she walks away, pocketing his phone.

“I don’t care, Min!” She says, and the three boys follow her.

Hyungmin steps out of the car with a pout, locking the car behind him and grudgingly follows.

They sit at the table at the corner of the restaurant and a waitress approaches them with the menu. After ordering what seemed like a feast, they start talking comfortably.

“So…” Hyesoo looks at Johnny, who was drinking water. “When are you planning on proposing to Ten?” Johnny chokes at the question, and Ten turns read.

“I-i… I uh… I d-don’t-”

Hyesoo laughs. “I’m kidding. You’re too young to think about this, anyway.” 

“Actually… yeah... I’ve been thinking about it, and I guess…” Johnny looks at Ten. “When we’re both settled.”

Hyesoo leans her chin on her palms. “Aw! That’s cute.” She says, then turning to Doyoung. “So…”

“Please, no.” Doyoung quickly stops her.

“C’mon! This is Jaehyun we’re talking about, Youngie.” She says.

“Yeah, tell us.” Hyungmin intervenes, obviously curious now.

They look at him with curiosity and Doyoung glances at everyone at the table. “Uh… I guess when we’re both settled, too… With proper jobs and all that jazz.” He says shyly.

“Lame.” Hyesoo says. “But I guess if it makes you happy, then I accept.”

The food arrives then, and they start eating. Hyungmin still complains about Hyesoo stealing his phone when he was about to win while eating chicken with his bare hands. Doyoung happily eats the pizza he has been craving for weeks, munching at the crust until it's gone. Johnny shares a milkshake with Ten, two straws in one glass, like a cliche romantic date you see in movies. 

Doyoung suddenly feels his phone vibrate in his pocket, and he licks his fingers clean and wipes it with a tissue before he reaches for it. He looks at the screen in shock when he sees the name of who texted.

It was Jaehyun.

He looks at the rest of the people in the table, and they notice his shocked face. “What’s up, Doyoung?” Hyesoo says, mouth full. 

“Jaehyun… He just texted me.” He says, and everyone in the table either chockes or swallos their food.

“What?” Johnny says. “What does it say?” 

 

**Jaehyunie baby**

Safe. Pier west f 18 st col d

 

He reads is outloud, and Johnny looks at him with confusion. “Do you think…”

“I think it’s his location.” Hyungmin says, wiping his fingers on a piece of tissue. “May I?” He gestures for the phone and Doyoung lends it to him. He reads through it again. “I think what he’s saying is that he’s safe. And that he is located in a pier west of something. I don’t know about the eighteen s and t, and also the col and d.”

“I think the st is street and col and d is cold.” Hyesoo interrupts. 

“We have to find him then! We can go by ourselves!” 

Hyungmin gives the phone back and Hyesoo looks at him. “We can’t, Doyoung!”

“Why not?! We have the guns and-”

“Can you even aim?” She says and Doyoung goes silent. “I guess not. Doyoung, we can’t do a rescue mission with just the five of us versus a hundred of them.”

“But-”

“No, Doyoung. We also want him back asap, but we can’t face them alone.”

Doyoung sighs, leaning back on his seat. “Okay.” 

“What we have to do now is meet dad and tell him about it. We have to plan this out until the smallest detail.” She says. “We don’t even know his exact location. Him texting you is a miracle itself.”

“Okay.” He says, defeated. “I guess you’re right.”

“Good.” Hyungmin says. “Now, let’s finish our food and start driving again. Doyoung, you have your license?” 

“We brought ours.” Johnny says.

“Good. If we want to arrive at the rendezvous quicker, we have to drive in rounds.” They all nod. 

Hyesoo looks at Doyoung and he knows that he could see the worry in his eyes, reaching out to hold his hand. “We’ll get him, okay?”

Doyoung just nods.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you again! Send some love ok? It motivates me when you guys comment or tweet mo (@JungDoSmile) let me know your feelings ok? Thank you for everythiiiiing


	22. You've Got The Universe On Your Side

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> " Don't you be afraid, no  
> If you start floating away  
> Hey, I promise you will be fine  
> Got the universe on your side "  
> \- Ground Control by All Time Low

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaaaaannnnnnndddddd we're almost done!!!! 
> 
> fair warning, i didn't entirely proof read this so just miss out on any mistake thanks haha
> 
> Enjoy the last chapter!!!!! and happy new year everyone!!!

“Look, Johnny, all I could say is that they should have finished the most recent silent hill game ‘cause god fuck that playable teaser really fucked me up big time.” Hyungmin said, his hands flailing passionately.

Johnny and Hyungmin have been having a passionate discussion on horror games, Johnny driving while Hyungmin at the passenger’s seat. Ten had his head on Doyoung’s shoulder while Hyesoo is catching up on sleep at the opposite side. They are at their second day on the road, and they have heard news that Hyunjae and their staff and family members have survived the attack. It wasn’t much of a surprise to Doyoung knowing the power Hyunjae and his family holds, but it was still a relief that no one died within the blood bath.

Johnny is laughing along to Hyungmin’s passionate discussion. “I agree on that one hundred percent. I just finished Outlast by that time and I needed to fill the void that game left me.” Johnny says, smile on his face and hands holding the steering wheel leisurely.

“Oh! About Outlast, that game really-”

And their conversation becomes white noise to him, putting his energy on looking outside the window, watching scenery change every minute. The sun was shining overhead, trees creating beautiful patterns on shadows. Doyoung suddenly has the urge to write, which he hasn’t done in so long, creating a longing in his chest.

But he noticed that he only ever writes whenever Jaehyun is near, whenever his touch lingers and kiss creates a presence in his skin. It made Doyoung miss his lover immensely, worry and love blooming inside him. Doyoung could feel his eyes water from the thought of Jaehyun’s smile; it really gave him strength and became his catalyst to continue stepping forward into the unknown. He wipes away the growing tears from his eyes and smiles at how Johnny laughs, so low and inviting, and Hyungmin’s aneurysms as he discusses his hatred over the scarcity of batteries that spawn in Outlast. He smiles at Ten’s long eyelashes as it rests on his soft cheeks, lips pouting as his eyes watch a movie saved in his phone, and how Hyesoo has a lone dribble of saliva forming at the corner of his mouth.

For now Doyoung finds strength in the people he is with, containing his longing for Jaehyun. This way, it will make him stronger, make him wiser, to finally get his lover in his arms again.

__

_Jaehyun’s POV_

“Wake up, faggot.”

Jaehyun’s eyes open, squinting at his surroundings, pain resonating through his body. At first he was confused; why was his head throbbing; why was the room so dark but so warm; why can’t he move. Then he remembers that he’s been held captive, and Jaehyun doesn’t even remember how long. He can’t remember the last time he has eaten or drank remotely clean water. His mouth was so dry, a lingering taste of blood in his tongue was the closest thing to having any form of liquid in his system. He knows his right leg is broken just by looking at how it twists in a direction it shouldn’t go, but he can’t feel any pain, numb from all his senses. His hands were tied at his back, rope painfully chafing his wrists.

The last thing he remembered was a dark room that had water stains at the wall, rancid and close to giving the word disgusting an understatement. He was being beaten up by his father, “By yours truly” he would say, not for gaining information, but for going against his orders, spitting insults he’s been spitting ever since he was young. But Jaehyun was stronger now, letting his words fly over his head and keeping the thought of his lover in his mind.

He looks around him. His father was standing at the corner of what seemed like a metal container used in shipments. The corners were rusting and sunlight was peeking in.

“Fucking finally.” Jaehyun lifts his head to look at Jeongyeon’s angered face. He steps forward to grab on Jaehyun’s hair, pulling it harshly to face him. “Your boyfriend miracously escaped and you know why?” Jaehyun’s brows furrows half from pain and half from anger. “Your stupid fucked-up family got in my fucking way.” A sound of a slap on skin resonates through the container and it only occurred to him that Jeongyeon just slapped his left cheek, feeling his skin heat up in pain. “This is your fault.” Another slap but at his right cheek. “If you weren’t such a fucking ungrateful son of that whore and just gave me what I fucking wanted, then we wouldn’t be in this fucking mess. I had to whip out my assets and have them killed when I should be relaxing.” Jeongyeon grips his hair again and throws him to the ground, the chair he was sitting on coming down with him. “Don’t worry, they’ll be here in… I guess, three days. I’m thankful for your phone and your stupid brain having a password so stupid as your whore’s birthday.”

Jaehyun thrashes, thinking about Doyoung’s smile and the danger he might be in. “What did you do?!” He shouts.

“I sent a small message on where we are. I won’t waste anymore energy trying to hunt them down when I can bring them to me. And when they do come…” Jeongyeon squats in front of him and their eyes meet. “They’ll all be running into a trap and I’ll shoot them dead on the spot myself.”

Jaehyun just looks at his father as he walks away, closing the rusty doors of the container closed. He wills himself not to cry but the tears just starts to flow as he imagines the horror that may ensue right outside. He wouldn’t forgive himself if anything happen to Doyoung and his best friends again; they have already gone through so much that should have been for Jaehyun, and it makes his heart feel heavy.

He just wishes they know what they’re doing before coming.

__

_Doyoung’s POV_

It was their third day when they arrive at a simple beach bungalow, palm trees decorating the outside and behind the house was the sea shining. Chimes made out of sea-shells were hanging at the front porch, harmony with how the sea crashes on the shore. The house was painted sky blue, curtain mesh white, and wood varnished.

When they step on the front porch, the door swings open, Hyunjae in the inside. He had a cut on his eyebrow, but over-all, uninjured. He had a smile on his face. “I’m glad you’re safe. Welcome to the west safe house, or what we call the Kim vacation home.” He says as he lets them in. The interior was very welcoming, a typical beach house, windows big enough to look out to the beach. “There are rooms upstairs. Leave your things there and meet the rest at the beach cottage.” He says as he walks out to the back door.

They do as they told, calling dibs on rooms with the most beautiful view of the sea. Doyoung looks out the window when he settles his bag at the side of the bed. He closes his eyes, relaxing himself as he listens to the whispers of the ocean, his muscles finally loosening and breathing softens.

They all walk together, following Hyesoo who had his arm around Hyungmin, keeping family close. They walk further through the forest of palm trees, the house disappearing behind them. Grass turns to sand, their feet sinking through, soft and warm at their soles. The palm trees end as the sun shines over them, heating their skin.

After a few moments, they arrive at the small cottage, but when they step inside, there was no one at the living room. Although the fireplace was lit up.

“Where are they?” Johnny asks beside him as they look at Hyesoo.

“You should be used to it now.” She says with a grin, and they look at her with confusion. She brushes her foot on the floor, the carpet getting caught at her foot, and reveals a door. The three boys says ‘ah’ in unison, and it makes Hyesoo laugh. “It’s not a safe house without its extra bullshit.” She opens the door and the hinges creak. “Follow me.” She disappears through the floor.

“You guys go first.” Hyungmin says, and Johnny steps in, Ten and Doyoung following after.

It was twenty or so steps before they get to the bottom and the size of the room was much larger than what they thought. It was a lounge, the design very modern and sleek. Hyunjae was sitting at the center of the sofa that was shaped in a half circle, while other family and head-of-staffs sit either sides of him. They all had minor injuries, either bruises or scratches, and smiles on their faces.

“Sorry for the lack of chairs, boys. Although, the floor is clean, so you are free to sit anywhere.” Hyungjae says, and Doyoung sits on the floor. Johnny sits beside him with Ten on Johnny’s lap. “How was the trip?” He says.

“Shitty. Johnny’s a shitty driver.” He says and the room erupts in laughter while Johnny glares at him.

“I’m glad all of you are safe.” From leaning on the back rest, Hyunjae leans forwards, elbows resting on his thighs. “Hyesoo said that there is something important you wanted to show me.” He says.

“Ah.” Doyoung reaches for his pocket, pulling out his phone. “I got a text from Jaehyun.” Hyunjae looks at him in confusion as he reaches for the phone.

He reads the message and after moments, hums. “Don’t you think this is a trap?”

“It’s better than nothing.” Johnny says.

“That’s true.” Hyunjae hands the phone to his staff that, if Doyoung remembers, is the head of hacking systems and all bullshit jargon he doesn't understand. “I’ll have my boys track down the location. Johnny, have you had the time to access the hard drive?”

Johnny shakes his head. “I’m sorry. I didn’t have the time since we were urgently trying to get here.” He says.

“It’s okay. Understandable. Why don’t you work with my men? I’m sure the locations of Jeongyeon’s various safe houses are in that drive. Can you do it before sun down?”

“But… isn’t that too quick?” Johnny gives him a confused look.

“I know you’re talented enough to hack though it in thirty minutes, Johnny.”

“Ah… I guess I can do it.”

“Good. Because we have to make a plan by tonight so we can rescue Jaehyun as soon as possible.” Hyunjae says sternly.

Doyoung can sense the tension in Johnny’s body, and Ten brushes through his lover’s hair to relax him. “Okay.”

Hyunjae leans back to the backrest and smiles. “Good. My men will lead you to a separate room where all of you can work.” He smiles at his staff. “Make Johnny feel comfortable so that all of you can work at the most efficient.” The staff nods in determination and stands.

“Follow us, sir.” They say, eyes at Johnny.

Johnny holds Ten’s waist and they share a short kiss before Ten goes to sit at the floor, Johnny standing to follow them to another room. Silence falls between them until the group disappears into a separate room.

Doyoung fidgets, his hands clasped together. “We’ll do the rescue mission tomorrow?”

Hyunjae goes back to looking at Doyoung. “Yes. And I’ll need you three to stay here so that you could be safe-”

“What? No!” Doyoung interrupts, shock and anger coursing through his brain. “I’m going with you!”

“No, Doyoung.” Hyunjae’s face contorts into soft anger. “This will be dangerous and we don’t want you to get hurt-”

“I don’t care, Hyunjae! I want to be there when Jaehyun is rescued.”

“Don’t be stubborn, Doyoung.”

“I can take care of myself-”

“Oh yeah?” Hyunjae stands and walks towards Doyoung, bringing out his gun from his holster, pointing it at Doyoung’s head. It was only inches away, and fear quickly runs through him. “Then do what you have to do to steal my gun away before I pull the trigger.” He says, stern and unmerciful. Doyoung is in shock and he’s speechless, breathing starting to become erratic and short.

“Dad!” He hears Hyesoo shout from across the room. “Let him go!”

“No, Soo. He has to learn when to shut the fuck up and trust me.” Doyoung hears a loud click from above him, and he sees Hyunjae sliding the glock, ready to shoot.

“You’re scaring him, for fucks sake! Just let him go!” Hyesoo shouts louder. “Remember he’s your grandson’s lover, and we’re doing this for him. If you shoot him now, then Jaehyun will never forgive you!”

Hyunjae has his brows furrowed, staring angrily at Doyoung, and Doyoung stays in place. “Please.” Doyoung finally says in a whisper, his lips quivering in fear.

Hyunjae’s face suddenly softens, closing his eyes and bringing out a loud sigh, and finally bringing the gun down, back to his gun holster. When he walks away, massaging his temples, Doyoung collapses into the ground, Ten trying to calm him by brushing his fingers through his hair. Hyunjae looks back at Doyoung with sad eyes. “I’m sorry, Doyoung.” He kneels on front of him and lifts him up to embrace him. “I just don’t want an innocent to get hurt again. I will not forgive myself if you, or Ten, or Johnny, will get hurt because of this.” Doyoung lets his arms wrap around the older, tightening his hold on his dress shirt. “Despite the short amount of time we have been together, I have considered you as my son, and I will never hurt you. I’m so sorry if I scared you.” Hyunjae runs his hands through his back, soothing his breathing which Doyoung didn’t realize he had a hard time doing.

He has never been this messed up, anxiety holding him hostage. Maybe, it’s the constant trauma and fear that he feels that kept him from being alright. And, maybe, it’s the distance that he has with his fated lover; that keeping him close, safe and warm, is a way to keep him grounded.

It takes him what feels like forever to calm down, and when he snaps out of it, he’s already on the sofa, head on Ten’s thighs with his fingers brushing through his hair, and Hyesoo fanning him with a folder. His hearing comes clear and the first thing he hears is Ten’s soothing voice, whispering. “You’ll be okay, Doyoung.”

And it calms him, his eyes closing and his breathing finally in a steady state. Ten looks down at him to stare at his eyes. “You’re okay?” Doyoung merely nods. “Ok good. Sit up, baby.” He says as he helps Doyoung sit up and Hyesoo is sitting at his foot.

“Drink water first.” She says, giving him a glass of water. Doyoung was still shivering, so she helps him reach for it, keeping his hands steady. “Finish it, okay?”

When he does, he lets his head lean on Ten’s shoulder behind him., and Ten goes back to brushing his fingers through his hair. “Do you want to sleep first? Or do you want to come with me and walk in the beach? It’s almost sundown, and I bet the sky will look beautiful.”

Doyoung slides so that he could be in a sitting position, feet finally feeling the floor. “The beach sounds good. I kinda feel like writing something.”

“Okay.” Ten says, smiling.

__

Doyoung feels sand seep through his toes as he sits on the ground, his skin turning gold as the sun goes down through the ocean. Ten was playing around with their family dog, running around with a golden retriever barking away beautifully. He holds his phone, ready to write his feelings, finally feeling inspiration rush through him like the wind that blows through his hair.

_There’s always something so beautiful_

_With comparing love to the sky_

_You yearn to reach every night_

It comes in naturally now, just like months ago when he met Jaehyun that night his brother died. It was a breath of fresh air, a bubble finally popping, free falling through the clouds.

_I yearn for you, and maybe,_

_That’s the most mundane thing I have ever done._

_I am my own person, and yet, I find myself wanting_

_To be with you,_

_To hold your hand_

_To catch the laughter you give._

 

_Love is so peculiar;_

_People hurt to find love_

_And people scar from the love_

_they cannot comprehend._

 

_And yet, we try to comprehend the universe,_

_Because it is much more vast than what we see_

_And so we strive to discover the peculiarity of it._

Doyoung remembers how Jaehyun would say it, how the universe knows everything and that all he wants is to discover it. He feels Jaehyun's hold, a ghost of the past lingering in his skkn, wanting.

_I don’t stop there - I want to know you more,_

_To find the constellations you bare at the small of your back,_

_And see the beams of light when you look at me_

_While your hand softly caresses my cheek._

 

_I want to know you more - not because I adore you_

_But because you are more than the universe I understand._

 

_I want to know you more - I yearn to reach you heart that beats for the universe._

 

_I want to know you more; there’s something so beautiful_

_With comparing your love to the sky_

_I yearn to reach everyday of my life._

He sighs, eyes closing as he basks on the wind that sings and the ocean that talks. When he opens them, Ten was smiling at him, walking towards him and finally sitting beside him. “Wrote something nice?” He asks.

“Yeah. I think this may be one of my favorites.” Doyoung looks at Ten with a smile.

“May I?” Ten brings out his hand, and Doyoung gives his phone to his friend. The golden retriever lies down on front of them, looking out to the sea. Ten reads through it, his eyes following through the lines of his piece, and Doyoung feelings his heart race as Ten’s mouth slowly opens, gaping as he reads through it. When he finishes, he looks at Doyoung with eyes of wonder. “This is beautiful, Doyoung.”

Doyoung reaches for his phone to lock it. He pulls his legs to his chest and embraces it. “Thank you.” He looks back at the sun as it fades away.

“I swear I was about to cry.” He says, laughing softly, and Doyoung laughs, too.

“Oh, please. You’re exaggerating.”

“You’re too humble, Do. Sooner or later, you have to accept that you write so beautifully.”

Doyoung laughs at that, his cheeks heating up. “Ah… Thank you, Ten.”

“You’re welcome.”

“Not just for the compliment, Tennie. Thank you for everything.” Doyoung goes back to looking at Ten and their gazes meet. “You shouldn’t have to be involved in this, and yet, here you are, risking your life with us.”

Ten smiles at him. “You’re family to me, Doyoung.” Ten looks to the ground. “My family lives far away from here, and there are many times where I want to give up and go back to them. But I found Johnny and Jaehyun, and they’re like brothers to me. And then you came and… I realized how complete my life is now and I wouldn't want it any other way.” Doyoung smiles wider. “That’s why I don’t mind going through all this fear and danger. I don’t want you to go through - whatever this is - alone.”

Doyoung sighs, relief filling his chest. “That reassures me. Thank you.”

“Let’s be strong until the last second, yeah?” Ten wraps his arm around Doyoung’s shoulder, and he nods.

“Yeah.” Softly, with a smile, he holds Ten’s hand that was on his shoulder.

In the distance, Hyungmin comes running to them with a smile. They look up at him as he approaches them. “Relaxed enough?”

Ten releases his hold from his shoulder and stands. “Yeah.”

“Good. Let’s go in. Johnny’s done cracking up the hard drive.” Hyungmin helps Doyoung up to his feet. “You’re boyfriend has a talent, Ten. He’s really good with what he’s doing.”

“Well, of course he’s good at it. He wouldn’t be my hubby if he wasn’t.” Ten says and Doyoung and Hyungmin laughs.

They walked together as the sky goes darker until it is fully night time. The lights from the cottage had a warm glare from the inside, and Doyoung hears cracking of wood. When they step inside, the room was warm and cozy, everyone snuggled on furniture and some were seated on the carpet. Johnny was sitting on the floor, legs crossed beneath him, and he had his laptop stationed on the coffee table, a map opened on the screen.

Hyunjae appears from the kitchen with a tray of coffee. “Great, you’re back.” He places the tray on the spare space on the table. “I know it’s warm enough to not have a hot drink, but sometimes coffee keeps the room from creating tension. And right now, what we don’t want is to stir up tension. So, everyone, get yourself some coffee if you want.” He says as he sits on the couch right behind Johnny. They get their own cups of coffee and settles themselves on their own seats, some on chairs and some on floors. “Alright. Shall we start?” Hyunjae asks, and everyone nods. “Okay. Johnny?”

Hyunjae looks at Johnny, and Johnny turns to look back at him, nodding eventually. He goes back to facing his laptop and presses a button. “Alright. We have pinpointed the location based from the map Hangbin gave to us. We have to be thankful for him because he gave us everything. And if when I say everything, it’s literally everything. The personal information and contracts of Jeongyeon’s minions, how many are they, how armed they are, and more.” Johnny said with a serious expression.

Ten comes close to Doyoung’s ear, and whispers, “Johnny looks so hot right now. I could fuck him.” Doyoung snorts, and slaps him on the arm.

“Not now, Ten.” He whispers back.

Johnny pauses when he sees Ten wink at him then smiles before he continues again.

“Based from the text message Jaehyun sent, there is a location that is nearby. There is a closed down warehouse north from here, approximately a thirty minute drive. It used to be a base for overseas shipments since it was the only pier here in town. However, it closed down due to unknown sources. It just closed down ten years ago, but it was probably because of Jeongyeon. We’ll never know.

“During night time, the pier has a breeze that usually drops to ten to twenty degrees, depending on the season. Maybe, that was what Jaehyun meant by ‘cold’ in his message. He may be placed somewhere that allows the breeze to come in, so we are assuming it is not a room. Rooms are rare in warehouses like that since majority of the space that is used are for metal containers of shipments. He may be inside those containers, we’ll never know until we’re actually there.

“In terms of arms, they are fully packed with the most updated guns, and they have a lot of them. But I trust that Hyunjae has more-”

“Of course I have more.” Hyunjae interrupts him, sipping on his coffee before speaking up again. “I may not be the russian mafia, but I can battle them, and win, surely, anytime. I have the biggest group in the whole world. But there’s a catch…”

“Yes, there’s a catch.” Johnny continues. “The last information that Jeongyeon knows of the Kim family was ten years ago, and the fraction of their power is merely five percent of what they are now.”

“Therefore,” Hyunjae continues. “He doesn’t know what’s coming for him. He’ll think he can out number us. He may have a large amount of assets, but we are one hundred and ten percent bigger than him.” Johnny closes his laptop, looking at Hyunjae as he stands to place his mug on the coffee table and stand on front of the fire.  “Thank you, Johnny. You have worked hard.” Johnny nods, receiving the compliment with pride.

“Now…. Game plan.”

__

It was three in the afternoon when they’re driving to the location where Jeongyeon may be. Everything, as of now, is a dangerous situation, and even if they are driving into an assumed location of where Jaehyun may be, they are still going to sacrifice everything.

At the passenger seat, Doyoung is left fidgeting, tuning out the quiet chatter from Ten and Johnny and the static conversations on the walkie-talkie. The only thing he is anticipating is seeing Jaehyun, finally holding him, kissing his wounds away, and telling him how much he loves him.

He doesn’t realize he’s being called out not until he feels a hand on his thigh.

“Doyoung?” It was Johnny, his brows furrowing in worry when Doyoung faces him. “You okay?”

Doyoung hesitates, but he eventually nods. “Yeah, yeah. Why?”

“We’re near.” Johnny says, and Doyoung just hums. He looks out of the window, and buildings and houses slowly becomes fewer until what’s left is the view of the sea.

After what felt like forever, Hyesoo looks at them through the rear-view mirror. “We’ll be arriving in thirty seconds. When we do, I want the three of you-”

The cars on front of them suddenly veers to their right and Hyesoo barely avoids it, swerving in an instant. Doyoung looks at his side to look at what happened and he sees a whole right at the middle of the driver's forehead, head lolling side to side. The passengers quickly steps out of the car, but was shot too from out of nowhere, all of them falling to the ground.

“Shit!” Hyesoo says as the car goes into a sudden stop. Doyoung looks to the front and the remaining cars on front of them explode, flying off the road and into the side, catching on fire. The passengers inside crawl out to save themselves, but Doyoung knows that they won’t make it, having them be caught on fire too.

Hyesoo drives again, faster now as the cars on front of them gets either shot with an invisible sniper or exploding into fiery pieces. Doyoung could feel the fear between all three of them, and Doyoung knows he’s close to crying, but he tries to stay strong. He needs to get through this; he needs to see another day.

They arrive just outside the warehouse and the chaos has already started. There were gunshots going through the air like a constant rhythm, and the number of kills are increasing every second. The car skid sideways until it stops, and the ones behind them does the same, the passengers inside quickly stepping out and running towards the danger. Hyesoo turns towards them and brings out her own gun. “You have your guns?” She shouts, and they frantically nod. “Good. The three of you stay here.” She steps out of the car and Doyoung is left dumbfounded.

When he snaps out of his senses, he shouts, “What?!” He steps out of the car when Hyesoo was already walking away. “I’m coming with you!” Doyoung shouts louder, and she turns to him, running back to their car.

“I am not allowing you to come with us!”

“But I am going!” He’s angry, so angry. He could feel his face turn red.

“No, Doyoung! You fucking stay here!” She grabs for the extra walkie-talkie from her back pocket and hands it to Doyoung. “Have this. If we don’t respond in ten minutes, run, okay? We have to stick to the plan, Doyoung. Please!” Her voice was close to pleading, and he gives in.

He could feel Johnny’s hand on his shoulder. “C’mon, Doyoung. We’re not skilled enough to go in there.”

Doyoung sighs and retrieves the walkie-talkie with sad eyes. “Okay. But… please be safe and bring Jaehyun back.”

Hyesoo looks at him for a moment and nods, a small smile. “We’re keeping our promise. So, don’t worry, okay?” Hyesoo grabs Doyoung’s hand to pull him into an embrace, following Johnny, then Ten. “Now, step inside the car and keep your head down. Do whatever it takes to survive this.” She says, and when they all nod, she runs away.

They step inside the car again and they keep their head down. Doyoung could finally feel the anxiety creeping in his skin as the sounds outside become more chaotic. He could hear explosions coming one by one just like fireworks and shouts of pain and agony.

“Doyoung, calm down.” Ten whispers beside him, and Doyoung looks at him with scared eyes. “I know, okay? I’m scared, too. But we have to trust them.” Doyoung nods. “So, breath please. Steady-”

His voice was cut-off when his vision goes dark. He could feel pain all over his body, his head pounding and ears ringing. He felt the same numbing pain just like the time when Jeongyeon ran over him several times, and he was close to slipping into what feels like the same coma state he was in for months.

“Doyoung!” He hears distantly as the ringing goes quieter. “Doyoung, wake up!” Doyoung’s eyes snap open and he realizes he’s on the floor and Ten is kneeling down on front of him. “Oh god, Doyoung.” He says and he’s close to tears. Behind Ten was their car in what looked like the aftermath of the explosion. Doyoung tries to sit up and Ten helps him. “We have to go, Doyoung! We’re not safe here.” He says.

“Where’s Johnny?” Doyoung asks as his eyes squint. Ten suddenly sobs. “Ten! Where’s Johnny?!” He asks again, louder and demanding. Ten twists his head to look behind him and Doyoung follows his gaze. He sees Johnny’s body lying on the floor, eyes closed, and blood collecting around his head. Doyoung notices the blood stains on Ten’s hands and knees, and he quickly stands despite his limbs wobbling. As he comes closer, his hands shake with fear. He could feel Ten follow behind him when Doyoung kneels beside Johnny’s body. He twists Johnny so that he could lie on his back and he looks at his unmoving state.

“Is he-” Ten starts sobbing as he drops to the floor beside him. “Doyoung, please! Is he dead?!” Ten shouts between his sobs.

Doyoung, despite his shaking hands, brings his fingers to Johnny’s face to brush his hair away from it. He brings his ear to Johnny’s nose, trying to hear any indication of breathing. After long moments of fear and anxiety, he could finally hear air come out of Johnny’s nose, and Doyoung sighs in relief. “He’s breathing.” He says, and Ten comes closer to hold Johnny’s face in his hands.

“Oh god, baby. Johnny, please. Wake up!”

An explosion suddenly comes near them and Doyoung looks at it before he taps Ten’s shoulder. “We can’t stay here, Ten. We need to bring Johnny somewhere safe.”

Ten helps Johnny up Doyoung’s shoulders, and they run towards an old metal container. He gently lays Johnny down inside and Ten quickly kneels beside his lover. “I have to go inside.”

“No, Doyoung! Stay.” Ten quickly retaliates.

“We have to bring Johnny to a hospital now, Ten. I have to find someone to bring him!”

“But it’s dangerous!”

“I know, okay? I fucking know! But I won’t forgive myself if he died just because I didn’t do something about it.” Ten goes speechless, looking at Doyoung with tear-streaked cheeks. “Let me do this. I want us to come out of this fucking mess in one piece.”

There was a moment of silence between them before Ten speaks. “Okay. Please be safe, Doyoung.”

Doyoung comes close to Ten to run his fingers through his cheeks to wipe his tears away, and kisses his forehead, Ten closing his eyes to the touch. “I will.”

He runs away from the container and towards the warehouse. He finds anything that could cover him, running quickly to whatever is considered as a safe spot before running again. When he enters the warehouse, it was dim and empty except for stray sand on the floor and boxes serving as cover for majority of those firing their weapons. At the other side of warehouse, the same side as the door he came from, was Hyungmin trying to load more bullets into his gun. “Hyungmin!” Doyoung shouts and Hyungmin follows his voice until their eyes meet.

Hyungmin’s eyes go wide as he runs towards him, his head low and gun out.  “What the fuck are you doing here?!” He shouts to battle the noise of the guns.

“Johnny needs to be brought to the hospital.”

“What the fuck happened?”

“I don’t know! At first we were laying low, then the next thing I knew, the car exploded and I was on the ground.”

“Fuck! I’m glad you’re okay!”

“But Johnny’s not. He’s hurt, Hyungmin.”

Hyungmin massages his temple and looks around before going back to Doyoung. “Fine. I’ll bring him to the hospital. We have spare cars a few blocks away in case.”

“Was that part of the plan?”

Hyungmin smirks at him. “Everything was part of the plan, Doyoung. Even the first few cars exploding. We have to make them think that they’re winning.” Hyungmin hands him his extra mag of bullets. “Keep yourself safe. Aim, breath, then shoot, got it?” Doyoung nods. “Good. Where did you leave Ten and Johnny?”

“They’re inside a metal container at the farthest side.”

“Okay. I’ll see you at the winning stage.” He says before running out of the warehouse.

Doyoung looks at the chaos and finds a spot where he can hide. He runs to a room of what looked like a run-down control center box, glass fogged up from age.

He doesn’t expect Jeongyeon inside when he enters, and in his frantic state, he shoots without aiming, the bullet hitting the glass and breaking into pieces.

“Oh. It’s my son’s lover.” He says as he stands from his seat and aims his own gun at him. “Say a word and I’ll shoot.” Doyoung stays still, breathing coming in short and heart racing. “Come here.” Jeongyeon says, gesturing his fingers to come closer. And in fear, he steps forward. Jeongyeon grabs him by the hair painfully and lifts him so that they could meet in eye level. “You know… If it weren’t for you escaping that day, then we wouldn’t be in this mess. But that’s okay…. I know I’m winning this ‘cause it looks like my dear father-in-law lacks the brains and people to win this.”

Jeongyeon grabs a microphone from under the control panel that Doyoung didn’t notice and turns it on. The warehouse is quickly filled with static.

“Hey!” He shouts, and everyone inside stops, their guns at steady aim on each other. “I just caught a faggot sneaking into our territory.” He says, pulling his hair tightly.

Jeongyeon drags him out of the box, towards the center of the warehouse and he spots Hyesoo looking at him in shock. Hyunjae is looking too, and worry is painted across his face. “Doyoung! I told you to stay in the car!” Hyunjae shouts, and Jeongyeon throws him to the ground.

“Well, obviously he’s a fucking stupid faggot who doesn’t know his place.” He brings out his gun again and aims it at Doyoung. “Hey! Jacob!” Doyoung turns his head to where Jeongyeon is lookong and a man, tall and buff, a typical gang member, salutes.

“Sir!” He shouts, firm.

“Can you drag my son here? And don’t forget to beat him up first.”

Doyoung’s hands start to shake beneath him, and he tries to move away from Jeongyeon’s aim. Jeongyeon notices his movements, so he aims his gun near Doyoung’s leg and shoots the pavement, evoking more fear through his system. He spots Hyesoo flinch and tries to run towards him.

“If you fucking move one more fucking time, I won’t hesitate to shoot your fucking brains out.” Jeongyeon looks around. “No one fucking moves!” He shouts, his voice echoing.

Jacob comes back with Jaehyun in his hands, throwing him to the ground a few feet away from Doyoung.

“Jaehyun!” He calls out, and he notices all the dried blood on his skin, the cut on his arm, and the bruises on his legs. He also notices the way his leg twists in a way that pains him to look at. Jaehyun’s head lols, pliant, and his eyes are glazed over, unfocused. But when Jaehyun locks eyes with Doyoung, his eyes go wide and tears start to flow from his face.

“Doyoung, baby!” He says as he tries to scramble to stand.

He hears a loud bang, and then suddenly pain shoots up from his thigh. Jeongyeon jusy shot his thigh, feelonh blood rush out from the bullet wound, and he screams in pain as his mind goes hazy. “Fuck, fuck, fuck-” He says as a mantra, gripping at his leg.

There was a moment of silence reigning over them. “I told you to shut the fuck up!” He shouts.

Jaehyun’s face contorts into anger as he walks towards them, getting quicker and quicker.

“You don’t…” He grabs the stray gun on the floor, pulling the glock. “Fucking touch…” He’s running now despite his broken leg. “Kim Doyoung!” He shouts, and when he is vlose enough, he lets the butt of the mag mert Jeongyeon’s forehead with so much force.

Jeongyeon was taken aback, his balancing stumbling backwards. “You faggot-”

Jaehyun doesn’t hesitate to shoot his leg too, same spot as where he shot Doyoung, and Jeongyeon screams in agony, kneeling on the floor. Jaehyun throws a punch and it pushed Jeongyeon’s face to the ground.

“I’m fucking sick of you-” He throws a punch again. “-Making my life like fucking shit!” And again. “You made my life miserable-” And again. “You killed my mother-" He kicks his stomach. “You threatened my best friend-” And again. “And tried to kill my lover.” He aims the gun towards him, and Doyoung notices the tears on Jaehyun’s face. “And it would feel so fucking good to kill you right now.”

“Jaehyun, stop!” Doyoung finally shouts, the pain on his leg becoming numb.

Jaehyun looks at him, the gun still set on Jeongyeon.

“He ruined our lives, Doyoung! He only deserves to die-”

“If you do that, you’ll be the same as him!” He shouts, and the room goes silent except for Doyoung’s laboured breathing. Jaehyun goes speechless, his eyes still on Doyoung. “Baby… Don’t do it, please.” His brows furrow and eyes turn to sadness. “For me.”

“But-”

“No buts, baby. This isn’t a revenge mission. This is to rescue you.” He says, his grip on his leg loosening, blood gushing out again.

Jaehyun finally drops the gun to the floor and wobble his way towards Doyoung, collapsing on top of him as they cry.

“Get him.” Hyunjae orders. “And whoever is Jeongyeon’s is ours, so surrender now before we kill you.”

Behind Jaehyun, people go to work, retrieving whoever is at the opposite team. When Hyunjae is on front of Jeongyeon, his staff lifts him up, arms behind him and head lolling forward.

“If it weren’t for me getting beat up, I would have won.” He says as he coughs up blood.

Hyunjae laughs loud enough to echo. “I have eyes everywhere, Jeongyeon. You would have lost even if you weren’t beaten up by my grandson. Take him away.” He orders and he walks towards Jaehyun and Doyoung. “We’ll bring in our paramedics, so stay put, okay? Don’t faint on us.” They both nod.

Jaehyun has his arms around Doyoung. “I’m sorry if I left you.” Jaehyun was sobbing in his shoulders.

Doyoung hushes him, tuning out the pain on his leg to comfort Jaehyun. “It’s not your fault, baby. I’m here now. You’ll be okay.”

“I love you. I love you so much. I will never leave you ever again.”

Doyoung could feel his head going hazy, lightheadedness taking over him. Before he could let darkness wash over him, he holds Jaehyun’s face in his hands and gives him a quick kiss.

“You’ve been so strong, my space traveler. I love you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YEY!!!!
> 
> What's next: Epilogue!!!
> 
> To those who are still here, thank you!!!!! Without your endless love you have shown, I wouldn't have finished this as quick as now. See you in the next update :)
> 
> Don't forgot to drop in some love here or on my twt @JungDoSmile


	23. There's Room For Two Six Feet Under The Stars

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And when you think the end is nearing, there is still forever left to walk to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Read the dates!!! it's important so that you know the flow!!

**Transcript of speech**

**Date: March 23, 2036**

**Given by Kim Doyoung**

 

**Dr. Bae, University President:**

To give the alumni speech, it would be an honour to introduce one of the pride of our university. A man who holds more than five literature awards, one of them being the most prestigious Nobel Prize in Literature, have sold more than ten hundred million copies of his books worldwide, a father of twins, and a husband to one of our very own astronauts. May I present to you, Kim Doyoung.

 

**Kim Doyoung:**

To our university president and vice president, to our deans, professors, parents and friends, and our graduates, good afternoon. I would like to start my speech with a quote that was rather popular back when I was running through these walls as I realize that I am late to class and my professor of that time won’t even allow me to step inside - credits to Sir Tan who is sitting behind me, who, despite of my attendance, still gave me one of the highest grades in class. *Pause* The quote is, and forgive me for my language: “Fuck this fucking shit. I’m sick of this fucking bullshit fucking school. I’m too tired. This better be fucking worth it.”

*Long pause and laughing*

I’m serious, everyone. Almost every student, even myself, would say this. And I know you would agree. University life is tiring. It’s either your professors are lenient or the devil incarnate, your class schedules are blessed or cursed, your classrooms are near each other or at every end of the campus. There are days where rather than drinking coffee, I would stuff my mouth with doughnuts and hope that I won’t get a stomach ache during class. There are days where my best friends wouldn’t even get to talk to each other for weeks even if they were roommates. Those were the sacrifices many of us went through. I am forty years old now and I still remember all the sacrifices I have made to be here, standing on this stage, now.

Graduates, I would like to remind you that your sacrifices will be acknowledged until you grow into the stage where you’re resting under a tree, watching your grandchildren play in the fields of freedom you have nurtured. The hard work you put on that paper that was due in six hours will be noted, pinned, and be remembered. The sweat that you experienced while running to your class for a chance of a perfect attendance will be remembered.

So, yes, it’s fucking worth it.

Years from now, when you are in the dreams you’ve been striving for, you will remember the lessons your professors gave you, the papers you have crammed, the friends you made while drunkingly walking your way through the streets, the pizza you ordered to keep you up at night, and everything you have done till this day.

And there will be more moments in your life that will make you sacrifice everything, but remember that the end of the road will be the dream you’ve been dying to build. It may take a day or a whole decade, but you shouldn’t give up on achieving them just like how you didn’t give up on your degree.

In the midst of it all, the pain and the suffering, the emotional breakdowns and parties you go to, you pushed through, and you should pat yourself at the back for doing so, because fate plays a funny game of pushing you and pulling you to see if you can withstand it’s current, and here you are, winning it.

__

 

**May 16, 2019**

It felt like he was sleeping for forever with how his limbs feel numb, with only a warm touch on his hand lingers.

Doyoung tries to open his eyes, meeting a blinding light crash over him. He thinks he’s dead, that God is real and the afterlife is his kingdom, but he suddenly hears his name, sweet in calling and a tender hold on his arm. When he finally opens his eyes, adjusting to the blur, he is met with Jaehyun, small tears on his face.

“Doyoung!” He says, his warm hand heating his own cold ones.

He notices the white walls, white sheets, and an IV drip attached to his body. It was like months ago, a feeling of dejavu.

“What? Where…” Doyoung is confused; maybe, he never actually woke up the first time he was confined, and that made him cry, remembering the pain he and his friends went through just for him.

“Baby? Why are you crying?” Doyoung only notices the cast on his right leg and a pair of crutches leaning on the wall behind Jaehyun. “What’s the matter, love?” Jaehyun holds his hand tighter.

“Did… what happened? Did the warehouse incident happen? Or…”

“Oh, yes, it happened, Doyoung.” Jaehyun sighs, leaning back to the chair. “You might have thought that you haven’t woken up from last time.” He says, looking at Doyoung lovingly.

“How long was I out?”

“About a week.” Another voice says from the other side of the room. He sees Ten sitting on the hospital couch with Johnny lying down on his lap, sleeping peacefully. A sudden rush of relief courses through his body when he sees Johnny’s small smile while he slumbers despite his face being covered by the bandage wrapped around his head.

“Ten.” Doyoung says with a smile.

“Johnny’s alright. Because of you, he didn’t have any major injuries. He woke up yesterday and insisted on getting discharged so that he could stay here to watch you wake up.” Ten looks at Johnny and brushes his hair with his fingers. “But he slept before could even catch you.”

Doyoung goes back to looking at Jaehyun, reacting to his lover intertwining their fingers together. “You lost a lot of blood from that bullet wound on your thigh. Thankfully, it didn’t hit any bones so you only needed stitches.” Jaehyun stands, with effort since he has a broken leg, and places a kiss on Doyoung’s forehead. “Thank you for sacrificing and putting your life on the line for me. I’m thankful for having you as my lover. “

They meet eye to eye, Jaehyun watching the universe get pieced back together, while Doyoung takes in Jaehyun’s beautiful features. Doyoung really missed Jaehyun, reaching up to place his palm on his cheek. It felt like forever since the last time they have touched, last time their hands intertwined like weaves of silk, last time they created planets through their gazes. And in that moment, the minutes stretched into a time paradox, their life intertwining, past, present, and future meeting between them, and it was a beautiful sight.

“I love you, Jaehyun.” Doyoung whispers.

Jaehyun’s cheeks go red within his white skin, giggling like a child. “It feels like the first time. You make me so happy, baby. I love you, too.”

The door suddenly swings open and everyone in the room looks at the person stepping in.

“Dongyoung!” His mother steps in the room, his father on tow, and she nearly cries as they walk towards the hospital bed. Jaehyun sits back down on his chair while his mother caresses his son’s cheek. “Oh, baby. You don’t contact me for weeks, then next thing I hear about you is that you ended up here again?” She kisses his forehead as he feels his father hold his hand.

“What happened, son? And no lies. Tell us the truth. A bullet wound can’t be hidden as an accident.” His father sounded angry, but his expression is of worry and sadness.

“I-” Doyoung was about apologize when the door swings open again. They all turn to see Hyunjae, crisp navy blue suit, white dress shirt, and black tie, with his signature stern expression.

“I’m glad you’re finally awake, Doyoung. My apologies, mr. and mrs. Kim, but I would like to have a word with your son.”

Doyoung’s mother stands straight, anger in her face. “Why should I? We are his parents and we deserve to know what is happening. Who are you to order us?”

Hyunjae stays silent for a moment before answering. “I am sorry, Ms. Kim. I am Kim Hyunjae of the Kim law firms, and I will be Doyoung’s lawyer.”

His mother is left speechless, while his father is dumbfounded. “Kim law firms? Doyoung can’t afford a lawyer, Hyunjae. He is a college student.”

“This will be free of charge because of various reasons. And in terms of information regarding what happened to Doyoung and the rest of his friends will be their decision to share. You may need to consult them in regards of their confidentiality of the situation.” Hyesoo steps in with the same stern face as her father. “This is my daughter and she will be helping us with their case.” Hyunjae walks to the center of the room so that he has view of all of the boys. “Now… it is your choice if you want the case to be a private case with no one but you and the firm with the information.” There was a moment of silence as they look at each other across the room. “We can give you time-”

“Wait.” Johnny finally gets up from Ten’s lap and leans his shoulders on Ten’s. “I’ll speak on behalf of them.” Johnny looks at Ten and they nod at each other, then to Jaehyun and Doyoung, doing the same. “We would like to keep it private.” He says, and his mother retaliates.

“Why?! But-”

“Mom.” Doyoung holds his mother’s hands and she turns to his son with a sad expression. “It’s better if you don’t know.” He says. “Please.”

His mother sighs. “Fine.” She places her warm palm on his cheek. “I trust you, okay?” Doyoung nods. “ We love you.” She smiles at him and this is another feeling he misses, the reassurance of family, love that can never be replaced.

“I love you, too.”

“Good.” She stands straight and looks at the room. “You guys go talk and we’ll step out to grab dinner.  Want anything, boys?”

“Chipotle.” Johnny quickly answers and they laugh at the urgency.

“Okay, Johnny. Chipotle it is. We’ll be back.”

Hyunjae and Hyesoo steps aside to gave way to his parents, and when the door finally closes, Hyesoo sighs, removing her heels and throwing it to the side, hitting the wall with a loud thud, and Hyunjae smoothens his tie and loosens it. “Fuck, I hate heels. I don’t know why we need to go here like this.” She sighs as she drops herself to the couch, right beside Johnny, and she leans her head on his shoulder.

“For fun.” Hyunjae says, and they laugh at Hyesoo’s pout. “Also, we need to establish a relationship that is outside… you know. So, this is the most appropriate facade.”

“Will we go to court though? For Jeongyeon?”

Hyunjae walks to Jaehyun’s side and pats his head. “No need to worry about him. He has been taken care of.”

“Did you…”

“No, Doyoung. I didn’t shoot him in the head. Killing him will benefit him. So… I exiled him to an island with nothing but the clothes on his back.”

“What?”

“Petty, right? I just wanted to have my fun; I’m getting old, okay? I’ll make use of him in the future, so for now, he’ll have the survive on his own in that island.”

Doyoung nods at that. “As long we don’t see him anymore, I’m good with anything.”

“Same here.” Jaehyun says, and he looks up to Hyunjae.

“By the way, Jaehyun, I have taken care of your mother’s will and I will be giving everything she owns to you between next week or the week after that.”

“Oh… Thank you, Hyunjae.”

“When will you start calling me your grandfather, huh?” Jaehyun looks at Hyunjae’s pout and he laughs. He grabs for Jaehyun’s nose with his forefinger and middle finger and pulls it playfully. “I’m still family, Jae. Stop calling me like I’m some business partner.”

“But you are, though. You just sponsored all of our expenses for the past weeks until now.” Doyoung says, and Hyunjae shoots him a glare, the whole room erupting into laughter.

“You-”

“Grandpa, stop.” Jaehyun says and Hyunjae does, sighing.

“Finally.”

“Also… What did mom leave for me?” He asks shyly.

Hyunjae smiles. “An apartment, your college tuition, and enough money to last you your life, Jaehyun.”

“Oh.” He looks dumbfounded.

“And I know you’re too humble to take it, but you were deprived of your freedom for so long because of that bastard, so just accept it, okay?”

“Okay.”

“Hey!” Johnny says, interrupting them. “How about me? Will you be moving out? Do I have to find a new roommate? A new best friend? I’m so hurt, Jaehyun.”

Jaehyun laughs. “Move in with me then. Move out when you’re ready to finally live with Ten.” The couple suddenly shares the same bright red cheeks, and Doyoung smiles at their gazes to each other.

“You can finally fuck without hesitation, guys.” Doyoung says, and Ten gives him a mischievous smile.

“Ah yes. The benefits. Daddy will be happy with that.”

Johnny slaps Ten’s arm playfully, Ten kissing his cheek quickly, while Jaehyun shivers. “Oh god no. I don’t need this right now.”

And Doyoung feels so much at home.

 

**March 29, 2019**

They help Doyoung up his apartment, Johnny with his hands around him, lifting him up every step, while Ten is spotting Jaehyun behind him. It takes them forever to reach the third floor, their breathing laboured. “Fuck, we’re all injured. I hate this. I feel like we’ve aged, like… fifty years.” Jaehyun says he catches his breath.

When they step inside the apartment, it looked the same as how he left it weeks ago, only with a layer of dust on surfaces. Doyoung would need to hire someone to clean up his house, but for now, he just wants to feel the soft breeze that comes in and out from his balcony.

Ten plops Jaehyun down on his couch as Doyoung immediately tries to head to the kitchen. “Hey, hey, where are you going? You should sit.” Johnny says.

“I’m going to make coffee.”

“No need, Doyoung. I’ll do it.” Johnny says.

“No.” Ten interrupts. “You are not. All of you are injured, so I’ll make coffee.” He stands and orders Johnny to sit beside Jaehyun. “You too, Doyoung.” He says, alpha in his voice and eyes intimidating, and he does what he says.

“Damn, that was hot.” Johnny says in a whisper and a small smile.

“Fucking stop. I’m begging you.” Jaehyun rolls his eyes in playful annoyance.

 

**July 1, 2019**

It’s been awhile since the last time they met up with Taeyong, been a long time since they last made proper conversations, and it was a relief that Doyoung and the gang gets invited to his birthday that will happen in his new apartment. Jaehyun was ecstatic when he learned that Doyoung is willing to go.

They hold hands as they walk to Taeyong’s apartment, deciding to not use the car to get fresh air, and also have Jaehyun get used walking with his own two feet again. Doyoung notices the bracelet that he gave months ago and smiles a little knowing that Jaehyun still has it with him, wrapped around his pretty wrist. Doyoung holds Jaehyun like he was meant to live between the lines of his skin, and it assures the couple of their love as they walk in the pavements they used to run away from.

They heard a click of a camera going off behind them and when they turn around, they see Ten and Johnny giggling together, Ten’s phone facing them. “Memories, you know.” He says.

“Send that to me, Ten.” Jaehyun goes back to walking straight, his grip tighter around Doyoung’s.

They arrive to an apartment complex, walls obviously new, grey paint still bright, and lights are bright. They walk up to the fourth floor, Johnny glancing at his phone in random moments to check the correct address. They eventually arrive at the apartment on the address and Johnny goes ahead and knocks on the door, going back to wrapping his arm around Ten’s waist after. Jaehyun pulls Doyoung flushed to his side, warm and assuring, as the door opens.

They are met with another man, face long but angular, cheekbones high with a beautiful smile, blonde hair falling gracefully on his forehead, and a smile bright enough to make Doyoung feel the happiness it radiates. “Oh! Hello!” The man turns towards the inside of the apartment. “Tae, your friends are here.” The man goes back to smiling at them as they hear padding of steps getting closer. The door opens wider with Taeyong on the other side.

“I’m so glad you’re all here. I just finished cooking.” Taeyong says with a smile much bright than the first time Doyoung met him. “Come in.”

They all go in further inside the apartment, and the room is brighter than the building itself, walls painted sky blue, various decors placed randomly around the room, curtains fading from yellow into a midnight blue, just like how a sunset would look like, and it was comforting. They could smell delicious food wafting through the room, and soft indie music playing on the speakers.

Taeyong brings them to the living room, all of the sitting on the large couch comfortable while Taeyong stands beside the other man in the room.

“Before everything starts, I want you guys to meet my boyfriend, Nakamoto Yuta.” Taeyong has a blush on his face as they share a big smile together.

“Hi, I’m Yuta. I’m from Japan, but I’ve been here since high school, which explains the fluency.”

Doyoung could sense Jaehyun’s smile growing wider and it makes Doyoung smile, too.

“It’s so nice to meet you, Yuta!” Johnny stands to shake his hand and he reciprocates.

“It’s very nice to meet you, too. Johnny, right? Taeyong just said that the tall one with a small head is Johnny, so… I’m assuming that’s you.”

They all laugh at the description. “Taeyong! Why’d you describe me like that?” Johnny says, pouting as he sits back down. “I feel so betrayed now.”

“Well,” He says in between laughs, “I have to be honest.”

Johnny grunts as Yuta goes to look at Ten. “Ten?” He questions.

“Yeah. What did Taeyong say about me?”

“The small one.”

Everyone starts laughing, Ten rolling his eyes. “As expected. It’s the only adjective in my dictionary.”

Yuta turns to Jaehyun with a smile. “I know you. Jaehyun, right? Taeyong said that you’re basically snow white in asian male form.”

Jaehyun looked betrayed, tearing his gaze from Yuta to Taeyong. “How dare you?!”

Taeyong shrugs. “I told you… Honesty. It’s the best policy, you know.”

Johnny interrupts. “He ain’t wrong though.” And Jaehyun just grunts,  sulky pout in his face as they all look at Doyoung, waiting for Yuta to say something.

“And Doyoung, right?”

Doyoung nods. “Yeah. What did he say?”

Yuta smiles. “The one with the wide and pretty smile.” He says, and his heart calms.

Doyoung feels a blush on his face, half from embarrassment and the other half from shyness. But before Doyoung could even respond, Jaehyun interrupts him. “Why does he have a nice description and we don’t?!” Jaehyun retaliates, and Doyoung snort.

“I have to be honest, okay? Now… Let’s start celebrating my birthday with some wine.”

“Happy birthday, Tae!” Johnny shouts, excitement rolling through them.

“Thank you, guys. It means a lot to me to have you all here.” He says, small smile on his face.

“Thank you for inviting us.” Doyoung smiles back at him, and Jaehyun just watches their eyes meet, an assurance of connection between two lives he has encountered, and it made him happy.

 

**August 23, 2019**

“Doyoung! We’re going to be late!” Jaehyun shouts from outside his room.

Doyoung ended up sleeping over Jaehyun and Johnny’s apartment after they binge-watched the whole Black Mirror series, which ended up in an eternal debate on whether or not they have succeeded on reaching the happy ending in the Bandersnatch season. Doyoung grudgingly steps out of Jaehyun’s bed and quickly rushes to their bathroom, brushing his teeth right beside Jaehyun who was ruffling through his hair, skipping a warm shower.

They go through their morning routine, weaving through each other in the bathroom, naturally giving space for each other to maneuver. When Doyoung leans on the counter sink just to look at Jaehyun who was finishing his outfit, they lock eyes and smile at each other lovingly.

“You’re hair’s messy, babe.” Jaehyun says as he reaches out for his hair and ruffles through it. “There. So beautiful.” Jaehyun’s voice goes into an octave lower, so lovingly trembling.

“Thanks, Jae.”

They hear a knock on their door and they look at the opened door to see Johnny standing by the frame. “Did you guys know?”

Doyoung looks at him with a confused expression. “Know what?”

Johnny laughs quietly. “It’s your one year anniversary.” He says. “Y’all should calendar your special days, honestly.” Johnny walks away, the last thing they see is the rolling of his eyes.

They look at each other and share the same shocked look. Jaehyun grabs for his phone from his back pocket and opens the calendar. “Oh shit, Johnny’s right.” Jaehyun shows him his phone, the screen saying ‘August, 2018’ and on the twenty third is titled as ‘grocery with Doyoung’ a small heart emoji beside it.

“It’s been a year since our grocery date.” Doyoung says while Jaehyun places his phone back to his pocket. “Happy anniversary then.” Jaehyun comes closer to hold his hips underneath his shirt, pressing softly, caging him onto the counter. “Happy anniversary, baby. You’re the best thing that has ever happened to me.” Jaehyun pulls him in for a kiss, a quiet hum between them and intimacy shared between their lips. And what felt like forever, Jaehyun finally wraps his arms around his waist and Doyoung wraps his around his neck, pulling their chests flushed to each other, heat meeting between them like a furnace.

He could feel the sudden urge to jump Jaehyun, rip his shirt off, and straddle him, but they have class in thirty minutes and Doyoung needs to go or else he’ll miss a quiz.

“Wait.” Doyoung separates himself, their breathing laboured while Jaehyun slightly grinds on to Doyoung. “We need to go to class, Jaehyun.” Jaehyun starts to kiss his neck with fervor, heat coursing through him. “Please, Jae.” Doyoung doesn’t realize he was whining and that made Jaehyun groan, suddenly leaving a hickey right at his sensitive part of his skin for everyone to see.

Jaehyun stands straight to go back and hold Doyoung by the hips. “You end at three, right?” Doyoung nods, speechless at how aroused he is. “Okay. I’ll pick you up, let’s have dinner outside, and then when we get back, we’ll fuck until neither of us can even stand.” Jaehyun gives him a sly grin and Doyoung slaps his arm playfully, his cheeks becoming red. “Does that sound good, baby?” Jaehyun asks as he leans his forehead on Doyoung’s.

“Moments with you always sound good, Jaehyun.”

 

**August 23, 2020**

“Two years.” Jaehyun says in a whisper, walking in their new shared apartment, which is the apartment his mother left him with. There were boxes scattered everywhere of their belongings, and Doyoung finishes his arrangement so that it was easier to walk around. “It’s been two years, Doyoung.”

“Two years since we went grocery shopping?” Doyoung walks towards Jaehyun to wrap his arms around his neck, Jaehyun placing his fingers on his bare hips.

“Again with the grocery shopping?” They laugh together, a sweet sensation covering them.

“I’ll never forget that day, Jaehyun.” They kiss at that, intimate, soft, and everything he has always wanted.

His imagination is finally coming true, his dreams coming to life; the dream of living with Jaehyun, domesticity shared, little bits and pieces of each other on walls and surfaces, generously shared in a space, making it theirs. It was a sign of being intertwined, finally seeing his life be connected to Jaehyun’s, just like how fate narrated it.

The kiss goes on for forever, and Jaehyun taps at the back of Doyoung’s thigh, signaling him to jump. Doyoung jumps and quickly wraps his legs around Jaehyun’s waist, Jaehyun carrying his whole weight. He suddenly feels Jaehyun push him to the wall, their lips still interlocked and heat building between them.

Jaehyun reluctantly separates himself from Doyoung, Doyoung trying to catch his lips again but failing. “You want to do this tonight?” Jaehyun asks, his hands kneading on his ass.

“Yeah.”

“Okay.” Jaehyun says quietly, and goes back to kissing Doyoung, more heated and craving than moments ago.

Doyoung suddenly, and regretfully separates himself from Jaehyun. “Wait. Our mattress doesn’t have sheets on.”

“That’s fine.”

“It’s not fine, Jaehyun. What if our cum goes on the mattress? That shit’s ain’t easy to clean.” Doyoung says and Jaehyun sighs defeatedly, releasing Doyoung to let him stand.

“Help me put on the sheets so that we could get into fucking faster, okay?” Jaehyun whines like a child, his eyebrows furrowing. Doyoung flicks his forehead and Jaehyun massages the skin where it hit. “Stop whining, Jaehyun. It’s making me want to hear you whine some more.” Doyoung says with a smirk.

“Then make me whine.” He says, inviting and tempting. “Fuck me and make me whine like the baby boy you love.”

Doyoung squints at him and he doesn’t want to admit how his cock throbs at how his lover says those words, so he walks away to one of the boxes that has their sheets. “That’s not going to work on me, but if you’re not going to be obedient…” Doyoung hands him the sheets to Jaehyun’s chest rather forcefully. “Then you’ll be punished.”

Doyoung walks to their room and Jaehyun just watches Doyoung walk away affectionately. “Fuck. I’m in love with the fucking devil.” He says by himself as he follows, anticipation running through him.

 

**March 17, 2021**

Doyoung stands on the platform of the stage as he hears his family and his friends cheer for him, their voices echoing through the field. The medal hanging on his neck feels heavy, but exciting to feel falling on his chest, and his diploma sits in between his fingers with an assurance of a bright future.

It felt like forever for the graduation ceremony to finish, but when it does, his family quickly runs to him, embracing him tightly and tears running down their faces. Jaehyun, Johnny, and Ten watches the tearful exchange, so they try to capture the moment, taking pictures their phones; they know Doyoung’s parents would be thankful. They all exchange their congratulations, with Ten giving a wet kiss on Doyoung’s cheeks, a slap from Johnny on his butt, an intimate kiss from his lover, taking pictures of him with his toga wrapped around him, his graduation cap being passed around to his friends, and his smile stretching to the oblivion. Doyoung feels so loved.

Even before they have their celebratory lunch, Doyoung’s father drives them to the cemetery where his brother is buried.

Doyoung has already removed his toga and cap, showing his lean body, sky blue dress shirt tucked on his slacks, highlighting his hips, and the sleeves folded above his elbows, showing his lovely hands, in which Jaehyun quickly reaches out for when they walk through the cemetery gates.

Under the sun, Doyoung glows and Jaehyun falls in love with how his skin glistens and how his hazel eyes shine.

After awhile, they reach the tombstone, the name ‘Kim Gongmyung’ right in the middle. The group is silent, the parents staying behind them as Doyoung steps forward, removing the medal from around his neck and placing it at the base of stone, kneeling on the ground and sitting on his heel.

“Hey, hyung.” He says in a whisper and Jaehyun could hear the tremble of his voice. “I made it, just like you predicted.” Jaehyun watches Doyoung caress the stone softly, cleaning the stray leaves around the stone. “I was awarded magna cum laude, just like you predicted.” The wind carries his words through the air. “It seems like you’re right even without you with us.... Hyung, I miss you.” Doyoung could finally feel tears on his eyes, sniffing while his hand reaches to his eyes to wipe away the tears. Jaehyun comes forward to comfort Doyoung, brushing through his lover’s hair. Doyoung leans in to Jaehyun’s thigh, his head resting there. “I wish you were still here to celebrate with us.” Doyoung brushes his fingers on his brother’s name. “But I know you’re celebrating wherever you are and you are proud of me. I’ll carry your dreams with me, hyung. I’ll become the writer you imagined me to be, and I’ll dedicate it all to you and the life you lived will never be forgotten.”

It takes them moments to finish their greeting to Doyoung’s brother, introducing Ten and Johnny, and finally Jaehyun, where Jaehyun almost cries at how he proclaims his love for him to the other love of his life. Doyoung’s parents also say their messages to their son, and the sun was still bright out when they walk away, the medal left at the tombstone and a single sunflower beside it.

 

**December 25, 2021**

Christmas with Jaehyun’s family was the highlight of Jaehyun’s year, finally finding love in his true family. They spend in their summer home, his aunts and uncles bringing in his cousins, and his cousins bringing in their children, making the house erupt in lively laughter and chaotic joy. They rent out a karaoke box from the local karaoke and they sing their lungs out until the sun goes down. They spend their christmas eve huddled together near the fireplace, Doyoung leaning on Jaehyun’s shoulder while they exchange stories, feelings, and gifts.

Once Christmas comes, the clock striking midnight, they exchange kisses on cheeks and ‘I love you’s’ and Jaehyun feels so sated with how loved he is. And, when Hyesoo starts to play the piano, playing “Lay Me Down”, Doyoung sings, leaving the whole family listening and Jaehyun speechless.

He watches his lover, how his brows dance through his words, his hands shaking in rhythm, his eyes meeting with the ceiling as he gives his all. This was the first time he hears his lover sing, and he could finally say that he has heard heaven on earth resonate through his bones.

Jaehyun falls in love again and again.

 

**March 13, 2022**

He felt so happy, tears almost coming out from his eyes as he spots his lover, Johnny, and his whole family, cheering for him in the crowd, Hyesoo putting up a banner saying ‘Jae The Bae Congratulae’ which made him snort while he grips his diploma tighter. He locks eyes with Sir Han who, fortunately, had his hand intertwined with nurse Chan, and they cheer for him silently, clapping aggressively and making weird expressions.

When the graduation ceremony ended, Hyunjae steps up to him and pats his shoulder with a smile. “Congratulations, Jaehyun.” Hyunjae grabs for his hand, palm upward, and places something cold on his hand. “I’m proud of you.” When he looks at the item on his palm, he realizes it was a set of car keys, brand new and shining. “Now you don’t have to keep on borrowing Hyesoo or Johnny’s car.” He says with a sly grin and Jaehyun wraps his arms around his grandfather, nothing but happiness between them. “You’re mother is waiting for, Jaehyun. Let’s drive together?” And he nods as an answer.

In Jaehyun’s new fortuner, Doyoung is seated on the passenger’s seat, their hands intertwined, while Johnny and Ten sits beside each other at the back. Behind them were cars of various types, that were also worth more than his whole tuition fee, following them, like an entourage to the president. City buildings turn into vibrant spring trees, cold wind meeting the insides of the car while the rays of the sun burn their skin, a perfect combination. The last time he drove through this road was when Jeongyeon beat him up in the end of the day, a painful memory attached to it that should have been filled with nostalgia.

But now that he is returning, the people he loves behind him, he could finally say that he has lived his life to the fullest despite being in the brink of death in an amount of times.

They all huddle up to his mother’s tombstone and Jaehyun gave Hyunjae and his mother’s siblings the time to mourn for they never even knew she died years ago and thought that she just went off the grid. It may hurt Jaehyun, but the way Hyunjae looks at his mother’s name and finally sobs, removing the facade of a powerful leader, made his heart clench out how loved his mother is. Hyesoo holds his father in his arms as Hyungmin has his hand on Hyunjae’s shoulder, just listening to Hyunjae’s words of grief, apologies, proclamations of love, and anger.

After awhile, they start walking to the cottage near the cliffside and bring their containers of food and drinks to have a picnic with the city view in their hands. Jaehyun and Johnny carries the foldable tables from Hyungmin’s pick up truck while Doyoung and Ten carries various paper bags of chips and drinks to the location. When they finish arranging their things, Johnny whips out his speakers from his own backpack, instantly playing “South Of The River” by Tom Misch, an old 2018 song he has been obsessing over, the upbeat tune hyping their lunch together.

The wind blows between their laughter while the leaves dances along, clouds forming above them in soft pillows. Birds chirp just beside, singing a song for them. Jaehyun doesn’t mind the simplicity of celebrating his graduation because he’s spending it with the people he loves dearly with the memory of his mother present within the soil they lay their feet on.

 

**February 14, 2023**

“Wake up, Jae.” Jaehyun opens his eyes, squinting at the soft morning light of the room. “Happy birthday.” Doyoung whispers as he feels his lips on his, hair falling on his forehead, touching Jaehyun’s skin, too.

“It’s my birthday?” He asks while stretching, moaning from the loosening of his muscles after a good night’s sleep. “Has time really passed by that fast?” Jaehyun reaches up to hold Doyoung’s cheek as they share a smile.

“Yeah. And it’s also valentines day, so…” Doyoung throws his leg over Jaehyun’s thighs, straddling him and pinning him arms above his head, caging him down to the bed. “I just bought a whole box of condoms last night and two bottles of lube, and we’re going to celebrate your birthday and valentines switching on fucking each other on every way possible on every surface of our apartment.” Doyoung bends down to latch his lips on Jaehyun’s neck, quickly marking him and making Jaehyun breathless as he feels Doyoung grind down on him.

Jaehyun breaths deep as he moves his head to the side to let Doyoung shower him with love. “Sounds good.” He says, whining after as he feels Doyoung’s hand trail under his pajama shirt.

“Oh, and also…” Doyoung pauses to reach behind him, sitting on Jaehyun’s thighs and brings out an envelope for Jaehyun. “This came in the mail this morning for you.”

Jaehyun reaches out to receive the envelope and looks at Doyoung in confusion. “Who’s it from?”

Doyoung goes silent for a moment and smiles at him. “It’s from Seoul Uni.”

Jaehyun quickly sits up, Doyoung unbothered to move, keeping proximity. “It might be the results!” He rips the paper open and brings the letter out, closing his eyes and sighing before opening it. “Dear Jung Yoonoh, I hope this letter finds you in good health…” He reads out loud. “We are pleased to announce to you that you have been accepted,...” He closes his eyes after, lips caught between his teeth as he tries to hide his growing smile.

“Oh my god, Jaehyun!” Doyoung quickly embraces him tightly, swaying him from side to side, then releasing him after.

“To,” he continues, “take up the special masters program in Astronomy. We will give you the opportunity to be taught by the best teachers in the industry, ranging from NASA specialists to PhD holders. We are also granting you a full scholarship, which also includes a monthly allowance, in the hopes of finding you make a difference for Earth in the future. We hope to see you be our student soon. In the next page will be the enrollment guidelines…. blah blah blah.” Jaehyun finishes, not caring about the technicalities, and then finally stretch to place the letter on the bedside table, quickly latching his lips on Doyoung’s, heated and craving.

“Happy birthday.” Doyoung says in whispers, Jaehyun’s hands wandering at the skin of his back, making him breathless.

“Happy birthday indeed.” Jaehyun trails downward, leaving a stripe of saliva on Doyoung’s delicious collarbones, and his lover shivers, grinding downward on his crotch. “Shall we start?” He says with a smile and Doyoung smiles back at him.

 

**June 28, 2026**

Here we go again, Jaehyun thought. He had his masters diploma on hand, multiple medals hanging around his neck and Doyoung was sitting within the crowd, a big smile in his face.

But now, he felt like crying knowing how far he had come.

 

**August 6, 2026**

Doyoung and Jaehyun flew all the way to the United States for this, taking a large amount of their shared savings for their flight. Fortunately, Johnny’s family is willing to adopt them for the week, offering Johnny’s old room for them to share.

But the reason why they needed to travel so far was because Jaehyun was about to go to an interview that shakes his nerves until he felt like vomiting.

Doyoung held Jaehyun’s hand, his lover obviously nervous with how cold his skin is and how his lips go pale from the thought walking in the office that will determine his future, a mere wall separating it.

“Jung Yoonoh?” A person from the inside of the room calls out to him, peeking out from the door.

Jaehyun anxiously stands, fixing his suit, and Doyoung watches his lover fidget. “That’s m-me.” Doyoung would laugh at how he stuttered.

“They are ready for you. Are you?” She says, eyebrow raising and a smirk on her lips.

Jaehyun gulps as he fixes his tie, noting how tight it is around his neck. “Y-yes.”

She laughs quietly. “Drink water first before you go in. “ She says, and Jaehyun quickly turned to Doyoung, grabbing the water bottle he was holding, and gulping down the contents. He sighs after and he gives the empty bottle back.

Jaehyun and Doyoung locks eyes, and he notices the nervous smile he gives, so he pulls his lover down to place a kiss on his lips, a reassuring connection, to say that Doyoung is there inside that room with him. “Good luck, and I love you.” He whispers, their forehead leaning on each other for strength.

“I love you, too.” Jaehyun whispers back, then stands straight.

He reads the golden plaque on the door, and he can’t believe how a metal sheet intimidates so much power:

 

Office of The Executive Director of The National Aeronautics and Space Administration (NASA)

 

Jaehyun has always been Doyoung’s space traveler, but he comes out of that room as the next astronaut to Mars.

 

**March 25, 2030**

Saying that training to go for space travel was a gruesome experience would be a gross understatement to how it really is.

Everyday was a battle between vomiting on yourself while being strapped on a death wheel, and coming home drained to the ground that your limbs would feel like it’s catching on fire

But he wouldn’t finish it if it weren’t for the bracelet that sits on his wrist and coming home to lips of expectancy his lover gives.

 

**February 1, 2031**

They end up driving a distance, the newly wed Ten and Johnny at the back seat, Yuta and Taeyong trailing behind them in their own car, and Doyoung at their passenger seat, to an amusement park for his lover’s birthday.

In reality, it should have been just Jaehyun and Doyoung, but Jaehyun wanted to have a support system, and maybe someone to document this moment.

At the stoplight, he glances at his lover who was napping, a shadow of a smile on his face, and maybe snoring a little. He feels a hand on his shoulder and looks back at the backseat, Johnny looking at him with a smile.

“You ready?” He says in a whisper, and Ten smiles too, with how Jaehyun’s smile grows wider through the years.

And when Jaehyun looks back at Doyoung and looks at how his eye lashes fall on his cheeks softly and how the mole on his neck looks like a planet shining in the sky, Jaehyun reaches to his pocket, feeling the velvet box that had the ring inside, and sighs a smile.

“Yeah.”

And forever has never felt so real before this moment.

And when he drops down in one knee, Doyoung trying to wipe away his own tears, Jaehyun says:

“I may not be a writer like you, but I would build mountains from the words I speak to tell you how much I love you; how much you have changed me, changed my future, and my past. And years ago you told me that love is peculiar that day I first said I love you, and years after did I realize the true meaning of it. Love is peculiar because it makes me want to tell you that I love you until forever ends, even if forever doesn’t exist. I want to be the one to hold you close even if there will be days where we will be apart. I want to call you my other half even if you and I are individual whole’s in this life. And I may believe in the truth of science, but you made me believe in magic with the words of space dust at the tip of your fingertips.

“It’s a miracle that I remember my speech for you, but I guess you have figured out that I have been practicing this moment for years and I am smart enough to know it by hand. But here I am, shivering in fear as I ask you this: Will you marry me?”

And he said yes.

 

**August 23, 2031**

“It’s been 13 years since we went grocery shopping, Doyoung.”

Doyoung laughs at him, smiling the same smile he fell in love with. “Jaehyun, we just got married twnety minutes ago and we’re about to enter the reception hall as newly weds. The fuck are you saying?”

And Jaehyun has been saying this so many times, but he falls in love all over again

 

**December 25, 2031**

It wasn’t an impulse decision, but Jaehyun guesses that it _is_ an impulse decision ever since they started doing the paperworks. Now they have two-year-old fraternal twins in their arms, celebrating christmas with a new addition to their tradition.

Jaehyun and Doyoung would never have imagined that they’ll be fathers someday, but fate really loves playing games with their life. Although, they didn’t hate it.

 

**February 27, 2032**

“Jaehyun, don’t leave.” Ten says as he embraces Jaehyun, platonic intimacy shared between them.

“I have to, Ten.” Jaehyun says as he rubs Ten’s back to comfort him. Ten separates himself from Jaehyun to look at him in the eye.

“How long does it take to deliver a message from Mars back to earth and vice versa?”

Jaehyun snorts a laugh. “If Earth and Mars are in the same side of the sun, then the distance would be one hundred eighty-six thousand miles per second in terms of the speed of light, so… it’s around one hundred forty-one million miles-”

“Jaehyun, I’m stupid, remember? Speak english.”

Johnny and Doyoung laughs together, the both of them watching the scene unfold. “Ah… About twenty minutes depending on where Earth and Mars are placed in the solar system. It can be four minutes, or twenty.”

“Then you better send us text messages, okay? We’ll make a group chat.” Ten was starting to tear up, but was still sporting a smile.

Jaehyun just nods at him. “I don’t think it works that way, but sure, Ten.”

 

**May 22, 2032**

_“5, 4, 3, 2, 1; And we have a lift off.”_

Doyoung would be lying if he said he didn’t cry as he watched Jaehyun be brought out of the atmosphere by a firework that is as large and as tall as the tallest building in Earth. His heart is full with how far, literally and metaphorically, his lover has come.

 _“Jung Yoonoh and their team, the Venus 19, are the first humans to inhabit Mars, and will be the pioneers of a new world for humanity. Godspeed, our brave astronauts.”_ He hears the radio announcer say behind him as the rocket becomes smaller in view until it was gone.

“Be safe, my space traveler.” Doyoung whispers, his hands occupied by his two children, holding him tight.

Jaehyun looks out of the small window of the rocker, seeing the edges of the Earth grow smaller, and says his testonimies at his end. “Doyoung.” He whispers, a reminder that he lives for the universe who made him feel alive.

 

**September 15, 2035**

“Daddy, daddy!” Hyesung shouts as she runs to his room, his panda doll in hand. She quickly jumps on the bed while Doyoung wakes himself up, the sun glaring at him. Gongmyung follows behind his sister and stays at the foot of the bed, the mattress only reaching his chest. “Daddy, let’s go!” Hyesung pulls on Doyoung’s arm and he sits up. “Uncle Johnny and uncle Ten is downstairs raiding your kitchen!” She says, and Gongmyung nods with a smile,

“Who what now?” Doyoung yawns, sliding himself out of his bed. “What time is it?”

“Daddy, it’s five in the morning.” His son says, walking towards Doyoung and raising his arms so that his daddy could carry him.

“They’re waiting, daddy!” Hyesung says again, pulling on his pajama pants.

“Okay, okay. Just wait, baby. Don’t rush daddy.” He looks at his song who is looking at him, obviously sleepy, too, probably from being woken up by his sister so abruptly. “Good morning, Gongmyung.”

“Good morning, dad.” He says, softly, but he tries to smile.

“Happy birthday. Are you ready to go to the amusement park today?” Doyoung says, and his son’s smile brightens, a reflection to Doyoung’s wide ones, and nods.

Suddenly his pajama pants are being pulled again, Hyesung pouting at him. “Me too, daddy!” She says, whining cutely.

Doyoung giggles at his daughter and puts down his son on his bed, standing on the mattress, then picking Hyesung up and carries her with a smile on both faces. “Happy birthday, princess.” He says, and Hyesung showers his father with kisses.

“Thank you, daddy. I love you!”

“Hey!” Gongmyung whines and Doyoung turns around to look at his son pouting at his sister. “I love daddy more!”

“No! I love daddy more!” She answers back.

“C’mon, now.” Someone says by the bedroom door, and they all turn to see Johnny stepping in the room. “C’mere, Myung.” He gestures for his son to come to him, and Johnny carries him in one hand. “The only person Doyoung loves more is your other daddy.”

“Oh, daddy.” Doyoung turns to look at Hyesung. “When will we finally meet daddy Jaehyun? I only see him on screen. Is he even real?”

“He is very real, Sung. He gave daddy this ring.” He brings up his left ring finger and shows the beautiful golden band wrapped around it to his daughter, then looks at Gongmyung. “And the both of you wouldn’t be my children if it weren’t for daddy Jaehyun convincing me years ago to adopt you.”

Behind Johnny, he sees Ten knocking on the opened door, a small smile on his face. “The video just came in. Let’s go down?” Ten asks, and they all nod. Doyoung puts Hyesung down while Johnny does the same to Gongmyung, and the children quickly grasps their father’s hand with their tiny hands.

They walk together to the living room and their television was already turned on, Jaehyun’s smiling face flashed in pause.

“Daddy Jaehyun looks thinner than during Christmas.” Hyesung sits on front of the television, crossing her legs under her, and her brother follows.

“Hey, don’t sit too close to the television. You’ll hurt your eyes.” Doyoung says, and his children follows as he sits on the couch, in between Ten and Johnny. “Ready to watch, kids?” Ten asks the twins and they shout ‘yes’ together, making Ten press play.

Jaehyun does look thinner compared to his video during Christmas. And he also looks paler than usual, but still as beautiful as the sky he looks at in the hopes of seeing Jaehyun wave a hi for him.

 _“Hey. I’ll talk to Doyoung and the uncles later. Hyesung? Gongmyung? Are you there?”_ He asks, lifting his hand on his ear, as if he is hearing the children’s screams. _“I could hear you from here. I’m happy. Oh! And happy birthday to the both you. I’m sorry if I didn’t grow up with you-”_ “It’s okay daddy!” _“And I wish I did. I’ll see you soon, okay? Now… I bet Johnny and Ten are there, so, to the both of you, thank you for taking care of my family while I’m away. I’m very thankful. Okay? And… Doyoung. Baby. I miss you... Thank you for being strong for our children. The view here is really nice during our birthday week. Well… it was a single sand cloud, but you get it, right? I love you. Oh wait, I love all of you. And I’ll see you soon, yeah?”_

Doyoung would be lying if he didn’t cry at how Jaehyun was also so close to tears in the video, and how their children would wave at the television with vigor, screaming their love as the video ended.

 

**Present Day**

“And let these mistakes and struggles be your catalyst to success just like how I got delayed on graduating because I was in the brink of death to inspire me to write it down, and just like how my lover vomited his way through training to be the astronaut he is today…”

Jaehyun watches Doyoung passionately share his aspirations to the graduates, Gongmyung and Hyesung in either sides of him, hands clasped tight on his, as he goes back to when they were still learning to get by, to sacrifice health and stability, to when their own anxiety took over them. Watching his lover’s brows dance around his face as he throws his words to the crowd like gospel made him realize how far they have truly come; from hospital beds to king sized beds shared for two; from abuse and anxiety to celebrating the simplest loves in life; from injury to healing in time; from whatever misery they went through to the life they are thankful for.

And fate really made their universes align, thankful for how they clashed so beautifully, so elegantly, like they were meant to be. It’s the plot twist every person deserves, that in the end of the road is the goldmine of love a person cannot simply comprehend.

And as the wind carries the words his lover posses, though when the time comes and forever does end, his verses will transcend through the universe that lies inside Jaehyun, and there will be someone looking up to the sky every five minutes and finding their love in the moonlight, too.

 

**That Night**

Jaehyun is caged by Doyoung’s arms on their couch after finally convincing their children to go to bed after hours of kissing, hugging, and playing with their fathers. Doyoung held Jaehyun’s hand as he feels his lover place his soft lips on his bare shoulder, which made Jaehyun smile at the gesture.

“Doyoung?” His lover hums in response. “Do you still have the piece you wrote back from the night we met?” He doesn’t know why he thought about that years after it happened, but now that he thought about it, Doyoung wrote it because he met Jaehyun, and curiosity made him aware of how important he truly is to his husband.

Doyoung sits up to look at Jaehyun with a smile. “I do. It’s in my office. Want me to get it?” Jaehyun nods with a small smile, and Doyoung nods, leaving Jaehyun and coming back with an old brown folder. “I can’t believe you remember, though.” Jaehyun gives space to his lover to sit beside him, snuggling close to each other, sharing the same body heat, as Doyoung fumbles with the flap of the folder.

“It took years for me to remember again.”

“You’re aging.” Doyoung teases, and Jaehyun glares at him.

“You’re older than me, Doyoung.” And they laugh together.

“Good thing you remember though.” He takes out a piece of paper, yellowing from time but ink still dark and powerful. “I wanted to reserve this piece for you to read before I publish it. I hope you like it.” He hands the paper carefully to Jaehyun.

“I love whatever writing you show me, baby. Even if it were a poem about how smelly your shit is in the morning, I would still find it beautiful.”

Doyoung laughs. “It was one time, okay? I had writer’s block.”

Jaehyun rolls his eyes at Doyoung then goes to reading, his heart pounding in his chest.

 

_Supernova_

_It is - or rather was, since it happened so many years ago - a catastrophic beauty. Maybe, destruction can sometimes be beautiful. Like destroying a toxic and abusive relationship, or breaking up a dangerous fight. Or maybe, literally destroy old plates and glasses, old sentimental items that doesn’t mean anything to you now,  to convey pent up emotions from your chest._  

_We are a time bomb; destined to explode sooner or later. Us humans cannot comprehend such great emotion when we keep it deep in our chests for too long. We aren’t built to hide behind closed doors and show a certain front to others. We humans are meant to explode like fireworks, not suppress ourselves._

  _It was ironically beautiful; we hurt ourselves to feel alive. We find validation from searing pain, confirming that we still feel even when we that we are numb. It made hurt feel so enticing, and it draws those who long to feel alive in like gravity. Maybe, falling through the pavement or slicing every inch of your body was a way to remind us that we are only human - we forget that we also feel powerless in the hands of fate._

_It was ironically beautiful; we gaze at the sun with so much fondness, turning us into Icarus, and eventually melting ourselves into nothing, falling to our deaths while staring at the glaring sun. we pick up roses even when it leaves our fingers with pricks and scratches. We learn to ride a bike only to fall down and receive bleeding knees and bruises._

_We live constantly in contradictory. Our lives circle around opposites, and paradoxical things become normal to us. Maybe, that’s why opposites attract and the positives and negatives of an atom come together. Maybe, that’s why we find comfort in the cold when we feel like burning._

_But I guess suppressing ourselves and in the end blowing up into a beautiful mess isn’t so bad when there are other stars going through the same destruction as you. We aren’t alone, and in that is reassurance that one them understands you more than yourself. That one of them, out there in the vast cosmic arena, is exploding with you, beautifully in sync._

 

_-end-_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AND THIS IS THE END!!!! I hope you guys enjoyed the whole fic. I started this fic six months ago with the plot only reaching up to chapter 9 or so, but i ended up writing until the 23rd, extending the story with various plot twists.  
> Thank you for those who stayed to read this while it wasn't even finished yet, and for those who are reading this when it is already finished, thank you still <3
> 
> I have a new project going on! Hopefully, i will decide on a shipping by next week and will start on drafting the plot. It's also a gang!au but the catch is the members are part of the gang hehehe If you follow my nct twt (@JungDoSmile) i made a poll with a prompt attached, so you can check that out, stalk me or whatever, to know what it is about. the gist is it's based out Panic! At The Disco's "Nicotine."
> 
> But before that project, i'll write 2-3 fluff fanfics, it doesnt have to be dojae, but it might be dojae bwahaha so just expect it soon 
> 
> AGAIN thank you so much for reading this and I will always remember this fic!!  
> Send some love in the comments or on my twts: @JungDoSmile, @NewBIueBoy; cc: @KlMD0YOUNG

**Author's Note:**

> Updates may be slow cause uni is a bitch
> 
> Shout at me in my twt @KlMD0YOUNG (the i is a lower case L and the first o is a 0) or @NewBIueBoy


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